Ch 21

<21>

 

4 Months Before That Day (8)

 

They had already broken up, he said. It had been so long since he’d seen that look in Hyunjun’s eyes, that tone he used to soothe and placate an angry lover. It was a delicate, richly textured emotion he’d felt long ago, at the beginning of their relationship. Ah, so that’s the kind of person you were.

 

The whole situation felt so distant to Eunho, as if he were watching some trashy, third-rate drama, not something that was happening to him. He was angry and miserable, but his body wasn’t trembling, nor was there a frantic pounding in his ears like a heartbeat. He was simply curious what other words this piece of trash before him would spew, and just how much of it he could endure.

 

“Then why did you come in here? If you broke up, you should have changed the passcode.”

 

The stranger chided Hyunjun, pressing down on him as if to show Eunho. It was as if he wanted to prove just how much he had Hyunjun wrapped around his finger, how well he was treated. When Hyunjun mumbled that he’d been too busy studying for his exam, his voice trailing off, the man’s sharp gaze flew back to Eunho.

 

“Why don’t you say something, you, standing by the door.”

 

The man was goading Eunho. He wanted to confirm whether they had truly broken up, and he acted as if he wouldn’t be satisfied until he saw Hyunjun cast Eunho aside with his own two eyes.

 

“Jihun, don’t be like that…”

 

“Are you mute? Why can’t you speak?”

 

Perhaps thinking the situation might escalate into a fight, or that he might be the one to face Eunho’s wrath, Hyunjun finally stepped forward. To be precise, he didn’t step into the middle of them, but rather positioned himself to shield the man named Jihun.

 

An apology for Eunho was mixed into his complex, unreadable gaze, but Eunho, the very person it was directed at, had no intention of accepting it. Hidden within it was a form of self-avoidance and blame-shifting, a plea to be understood disguised as remorse.

 

“…Why did you come here? Just… leave.”

 

The beginning of his sentence was shaky and uncertain. But as he started speaking, it was as if he’d decided their connection was well and truly over, and his second sentence was firm.

 

“Fine. I get it.”

 

Eunho’s cool reply was surprisingly composed, as if he were detached from the situation. In truth, he had been carrying guilt like a debt over his one-night stand with Yoonjae, and now, he felt rather unburdened, able to set down that weight. But that didn’t mean the betrayal from his long-term lover didn’t sting at all.

 

The trust he had held so fully, never once doubting it, crumbled in an instant, and a bitter laugh kept escaping his lips. Hyunjun, reading Eunho’s expression, seemed to get a chill and fell silent, growing anxious.

 

“Hey, you.”

 

Just as he turned to leave, the other man stopped him. The insolent tone stabbed at his ears, and Eunho turned back, his expression frigid.

 

“You just barge in here, trespassing, and you’re not even going to say you’re sorry? Are you a stalker?”

 

“Jihun, what’s wrong with you?”

 

Eunho’s face, laced with a sneer, turned to the man named Jihun. Seeing Eunho standing there silently with a blunt, icy expression he had never shown before, Hyunjun, who had been trying to mediate, was so startled he swallowed the words he was about to say.

 

To the man’s haughty demand that he come over and apologize politely, Eunho replied in a slow drawl.

 

“I should be thanking you, not apologizing.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Thanks for taking out the trash for me.”

 

The way he’d looked down on him and spoken informally from the very beginning had gotten on his nerves.

 

“Yeah, have fun with that piece of trash. I don’t know who you are, but he’s the kind of trash that’ll suck you dry of your money.”

 

After tossing out the indifferent remark, Eunho turned his back again. The moment he did, a potent pheromone burst forth from behind him. Enraged by Eunho’s words, the man shrieked and chased him to the door, but Hyunjun quickly blocked his path.

 

“What did you say? This bastard, I let him off easy and now he’s…!”

 

“Jihun, calm down.”

 

Eunho left the scene without a single glance back. The front door clicked shut, but the soundproofing was so poor that a torrent of curses and arguments flew right into his ears.

 

He had acted nonchalant in front of them, but as soon as the door was shut, his perfectly fine body began to tremble uncontrollably. He had thought his mind would go blank and he’d leave without a word, or that he’d burst into ugly sobs. Considering it a relief that he hadn’t made a pathetic scene, Eunho straightened his legs and walked down the stairs.

 

I want to get out of here. I’ll never come anywhere near this neighborhood again.

 

His legs were trembling so badly he had to grip the handrail as he descended, but his only thought was to get away from this place as quickly as possible. The truth was, he was scared. He had dissed the guy more calmly than he’d expected, and he was afraid one of them would chase after him and grab him by the collar.

 

As soon as he was out of the villa, he walked aimlessly toward the main road. Each time the lonely wind brushed against his bangs, it wiped away the damp tears as well. The roads during rush hour were like a parking lot, the taillights of the cars embroidering the street in red.

 

“Haaah…”

 

A long sigh rode the wind and scattered into the sky. He had pretended to be composed in front of them, but from the moment he’d smelled that messy mix of pheromones, his restrained rationality had been conquered by his rampaging emotions, leaving him a complete wreck. The sky, which had been blue when he arrived, was now faintly painted with a red sunset.

 

He wanted to hail a taxi, but he didn’t know where to go, so he just stared straight ahead and walked without a plan. He didn’t want to go home. If he were alone, the scene he had witnessed at Hyunjun’s place would surely keep replaying in his mind. He didn’t want to feel miserable, but judging by the way passersby kept glancing at him, he must not have been hiding his expression very well.

 

In a way, he understood Hyunjun. They’d been together for three years; he must have gotten tired of him. A fresh, new love would be more crisp and tantalizing. Even the act of protecting a new lover over an old one was somewhat understandable when he thought of Yoonjae.

 

It’s for the best. It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other, so let’s not feel wronged, he tried to tell himself, but seeing Hyunjun treat him like a worn-out shoe right before his eyes brought tears to his eyes.

 

Even before he could think of who to call, Yoonjae had been shimmering in his thoughts for a while. But he hesitated, wondering if it was okay to call him with his emotions wallowing in the mud.

 

However, while his head hesitated, his hand was already digging through his pocket for his phone. Just the name Choi Yoonjae on his call list made his heart ache.

 

His finger pressed the call button. Before he could even clear his throat to steady his voice, Yoonjae answered quickly, his tense tone piercing his eardrum.

 

—Where are you right now?

 

Urgency was laced in his voice as he bluntly asked for his location. Why is he asking where I am? Did he read my mind? Just hearing his voice, Eunho fought back the welling emotions and slowly looked around. The street, now cloaked in darkness, was bustling with flashy neon signs and passing crowds.

 

“…I… don’t know where this is. I’m sorry.”

 

His mind was so empty that he didn’t know how to explain his current location, and his words came out in a stutter. He could hear Yoonjae’s ragged breathing over the phone. After a long pause in the conversation, Yoonjae spoke again, calm and articulate, enunciating each syllable.

 

—Stand still and find a large building. The name is usually written on the rooftop exterior or by the first-floor entrance, so find it and tell me. If you still can’t find the name, you can just tell me the name of a unique store inside that building.

 

Amidst the shimmering neon lights, Eunho found the largest building. It was about ten meters away and looked relatively new.

 

“…Misung CNC Tower.”

 

—Stay right there in front. I’ll be there soon.

 

At his simple promise to come, a warmth swelled in a corner of his chest. Eunho nodded, as if Yoonjae could see him. His last words lingered in his ears like an echo, crashing into his heart and receding, over and over. Eunho clenched his jaw, forcing the sorrow back down his throat.

 

Standing blankly as if time had stopped just for him amidst the stream of people, Eunho came to his senses a moment later and walked toward Misung Tower.

 

Yoonjae had wanted to spend the weekend with Eunho to see how Hyunjun would react. But Eunho had acted indifferently, as if protesting that he wanted to be alone, forcing Yoonjae to temper his desires.

 

As soon as they arrived at the officetel, Eunho had taken his suitcase from the trunk, said a quick goodbye, and disappeared into the building. Watching his retreating back, Yoonjae had ended up gripping the steering wheel in silence.

 

He had a bad feeling. Was he really a student preparing for the civil service exam? Could he pass while being this lazy? Yoonjae couldn’t understand Hyunjun, who, with his exam just around the corner, had been holed up with his lover for three days straight without showing his face.

 

He had already kept Eunho with him in Jeju for three whole days, so he had taken a step back, worried that pushing any further would be counterproductive. But he hadn’t expected Hyunjun to act like this even today.

 

He had arranged to be contacted immediately by the people he’d hired if Eunho went to see Hyunjun, so he wasn’t worried about that part, but the process leading up to it was deeply unsettling. He had actually considered having someone follow Eunho as well, but Eunho was so perceptive that if he were to misunderstand, everything would be for naught, so he had given up on that idea early on.

 

Just as he was nearing his company, the call he had dreaded came. It was a phone call, not a text. Even before answering, Yoonjae instinctively knew that Eunho had gone to see Hyunjun. He made a U-turn at the intersection ahead and answered the call.

 

—Yoo Eunho just went inside the villa. What should I do?

 

“Is Lee Hyunjun’s new lover inside?”

 

—Yes.

 

He had hoped they would break up without Eunho having to see anything unpleasant, but was it their fate to inevitably meet, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it? Yoonjae bit his lip and gripped the steering wheel tightly.

 

“Follow him up. If the atmosphere gets rough, you need to break the flow, even if it means knocking on the door.”

 

—Understood.

 

“Send me the address again. And if Yoo Eunho comes out, you must follow him, no matter what.”

 

It was unlikely, but if anything happened to Eunho, he had every intention of not letting either of them get away with it.

 

It was rush hour, so the roads weren’t clearing as easily as he’d like, only adding to his impatience. Thick veins popped on the back of the hand gripping the steering wheel. He should have watched a little longer in front of the officetel. Why had he left so quickly? Yoonjae berated himself, gnawing on his lower lip.

 

—He just came out. Should I follow him?

 

With about ten minutes left to his destination, Eunho had changed course. Thankfully, the fight he had feared didn’t happen, but the real problem started now. The memory of that accident, of him repeatedly running into the road, flickered in his mind, making his vision go dizzy.

 

“What’s his condition?”

 

—He doesn’t seem particularly unusual.

 

“Follow him closely enough that he won’t notice, but if it looks like he’s going to run into the road or do anything dangerous, grab him immediately. I’ll be there soon.”

 

He debated whether to call and pretend he didn’t know, wondering what he would even ask. Just as he picked up his phone, as if their minds were connected, Yoo Eunho’s name appeared on the screen. Yoonjae answered without delay. He needed to be calm, but his heart was racing, and before he could even hear Eunho’s voice, the wrong words tumbled out.

 

“Where are you right now?”

 

The loud music and the sounds of people passing by mixed into a messy cacophony. There was no immediate answer, and just as he was about to ask again, an unsteady voice came through the speaker.

 

—…I… don’t know where this is. I’m sorry.

 

Just from his voice, Yoonjae could tell he was completely out of it. Still, it was a relief. The fact that he hadn’t tried to be alone and had called him instead was as good as showing the will to overcome this situation somehow. Yoonjae first cleared his own head and then continued in a calm tone.

 

“Stand still and find a large building. The name is usually written on the rooftop exterior or by the first-floor entrance, so find it and tell me. If you still can’t find the name, you can just tell me the name of a unique store inside that building.”

 

—…Misung CNC Tower.

 

“Stay right there in front. I’ll be there soon.”

 

He searched for the destination again; the travel time had increased to twelve minutes. Still, it was a relief. Eunho was stronger than Yoonjae had thought. He could feel him trying to overcome the situation somehow. He was so relieved by that sight that he didn’t know how many times he had silently thanked him.

 

“…Ah.”

 

He was almost there, but the traffic was causing problems. Watching the situation, Yoonjae grew anxious and called Eunho. It was better to talk to him and keep his mind off useless thoughts than to have him wait blankly.

 

“The traffic is bad.”

 

—Where are you?

 

“Seven minutes away.”

 

His voice was still heavy, but it was a little lighter than before. Yoonjae, relieved as well, returned to his usual relaxed tone.

 

—Should I walk in the direction you’re coming from, Executive Director?

 

“No, we might miss each other. Just stay put.”

 

It was sweet of him to even think of it. Normally, he would have told him to walk closer, but it was dark outside, and finding him would be more difficult.

 

“Aren’t you cold? What are you wearing?”

 

—The same clothes from this morning.

 

“If you’re cold, do you want to go inside a coffee shop?”

 

—No. I’m fine.

 

They exchanged small talk. Even though he just threw out whatever came to mind, Eunho followed along well. Two minutes before his arrival, while checking the navigation, a brief silence fell. Then, Eunho carefully began to speak.

 

—Executive Director.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Eunho hesitated, as if reluctant. The noise of people passing by was loud, but Yoonjae didn’t mind and turned up the volume. A sharp breath brushed lightly against the speaker.

 

—…I… we broke up.

 

Eunho managed to get the words out. There was a nuance to his tone, as if to say he had to be careful because meeting the Executive Director over this issue could make things a bit difficult. Hearing Eunho’s calm confession, Yoonjae swallowed dryly and scanned his surroundings.

 

—I’m sorry for putting you through all that trouble.

 

“What trouble?”

 

In the distance, amidst the moving crowd, he saw Eunho. Even though he was just standing there forlornly, in Yoonjae’s eyes, Eunho sparkled and shone.

 

—You were right, Executive Director.

 

“…”

 

—He was someone who would eat well and live well without me.

 

Yoonjae turned on his hazard lights and hurriedly opened the door. The sight of him standing there alone, relying on nothing but his phone, was more than just pitiful; it was agonizing.

 

—You must have gotten out of the car.

 

As the noise of the crowd suddenly mixed into the quiet background, Eunho realized that Yoonjae was close. He lifted his gaze from his feet and was looking around when he saw Choi Yoonjae striding toward him from a distance.

 

“Executive Director.”

 

He was getting closer. The distance between them shrank, and in an instant, he was right in front of him. He grabbed Eunho’s arm and pulled him to his chest, and Eunho’s body was enveloped as if sucked in.

 

Yoonjae said nothing. You went through a lot. It’s good you broke up. Are you okay? He didn’t ask any of it, but his pheromones wrapped comfortably around Eunho, consoling him for all his past pain. As if he could finally take a deep breath, Eunho breathed easily and wrapped his arms around Yoonjae’s waist.

 

“You look very tired.”

 

“A little.”

 

Sitting in the passenger seat, Eunho’s eyes were dazed. Apart from being half out of his mind, his blinking eyelashes fluttered slowly, as if he were about to fall asleep. Eunho leaned his head against the seat and turned to look up at Yoonjae.

 

“Were you nearby?”

 

“…Yeah.”

 

Perhaps because he had no energy, he didn’t press him about why he was in the area. While Yoonjae thought it was a relief, he was also deeply worried, wondering just how great the shock must have been. He checked on Eunho, pretending to look in the side mirror, but there was no change.

 

Bzzzz—

 

A heavy phone vibration echoed in the quiet car. Eunho took it out of his pocket, checked the name on the screen, hesitated for a moment, then pressed decline and put it back. It was obvious who it was without even looking, so Yoonjae was about to pretend he didn’t know. But when it vibrated again right after, he barely managed to stop himself from suggesting Eunho turn off his phone or block the number. Eunho’s half-closed eyelids were pleading with fatigue, and Yoonjae wanted to spare his words and just follow him like a shadow.

 

After he declined the call, a short vibration followed. With a small sigh, Eunho took out his phone with a weary gesture.

 

[What am I supposed to do if I need you and I can’t reach you? I couldn’t help it either. 8:34 PM]

 

“…It’s my fault until the very end.”

 

It was clear they had been together for a while. Was he trying to argue his innocence, or was he still financially dependent on Eunho? Eunho’s face crumpled slightly as he read Hyunjun’s pathetic excuse of a reply.

 

“Now that you’ve broken up, don’t pay him any mind. It’s bad for your mental health.”

 

Even though they had broken up as Eunho wanted, Yoonjae was hesitant to say anything, worried it might sound like meddling. However, Eunho’s quiet muttering bothered him, and he ended up nagging. Eunho, who was listening beside him, gave a listless smile as Yoonjae tossed the words out in an indifferent tone.

 

When Eunho didn’t react, the vibration rang out again, long and insistent. Sensing Yoonjae’s pheromones, which were on high alert, Eunho, as Yoonjae had told him to, declined the call and immediately blocked the number.

 

“I’m too anxious. This won’t do.”

 

“……”

 

“Let’s go to my place.”

 

Eunho’s face, as he looked up at him, was expressionless. It was so devoid of color that Yoonjae couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He reached out and toyed with Eunho’s lower lip.

 

“Not a fan?”

 

“It’s not that… Executive Chief Yoonjae might be uncomfortable.”

 

“What’s there to be uncomfortable about?”

 

Yoonjae lightly quirked his lips, and Eunho finally gave a faint smile, his expression otherwise unchanged.

 

Eunho’s mind was a mess. He couldn’t clearly define whether he regretted the breakup, felt wronged, or relieved. The jumbled emotions roughly roamed every corner of his body, creating scratches. He was tired. If there was a bed, he wanted to lie down and fall asleep immediately, but he was also afraid to be alone.

 

His heart wavered, unable to find its footing, shaking relentlessly. He tried to reassure himself that it was natural after spending three years together, but on the other hand, it felt as if that time meant nothing, as if a part of his body had been torn away.

 

Eunho’s dark eyes became wet with tears.

 

“Let’s go to my place. Okay?”

 

When Yoonjae gently persuaded him, saying they should if Eunho had no objections, Eunho nodded obediently.

 

“……Okay.”

 

Whenever Eunho was wallowing in the mud, Choi Yoonjae invariably appeared. It was sometimes embarrassing to have even the parts he wanted to hide laid bare without reservation, but Yoonjae always embraced and covered them up as if it were nothing. Eunho reached out and stroked the back of Yoonjae’s hand on the steering wheel. He wanted to feel his warmth.