MORE 23

Why does Woo Hyunse give me such trials? Siyul flopped onto his side, stretched his hand toward his bedside, and fumbled around. When he caught his phone, he pulled it toward him and turned on the screen. Woo Hyunse had left his inner self in ruins and then went silent. As if yesterday had been nothing more than a mid-autumn night’s dream.

Siyul put the phone down and stared at the ceiling. Even on the yellowish wallpaper, it felt as though Woo Hyunse was shimmering. Perhaps this phantom phenomenon would occur as long as he lay in his room. His shift was in the afternoon, but it was impossible to loll around the room comfortably.

It would be better to go out and spend time. Siyul rubbed the inner corners of his eyes with his fingers and crawled sluggishly toward the bathroom. Getting up and walking was only possible when there was strength left in his body. Woo Hyunse had sucked away all his energy, so now he didn’t even have the strength to stand on two feet.

He had valiantly left the inn, but in truth, there was nowhere specific to go. Loitering at a café only lasted an hour or two, and after that, he had to pick up on the subtle cues and leave. After filling his empty stomach with a convenience store triangular gimbap, he came to the shop early, thinking, ‘Since I have to go to work anyway, why bother running around?’

Because it was early, there was no one in the hall. To soothe his restless heart, Siyul put all the chairs up on the tables and cleaned every corner of the shop. He meticulously wiped the shelves and ornaments with a dishcloth, vacuumed the floor, and even danced with the mop as his partner.

“Siyul, you’re here early?”

The bartender arrived while he was taking the chairs down. Thanks to that, the chairs were easy to lower. The bartender cleanly organized the inside of the bar where Siyul hadn’t reached yet and took out the cups. Even though Siyul couldn’t see a single speck of dust, the bartender lined those cups up and wiped them one by one with a dry towel. It looked like a hobby of his.

“Should I help you?”

“Well, that would be great for me.”

Siyul scurried into the bar and stood next to the bartender. He grabbed a dry towel and carefully held the thin glasses to ensure they wouldn’t break.

Some say that cleaning makes them feel refreshed, but that didn’t seem to apply to Siyul. As his worries ran deep, he let out continuous sighs while wiping the glasses. Even when he shook his head to pull himself together, sorrow soon clouded his eyes.

“Do you have any worries?”

The bartender asked affectionately. Siyul looked up at his face and mumbled his lips. If he could, he wanted to grab even a passing stranger and pour it all out.

“I’ll listen. Tell me about it.”

The bartender had a reputation for being great at counseling. There were quite a few regulars who came just to chat with him. He was quite tall, though not quite as tall as Woo Hyunse, and had a reasonably handsome face, and his words and actions were always gentle.

Watching him, Siyul could see why people poured out their worries to him. Ordinarily, he would have brushed it off by saying he had nothing of the sort, but his heart felt too stifled. It was to the point that neither cleaning nor walking could provide any relief. After hesitating, Siyul finally opened his mouth, saying, “Well, you see…”

“This is about a friend of mine. Since we’re like real family, I’m worrying about it with them. But since it’s a friend’s business, I’m not sure if I should say it…”

“I don’t know who that friend is anyway, so you can tell me. I won’t go around leaking it, either.”

Gaining courage from the hint of trust, Siyul didn’t notice the look of amusement in the other man’s narrowed eyes.

“It’s nothing else; my friend has been seeing someone lately. They aren’t dating, and it’s not really a ‘something’ either… just someone they eat with and spend time with when they’re bored. But this person suddenly asked my friend to sleep with them.”

“Oh… the progression is fast.”

“My friend said they had no intention of dating or anything like that… but they still couldn’t refuse.”

“They have no intention to date, but they couldn’t refuse.”

“Yes. They say they’re agonizing over it. That person said they’d wait for an answer.”

The bartender held the wiped cup up to the light to inspect it before setting it down. Picking up another, he continued the counseling nonchalantly.

“Does that friend like the person?”

“No. I don’t think they like them. No, actually, I don’t really know. …I don’t know because I haven’t talked to my friend deeply about it.”

“If they didn’t refuse on the spot, it seems like your friend has feelings to some extent.”

“Hey, I told you that’s not it.”

The bartender glanced sideways at Siyul, who kept emphasizing this. Feeling stung, Siyul added hurriedly, “That’s what my friend said.”

“Then tell your friend to do as their heart leads. The best thing is to be in sync emotionally and then sleep together, but if it’s ambiguous, it’s not bad to just do as you please for now.”

“But still. People shouldn’t live by throwing their bodies around. If you sleep with everyone just because you want to, that’s… I don’t think that’s right.”

“Why? Aren’t your friend and that person both adults? If two consenting adults like each other and sleep together, who’s going to point fingers?”

“But still…” Siyul sputtered. He wanted to counter, but nothing particular came to mind. As the bartender said, they were adults anyway, so who would criticize them? Unless it seriously violated social norms, it was innocent.

“These days, many people date after checking sexual compatibility first, Siyul. Tell your friend not to worry too much. Sometimes, it’s okay to just do it without thinking.”

His head only became more complex. Siyul just endlessly wiped the glass that was making squeaky sounds.

“If you don’t want to, you can just say you don’t want to. Refusing isn’t difficult, and neither is agreeing. Just keep it simple and honest.”

Suddenly, the conversation they had shared by the riverside flashed through his mind. Woo Hyunse’s voice saying that he was just being honest. Siyul found it both difficult to understand and fascinating how Woo Hyunse could have lived a life that allowed him to express his desires without any hesitation.

“Is that the right answer?”

“Where would you find a right answer in this world? It’s just one of many, many paths.”

More than any other words, that remark that there was no right answer touched his heart. It was just one of countless choices. It sounded like he didn’t need to feel burdened.

The bartender set down the cup with a kind smile. Siyul held up the cup he had polished until it was worn out and shone it against the lighting. Light sparkled on the clean glass that didn’t even have a single fingerprint left on it. Even though a conclusion hadn’t been reached yet, it felt as though his worries had become as light as the stains on the glass disappearing. As expected, the Creator didn’t give people a mouth for no reason.

“Thank you, hyung. I’ll tell my friend.”

Forgetting the fact that he had beaten that very mouth up thoroughly before coming to the shop, Siyul grinned. His face, revealing his even teeth, was as fresh and bright as wisteria blooming profusely in May. There was a power in it that made the person next to him smile along as well.

“Yeah. Tell that ‘friend’ to be sure to visit the bar next time. I’ll buy them a drink.”

The bartender added one last mischievous remark. Siyul chuckled guilelessly and picked up the next glass.

He had said he would give him time, but before the day was even over, Woo Hyunse was waiting for Siyul at the convenience store outdoor table where they had always met ‘by chance.’ Chin resting on his hand, he had a yogurt drink in front of him like bait to lure Siyul in. He placed his finger on the lid and slowly spun the plastic bottle round and round.

He couldn’t help but be reeled in. It wasn’t just because of the drink, but the presence Woo Hyunse possessed was too heavy to just ignore and pass by. Siyul covered his face with his hoodie and tried to run away, but at the gaze that kept piercing him, he stopped short and turned his body.

“You said you would wait.”

“I did wait. Until Mr. Kwon Siyul finished work.”

Woo Hyunse skillfully sidestepped Siyul’s hidden intent. His smiling face felt particularly hateful today. Still, he couldn’t avoid it, so Siyul trudged up the stairs and flopped down opposite him.

“I thought you would give me a few days.”

“A day and a half, isn’t that a few days?”

When people say ‘a few days,’ doesn’t it usually mean about a week? Siyul glared at Woo Hyunse and then lowered his head toward the floor. He wondered if he had come all this way just to urge him on. Woo Hyunse claimed this was a few days, but to Siyul, it had only been a day. It was a difficult conundrum to decide in that time.

“Did you come here to ask me about that?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Just because. Because I missed you, Mr. Kwon Siyul.”

At that word that he missed him—a word with no reason or cause—his heart stung for a moment. Siyul tilted his head and brushed his chest with his palm. The strong heartbeat that had bounced like a ball hitting the ground had vanished in an instant, but the echo remained for a long time like a reverberation.

The surroundings of the convenience store were quiet. The shop where Siyul worked closed only when dawn broke, and others either rode off in their cars or scattered in the opposite direction. This alleyway was a path he walked alone. The only person who could face him was Woo Hyunse.

“Is that something to agonize over so much?”

Breaking the silence, Woo Hyunse spoke. Siyul scratched at the water droplets clinging to the plastic bottle with his fingertips. It was something worth agonizing over. Unlike someone who played around flamboyantly, he had lived a life of extreme modesty.

“Doesn’t it differ from person to person?”

“In that field, Mr. Kwon Siyul is a sunbae compared to me.”

Siyul, who had been stretching out his legs and bumping his sneakers against each other, jerked his head up. He looked straight at Woo Hyunse and pointed at himself out of habit.

“Me?”

“You said you’ve slept with men, too.”

“Ah. …I did.”

Damn this mouth. He should have tied it shut before spitting out such words. Siyul pressed hard on his lips with the back of his hand, as if punishing them.

“I didn’t have such hobbies.”

“Liar.”