PA 54

[I have the Taejin Group behind me. If you marry me, it’s only a matter of time before Saeil Distribution joins the ranks of the top conglomerates in our country.]

That was the very self-assured Jeonghee. But she too, after craving Sanghyeon’s love, ended up choosing death. Sanghyeon couldn’t even manage a sigh. After a moment of silence, Sanghyeon slowly rose from his seat.

“You’ve already had a chance for seven years, from the time you were twenty until now. But what do you look like now? You still haven’t won that punk’s heart, have you?”

“Mr. Chairman!”

“Think about capturing Junhyuk’s heart first. Marriage comes after that.”

“But….”

Jiyun’s eyes welled up with tears, an expression of injustice on her face. To Sanghyeon, this whole troublesome situation felt like a pointless war of attrition. For a moment, Sanghyeon’s vision swam.

“I don’t care about a heart I can’t grasp. He can openly see other people, just let me marry him….”

“That’s enough. I’m tired today and don’t have the strength to say any more.”

“Mr. Chairman.”

“You may leave.”

At Sanghyeon’s firm dismissal, Jiyun had no choice but to get up from her seat. After leaving the building, Jiyun lifted her head and glared for a long time at the dizzyingly high, blue-gray skyscraper.

“Do you think I, I’ll… give up?”

☂︎

“It must have been a very serious accident. In that case, what has changed in your attitude toward life since that experience?”

The host on the TV looked at the guest with a rather serious expression and posed the question. The guest thought for a moment before carefully speaking.

“My attitude toward life has completely changed. Before, achievements, money, and the opinions of others were so important. I was obsessed with comparing myself to others and how far behind I was. But when I came close to death, I realized those things were meaningless. Now, unlike in the past, I ask myself every day, ‘Am I happy right now? What do I really like?’”

The host nodded his head. The camera that had been on the host now showed the guest from a different angle. Then, the host asked the guest one more question.

“After getting close to death, didn’t you become more afraid of life?”

“No, on the contrary, life has become much deeper. I try to live with death by my side, or to live more truthfully every single day. Before, I lived hiding behind the word ‘someday,’ but now, ‘right now’ is the most precious thing.”

This time, he answered without any hesitation, his expression firm. The host nodded as if in agreement and turned the document in his hand to the next page.

“Lastly, if you have a message you’d like to share with people?”

“After facing death once, I realized that what’s truly important in the end are things like love, forgiveness, relationships, and cherishing yourself. Life is not eternal. That’s why it’s more beautiful, and why we have more reason to be courageous.”

The guest, who said he had experienced death, answered articulately with a look of enlightenment.

Sanghyeon, who had been reading a new report, lifted his head and focused on the TV screen. A question arose in his mind. What emotions had driven him to do such a thing back then, and what action should he take now?

Love… forgiveness…?

Sanghyeon put his pen down on the desk and was lost in thought for a moment.

I should probably ask for forgiveness at least once. After all, he was hurt, and he left Korea, throwing away the entire career he had built since he was young.

Sanghyeon knew it too. That he had committed a great, unforgivable sin against Yejun. It would be a relief if Yejun didn’t just shower him with curses, let alone forgive him.

So… do you regret it?

One way or another, in the end, he had been unable to win Yejun’s heart.

If I stood before that kid now….

Yejun would surely shudder and run away with all his might. Sanghyeon knew full well that he was that much of a bastard.

So if you went back to that time….

Do you regret what happened that day?

Sanghyeon crossed his arms, leaned his head against the chair’s headrest, and closed his eyes.

No, even if I went back to that day, I would make the same choice.

Sanghyeon recalled the extreme pleasure and the sense of fulfillment that filled his chest when he had held Yejun. It was an experience he had never felt with anyone else. The more he held him, the more intense that feeling became. It was always beyond the threshold he had anticipated, and it was so good it made his whole body tremble.

Yes, in my own way… that child.

At that moment, Sanghyeon remembered the image of Yejun looking at him with resentful eyes.

Don’t, don’t look at me with those eyes. I absolutely do not regret it. Even if I turned back time, the only way to engrave my existence onto you was to hold you, even by force. If I hadn’t, I would never have had a chance to hold you.

Before he knew it, tears were finally flowing from the eyes of the Yejun who had appeared before Sanghyeon, and seeing this, Sanghyeon’s face twisted bizarrely. He clenched both his fists and shouted loudly.

That’s why I don’t regret it.

But Sanghyeon was tormented by the fact that his voice wouldn’t come out. He clearly wanted to tell Yejun, but his lips wouldn’t part, and his voice was trapped deep inside.

“Ughh….”

“Mr. C-Chairman! Mr. Chairman!”

Secretary Song, who was entering the chairman’s office with another report, rushed over to Sanghyeon, who was groaning under the grip of sleep paralysis, and shook him awake.

“Ugh….”

Sanghyeon’s forehead, as he barely managed to open his eyes, was damp with a cold sweat.

“Mr. Chairman, you don’t seem well. You should go home and rest.”

“Leave the report and get out.”

“B-But….”

“I said, get out.”

Sanghyeon usually couldn’t remember the contents of his dreams. But this time was different. The dream’s content was vivid. He had resolved to take Yejun even in his dream. Sanghyeon kept recalling those words.

“Fuck….”

Sanghyeon couldn’t help but spit out a vulgar curse.

☂︎

“Cha Junhyuk, Junhyuk!”

Yejun supported Junhyuk as he collapsed in front of him, calling his name over and over. His heart felt like it had dropped to the floor, and the hands holding Junhyuk trembled faintly. Tears burst from his eyes without him realizing it.

[Someone collapsed here.]

Yejun wiped away the pouring tears with the back of his hand, then calmly made a call to summon an ambulance.

A considerable amount of time passed even after they arrived at the hospital. Now, he was just staring endlessly at Junhyuk, who was lying in a corner of the emergency room.

“Hoo….”

A moment ago, upon hearing from the doctor that there was nothing wrong with Junhyuk, Yejun had let out a deep sigh without realizing it. From that point on, the fact that Junhyuk was right here in front of him started to feel real. As if his position was a bit uncomfortable, Junhyuk tossed and turned to the opposite side. With a trembling hand, Yejun pulled the disheveled blanket up to his chest. Junhyuk smiled faintly, as if pleased with the readjusted position.

At Junhyuk’s faint smile, Yejun felt an overwhelming emotion fill his chest. Clear teardrops kept streaming from his eyes. Yejun hated himself for continuing to cry. His wavering gaze came to rest on Junhyuk’s large hands, which had always held him. Yejun’s mind was filled with things he wanted to ask Junhyuk when he woke up.

Have you been well?

Your body… it’s okay, right?

I haven’t been doing well…

How about you?

Yejun poured out the words he hadn’t been able to say all this time in his mind.

‘If you want to leave even your father’s wrist intact, then spread your legs.’

Yejun squeezed his eyes shut. In his mind, the more his happy feelings for Junhyuk grew, the more clearly the scene of him mixing bodies with Sanghyeon emerged. The guilt that he still hadn’t shaken off made Yejun rise from his seat.

“Don’t… go.”

“You’re awake?”

Junhyuk gripped Yejun’s hand tightly. Yejun felt his heart sink to the floor. With a trembling voice, Yejun called out to Junhyuk.

“Mmm.”

“Cha Junhyuk?”

Deeply asleep, Junhyuk simply tossed and turned, still holding Yejun’s hand tightly.

☂︎ …

It felt quite refreshing. It seemed he had slept soundly for the first time in a very long while. For some reason, Junhyuk didn’t want to get up because of the cozy feeling, so he tossed and turned.

“Are you feeling a bit more clear-headed?”

A clear, boyish voice struck his ear. At that moment, the last image he had seen of Yejun flashed in Junhyuk’s mind. He shot up without realizing it.

“You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”

“……”

His gaze met Yejun’s, which was a mixture of wariness and concern. Junhyuk’s fingertips trembled slightly.

“Where… is this? Ah….”

Junhyuk, who had been looking around for a moment, soon realized where he was.

Yejun brought me here.

Junhyuk stared for a long time at Yejun, who was trying hard to ignore him.

“Lee Yejun.”

It was their reunion after seven years. He said Yejun’s name, hoping that this situation was not a dream, and got out of bed. Yejun, who was standing at the head of the bed, couldn’t hide his flustered eyes and took a step back.

“You have to finish the IV drip you’re getting.”

Yejun, who soon hid his flustered look, pushed Junhyuk back onto the bed. Junhyuk was pushed back without any resistance and lay down on the bed obediently.

“They said you can be discharged as soon as you wake up.”

“Ah… really?”

“You collapsed so suddenly, are you sure you’re not sick anywhere?”

“I just haven’t been able to sleep much….”

Just how little did you sleep that you collapsed?

But he clamped his mouth shut, afraid that the stuffy emotions welling up inside him might leak out. An awkward silence lingered between the two for a long time.

“I… I’ll get going now.”

That awkward silence was broken when Yejun stood up from his seat. Junhyuk urgently sat up and grabbed Yejun’s wrist.

“Don’t go.”

“They said I can go home once the IV is finished.”

“I’m sorry, Yejun.”

“……”

“I really have nowhere to go.”