Ch 6

Warm milk tea in hand, Ji-an took a sip and picked up a freshly baked croissant filled with fragrant warmth. Through the beautiful arched window, the Eiffel Tower was visible at a glance. Unlike the dazzling lights of the night, Paris in the morning was serene.  

“Croissant…”  

As Ji-an tore apart the croissant and nibbled on it, a smile blossomed on his face for the first time in a while. Should I travel abroad until I spend all my money?  

At first, he was full of worries. It was his first overseas trip, and it was to Europe. He could manage survival English, but he had never properly heard French.  

He didn’t need a companion for his journey to sort out his life. So, he thought, let’s just follow the itinerary: get on, get off, eat, explore, buy. A package tour that didn’t suit him.  

After all, it was money he would spend anyway. Ji-an invested generously in his travels.  

He met with a tour director to create his own travel itinerary, filled with rest, leisure, and gourmet spots.  

Even though there was a tour director available to help him resolve his issues 24/7 during the trip, the thought of traveling alone was a bit frightening. However, as soon as he boarded the plane, all his anxieties disappeared, and on the third day of his journey, Ji-an was really enjoying the moment. He quickly took a photo with his newly purchased phone, capturing his simple brunch and the streets of Paris in December.  

He knew there would be no one to remember it, but he wanted to leave a mark. He uploaded the recently taken photos to his social media account, which he had created when starting his travels, just three days ago. Ji-an’s eyes widened as he saw the number of followers.  

How do people find and follow me like this? The very first photo he posted was of his first-class seat on a direct flight from Incheon to Paris. The next was a shot of the driver who had come to pick him up at the airport, loading all his luggage into the car. He also uploaded a photo of himself checking in at a five-star hotel’s private room, helped by a Korean staff member, with the Champs-Élysées and the Eiffel Tower visible in the background.  

Anyone could tell he was living a bourgeois life.  

As Ji-an scrolled through his posts, a snicker escaped his lips.  

Leaning back on the plush sofa as if about to lie down, he slowly checked the day’s itinerary created by the tour director. It was a simple plan: visit one museum and one cathedral, enjoy afternoon tea, and then head to a Christmas market in the evening.  

December in Paris was more beautiful and vibrant than he had imagined, filled with love and fantasy. He had become accustomed to the unexpected kisses of couples strolling arm in arm or wrapping their arms around each other in the street.  

If they want to do it, let them.  

Watching a couple at the lobby check out, playfully kissing and giggling as if they found something amusing, the faint smile that had lingered on Ji-an’s face vanished.  

‘Seo Ji-an, have you ever dated?’ 

‘He’s busy. What dating? He probably didn’t even have enough time to sleep.’

A few days ago, friends had asked him a question directed at him. But it was Haneul who had answered. At the time, he was so caught up in thoughts of traveling that he hadn’t realized it, but now that he recalled, that part seemed a bit odd. The topic about being an Omega and such trivial questions…  

‘Busy? Can’t date? That’s not real love. If you really like someone, even a twelve-hour distance is nothing!’  

“Oh my, aren’t you something? Stop bragging about your boyfriend changing his flight just to see you after a business trip. How can someone without a partner live?”  

“Kiss?”  

‘How can he kiss if he hasn’t dated? Are you crazy?’  

Indeed, his answers didn’t matter. Haneul had filled his friend’s glass, dismissing it as unnecessary talk. Suddenly recalling this, Ji-an traced his lips with his fingertips.  

Could that be called a kiss? But they did touch lips.  

He hadn’t kissed, but he had experienced sex…  

The soft and warm musk scent came to mind. The scent he hated most in the world, yet it evoked strange feelings. His extreme aversion to that scent had changed into something more complicated. It was a love-hate relationship. There didn’t seem to be a more fitting word for it.  

“Ah, I don’t know. What pointless thoughts.”  

Buried deep in the sofa, Ji-an fidgeted for a moment before stopping at a strange feeling. He rolled his large eyes to focus on one spot.  

A tall man was standing at one side of the lobby, talking on the phone. Ji-an, with his head tilted back against the sofa, gazed at the man, his slightly parted lips now closing tightly.  

He had confirmed the man’s height, physique, and unforgettable perfect face. Why is he here? Unlike when he was in a suit and coat, the man was wearing black slacks and a white turtleneck knit.  

Is he really a model? All the people visiting the lobby for various reasons had their eyes on him.  

Since there was a considerable distance, Ji-an couldn’t see his expression clearly, but he couldn’t stop watching the man with the perfect proportions.  

Whether he was used to being the center of attention or focused on the call, he stood there for quite a while, one hand in his pants pocket as he talked.  

“Lucky Haneul. He was singing about wanting to date and now he’s actually dating an Alpha from the heavens.”  

As the buoyant mood from earlier sank, Ji-an shook his head. Who would like him? Even if someone did, once they learned what he had been doing for the past four years, they would surely be horrified and run away.  

Or there might be a post on a website asking for advice.  

“My boyfriend used to have a paid arrangement as a rut partner in the past… and he lied about it… should I forgive him or not…?” Something like that?”\  

Then the comments would be filled with things like “You’re better off without him. Break up right away. Your ancestors saved you,” and such. And it would end with a messy breakup with that person.  

“Let’s go to the museum.”  

As his mind became tangled, Ji-an rolled around on the sofa again to shake off the gloomy feeling, stuffing the remaining croissant into his mouth. After shoving in a piece large enough to share, he finally chewed and made some space before lifting the mug filled with lukewarm milk tea, gripping the handle with three fingers.  

As he sipped the milk tea while tapping his chest, the croissant, which had been dry in his mouth, became pleasantly soft.  

“Oh, this is killing me. Really.”  

Before his possession, Ji-an was a big eater. He would finish an entire pack of ramen when he cooked it, but among his friends, there were very few who could finish a whole pack. Of course, the “pack” here referred to the ones with four servings…  

He could eat an entire large pizza by himself and, naturally, it was one chicken per person.

This body simply couldn’t accept that at all. With so many cravings and a growling stomach, what could one do? For ordinary people, a single pack of ramen is enough. In reality, Ji-an couldn’t even finish that one pack. Even when food was served as a standard single portion, he left almost half of it untouched. He had to split a single slice of pizza and a whole chicken over three days. 

Even now, a croissant smaller than his palm and a glass of milk tea were all he had for brunch. How heartbreaking it is to want to eat a lot but not be able to. After managing to swallow a piece of bread this size, he felt choked and suffocated, and ended up feeling bloated. Ji-an clicked his tongue and got up from his seat.

He hadn’t thought of these things when he was busy living his life, but now that his body was at ease and he wasn’t in a rush, all sorts of delusions ran wild. I need to move. Move. That way, I won’t have to think useless thoughts.

Putting on the coat he had set aside, he neatly packed the itinerary and the entry tickets for today that the tour director had given him into his crossbody bag. Considering the cold weather, he loosely wrapped a scarf around his neck and looked around once more to check if he had forgotten anything.

With earphones in his ears, he played some pleasant classical music. He was wandering the streets of Paris alone, so it wasn’t rock music, right? Pushing his gloomy feelings aside, he tried to think positively as he crossed the lobby when suddenly, a hand grabbed his forearm, making him stumble.

When he finally regained his balance and stood upright, what he saw in front of him was a white knit sweater. What is this? Why did someone suddenly grab him like this?

With a mix of confusion, he lifted his head, and his gaze trembled. He hadn’t just lifted his head slightly; it was almost thrown back. What he saw was the face of a man who looked displeased, as if he had seen something unpleasant.

As the grip on his forearm tightened painfully, Ji-an’s eyebrows furrowed. But he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Honestly, he didn’t even know if this man was really the protagonist. He had forgotten the protagonist’s name and even his appearance.

However, given the chance encounter with someone like him and the situation, it was clear that he was a main character. It didn’t really matter why this man was in Paris. But there was no reason for his behavior of grabbing him.

He hadn’t bumped into him. He had literally just been walking when he was caught. Perhaps the man had been on a call until now, as he pressed the end call button with the hand that wasn’t holding onto Ji-an.

Ji-an couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s brown eyes that he faced in a daze. Each time the man breathed, a deep woody scent wafted around them. Was this man’s pheromone? Or was it perfume? Honestly, as a recessive, Ji-an struggled to detect someone else’s pheromones.

“……”

The man’s lips, which had been firmly closed, opened, but only the piano melody echoed in Ji-an’s ears.

Slowly blinking, Ji-an reached out to the man’s wrist to pry his hand away, which still held onto his arm. The moment his fingers brushed against the man’s skin, he involuntarily recoiled at the sensation of another’s body temperature and skin. As the pressure on his forearm increased, a small sound escaped Ji-an’s mouth, “Ah….”

“……”

A beautiful woman suddenly appeared next to the man, casually linking her arm with the one that wasn’t holding Ji-an’s. She looked at him curiously. The moment she said something to the man, the pain gripping Ji-an’s arm disappeared.

As the man’s furrowed brow and narrowed eyes focused on the woman, Ji-an hesitated and stepped back a few paces. When he met the man’s gaze again, he turned his body and began to run.

He didn’t know how long he ran, but when he reached the point where he couldn’t run any longer because he felt out of breath and his heart was about to burst, only then did Ji-an’s sprint come to a halt. Placing his hand on his thigh, panting heavily, he sank down right there. He didn’t even know why he was running, but it just felt like he had to.

Every cell in his body was racing wildly. The only thing that came to mind was that intense moment when his heart raced like this.

Squatting down, panting, Ji-an buried his face in his knees. He could feel people passing by around him, but he had no time to care about that. The heart rate that had been wildly fluctuating began to stabilize gradually, and the ragged breaths from hyperventilating started to even out.

Pouting his lips, he gently massaged the forearm that had been grabbed by the man. Why did he grab him and scare him like that? Remembering the disapproving gaze that had looked at him, Ji-an shook his head slightly.

He must have mistaken him for someone he knew. After grabbing him, the man probably realized he wasn’t that person, and he didn’t hear what he said, but unless he did, there was no way to explain his actions.

The earlier situation kept replaying in Ji-an’s mind, with all his nerves focused on the man’s gaze and the arm that had been grabbed. Even as his breathing began to calm, Ji-an was still preoccupied with those thoughts, so he quickly shook his head. 

He raised both hands and patted his cheeks a few times.  

“Get a grip, Seo Ji-an. At this rate, you’ll miss your entire schedule today.”  

Determined not to linger any longer, he opened Google Maps and set off. With his hands in his coat pockets, he walked slowly, sticking to the prepared itinerary. 

He stood in front of an unfamiliar artwork, pondering whether it was really as famous and impressive as people claimed, and despite his skepticism, he thoroughly explored the renowned cathedral. He selectively took photos of the pieces that attracted crowds and then sat down on a bench inside the cathedral.  

Stretching out his legs, he organized the well-taken photos and meticulously added hashtags before uploading them to social media. 

Flipping through his pictures, which included only landscapes and artworks, he raised his hand and lightly tapped his shoulder.  

“What’s making me tired…?”  

Was he coming down with something? Feeling unusually lethargic, he rubbed his shoulders and then checked his forehead.  

“……”  

Was his hand warm, or was his forehead cold? How do others determine if they have a fever by touching their forehead? Even after checking several times, Ji-an couldn’t grasp his condition and wore an awkward expression. 

The cathedral in the tourist area was anything but quiet. With nothing much to do, he tapped his thighs and watched the people passing by.  

Do those people find life exciting and fun?  

A few questions from a self-test for depression floated into his mind. It wasn’t an official questionnaire, just a quick format…  

When was the last time you laughed heartily? He couldn’t remember…  

When was the last time you danced? Dance? There was no way he had ever done that.  

As he recalled those questions, the corners of Ji-an’s mouth drooped down again.  

[Are you enjoying your trip? Is there anything uncomfortable?]  

He replied to the tour director’s message, which frequently checked on his schedule, with [I’m good. I’m moving around comfortably.]  

[If you need anything or if any problems arise, please contact me anytime.]  

Sending a character that smiled brightly and shouted “OK!”, Ji-an stood up.  

After enjoying a solo afternoon tea at a reserved café and savoring a fantastic Parisian night with wine and steak at a restaurant with a beautiful view, the corners of Ji-an’s lips rose again.  

To aid digestion, Ji-an headed toward the Christmas market, spending quite a while browsing in front of a stall filled with pretty snow globes.  

He bought one that even had a music box feature, and as he followed another item that caught his eye, a little tune escaped Ji-an’s lips.