Ch 33
by chef“Now?”
“Yes, now.”
“It doesn’t seem like the right situation to talk right now. Maybe next time.”
“See you tomorrow evening at the performance venue.”
As Ideun gently spoke in a soothing tone, as if calming Haneul, and turned around, Ji-an, who turned with him, unconsciously checked Ideun’s expression at the words directed toward their backs. Though Ji-an couldn’t see all of his face while looking up from below, the sharp outline of his jawline was clearly visible.
“Wait a moment.”
Ideun, who had briefly gripped the hand he had been holding a little tighter before letting go, turned back and walked toward Haneul. Watching him go, Ji-an rubbed the palm of his left hand with his right hand. The distance between Haneul and himself was only about five or six steps, the length of Ideun’s stride.
The farther Ideun moved from Ji-an, the closer he got to Haneul, who, as expected, had a delicate smile on his face. Soon, Haneul was entirely obscured by Ideun’s build, making him invisible. Ji-an bit his lower lip tightly and walked straight out of the store.
Ideun had said there wasn’t anything special between them, but they were close enough for marriage to be discussed. Yet Ji-an recalled how Ideun’s grandmother had never mentioned Haneul, instead bringing up the son of CEO Kim. The original story had unraveled so much that it didn’t matter anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Ideun’s grandmother and Haneul had seemed on good terms, but maybe that was just because their families were close and interacted comfortably. If Haneul was considered a precious child of a family known to the grandmother, Ji-an was merely a piece of trash who had said he’d leave when the time came. And now, the newly mentioned son of CEO Kim would surely become Ideun’s partner.
Even so, Ji-an thought Haneul, with his good heart and personality, seemed a better match than the clueless son of CEO Kim. Ji-an, who had unwittingly become a contaminant in what seemed to be progressing well, couldn’t even blame himself since it was all his own doing.
Somehow, he had ended up hurting Haneul too, making himself the kind of trash who stole Haneul’s fiancé. Trash seemed to be his unshakable fate. How could a beta ever hold onto an alpha, making it look like he’d lured one to stay by his side? It was as if a new headline-worthy scandal was unfolding here.
Looking down and sinking deeper into his thoughts, Ji-an caught sight of pristine white sneakers and a watch. These were clearly items that didn’t suit him. It’s only for now. When else would he get to enjoy them? If he was going to become this kind of person, he might as well do it properly.
Clenching his fists tightly and resolving to be even more shameless, Ji-an turned around. What he saw was Haneul holding the lapel of Ideun’s coat and smiling brightly.
Tomorrow evening, Haneul and Ideun will go to see the performance together. They’ll probably watch the New Year’s countdown there too. And what about me? Ji-an thought to himself. I’ll probably be at home, watching the Bosingak bell-ringing ceremony on TV with some chicken and beer. A faint smile crept onto his face as he made this three-second resolution.
Ideun silently watched Haneul, who was talking nonchalantly about musicals while looking at him with an innocent expression. He had definitely spoken softly to Haneul, and considering that the grandmother had brought up the son of CEO Kim, it was clear that Haneul knew the situation.
And yet, with those sparkling eyes, Haneul said in a playful tone, “It’s what we talked about before,” making Ideun briefly raise his hand to cover his mouth. This wasn’t the kind of conversation to have in the middle of a luxury store with his friends around. Perhaps it was because Haneul knew this that he seemed even more smug.
Having grown up in a warm family, receiving abundant love, and living a life where all his wants and desires were fulfilled, Haneul seemed incapable of understanding rejection.
“There won’t be any occasions where we go together. From now on, there won’t be any situations where we’re seen together. The connection between us is just that our families know each other. I think it’s best to leave it at that.”
“Oh~ Hyung, why are you like this? My friends are here too. Did something else come up? Then, maybe next time. I wouldn’t force a busy hyung to make time for me. I understand that much.”
Ideun gently removed Haneul’s hand that had grabbed his lapel. Watching Ji-an, who had left the store alone instead of waiting, leaning on the railing outside and looking at the decorations, Ideun let out a small sigh.
Now that Ji-an wasn’t nearby, Ideun could say things he wouldn’t dare say otherwise.
“Haneul, think carefully. Are your actions, words, and expressions coming from your head or your heart? It’s possible to feel that way when you like someone. You become desperate to express your emotions without hesitation. But what you need to confirm now is whether you truly like me or whether you’re just infatuated with the act of liking someone and your own feelings. Think it through.”
His voice was firm but low enough to be partially drowned out by the ambient music and surrounding noise, yet still clear to Haneul.
“Everyone knows I love you, hyung.”
At Haneul’s quick reply, delivered with a bright smile, Ideun sighed.
“Love isn’t about confidence until it’s reciprocated; it’s about fear. Every step closer makes you cautious, and every action you take makes you overthink a hundred times. Your heart trembles at the slightest change in the other’s expression. Even touching them makes you hesitate. If you want me to remain in your life, even as just a mere acquaintance, stop.”
Though he was addressing Haneul, it was Ideun who felt increasingly burdened as he spoke. Meanwhile, Haneul continued to stare at him with an innocent yet defiant expression.
“But it’s not Seo Ji-an, right? He…”
“Haneul. That’s enough. Your friends are waiting. Go now.”
“Buying him clothes, a bag, and a watch. Do you think money solves everything? Seo Ji-an isn’t like that!”
Ideun had intended to leave it at that and go to Ji-an, who was waiting, but Haneul’s raised voice drew the attention of everyone around them. Seeing Haneul’s startled friends rush over to restrain him, Ideun couldn’t help but chuckle. Judging by their reactions, they must have heard everything Haneul had said.
Ideun had no intention of being dragged into Haneul’s childish antics. He’d only wanted to set things straight and leave, but Haneul’s words stopped him in his tracks.
At that moment, Ideun realized why Ji-an had frozen up upon seeing them in the store and ultimately chosen to walk away. He also understood what Haneul’s so-called friends must have thought upon seeing him and Ji-an together. While Ji-an was aware of it, Ideun had no intention of forcibly correcting Ji-an’s unstable thoughts just yet.
But he had to fix the vile assumptions of these people.
“That’s why I’m troubled. No matter what I try to give him, he refuses to accept it. Maybe I should get him a car next time. What do you think? Would he accept it? He’s worked hard to land a job despite his circumstances. Isn’t he kind and admirable? He’s even got his first day of work coming up. As his boyfriend, this much is only right.”
“What?”
The surprised response came not from Haneul but from one of his friends, Jeongwoon. Ideun chuckled lightly and turned to leave. Ji-an, sensitive and quick to notice even small changes, wasn’t someone Ideun could leave waiting for long.
Ji-an stood looking at the massive Christmas tree in the center of the department store, its interior hollowed out from the bas*ment to the top floor. Glancing at his watch, he realized it was too dazzling to easily read the hands of the clock.
“The conversation’s dragging on.”
Ji-an debated turning back but decided against it, thinking it better not to look and risk feeling even worse. Letting out a heavy sigh, he noticed someone approaching from the corner of his eye and turned his head slightly.
“Excuse me.”
“?”
Hearing the polite voice of a neatly dressed man, Ji-an blinked in response.
“If you’re not too busy…”
“?”
Ji-an thought to himself: I don’t even know my ancestors, and my soul isn’t pure. Do I really need to hear about the Tao 1 even here in the luxury section of a department store?
Despite the man’s cautious words, Ji-an continued to stare blankly at him, thinking there was no benefit in engaging with him.
“Oh, I’m not a weirdo or anything. I just didn’t want to miss this chance and regret it later.”
Ji-an only realized the man had taken out a business card after watching him pull a small, rectangular object from his jacket and then extract a black piece of paper from within. Why was he giving him his business card, though…?
“This is why I can’t leave you alone,” came a voice.
As Ji-an watched the man extend the business card to him, he suddenly felt someone embrace him from behind. Startled enough for his body to flinch, he immediately let out a sigh of relief as the familiar woody scent and a recognizable voice calmed him.
“What business do you have with my baby?”
Although Ideun sometimes addressed him this way, he always did it without warning. Ji-an tried to push Ideun’s arms off his waist, only to tilt his head sharply upward in shock. While he couldn’t see Ideun’s face clearly since he was being held from behind, he was pretty sure he had just heard something absurd.
“Apologies. I didn’t realize he wasn’t alone,” said the man, hastily retreating with his business card.
Ji-an, however, was fixated on that one strange word rather than the man’s departure. He twisted in Ideun’s arms and tried to push him away with his hands.
“Could you not…”
Either release him or take a step back. Whatever this was, it was drawing attention in the middle of a department store. Ji-an, unable to shake Ideun off, let out a grumble under his breath.
“I told you to wait for me, and you couldn’t even manage that?” Ideun asked.
“Apparently, what you consider ‘a moment’ and what I consider ‘a moment’ are very different things. Now, let me go.”
“No.”
“Unbelievable. If you don’t let go right now, I’ll take off this watch and throw it downstairs.”
“…I’ll buy you a better one.”
Realizing yet again that he was no match for Ideun, either physically or materially, Ji-an gave up and let his body go limp. Only then did he feel Ideun’s hold slacken slightly.
“I want to go home,” Ji-an muttered.
“Nope.”
“I want to kiss Bobo on the tummy.”
“Bobo wouldn’t like that.”
Ji-an twisted his body, wanting to see if Haneul and his friends were still in the store or if anyone else was staring at them. But with Ideun’s broad frame blocking his view, all Ji-an could see were the sparkling Christmas tree and the people bustling about below.
Taking a slow breath to calm himself, Ji-an inhaled Ideun’s woody scent, only to notice a muskier note mixed in. He pouted his lips, feeling as if he were with two different people at once.
Why did his pheromones smell like musk, yet Ideun always buried it under that woody scent? It only made things more complicated. If Ji-an had known about the musk from the start, he would’ve done everything in his power to avoid him.
Watching the busy shoppers, Ji-an finally said, “Let’s go home.”
Recalling Haneul and his friends’ lingering gazes, Ji-an gave his head a small shake. He hadn’t expected to bump into anyone he knew in such a crowded place, and he definitely didn’t want to run into anyone else. It would be awkward, and he couldn’t think of a good way to explain Ideun to them.
“How about we go eat something delicious?” Ideun suggested.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You need to put on some weight. Every time I hold you, it’s just bones—”
Shocked by Ideun’s words, Ji-an spun around and clamped a hand over his mouth. Unlike earlier, when they were bickering about being let go, Ji-an was able to turn in his arms with ease. Now facing him, Ji-an saw the sly smile in Ideun’s eyes and bit his lower lip hard.
His ears turned red as he became aware of the softness and weight pressing against him.
“Baby, you shouldn’t be having weird thoughts in broad daylight,” Ideun teased.
“Wh-what?! I didn’t— What are you even saying? And who’s your ‘baby’? Stop calling me weird things!”
“Darling, honey, love… What else was there?”
For a brief moment, their lower bodies brushed together before Ideun released him and took his hand instead. As Ji-an reluctantly followed him, still flustered by the escalating absurdity of his words, his mouth fell open in shock.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Ji-an demanded.
“Well, you’ve clearly decided to call me ‘Ajusshi,’ so if I asked you to call me something like ‘darling’ now, you’d just get mad, wouldn’t you?”
“Wha… huh?”
Baby? Darling? Who was calling whom darling? Ji-an let out a dumbfounded noise at Ideun’s comment.
“Baby. It suits you perfectly,” Ideun said smugly.
“I have a name! Seo Ji-an!”
“Everyone else calls you that.”
“…Then just don’t call me anything.”
Walking slowly, hand in hand with Ideun, Ji-an muttered complaints under his breath, completely oblivious to the small smile tugging at his own lips.
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