Ch 39

“Is it true that Haneul makes such great soju bombs? Then, can I ask for one too?”

“Of course! Coming right up, the ultimate Haneul-special soju bomb!”

“But Haneul, why did you apply to this company?”

“Me? I just wanted to try working at a company.”

“Oh, well, everyone has their reasons. But I don’t think I’ve seen your portfolio…”

“Portfolio? Actually, I didn’t major in design or art. I’m a parachute hire. I told them I’d work hard no matter what, and the CEO said, ‘Prove yourself!’ and sent me here. So please teach me well—I’ll work really hard!”

“What happens if you prove yourself?”

Amused by Haneul’s words, the supervisor smiled.

“I’ll probably become a full-time employee.”

“Are you close to the CEO?”

“Yes! Taemin hyung and Ideun hyung, too… Oh no, I mean, I’m supposed to call them CEO Ha and CEO Choi at work. Both of their families know mine. I’ve known CEO Ha since we were kids, but I haven’t known CEO Choi for as long.”

While some people occasionally spoke to Ji-an, there wasn’t much to talk about with someone who just started working today. Ji-an was relieved when Haneul’s appearance slightly drew attention away from him. Taking advantage of the moment, Ji-an drank the rest of his beer and got up to head to the restroom.

“Ji-an is actually closer to CEO Choi than I am.”

At that moment, Haneul’s voice rang out, and everyone’s attention shifted to Ji-an. Unfortunately, standing up made him even more conspicuous.

“What? So, both of our new team members are close to the CEOs? Does that mean we’ll get in trouble if we overwork them or scold them?”

“Ji-an, are you close with CEO Choi? It’s no small feat to get close to him, even more so than CEO Ha. How do you know him?”

Thrown into the center of attention, Ji-an struggled to find the right words. How was he supposed to explain his connection to him? The bond between him and the older man was…

“Wait, so Ji-an’s also a parachute hire?”

No, I’m not. I didn’t even know he was the company’s CEO. On top of that, I stayed up countless nights preparing my portfolio to apply. When I got accepted, I initially didn’t want to take the position, thinking of Bobo.

But the company offered a part-time role, and the CEO had so much on his plate that he couldn’t possibly be involved in hiring decisions… The accusation of being a parachute hire stung, and not being able to explain himself made his mouth dry.

Haneul had already mentioned they were university friends, and now everyone thought he was close to the CEO. How could he deny it?

“No, I…”

“So what if you are? As long as you’re capable and do your job well, that’s all that matters. We’re not unreasonable people.”

As Ji-an bit down on his lower lip, the memory of Ideun flashed in his mind. Ideun had suggested that, instead of monetary compensation for the accident, Ji-an should inquire if he could work part-time or remotely.

How could he have overlooked that? Was his head really not functioning properly? He also remembered what CEO Ha had said when he injured his leg.

It sounded like he had seen Ji-an’s résumé—mentioning something about being Haneul’s friend. Did that mean Ideun knew, too? Ideun had reassured him that he was accepted based on merit, yet Ji-an suddenly felt like all his effort and skills were meaningless.

“Are you enjoying the dinner gathering?”

Startled by the sudden voice, Ji-an turned his head.

“Welcome, CEO Ha.”

“I figured you’d stop by, CEO Ha. Is CEO Choi coming too?”

“Did he already return from his business trip to France?”

The slightly tipsy design team members didn’t seem capable of focusing on anything for long. With CEO Ha’s arrival, their attention quickly shifted, leaving Ji-an free to head to the restroom.

Inside a stall, Ji-an sat on the closed toilet seat and pressed a hand to his chest as his breathing became erratic.

Was it from standing too quickly or the unexpected turn of events? His breathing grew rapid, and his head felt light. No matter how hard he tried to breathe in and out slowly, he couldn’t control it.

“Hah… Hoo… Hahhh…”

Focusing on something as natural as breathing, Ji-an noticed his breath remained shallow, and the throbbing in his temples worsened. Leaning forward, he buried his face in his hands.

He wasn’t officially diagnosed, but Ji-an had suspected for a while that he might have anxiety or depression. Online self-diagnosis tools and his own reflection on his circumstances had led him to this conclusion.

But things seemed to be worsening. Did he finally need professional help? His heart still raced, and he thought of the potential health risks from hormonal imbalances.

He had wanted to start living a little better… but perhaps a healthy life wasn’t in the cards for him. Still, he had to live long enough for Bobo. He needed to look after his cat until the end. Maybe it was time to take care of himself—perhaps starting with cutting back on alcohol.

Grasping at his spiraling thoughts, Ji-an took a deep breath, stood up, and left the stall. Splashing cold water on his face brought some strength back to his weary body.

After patting his face dry with tissues and adjusting his clothes, Ji-an stared at his reflection in the mirror. His face was pale, and his lips lacked color, making him look sickly. Pinching his lips a few times, he managed to give them a bit of color before hurrying back to his seat.

In the middle sat CEO Ha, with Haneul next to him. At the lively dinner table, Ji-an felt like the odd one out, a mere part-timer. As he cautiously tried to sit at the farthest end, the team members suddenly got up.

“Now that Ji-an’s back, let’s head to the next place. Ji-an, you’re okay with a second round, right?”

Had he been in the restroom that long? Why were they suddenly going bowling? Apparently, going to a bowling alley after dinner was a team tradition.

Ji-an had only bowled a couple of times back in middle and high school, so blending in felt difficult.

“I didn’t know there’d be a dinner tonight, and I can’t stay out too late due to personal reasons. I won’t be able to join you for the second round.”

Not wanting to miss his chance, Ji-an quickly said what he had prepared in his head.

“Really? Unless it’s urgent, just play one game. Bowling with beer is so much fun.”

“Next time, I promise.”

“Ah, that’s too bad, but I understand…”

“Ji-an, where do you live? We make sure to cover the full dinner experience, including transportation. We’ll call a taxi for you.”

“No need, I live nearby. I can get there quickly by subway.”

At the mention of not joining for the second round, no one pressed further, but when they suggested calling a taxi for him, Ji-an quickly refused again. Somehow, he kept finding himself saying no.

“In that case, I’ll call it a night as well. If I’m too late, I’ll get scolded.”

“What? Come on, this dinner is for our new employees, and now both of you are leaving early?”

“My house is a bit strict.”

Ji-an glanced at Haneul, who had suddenly appeared beside him, saying he couldn’t join the second round either. Ji-an bit down on the soft inside of his cheek. The lively atmosphere passed, and soon, only the two of them were left on the street.

“…Seo Ji-an.”

“….”

“Dodging me once or twice is enough. We need to talk.”

And there it was, the moment he had been avoiding. At home, he could ignore Haneul’s texts and avoid his calls, but he couldn’t do that here, not when they were face-to-face. In front of anyone else, he could carry himself confidently, but not with Haneul—not when he was involved.

“You’re staying at Ethan hyung’s place, aren’t you?”

In a nearby café, Ji-an sat in front of a warm Americano. Haneul wasted no time, diving straight into the heart of the matter. Ji-an nodded his head silently.

“What on earth is going on? Explain it to me so I can understand. This isn’t like you. I want to think well of you, but you’re making it impossible. You’re not the Seo Ji-an I know. Why are you doing this to me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t.”

Faced with Haneul’s rapid questions, Ji-an couldn’t offer any clear answers.

“I like him, Ji-an. I love him. I want to marry him. My parents like him, and his grandmother adores me. You know about the marriage talks that have been happening. I’ve mentioned it countless times to you and our friends. You heard it all. I’ll say it again: he’s busy, so we haven’t set an exact date yet, but soon, our families will meet formally. So why are you living at his place? How am I supposed to understand this? Say something, Seo Ji-an!”

Haneul’s voice trembled with frustration as he lightly tapped his chest with his hand. Ji-an could see the tears welling up in his reddened eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Why was that the only thing he could say?

“No, that’s not it, is it? It’s not what I’m thinking, right? You’re a beta, not an omega. You’re just in a tough spot, and Ethan hyung is helping you out, right? But, Ji-an, this isn’t right. Anyone would criticize you for this. No matter how close you are, someone who’s about to get married wouldn’t live with someone else. Even if they used to live together, this situation is the exact opposite.”

“My circumstances were tough, so Chairman Choi is just helping out a bit.”

A guy who randomly came into heat and caused chaos? He helped him.
A drunk who passed out? He helped him.
A broken boiler on a freezing day, leaving him shivering with his cat? He took him in.
A recessive omega who couldn’t manage himself and accidentally bonded? He pitied him and helped.

“How bad is it? If you really have nowhere to go, I’ll find you an apartment.”

“No, No Haneul, that’s not it. I’ve already contacted real estate agencies and asked for available places. I’ll start looking at them soon. And about the company… I swear, I didn’t know it was Chairman Choi’s company when I applied. Because of personal circumstances, I couldn’t work full-time, so I ended up working part-time, but…”

Ji-an’s voice grew quieter as his rambling explanation started to sound like excuses, even to himself.

“…Do you really have to live there? If it’s about finding a place, moving a bit farther out would be more comfortable and affordable. You said you’ve been unwell lately. Have you thought about running a café? In a quiet, scenic place, where the environment is good? I’m not saying I’ll just hand it to you—I’ll invest. Think of it as an investment. Or if design is your dream, what about studying abroad? Again, I’m not just giving it to you—I’m offering to invest. You know my family has the means, and we’ve always supported people with dreams.”

Seeing Haneul’s lips trembling as he tried to hold back tears, desperately searching for a solution, Ji-an couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. He lowered his gaze. Beneath the table, his hands, clasped tightly together, trembled.

Could he not even last until spring?

“Haneul.”

“Ji-an, I’m begging you. I really can’t do this without him. To be honest, he’s hesitating about our marriage. He says I’m too young. It’s just an eight-year difference! He says I should experience more, meet people, and pursue dreams. But I’m fine with just him. I want to marry him, live a happy life together, and even have a child who looks like him. That’s all I want. It’s not because of anything else—he’s hesitating just because of my age. That’s all, right? You think so too, don’t you? You’re close to him. Please, talk to him for me.”

Haneul, I bonded with him.

I know how much you love him, how deeply you care. But I love him too. There was a time he made my life unbearable, but even then, I stupidly fell for him. And I stupidly bonded with him.

I know how amazing and out of my league he is. But sometimes, the way he looks at me, the gentle way he pats my head, the way he always thinks of me first—it all made me fall for him. Maybe I got greedy. But I never thought I could have him fully. Just for a moment, a fleeting moment…

I was lonely, it was cold, and it was winter. The warmth someone gave me was a first, and I stayed for just a moment.

I didn’t think it would hurt you this much. No, I knew it would. I knew you’d be hurt and upset, but I was selfish and cruel, and now I’ve hurt you.

The taste of blood spread in his mouth as he bit hard into the soft skin inside. Ji-an wanted to cry, but he didn’t think he had the right. So he suppressed the emotions rising inside him, pushing them back down.