JADE 40

“…”

While the floating sensation continued, Kwon Joowan did not stop masturbating. Unlike sex, masturbation harmed no one, so there was nothing to hold him back.

In the photo, the greenish eyes were clearly visible on the bare face without glasses. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. He wanted to lick those eyes, which radiated self-assurance and confidence, like candy.

He felt that if he could absorb even a little of that, it would help him maintain a semblance of a person, like cosmetic procedures.

Communicating with Jin Sejun was a time jumbled with strange anticipation and resignation. The sum of it was that he enjoyed it, but it felt like forcibly connecting a positive and negative pole, and sometimes it felt like it would explode.

Was that why he suddenly brought up masturbation when asked to share a secret?

To some extent, he thought he had been testing Jin Sejun. Kwon Joowan had many problematic elements, and in his own opinion, that was one of the milder ones.

Jin Sejun’s reaction upon encountering the first floor of Kwon Joowan’s dungeon of anxiety was extremely cool.

“…You’re like a celebrity.”

He was not saying that masturbating was like a celebrity, but was referring to the talk about saving on taxes with grooming expenses, and I do not know if it was an unexpected response or one typical of him. A feeling that was confusingly either disappointment or relief welled up.

Then again, someone like Jin Sejun must have had many partners, so a masturbation account would have been no big deal. Showing interest in a ‘beta’ bigger than himself was surely just like having a special treat.

But for a moment, he was so happy that he acted as if it were something completely ordinary. People who did not find it strange when Kwon Joowan told them a secret were so incredibly precious.

Thanks to that, he almost kissed him without thinking, but he managed to smooth it over by pretending to remove something stuck to his face.

That very day, his rut came. Compared to other alphas, it usually passed briefly in a suppressed state, but this time it seemed particularly hard to endure. Because of that, he used the excuse of having a cold to Jin Sejun, as well as the director.

Honestly, the suggestions Ahn Saeha had made about how it would be nice to rely on each other during their cycles kept coming to mind, but he did not really feel like doing so.

‘Mr. Sejun—.’

He endured it by thinking of holding Jin Sejun, with only the thought of asking for forgiveness because it was just his imagination. Wouldn’t Jin Sejun reassure him that whatever Kwon Joowan did was no big deal? Since he did not care about things like pheromones, wasn’t that why he was showing favor to Kwon Joowan, who was an alpha yet pretended to be a beta instead of an omega?

Kwon Joowan’s imagination was poor, but his desire to covet his body was distinct. Thanks to that, in addition to the fingers Jin Sejun had subtly caressed, his cheek that had briefly brushed against him, and the lips he had often secretly stared at, his imagination flowed without blockage to the skin between his legs, his sides, chest, and abdomen.

After experiencing a heat cycle that was a little different from usual, it became clear. Kwon Joowan wanted Jin Sejun. The most fantastic fact was that, from what he could tell, Jin Sejun seemed to like Kwon Joowan too.

It had been a long time since he had suppressed it with medicine, and in fact, it had been a long time since any kind of emotional storm, let alone anger, had been distant from Kwon Joowan, so it seemed okay to cautiously take Jin Sejun’s hand.

He also liked the fact that if the person he felt attraction to was not an omega, it was unlikely to escalate into a major incident. If the suppressants he was taking wore off or if he was emotionally stirred, it would be like pouring oil on a fire, and his brakes would fail.

After realizing his own feelings, Kwon Joowan, despite priding himself on not experiencing major emotional changes, was in a state like a madman, excited all day long. He found it hard to wait even one more night and was debating whether to contact Jin Sejun when Ahn Saeha came to his house.

“Joowan, I…”

And in the middle of his cycle, no less. But Kwon Joowan, with his attention focused solely on one place, immediately locked him in the guest room reserved for Ahn Saeha. It was not the first time, so the room was stocked with all sorts of omega suppressants, and it was also connected to a bathroom, making it suitable for him to spend his heat in isolation.

“Ask Head Butler Joo for anything you need. You know the number, right? I’ll contact him too, but you should feel free to call him when you come to your senses a bit.”

What did Ahn Saeha say? He simply could not see anything. To be honest, he felt like Ahn Saeha was an obstacle blocking his path, and he almost got annoyed for a moment. Someone said it somewhere, that holding back too much can make you sick, so it was time to try doing what he wanted a little.

Kwon Joowan went down to the parking garage and contacted Jin Sejun.

“Are you free? I’ll buy you something delicious. Let’s have a drink in your neighborhood, Mr. Sejun.”

His mood lifted even more when he got an acceptance. He drove hastily to the apartment complex where Jin Sejun lived, went in as if it were his own place, and parked his car. He had vaguely heard where he lived before, and after that, he had been looking at properties and ended up buying one.

He himself did not quite know why. He was not actually going to live there, but when he thought of Jin Sejun being there, he just wanted to have the place next door. Jin Sejun also seemed unconcerned about things like registering a visitor’s vehicle.

He felt sorry for Ahn Saeha, but had he ever wanted someone as a lover in his life? It had to be preceded by Kwon Joowan acting like a human being, and the other person had to be solid enough not to be swept away by Kwon Joowan, but with Jin Sejun, all the timing seemed to be just right.

This is a miracle! So there was no need for religion either.

Jin Sejun, dressed more casually than usual, looked refreshingly like a university student. Seeing a new side of him made him feel strange, and saliva kept pooling in his mouth. He wanted to quickly take him somewhere, have a drink, and catch up on things.

The reason he had reserved a hotel room in advance was simply because he could not drive after drinking, and he thought he might be tired since it was late.

Honestly, he could not say he had no expectations.

He was so excited that he had forgotten that he had come with pheromones on him, and that Jin Sejun would know. In the first place, he was in a slightly desensitized state.

He realized it late after seeing his reaction, but seeing Jin Sejun, an alpha, react with displeasure instead of panting upon encountering the traces of an omega in heat made his heart tingle.

To be honest about what happened with Ahn Saeha, there was Ahn Saeha’s reputation to consider, and it was also an ambiguous relationship to tell a guy he was starting to see, so he vaguely glossed it over. But then Jin Sejun acted as if he were jealous.

Then he gently pushed Kwon Joowan’s head as if telling him to just drive, and the moment their skin touched, his whole body flinched and trembled.

This was arousal…

‘No, no.’

Kwon Joowan repeated it like a religious person who venerated abstinence and maintained his composure. Because only if he could control himself would it be possible to try something with Jin Sejun.

As he finally calmed his heart and had a drink while chatting lightly, he felt like he had become an ordinary young man, which made him feel even better. Jin Sejun also became cuter as he got tipsy, and he would honestly chatter about this and that.

The jinx of a love triangle, was it? He said that the person he likes does not like him back, and instead, only the person his crush likes shows interest in him, so it always gets ruined. Even so, it wasn’t Kwon Joowan, and he did not seem like the kind of person who would ruin all his relationships that way, so it was probably a cute complaint meant to accommodate his less confident partner.

As a result, honest impressions kept spilling from his mouth. Jin Sejun, who was two years younger, the alpha who always acted like he knew more than Kwon Joowan and was uninhibited, was so, so cute. With this much favor, he was confident he would not hurt Jin Sejun.

From the moment they interlocked their fingers, a burning sensation rose from deeper than his chest. The excitement seeping into Jin Sejun’s eyes, and the desire going down his own throat, were both distinctly felt.

When he was with Jin Sejun, he felt like he had become an ordinary person too… like he could be ordinarily happy!

It was a good thing he had reserved the hotel room. Everything seemed to be going smoothly.

“I’m glad you’re a beta, Mr. Joowan.”

Until Jin Sejun said those words.

While he emphasized over and over that he could not be with an alpha, cold sweat ran down Kwon Joowan’s back. He hated regular alphas, so wasn’t an alpha like Kwon Joowan completely out of the question? Even if they did not do anything, he thought it would be better to let him rest for a bit to sober up and then tell him honestly.

That was why, though it was a shame and driving him crazy, he had gone up to the room he had reserved together, with the intention of breaking up amicably without any hard feelings.

Watching Jin Sejun enter the bathroom to wash up with a wonderful smile, he did think he might have missed the timing a bit. From the moment he heard the sound of water falling, a hopeful circuit in his brain even started running, thinking that even if he confessed to being an alpha, Jin Sejun might not push him away.

Honestly, he did not want to miss this chance. That was why he was planning to wait until he came out, but…

He felt the pheromones of an excited omega, so strong that even the dull Kwon Joowan could feel them. It was a sweet scent he could not describe as he had not known it before, but a scent he had encountered before began to cling to Kwon Joowan’s skin.

Even though he had inhaled the scent of a fully ripe peach just a few hours ago without any reaction, the hair on his entire body stood on end. Was it because of his emotions? The fact that the effect of pheromones tends to be amplified and reduced according to one’s emotions.

‘Was he an omega pretending to be an alpha? Is that why he said he can’t be with alphas?’

In a relationship between an alpha and an omega, the risk is usually on the omega’s side. It had not been long since Kwon Joowan’s rut had ended, and that scent was not that of an omega in their heat cycle. He could just tell immediately that the person he desired was a little excited.

Just by realizing that, the inside of his thighs began to tremble. He got goosebumps and broke out in a cold sweat at the same time.

The unstable ‘dominant’ that he had painstakingly suppressed for nearly ten years was rearing its head. The monster child that was close to a chemical weapon against variants.

If he delayed even for a moment, he felt like he would break down the bathroom door, go in, and pounce on Jin Sejun. Regardless of whether he got hurt or not, the Kwon Joowan who had lost his reason would obviously rape him in the bathroom until he was pregnant.

The most terrifying part was the fact that the omega, having received a copious amount of pheromones at the time of the act, would be in ecstasy. That would hurt Jin Sejun’s heart even more.

When it was over, what would remain would be self-loathing, scars, the hospital, and the court…

Kwon Joowan, pale as a sheet, crawled out of the room on all fours. Right then, he had no capacity to worry about things like the bewilderment of the Jin Sejun left behind. The arousal in his body remained, so he holed himself up in another room, locked the door, and passed the time.

Seeing that his imaginary partner was Jin Sejun again this time, it seemed Kwon Joowan did not care whether he was an alpha or an omega. Though now, that story is truly meaningless…

He did not even have a preference for others’ variants, but he found himself, as an alpha, to be so utterly horrible. How nice would it have been if he had at least been a normal alpha. Between gasps, tears came out for the first time in a long time. For some reason, this whole situation felt sorrowful.

He couldn’t bring himself to answer Jin Sejun’s calls and eventually blocked him.

‘Pathetic…’

He should have explained. But wasn’t it a bit late? A rift had already formed, and he was not keen on making an alpha appeal by explaining his peculiar constitution to someone who had said he hated alphas. It was also a story that would only be convincing if he revealed that he was a being with perilous potential.

It seemed better to just become a pathetic ghoster, and honestly, he was just confused the whole time.

Still, one thing was certain. Kwon Joowan was a human who would create trouble just by liking someone, let alone being in a relationship. This kind of self-deprecation was something he had been doing for so long that he actually became calm.

It was harder when he was excited because he wanted Jin Sejun. His heart would pound even when he was still, and he kept thinking of him. From the perspective of someone who needed to maintain composure, it was better to reduce variables.

However.

“…Kwon Joowan?”

He never dreamed that his nephew would be attending the academy. It was not like they resembled each other, nor was it like Kwon Joowan knew all of his students’ relatives by heart.