Ch 11

<11>

Five months before that day (1)

 

Hyunjun contacted Eunho right on quitting time. It had been so long since he had reached out first, and Eunho was inexplicably glad.

 

As soon as Eunho got out of the taxi, he covered half his face with his scarf and strode towards the address Hyunjun had sent. He opened the door to the barbecue restaurant and looked around, his eyes meeting a familiar face sitting across the corner.

 

As he approached the table, intending to sit next to Hyunjun, he saw a man with a stubbly beard sitting across from him, smiling brightly.

 

Eunho ordered food first. He was hungry, and he didn’t want to exchange friendly smiles and drinks with a stranger from the start.

 

“A drink?”

 

“I’ll start with dinner. You drink with Hyunjun.”

 

Hyunjun’s friend was jovial and humorous. Unlike his appearance, he cut off any dragging conversations and dispelled the gloom. Eunho responded to the conversation with pleasure, busy eating and flipping the meat on the grill.

 

“So, why are you meeting Hyunjun?”

 

“You son of a bitch, get out if you’re going to say that.”

 

The friend asked Eunho for the tongs, offering to flip the meat so he could finish his meal. Eunho glanced at Hyunjun, who was silently eating the meat on the grill. Then, he moved the nicely grilled meat to Hyunjun and his friend.

 

“Honestly, I’m jealous. Let’s be real, it’s not easy supporting someone studying for the civil service exam.”

 

He spoke the truth so frankly that a smile spread across Eunho’s face. It felt like someone was speaking up for him to Hyunjun, and the stress that had been building up was somewhat relieved. But as expected, Hyunjun seemed to dislike what he was hearing, picking at his ear and emptying his glass repeatedly.

 

“I’m jealous. You have a boyfriend who takes care of you. I need to get rid of this miserable life quickly so I can meet someone.”

 

“Hopefully, you’ll both pass next year.”

 

“I’d be happy if that happened. I really feel like I’d sell my soul if I could.”

 

As time passed, Eunho got along well with the friend sitting across from him, expanding the conversation. Hyunjun, who had been stiff, slurring his words, and cutting off the conversation, was pushed further and further back.

 

Just as things were getting lively, the phone in his pocket vibrated loudly. Eunho checked the name on the screen and quickly answered the call.

 

“Yes, Secretary Han.”

 

-Secretary Yoo, oh? You’re outside.

 

“It’s okay. What is it?”

 

-Executive Chief Yoonjae seems a bit drunk. What should I do?

 

Eunho had left work on time because he had no evening plans, but this sudden call left him dumbfounded.

 

“Where is he?”

 

-I’ll text you the address. The manager has my business card, so they contacted me. I’m drinking right now.

 

“Ah… I’ll be right there.”

 

This wasn’t why he had put off drinking. Eunho grabbed the bill and stood up.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Company called.”

 

“You’re off work.”

 

“Please understand. I’ll pay the bill.”

 

The reason he had been called here was obvious anyway. Eunho waved the bill in his hand, and Hyunjun, who had been grumbling slightly, told him to go quickly, even waving goodbye.

 

As he opened the door to the barbecue restaurant, large, fluffy snowflakes were falling from the sky. Eunho watched the snow melting as soon as it touched his clothes and hurried to the main street to catch a taxi.

 

The wine bar, located in the basement of a building not far from the company, seemed to operate on a membership basis, with a security guard wearing an earpiece blocking access to the general public. Eunho approached and explained the situation, showing the manager’s contact information Secretary Han had given him, and was finally allowed to enter.

 

He walked through a short passage into a lobby with a red carpet, and the mournful melody of a cello, which had been echoing from the passage, pierced Eunho’s heart.

 

‘Suffocating.’

 

The excessively heavy melody dredged up the depression that was deeply embedded within him. Leaving the cellist, who was playing an unaccompanied cello with all his emotions in his fingertips, behind, he found the room the manager was leading him to. He knocked and waited for a moment, but there was no answer. The manager, who had come with him, made a polite comment about going inside and opened the door.

 

“…”

 

He saw Yoonjae sitting in the very center of the U-shaped sofa, his body slumped. The aura of light emitted by the dozens of halogen lights on the ceiling softly poured down on Yoonjae’s face, but his complexion looked as pale as a wax doll.

 

Yoonjae, who had been closing his eyes, slowly lifted his listless eyelids at the approaching presence, then lowered them halfway again.

 

“…How…did you get here?”

 

Yoonjae’s voice was severely hoarse, as if he hadn’t spoken in a long time. It was the first time Eunho had seen him so disheveled, so he naturally checked the liquor on the table. Seeing that it was half empty, it was clear that he had been drinking heavily in a short amount of time.

 

“Secretary Han contacted me.”

 

“How did she know…”

 

Yoonjae, blinking slowly with his eyes half-open, stared languidly at Eunho in front of him and paused for a moment in thought.

 

“I contacted her, Executive Director.”

 

The manager, who was nearby, answered in a soft tone, and Yoonjae’s head moved half a beat late. He was moving slowly, as if his brain had been paralyzed by the alcohol.

 

“Let’s go home.”

 

Eunho wrapped his arm around Yoonjae’s shoulder as he sat and slowly helped him up. He wasn’t completely unconscious, but he couldn’t keep his balance enough to sway, so Eunho, who was holding him, staggered as well. As Eunho barely supported him, who was about a head taller than himself, the manager who had been watching finally called a security guard. While the security guard carried Yoonjae on his back, Eunho ran to the parking lot and parked the car at the entrance of the building.

 

“We’re leaving.”

 

A moment later, Eunho watched Yoonjae, who was in the back seat with the help of the security guard, in the rearview mirror and slowly started the car. He was blinking slowly with his eyes half-closed, staring at the colorful night view passing by outside the car window with a meaningless gaze. His eyes looked terribly lonely and sad, like the cello performance he had seen earlier. There was no conversation during the drive, but an uncomfortable silence flowed between the two.

 

“Executive Director.”

 

Eunho parked the car in the outdoor parking lot near the garden and opened the back door. Yoonjae, who had shed a layer of his hazy consciousness in the cold winter wind, slowly got up.

 

‘I wonder if he’ll go in on his own.’

 

Choi Seryeong, whom he had seen during the day, overlapped with his lonely figure. He seemed to be having a hard time mentally, fighting an invisible battle, as Hyukpil Sunbae had said. He seemed to realize that being a leader wasn’t just about running a business well. Watching to see if he went home safely, he was quietly following behind him before he knew it.

 

The excuse that he was following him because his staggering steps were unusual hid the feeling of pity. Eunho, who was quietly following him, ran quickly and caught him with his body, supporting him as Yoonjae, whose center of gravity was leaning to the right, looked like he was about to fall. His desolate gaze went past the arm that was holding him and turned to Eunho.

 

“Let’s go in together.”

 

The wind was especially cold because it was close to the Han River. Eunho sniffled and wrapped his arm tightly around Yoonjae’s arm, heading towards the entrance.

 

After passing through the hallway and living room, Eunho entered the bedroom, sat Yoonjae on the bed, and took off his jacket.

 

“Shall I get you some warm water?”

 

“…It’s okay.”

 

Yoonjae’s eyes, looking at Eunho, seemed desperate, as if he was clinging to something. Eunho couldn’t guess why he was making that expression. His eyes, full of moisture, sparkled in the light of the lamp. Eunho stared at Yoonjae as if he were possessed, then suddenly startled and stammered.

 

“Executive Director?”

 

“…”

 

“Are you sick somewhere?”

 

Tears, precariously clinging to the corners of Yoonjae’s eyes, moistened his eyelashes. Yoonjae slowly shook his head.

 

“No.”

 

“…”

 

“…Will you stay with me for a moment?”

 

His low, soft voice seeped into Eunho’s heart. His faintly smiling eyes stopped Eunho in his tracks. Eunho nodded and pulled a wing chair nearby to sit next to him.

 

“I’ll listen to your story.”

 

“…”

 

“Or shall I tell you my story?”

 

Yoonjae wasn’t expressing it in words, but he was slowly being consumed by loneliness. Eunho realized that he was projecting himself onto his lonely eyes. He wanted to listen to anything, tell him anything.

 

When Yoonjae nodded that he would listen to the story, Eunho took off his coat and sat comfortably in the chair. It seemed like a good idea to watch him fall asleep. Yoonjae leaned his head against the head cushion and turned his head to the side.

 

“My parents are in America. They settled down quickly for immigrants. They run a Korean restaurant in Koreatown in LA, and it’s a pretty famous restaurant.”

 

The listless Yoonjae smiled gently. Eunho took his hand, which was lying limply on the bedside. Warm body temperature was transmitted through the palm of his hand.

 

“Mother, father, two older brothers, and me. Out of the five of us, everyone except my mother and I are Alphas.”

 

When he said it in a tone of regret, Yoonjae slowly moved his head from side to side. Eunho chuckled insipidly and continued.

 

“I manifested around the time I graduated from high school. Before that, I thought I was a Beta.”

 

“…”

 

“So I ran away. To this place.”

 

“…Are you satisfied?”

 

“Yes, I’m lonely without my family, but I still like my life here.”

 

Eunho, who was speaking as if he was taking out the sincerity he had been holding back in front of a psychological counselor, pretended to be calm even when the emotions that were welling up were touching his heart.

 

“I met my current boyfriend at my first job. I was so lonely at the time, and so was he.”

 

At that time, Hyunjun seemed to be his everything.

 

“I was so happy to have met someone who could fill each other’s deficiencies.”

 

“…Is it still like that now?”

 

Yoonjae was looking at Eunho with a calm gaze. Eunho had a lot to say, but he repeated the act of opening and closing his mouth as if he was suppressing it, and then smiled. His eyes were gradually stinging.

 

Eunho had clean eyes. His clear eyes were full of upright and righteous character. He was considerate and often got hurt. He knew in his head that a burning love could cool down at any time, but he hadn’t been able to accept it in his heart until now.

 

“No. It was good for a year, but we’ve become very estranged since he went in to study for the exam.”

 

“…You’re lonely.”

 

“…A little.”

 

Eunho couldn’t hide his emotions and slurred his words, bowing his head. If he met Yoonjae’s eyes, he might burst into tears. Eunho was trying to suppress the emotions that were welling up, and without realizing it, he tightened his grip on Yoonjae’s hand.

 

“…No, actually, I’m very lonely.”

 

A voice that rippled like a wave was pushed out. His rational judgment was blurred by loneliness, and his emotions kept welling up and spewing out.

 

He expected love from Hyunjun. Eunho wasn’t asking him for anything that great. He just wanted to share the same ordinary life as others. But as time went by, it was only filled with emptiness, and now Eunho felt like he was standing alone on the road, having lost his way.

 

Emotions that were rushing in without warning were dripping and soaking the top of his pants. A large, firm hand approached Eunho’s face. Every time Yoonjae’s fingers, wiping away the tears that were flowing endlessly down his cheeks, touched his skin, his body twitched.

 

He looked at Eunho with a wistful gaze.

 

“…Don’t cry.”

 

His one word sparked an impulse to cross a line that should not be crossed. Every time the soft pheromones rippled and disappeared like a mirage in front of him, he forgot that the person in front of him was his superior.

 

He came closer. His eyes slowly wandered over Eunho’s face and then met his gaze. The hand that had been caressing his cheek brushed his ear and gently cupped the back of his head. He tilted his head and came closer, and before he knew it, their faces overlapped and their lips met softly.

 

He didn’t know why he was doing this, and he couldn’t know his heart, but Eunho didn’t want to get caught up in the atmosphere and ask why, at least for this moment. He was just drunk, and all of this was due to the intoxication, so if a moment of embarrassment came after time passed, he could just pretend not to know.

 

He caressed Eunho’s loneliness with his warm breath. Eunho was being comforted as if his soul was being healed in every place where his hot breath touched.

 

Every time his soft lips touched, something that had been festering in his heart was pouring out and bursting. Eunho wanted to desperately cling to him and beg for love, even if it was only for a moment.

 

Eunho even forgot how to inhale and exhale, and slowly let the breath that was packed tightly in his mouth flow out through the gaps in his overlapping lips. He felt a contradictory thought that he wanted to escape because he was suffocating, but he also wanted this time to never end.

 

After a short period of time exchanging long breaths, Eunho got up. He felt Yoonjae’s hand, which was wrapped around his neck, tighten, but Eunho raised his arm and carefully removed his hand.

 

Hanging his coat on one arm while bowing his head, Eunho deliberately didn’t make eye contact with Yoonjae. He seemed to want to reach out and say something, but he ignored it. He had briefly agreed, but it was a drunken mistake. Recognizing reality, Eunho erased his expression and turned around.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

Yoonjae hugged Eunho from behind as he was about to leave, exhaling a hot breath. He felt his breath on his neck and shoulders, but Eunho carefully pushed him away.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Eunho.”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Eunho, who had left Yoonjae’s house, covered half of his face with his scarf and walked aimlessly down the street. The passing wind brushed against his whole body like a knife, but Eunho had to cool down his heated head.

 

His cold reason made a poor excuse that it was because he was in tune with loneliness, but the tingling emotions continued to scratch at his heart. Eunho wanted to be swayed by his emotions, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

 

Before he knew it, the snow had stopped and the snow that had accumulated on the streets was slowly freezing. Eunho continued to walk down the street under the pretext of wanting to step on the snow.

***

 

The message that came in before the alarm rang the next day froze Eunho as if he had been hit by a cold frost.

 

[I’ll be resting today, so go straight to the company. 6:02 AM]

 

The various words and scenes that had comforted each other in the quiet space last night were scattered chaotically in his head. It was the first time he had contacted him first to say that he would be resting, so many thoughts crossed his mind with just one message.

 

Could it be because of what happened yesterday? What on earth did I do when I didn’t even drink? He regretted it belatedly, but that didn’t change the outcome. Eventually, Eunho gave up and went to work, where he heard unexpected words from the people in the secretary’s office.

 

The anniversary of his parents’ death.

 

When Eunho faced the reality of the loneliness that had been cast in his eyes last night, he felt dazed as if he had been hit in the back of the head. His low-saturation, gloomy eyes continued to scratch coldly at his heart.

 

The guilt of not being able to embrace his loneliness to the end piled up again. If only he had paid more attention to his unusual behavior. Eunho couldn’t concentrate on the meeting and fell into deep self-reproach, thinking about what happened last night.

 

No matter how much he thought about it, he felt that letting time pass like this was not the right thing to do as the secretary in charge, so he was wondering if he should take a half-day off in the afternoon and visit Yoonjae. Chief Yoon, who had come to work later than usual, caught his eye as he took off his coat and sat down. Eunho quietly got up from his seat and walked to his partition, which was standing alone.

 

“Director.”

 

“Yes.”

 

He, who had brought the smell of the winter wind, looked up at Eunho with a deep gaze. Eunho put his hands together neatly and fidgeted, whispering softly in a voice that only those nearby could hear.

 

“Do you happen to know the location of Executive Director Choi’s parents’ grave…?”

 

“I’m on my way back from there, why?”

 

Chief Yoon, who had drawn wrinkles around his eyes at the rather bold question, raised one corner of his mouth as he unlocked the encryption on the monitor.

 

“Are you going to go?”

 

“Yes, I’m worried about him. I’m going to take a half-day off in the afternoon and go.”

 

“Just go. There’s no special issue today anyway.”

 

“…Ah, …yes. Thank you.”

 

Chief Yoon, who was smiling contentedly as if he had wanted him to do that and had come to his senses, quickly put the location of the family cemetery in a message. As Eunho checked the message and calculated the time, he tapped the desk lightly with his finger, drawing attention.

 

“Do you want to go now?”

 

“Can I?”

 

“Go and soothe the Executive Director well and send him home, then go home.”

 

“…Yes?”

 

Chief Yoon’s unexpected mission caused Eunho’s face to stiffen in an instant. If he had to interpret it, it would be, “I tried to do it, but it didn’t work out, so I hope you go and succeed.” Chief Yoon was clearly smiling lightly, but why didn’t he look comfortable?

 

Eunho grabbed a handful of hot packs from the drawer and stuffed them into his coat pocket.