Ch 40

“……Haneul.”

When Ji-an cautiously called out to Haneul, the only response was a delicate sob.

In the end, I’ve made you cry. What could I have done to make you cry? I’m really nothing but a nuisance, aren’t I?

“Can you give me just a little more time?”

“…….”

“I understand now what you’re worried about, what you’re thinking. I was thoughtless, and I’m sorry for causing you pain. It’s not what you’re imagining. Above all, I’m a beta. I’ll move and quit the company. Director Choi has been considerate, so I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a definitive answer right away. But I’ll sort everything out as quickly and cleanly as I can, so it won’t affect you. So, stop crying. If you cry too much, your head will hurt.”

Staring only at the edge of the table, Ji-an finished speaking in a slow but steady voice, trying to remain as calm as possible. Inside, he swallowed a sigh. Perhaps everything would finally return to its proper place. The whirlwind-like, dreamlike December was now coming to an end.

“I thought a lot and misunderstood things, but I’m relieved that it’s not true. You don’t actually like Ideun hyung, do you?”

As Haneul wiped his tear-reddened eyes and looked at him, Ji-an smiled.

“……No.”

“Then… Ideun hyung doesn’t like you either, right?”

“……No.”

“You and Ideun hyung aren’t dating or anything, right?”

“……No, we’re not.”

As Ji-an answered Haneul’s questions, his trembling hands steadied. The surge of emotions he had been holding back began to subside, and the heat around his tearful eyes cooled.

“Can I trust you? Say it yourself.”

Clear tears trickled down from Haneul’s tearful eyes.

“I’m not in any kind of special relationship with CEO Choi. So don’t worry and don’t cry. If anything is broken or wrong, I’ll fix it all. I promise. So just give me a little more time.”

“Ji-an, now is the time. You don’t need more time. I’ll help you. Ideun hyung went out of town for work. He probably won’t be back today. So there’s no reason to hesitate any longer.”

Ji-an, who had just lifted his hand to grab his coffee cup at the edge of the table, found his hand suddenly grabbed by Haneul.

As if holding onto a lifeline, Haneul tightly gripped Ji-an’s hand. Ji-an’s gaze wavered. These days had been rushing past like a whirlwind, and he knew the place he stood was on the edge of a cliff. If only there were a path back, but the road behind him had crumbled, leaving only an endless drop wherever he stepped.

Even though he wanted to stop here and rest for just a moment, he couldn’t push Haneul away, knowing his desperate feelings. But he couldn’t give Haneul the answer he wanted either.

Grandmother told Ajusshi to meet someone else.

Ajusshi said he had no thoughts of marriage.

Ajusshi said he loved me.

He even called me “baby.”

“Ji-an.”

“I… I…”

Knock, knock.

As Ji-an was about to tell Haneul that he would follow his suggestion but needed to go home to fetch the cat first, the sound startled him, and he raised his head.

“Are you okay?”

A man standing next to their café table moved, and the seat beside Ji-an was suddenly occupied.

“Oh, yes, I’m okay. Ah, what do I do? I really didn’t want you to see me like this.”

The hand that had been gripping Ji-an’s tightly disappeared as Haneul hastily pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his tears. Lowering his head, Ji-an squeezed his eyes shut.

“You said you’d head home early. Why are you out here in the cold?”

“I! I stopped Ji-an. I needed his advice on something.”

Ji-an lowered his hands from the table and clasped them together. The calm mood he’d achieved while talking to Haneul quickly unraveled, and a tingling sensation returned to his fingertips.

“I had some issues with friends, and Ji-an was the only one I could talk to about it. Hyung said he was out of town for work, but you came back early.”

“Seo Ji-an.”

Ji-an, who had been sitting silently, clenched his teeth at the sound of Ideun calling his name. Why did his voice alone make him want to cry? In just a few seconds, his heart changed. He wanted to stay by his side. To keep hearing his voice. To stay still and feel the warmth of his hand brushing through his hair.

“You can’t even sleep well at night, so why are you drinking coffee? Didn’t you have soju mixed with beer at a work dinner?”

“Hyung, Ji-an likes soju bombs. The team drank together, and I drank too. Also, Ji-an practically lives on coffee every day.”

“That’s enough. Let’s go home. It’s late.”

Listening to Ideun and Haneul’s conversation, Ji-an couldn’t even open his mouth. This was nothing. Just a small incident. Another reason added to the list of why he had to leave.

It didn’t seem like Ideun had overheard his conversation with Haneul. So all Ji-an needed to do was act nonchalantly. Just like Haneul—pretend it was nothing, that he was fine, and that it was just casual advice between friends.

And wasn’t that true? He had listened to Haneul’s worries, empathized, and addressed issues he could help with. The simple solution lay in Ji-an’s departure, which would resolve everything.

Knowing that avoiding and running away would only worsen the situation, Ji-an lifted his head. He smiled and lightly held Haneul’s hand, which was fiddling with the coffee cup.

“Haneul, let’s go with your plan. That way, everything should work out smoothly. I’ll do my best to help.”

Meeting Haneul’s still teary eyes, Ji-an gave a small nod.

I can’t leave right away, but I’ll sort things out and leave soon. So don’t worry too much. Once I’m gone, neither you nor Grandmother nor Ajusshi will have anything to worry about.

Ajusshi… Ajusshi will be fine.

Ji-an watched as Haneul stood to leave after thanking him. He followed Haneul with his eyes until he disappeared, even waving when Haneul did outside the café.

“What were you two talking about?”

After Haneul was out of sight, Ideun’s voice reached Ji-an. Though he felt like his face might twitch, Ji-an forced himself to smile.

“He’s close with some college friends, but they had a bit of a fight. He wanted to resolve things, so he asked me for advice, and we were figuring things out together.”

“Do you really think I’d believe that?”

“What? If not that, what else would I even talk about with Haneul?”

“……Marriage, or family matters.”

Ji-an burst into laughter at Ideun’s calm and steady gaze directed at him. He laughed out loud, just as the phrase suggested.

“Haneul’s not your grandmother. Why are you even having this kind of conversation with me? Grandmother’s worry about ajusshi because you’re older and want you to meet a good match and live stably. That’s why they say those things. So, you should at least understand that she’s worried about you. You’re thirty-two—no, actually thirty-three now that the year’s passed. Instead of living so carelessly like me, you should seriously consider meeting someone.”

“And you can just meet anyone?”

“Well, of course. I’m still young, aren’t I? I’m only twenty-five. I can take it a bit easier—travel, meet different people, work, chase my dreams. And above all, I don’t plan on getting married. I’ll live happily with Bobo, just the two of us. Why would I get married and ruin someone else’s life? Oh, I’d definitely be punished for that.”

“Seo Ji-an.”

“Ajusshi, I wasn’t feeling well during the holidays, and with the year-end atmosphere and all, I didn’t give you a proper answer. But you broke the contract. Don’t you remember? We agreed that if you started liking me, this relationship would end. Let’s just pretend I didn’t hear what you said that day. So don’t ever bring it up again. Decide whether we’ll stay like this—seeing each other when we want, me renting a room in your place—or if we’ll end things completely.”

As Ji-an rambled on, he stole a glance at Ideun. He bit his lip and then released it, seeing Ideun silently watching him. He resumed speaking.

“Breaking the bond or whatever… that’s your ability, so I won’t interfere. But with how you’ve practically destroyed the back of my neck, shouldn’t it have already worked by now? I told you the person I like isn’t ordinary.”

In front of Haneul, he’d tremble and barely manage a word, as if even speaking might kill him. Yet, beside Ideun, the words flowed like a waterfall. At the end of his long spiel, Ji-an reached for his coffee cup to moisten his dry lips, but his hand was caught by Ideun’s.

“Not coffee. Let’s go. It’s late.”

The coffee, untouched, ended up in Ideun’s mouth. Ji-an, meanwhile, found a warm chamomile tea placed in his hand, ready to drink.

“If it weren’t so cold, I’d suggest we walk. But for now, the car is better, don’t you think?”

With the same warm voice and gentle tone as always, Ideun held Ji-an’s hand, the one not holding the takeaway cup. Ji-an stared blankly at him as they walked to the parking lot behind the café, got into the car, and quickly arrived at his house. Ji-an stood watching Bobo run toward him.

“Take a warm shower, don’t think about drinking anything else, drink the chamomile tea I just bought you, and sleep with Bobo. You can sleep alone, right?”

“What about you?”

When Ji-an turned to look at Ideun, who was standing behind him, Ideun’s hand gently rested on his head.

“I told you, I only stop by here when I have a lot of work or something. You know I changed the passcode, right? Ha Taemin doesn’t know it, so don’t worry about anyone coming in late at night. Anything else you’re curious about?”

“No. Just… what I said earlier…”

“Don’t think about anything, baby. Eat well, rest, and sleep soundly. My little one thinks too much—that’s the problem. I remember what you said, so now you listen to what I said. What did I tell you to do?”

“Shower, drink tea, and sleep with Bobo.”

“Good memory. Is there anything in that you think you can’t do?”

Responding diligently, as if Ideun were treating him like a child, Ji-an shook his head slightly this time.

“Then, sleep tight.”

Something was strange—peculiarly strange. But before he could pinpoint what, Ideun kissed him on the head and left. Ji-an stood there in the entranceway, left behind, while Bobo’s small, excited chatter welcomed him back after a few hours.

It was such a simple, obvious thing Ideun had asked him to do, but Ji-an remained standing there for a long time. It wasn’t until Bobo climbed up his pant leg and nuzzled against his cheek that he slowly moved inside.

***

After leaving Ji-an and Ideun at the café, Haneul returned home and threw off his coat as soon as he entered.

That actually worked? Acting clueless? Playing nice? Pretending to be docile? Did Ideun hyung like that? Is there anyone who dislikes someone bright and cheerful?

Now that I think about it, pretending to be that type of person seems wrong. But more than that, Ji-an’s hesitation to answer my proposal was infuriating.

How could Ideun, who was supposedly on a business trip, show up there?

And then, as soon as he arrived, he naturally sat next to Ji-an instead of me, didn’t even glance my way, and only looked at Ji-an.

But Ideun hyung doesn’t like Ji-an?

And Ji-an doesn’t like him? How could anyone not like someone like Ideun hyung? That fake.

Thinking of Ji-an spouting those blatant lies so easily made Haneul boil with anger. Unable to vent his frustration, he shouted and stomped his feet, pacing the room and snapping his fingers.

I should’ve gotten rid of him right there, but Ideun being there ruined everything.

It made sense if Ji-an liked Ideun. He was perfect. A man without a single flaw. Getting close to him would be an instant rise in status, an unbelievable stroke of fortune. Ji-an wouldn’t have another chance to meet someone like Ideun or even build such a connection. So, of course, Ji-an would use any means to seduce him. And Ideun, oblivious, fell for it completely.

Did Ji-an play the pity card? Exploit his compassion or something?

He couldn’t even try that.

Still wearing his outdoor clothes, Haneul wandered around, consumed by a mix of frustration and envy, until a knock on his door interrupted him. Annoyed, he shouted, “What?”

“The chairman is requesting you come downstairs.”

“Why? Tell him I’m sleeping. I’m not in the mood to talk to him right now.”

“I think it’s important that you come down.”

“I said I don’t have anything to say. I don’t want to talk.”

Frustrated by the insistence, Haneul let out an exaggerated sigh and ignored the housekeeper’s request.

“CEO Choi Ideun is here, speaking with the chairman now…”

About to strip off his stifling clothes, Haneul froze. His gaze turned from the door to the mirror in his room.

Hyung is here? Why? Why now? What time is it? Why would he come here at this hour?

Although he knew he should hurry downstairs, Haneul instead hastily fixed his appearance. He combed his hair with his fingers, checked for any disheveled spots, and only then opened the door. By the time he walked toward the first floor, the earlier agitation and nervousness had vanished. With his usual bright and clear expression, Haneul moved gracefully, not even letting his slippers make a sound.