JADE 37

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and took a deep breath, and Kwon Joowan nodded calmly.

“With Yiseo’s passion and her rate of growth, she can compete. Definitely.”

“Is that so…”

Jin Sejun usually didn’t act much like Jin Yiseo’s guardian. Firstly, because he was among the teachers, his mere presence could be seen as a favor, and secondly, he was concerned that Yiseo might receive unnecessary attention from the other students.

Feeling abashed, Jin Sejun tried to quickly pass by, but Kwon Joowan stretched his arm across the narrow hallway. Trapped in his arm for a moment, the sensation of being briefly held during the picnic came flooding back.

The sunlight had been warm, but the wind was still chilly, and Kwon Joowan’s embrace was so…

Do I have an affection deficit or something?

He was always going crazy for things like hugs or being tucked into a warm blanket. Was there some way to fix this? As Jin Sejun’s eyes darted around, Kwon Joowan opened his mouth.

“And… I’m worried if you’re eating properly. I feel like you’re only eating spicy stir-fried pork.”

Whether he eats spicy stir-fried pork or rice soup, what business is it of his? Jin Sejun just shrugged and tried to pass under Kwon Joowan’s arm, but his forearm was caught in a strong grip. He could feel the coldness of the large hand even through his clothes.

Ah, fuck…

He only mouthed the words, but he was sure Kwon Joowan had understood. At the same time, Jin Sejun forcefully shook off the grip.

“……”

He felt that his reaction just now had been a bit over the top, so he couldn’t leave right away. As Jin Sejun tried to walk away again, Kwon Joowan grabbed the hem of his shirt.

It was exactly what Kwon Joowan had done before, after jogging, when he had spoken ill of alphas and then apologized. Kwon Joowan asked as if clinging to something thin and fragile.

“By any chance, when is your birthday, Mr. Sejun? I want to buy you running shoes… sneakers. As a birthday present.”

Suddenly? Jin Sejun’s birthday was right around the time of the competition, so it wasn’t too far off. Jin Sejun looked at the top of Kwon Joowan’s deeply bowed head, ready to slip away at any moment.

“I earn enough to buy my own shoes, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

A few weeks ago, he would have recklessly asked for something only people living in Beverly Hills could afford, but his tone was completely calm, not sarcastic.

Finally, Kwon Joowan’s hand let go.

“…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Just, for everything.”

“What am I supposed to do with that?”

Even though it was a time when the kids weren’t around, they were shooting a damn drama in the academy. But thanks to having already found his peace of mind, Jin Sejun patted Kwon Joowan’s shoulder as if to erase the words that had reflexively come out.

“Don’t worry about a thing. And if there’s anything I’ve done wrong, please forgive me for everything too.”

“……”

Kwon Joowan didn’t say anything more.

Wow~ What a magnanimous person. Praising himself, Jin Sejun returned to the lobby desk, and for a moment, his legs gave out, causing him to slump forward. To an onlooker, it would have looked like he was just leaning on the desk and idling as usual, but he had no strength, not even in his fingertips.

Was this a mistake?

He resolutely pushed away the thoughts that came flooding in moment by moment.

Still, I should have gotten one more tangerine out of him.

Kwon Joowan didn’t cling to him even until closing time. Suddenly feeling restless, Jin Sejun opened a drink as soon as he got home.

Should I just be honest?

Honest? About what? That even after being rejected like that, he still had lingering feelings, and that he hated how Kwon Joowan acted as if he wanted to date even though he would reject him if he actually confessed? That he felt hurt because it really felt like he had become something similar to an ‘office wife’?

It was true, but saying such things out loud was just… It was only recently that he had questioned where his pride was, but with the situation flowing this way, it seemed right to just try and forget.

He had thought that Kwon Joowan, despite being so damn hot, would be easy to sway because of his lack of confidence. Wasn’t he just getting more obsessed because things weren’t going his way?

And from Kwon Joowan’s perspective, since he knew that Ahn Seha and Jin Sejun had exchanged contact information, he might be being nice on purpose. Not because he was worried that Jin Sejun would badmouth him to Ahn Seha, but maybe to find out what was going on in Ahn Seha and Jin Sejun’s relationship.

Am I writing a novel here?

Putting all that aside, if there was a Beta and an Omega, his eyes should naturally turn to the Omega, but he was truly doomed for being jealous of Ahn Seha. He should also stop being proud of being an alpha, when he wasn’t even a proper one in the first place.

Once, back when he still had a lot of drinking plans, a friend of Jin Sejun’s, with whom he had since lost touch, had been a wreck because of a one-sided love. Jin Sejun had thought it was pathetic but didn’t show it and said this.

“I want my friend to always have the upper hand. You’re a better person than him, and it hurts my heart to see you struggling.”

The friend, weakened by the alcohol, even shed tears at Jin Sejun’s words. Honestly, Jin Sejun had lost even more interest in him then.

Anyway, thinking back now, he thought he should have just minded his own business. Acting like he knew it all when he knew nothing, going on about who had the upper hand and who didn’t, what a load of bullshit…

The next day, when Kwon Joowan ran into Jin Sejun at the academy, he looked openly relieved. Seeing that made Jin Sejun feel troubled again.

His energy to reply was depleted when it came to Ahn Seha’s texts asking all sorts of trivial things. Honestly, he only wanted to spend his time replying kindly to someone he had a crush on, and there was the burdensome figure of Kwon Joowan involved in forming a connection with Ahn Seha. Then again, even without Kwon Joowan, he didn’t have the energy to flirt with anyone right now. So when he replied to a message received around the time he got to work only after he got off, their contact naturally became less frequent.

This is how you lose the few friends you have.

It was true that he was always bored, but bringing someone into his life felt like a chore. Perhaps it was a natural resignation, since it was obvious they would leave even if he put in the effort. And if he did that bizarre push-and-pull-but-not-really thing he had done with Kwon Joowan one more time, he might die young from exhaustion.

Jang Doha, who had only been a goalkeeper in the park, was holding up quite bravely in the basic class. Palm dance wasn’t a discipline where you could hold the hand of a kid you liked, as Jin Sejun had falsely advertised, but it seemed like he was fine with exercising all together.

Jin Sejun was slumped over the lobby desk when he gestured for the boy, and as soon as he came close, he whispered.

“Did you know your balls will explode if you do the splits?”

“Ah! Stop talking nonsense.”

Jang Doha added, his face turning red.

“I already asked about it.”

“Puhahahaha!”

Acting here like he used to when he joked around with Kwon Joowan would disqualify him as an adult. Jin Sejun composed his expression appropriately and looked around the academy.

When he first came, it was all so new and he felt like a stranger, but he must have grown attached in that short time. Come to think of it, that was the first and last time he had seen Kwon Joowan’s practice room. Even though he had been told to come and watch anytime, he had never set foot in there during class, as if it were a sacred sanctuary.

While he was at the academy, he had gotten angry, mostly because of Kwon Joowan, but it had been fun in its own way. Still, he didn’t like being emotionally strained, so from now on, he had to get used to the boredom.

He was slowly approaching Kwon Joowan’s practice room.

“If you make a mistake, do you think it just ends as a mistake? You get hurt, and Soye gets hurt even more! Get your head on straight!”

Wow.

Somehow, the first time he had spied, he was being disciplined, and this time he was getting a massive scolding. The guy who was wishy-washy about everything outside the classroom seemed to be strict when he was teaching.

It’s a relief if there’s at least one area where he’s clear-cut.

“Your judgment to catch Soye first was good. It would have been perfect if you hadn’t made the mistake in the first place.”

Seeing him point out what was done well even while scolding, it seemed like he was good at using the carrot and the stick.

Perhaps because he was raised gently, Jin Sejun hated the stick. He just wanted to be praised unconditionally and wanted people to show their approval unconditionally, so he wasn’t a fan of things like push-and-pull. If you like someone, how can you push them away? When you barely have enough time to pull them in like crazy.

The reason he couldn’t just be honest and pull was all because of pheromones. How peaceful would it be to live as a Beta? If you didn’t deliberately get involved in a world with so many of those with secondary genders, like Kwon Joowan, life would be just plain smooth.

Besides, he didn’t have a job that pushed his mind and body to the extreme like that, and there was no chance of others getting hurt, so he could probably live a carefree life. As for Jin Sejun, he was in a position where he didn’t directly perform actions that greatly affected others. Even someone like Jin Youngjun, who was usually a bit bland, would probably become the complete opposite of his usual laid-back self once he entered the operating room.

The moment he thought his eyes might have met Kwon Joowan’s, Jin Sejun quickly walked away, pretending to have just been passing by.

“If you have a farewell party and I leave like it’s a permanent goodbye, I’ll be too embarrassed to ever come back here.”

That was what Jin Sejun had asked of the director a few days before quitting the academy. Knowing the director’s personality, he seemed likely to actually throw a surprise farewell party, so he had desperately made it clear.

As a result, he was able to quietly finish his last day of work. Of course, quite a few people would be disappointed, but he could just bring something and visit later, when he had regained a bit more composure. Anyway, people would only be hurt at first; they would forget about it later.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t conscious of Kwon Joowan.

Ah, Kwon Joowan happened to take a vacation two days before Jin Sejun quit. He didn’t know the reason, but there was no need to pry into his privacy, so he had sent him off a little earlier.

He was unemployed again.

He closed his eyes with a peaceful mind, but the annoying Beta, Kwon Joowan’s hand—the one who seemed to have low self-esteem yet was strangely petty and strict—kept coming to mind. The large, limp hand… He was older, so what was he doing grabbing his clothes like a lost kid?

Before his parents’ divorce, Jin Sejun, the youngest, who had sensed the atmosphere, seemed to have been just as cautious back then. It was a desire to intervene passively, even if he didn’t dare to confront them, wasn’t it?

Making a person’s heart go soft…

But he had made a decision, so it was Jin Sejun’s victory. Jin Sejun had been quite conscious of Kwon Joowan’s mood, so shouldn’t Kwon Joowan be too, to make it fair? In any case, a victory was a victory.

It was only because he was Jin Sejun that he could blame Kwon Joowan; if he weren’t, he would be swayed for the rest of his life. He could roughly imagine how he had dated Ahn Seha, and he could imagine even better how they had broken up. Whether that was true or not was a separate matter.

Would Kwon Joowan be fine without Jin Sejun? He hoped he would at least feel half of the bewilderment and other emotions Jin Sejun had felt when Kwon Joowan ran away from the hotel back then.

He had run away to get away from thoughts of Kwon Joowan, yet here he was again.

He thought he would be able to sleep in, but he tossed and turned all night. You needed to be in the habit of playing alone, and all Jin Sejun did for half a day was look at that damned flamenco dancer doll. These days, he had lost interest in other people’s sex stories circulating on social media and the masturbation shows of ‘Betas’.

He wanted to go outside, but nothing interested him, there was nothing he wanted to buy, and he didn’t have the energy to exercise.

What should I do from now on?

Should he go back to the Moses Miracle Hospital counseling office, where the client who only looked for Jin Sejun was waiting? Should he try to practice controlling his pheromones more intensely, while being mindful of the sensitive Omega employee? The bad air had completely cleared up as if to congratulate his unemployment, so should he go for a riverside jog for the first time in a while?

Or should he go buy some sugar-coated tangerines with Jin Yiseo?

He tried to make all sorts of plans, but a heavy fatigue weighed down his shoulders, so he couldn’t choose anything.

As for wandering around the neighborhood, he had roamed around so much with Kwon Joowan in that short time that there were memories everywhere he went, and the risk of actually running into him was high.

Should I go to Spain?

There were quite a few fantasies about meeting people while traveling. How about meeting a passionate Spanish Beta? Honestly, the idea of meeting someone new was a joke; it was just that it seemed convenient to swipe the things his hyung and sister-in-law had bought while copying their itinerary.

He was still envious of couples traveling together. Kwon Joowan could do a picnic, but no one could do this for him.

Jin Sejun chuckled foolishly at his own idle thoughts. The suitcase, which he hadn’t used since crashing Jin Youngjun’s family trip a few years ago, was covered in dust.