ASD 3

“…What?”

Heo Yeonggyu let out a dumbfounded voice. He still had one hand gripping Gawon’s collar, the other foolishly raised in the air.

“Which bastard was that, fuck.”

“……”

“I said, which bastard was it!”

Heo Yeonggyu, who came to his senses a beat later, shouted with a face that was turning red and blue. Now that the new semester had just begun, he was posturing with more bravado in his shoulders and neck than ever before. It was only natural for him, a guy who staked his life on the childish power struggles to claim the top spot in a classroom full of only boys.

“Me.”

At the simple answer, all eyes gathered in one place.

It was the transfer student sitting at the very front. With a languid face, he grinned and casually raised the hand he had tucked into his zip-up hoodie.

His voice was low and husky, as if he had been sleeping with his head down until just a moment ago, and there was a deep imprint on his face. His relaxed appearance was a stark contrast to Heo Yeonggyu, who was trembling with rage.

“Wanna die? The transfer student bastard isn’t in his right mind and is acting up.”

If it had been anyone else, he would have already rushed over and grabbed them by the collar. However, he must have had some sense, as he couldn’t immediately charge at the transfer student who was a good head taller than him. All he did was seethe and spew curses.

“Right now, the only one acting up here is you.”

However, Gijun laughed playfully, as if he found Heo Yeonggyu’s behavior pathetic. He was still leaning lazily against the back of his chair with both hands tucked into his hoodie pockets.

Pfft. Someone burst out laughing with a sound like air escaping. Starting with that, chuckles spread from here and there.

An atmosphere of disapproval for Heo Yeonggyu, who had been acting loud and obnoxious since the first year, had already formed to some extent, but there had been no one to step up and stop him. Now that the rolled-in transfer student was playing that role, it was quite an interesting spectacle for the class.

Heo Yeonggyu, who sensitively read that atmosphere, scrunched up his face in a fierce scowl. Enraged, he gritted his teeth and was about to stride toward the front of the classroom.

“This fucking bastard…!”

“Hey, hey, hey. Hold on, hold on, Heo Yeonggyu.”

One of the guys standing next to him hastily grabbed his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. At that moment, Gawon did not miss seeing Heo Yeonggyu’s eyes twitch. However, Heo Yeonggyu soon glared as if nothing had happened.

“Ah fuck, so what. Tell him not to lie. Is he shooting a movie? What kind of world is this, what gangster…”

“Hey.”

Just then, a low voice leaked from the front seat.

“Shut your mouth if you don’t want to die.”

A straight, cool gaze was directed at Heo Yeonggyu.

It was the complete opposite of a moment ago when he had been smiling with slyly curved eyes. His gaze, holding a clear warning, was dangerously sharp for a mere eighteen-year-old boy’s.

The atmosphere instantly froze. Even Heo Yeonggyu, who had been putting on all sorts of airs, was frozen in place for a moment, unable to continue speaking.

At that moment, the bell rang, and at the same time, the homeroom teacher strode in through the front door.

“What’s this? Why is the atmosphere like this? Hey, someone open the window over there.”

The teacher slammed the pointer he was holding on the lectern. Thump, thump. Gawon, who had been standing blankly at the back, quickly closed his locker door. A sigh escaped him automatically as he looked at his milk-soaked textbooks, but he forced it down and sat in his seat.

The teacher’s gaze flickered toward Gawon’s face, which was starting to swell, then moved down to his ruined textbooks. But that, too, was brief; his gaze was quickly withdrawn. As if he hadn’t seen anything.

Feeling that gaze, Gawon bit his lip. His insides, which had rotted and festered black over the past year, were no longer hurt by such desperate avoidance.

Especially not after hearing the rumor that was quietly circulating—that someone had seen the teacher coming out of a fancy traditional Korean restaurant with Heo Yeonggyu’s father, the district councilman. Gawon was in a place too shadowed to expect help and protection from a normal adult.

“Hey, transfer student. Why’s the atmosphere like this? Did the kids, like, try to pick a fight with you, telling you to follow them to the rooftop or something?”

The teacher, trying to change the mood, directed a joke at Gijun, who was sitting at the very front. At that, he, who had been sitting crookedly, straightened his back and retorted.

“Ah… Teacher, I don’t think I can come to school because I’m so scared.”

The attitude that had just chilled the classroom atmosphere was nowhere to be found. He had already reverted to his usual slick and affable demeanor. Even the teacher chuckled at his voice as he spoke with a silly grin.

“You brat, with a body as big as a mountain, you’re such a baby. Alright, open your books.”

“Yeees—”

Listening to the drawn-out answers of a few students, the teacher turned his back to the class to face the chalkboard. The atmosphere, which had been charged with excitement, gradually subsided, but Heo Yeonggyu, for one, couldn’t calm down easily and continued to fume.

Of course, he was probably pissed that he’d been caught off guard and hit by Gawon, but for Heo Yeonggyu, what must have been the fatal blow right now was being publicly ignored by Gijun in front of the other kids. Reading his childish and pathetic inner thoughts, which were so transparent, Gawon snorted inwardly.

Gawon’s gaze rested quietly on the back of the transfer student sitting at the very front. Looking at his huge, broad back and strong-looking shoulders, he once again realized why Heo Yeonggyu couldn’t recklessly attack him.

But that was all. He didn’t feel any gratitude for the help. No, he couldn’t even bring himself to think that way.

Overpowering a violent person who bullies the weak is just another display of violence. At least, that’s how the fights Gawon had witnessed in the classroom were. The aggressors enjoyed brutally tormenting Gawon, the lowest on the totem pole, as if it were a sport, and they weren’t willing to share their easy prey with other guys.

That transfer student is probably the same. The reason he helped just now was probably not out of pity for me, but to make a fool out of Heo Yeonggyu.

Soon, in the ridiculous power struggle that will take place in this cramped classroom, he will either crush Heo Yeonggyu or be crushed by him. And regardless of the outcome, the next target… will be me.

Whether that guy bullies me or Heo Yeonggyu bullies me, it makes no difference to me. Although, it did seem like it would hurt more if the transfer student hit me than if Heo Yeonggyu did. With a trembling gaze, Gawon looked at Gijun’s large hand holding a pen. His hand was so big that the pen, the same model as his own, looked much smaller.

He was about to sigh and tear his eyes away from him. Just then, Gijun slowly turned around.

“……”

The moment their eyes met, Gawon froze without knowing why.

His expression was normal. On closer look, it seemed like he always had a similar face. One that always looked relaxed because of the very faint, barely visible smile lingering on the corners of his mouth.

But his eyes were quite different. The playfulness that had teemed in them when he was teasing Heo Yeonggyu with a grin or retorting to the teacher was gone. He wasn’t angry. They were calm eyes of unknowable depth.

Gawon had an intuition. That they were the eyes of someone who, though always packaging himself with overflowing playfulness, was in fact adept, to the point of being sick of it, at hiding something simmering inside. Something that could only be described as solitude, a product of repeating that process countless times, had taken root in his eyes.

The straightforward gaze captured Gawon as if to confirm something, and it wouldn’t let go. His own gaze wouldn’t move, as if pierced by a sharp fishhook. That was why it took a long while for Gawon’s eyes to pull away from him.

…What is it? Why is he looking at me with those eyes?

Gawon forced his gaze down to his textbook. Why did that guy suddenly turn around and look at me? It was a gaze that was difficult to decipher.

The impression, though momentary, was intense and wouldn’t leave his mind. Even as he quietly took out a tissue and pressed it onto his textbook, which had become soggy with milk, to absorb the liquid, Gawon couldn’t shake the transfer student’s gaze that was stuck tenaciously in his mind.

“Fuck, it stinks. Hey, get that textbook away from me.”

The guy sitting next to him shuddered and grumbled under his breath. He was one of Heo Yeonggyu’s lackeys. Even though they were the ones who did this.

Gawon silently wiped his textbook with the tissue without responding. A new wave of futility washed over him, and he closed his eyes tightly. He felt like an idiot for having been lost in useless thoughts, even for a brief moment.

Our eyes met? So what?

That bastard is nothing special either. I bet he’ll come over during break and try to pick a fight, asking why I was staring.

It felt sickeningly familiar. This daily life he had to arduously continue. The rest of the semester, which felt like an eternity even though it had just begun. This classroom, like a prison, where they were always watching for a chance to trample him and feel some base pleasure.