DEARG Ch 5

“Parental consent form for non-participation in the school trip. I told you it was due yesterday, didn’t you hear me?”

Jo Jihyun blinked. He had no memory of it. The art teacher clicked his tongue, saying, “Tsk, this kid.”

“You have to submit it by today. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”

“Can’t I bring it tomorrow?”

“The paperwork has to be submitted today.”

The art teacher smiled as if he was in a difficult position. Jo Jihyun could not hide his bewilderment. He could not go home until 9 o’clock, when his cram school ended.

“You can’t submit it by today?”

“…Yes. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I could call your parents and get verbal confirmation.”

The color drained from Jo Jihyun’s face. If the story about the school trip got out, the issue of the tuition fee would naturally come up as well.

“What’s this. Hey, you. Don’t tell me you pocketed the school trip money and didn’t tell your parents?”

The art teacher said in a teasing tone. Jo Jihyun silently lowered his head.

His mind went blank, with no idea what to do.

“This won’t do. I thought you were a model student.”

“I’m sorry. I had my reasons.”

“I have to report it by today. I have no choice but to contact your parents.”

“Please, I’m begging you.”

A cold sweat broke out. His mother had blind faith in the cram school. She believed that the expensive cram school would guarantee a ticket to a top-tier university. He did not even want to imagine what would happen if his mother found out about the lie he had told.

“For now, come to the 1st year faculty office after class.”

“Thank you.”

“I haven’t done anything to be thanked for yet, kid.”

The art teacher ruffled Jo Jihyun’s hair. With a blank face, Jo Jihyun waited for the teacher’s hand to pull away.

“Well then, see you later.”

Jo Jihyun nodded, saying, “Yes.” Once the art teacher disappeared, Jo Jihyun gasped for breath. His legs felt weak. Leaning against the windowsill, he clutched his throbbing head. Because of what happened that day, he hadn’t been able to pay attention to anything else.

He bit his lip. Get a grip. It’s over anyway. There was no way Kang Seokwon did not know about his rejection. And he had accepted that rejection. It was a finished problem. It had to be finished.

He turned his body to go back to the classroom.

“…”

His eyes met with someone walking toward him from the opposite end of the hallway.

It was Kang Seokwon.

As if facing a predator, all the senses in his body stood on end at once. The key in his pants pocket touched his hand. A tingling sensation, like an electric shock, ran through his fingertips.

I have to give it to him.

An apology, or words of thanks, or at least the key.

What should I say? Should I apologize first?

His thoughts were tangled. Kang Seokwon was standing at a distance where he could be reached if he extended his hand. Jo Jihyun managed to part his lips.

“Sunbae…”

Kang Seokwon silently gazed at Jo Jihyun. Jo Jihyun unknowingly avoided his gaze. The sensation of the hot flesh that had touched his lips, the sensation of the hand that had stroked his thigh, the touch of the hard p**is that had rubbed against his g**in, all rose up vividly.

Goosebumps broke out all over his body, as if insects were burrowing into him.

“It’s okay.”

A low voice was offered. Jo Jihyun raised his head.

That was all he said. Kang Seokwon was already far away. It was a distance from which he could still be called back. But Jo Jihyun ultimately could not open his mouth.

The bell signaling the end of class rang. The kids stood up in a rush and started chattering. Jo Jihyun packed his bag.

“Joji, you going to cram school?”

Choi Giyeol spoke to him. It seemed he was trying to apologize in his own way for how he had acted at the cafeteria earlier. Jo Jihyun replied with a short “Yeah,” and stood up from his seat.

“I haven’t seen you around much lately? Which classroom are you in?”

Jo Jihyun let out a small sigh. He was tired.

“A different classroom from you.”

“Really? That’s weird.”

While Choi Giyeol tilted his head, Jo Jihyun left the classroom. His steps toward the 1st year faculty office were heavy. The problem with the consent form was giving him a headache. What should he do if the teacher said he had to call his parents?

No matter how much he thought about it, no answer came to him.

“Oh. Jihyun.”

As if he had been waiting, the art teacher opened the faculty office door and came out. Jo Jihyun bowed his head.

“I left the consent form in my car. Let’s go there for now.”

“What? Okay.”

Jo Jihyun silently followed the art teacher.

“The rumor is you’re a great student. They say you’ve never dropped below 5th in the entire school.”

“Yes.”

“Everyone says you’re a very nice and diligent student. I wonder if they know you’re doing this?”

Having no intention of making any excuses, Jo Jihyun once again said, “I’m sorry,” and apologized.

“Then why did you do something to be sorry for.”

His tone was teasing. Jo Jihyun was beginning to feel uncomfortable with him.

“So you didn’t go home during the school trip?”

“…”

“You’re quite daring, not at all like how you look.”

The art teacher smiled and lit a cigarette. Jo Jihyun took a step back from him.

“Ah, you don’t like cigarette smoke? Sorry.”

He snapped the cigarette and immediately threw it. Looking at the cigarette rolling on the ground, Jo Jihyun’s brow furrowed slightly.

“Isn’t the parking lot that way?”

“Yeah, they said only full-time teachers can park there. I’m a contract teacher, so I’m over there.”

The art teacher pointed in the direction of an empty lot. Their eyes met, and he thought he should say something.

“That must be inconvenient.”

“Except for rainy days, it’s so-so. On the contrary, there’s the advantage that it’s easy to park since there are no other cars. Well, it all depends on how you think about it, right?”

For someone with a faint impression, he was a talkative person.

The art teacher’s car was parked in a corner of the empty lot. Jo Jihyun stood in front of the car and waited for the art teacher to bring out the consent form. Rummaging for the document in the back seat, he held up a piece of paper and smiled brightly.

“Found it. I think you just need to sign here.”

“Thank you.”

“But can we talk for a moment?”

“…”

“As a teacher, I need to at least hear why you skipped the school trip. If it’s a valid reason, I’ll just sign it and give it to the head teacher.”

The art teacher opened the passenger side door. Jo Jihyun hesitated for a moment before sitting in the passenger seat. The driver’s side door opened, and the art teacher got in.

“So. What did you do during the school trip?”

“I came to school to study, and when I was done, I studied at the library.”

“At night? Where did you sleep?”

He said he would not ask for the reason, but he was digging into it persistently. It was annoying, but Jo Jihyun answered calmly.

“I slept at a friend’s house.”

“A friend? Which friend? Didn’t they all go on the school trip?”

After thinking for a moment, he answered, “A friend from another school.” He did not want to cause trouble for Kang Seokwon.

“Hmm, I see. A friend from another school. But does that friend not have parents? Who would let their son’s friend sleep over for days without the other parent’s permission.”

His fingertips grew cold.

“The money?”

“Pardon?”

“You received the school trip money, right? What did you do with it?”

The art teacher’s eyes were smiling. It was not a tone of concern or reprimand. Jo Jihyun was bewildered by his consistently teasing attitude.

“That, I… didn’t receive it.”

“Come on. If you’re going to lie, you have to make it believable.”

The art teacher took a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it. The inside of the car was quickly filled with cigarette smoke. When Jo Jihyun coughed lightly, the art teacher took a drink out of his bag and handed it to him.

“Thank… you.”

Typography on a blue background.

His nape prickled. It was the same drink he had received that day. He did not feel good. He wanted to get out.

The moment Jo Jihyun’s gaze reached the car door, click, the sound of the door locking rang out.

“Jihyun, you need money, right?”

“Pardon?”

“You need money, so you embezzled the school trip fee and did all that.”

“No. I didn’t…”

“If you need money, your teacher will give it to you.”

Jo Jihyun grabbed the car door and shook it, but it would not budge. A hand reached out from the side and seized Jo Jihyun’s arm.

“Honestly, this isn’t your first time with something like this, is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please open the door.”

“I can tell just by looking. A kid like you is the type to drive men crazy.”

Jo Jihyun’s face turned white. Seeing that, the man l**ked his lips.

“Do you know what kind of expression you have when you look at people? It’s a face that says, ‘f**k me.’”

“Let, let go of me.”

He tried to shake off the hand, but it would not move. Jo Jihyun struggled, trying to get out somehow.

“Just try to leave. I’ll call your parents right away about you skipping the school trip and doing other things. I’ve already looked up your student file and got their number.”

He grinned slimily and showed his phone. It felt like the blood was draining from his head.

“There. Stay still. No need to waste your energy. Huh?”

A hand groped between his legs. It was disgusting. Jo Jihyun covered his mouth with his palm. The man’s lips touched the nape of Jo Jihyun’s neck. He had to push him away and run, but he could not breathe.

“Hah, there must be dozens of b**t**ds at our school who j**k off thinking about you. Am I right? You’ve already been through this a few times, right? Huh? You must be used to it. You’re not a v**gin, are you?”

Filthy words poured out. Jo Jihyun’s body trembled uncontrollably. The art teacher unzipped his own pants and then cupped the back of Jo Jihyun’s head with his hand.

“S**k it. Huh? If you s**k teacher’s d**k well, I’ll give you an allowance too.”

Jo Jihyun desperately pushed him away, but it was no use. Grabbing a handful of his hair, he pulled Jo Jihyun toward his own lap. A heart-tearing fear washed over him. His mind was loud, like hundreds, thousands of insects flapping their wings. It was suffocating, as if someone was gripping his throat with all their strength and crushing it.

Please, somehow, anything, …please.

Jo Jihyun flailed his powerless hands. His fingernails broke, and blood flowed. The art teacher tightened his grip on his head.

It was at that moment. With a thud, the car window shattered into pieces. Shards of glass embedded themselves in the art teacher’s face. But there was no time to even let out a scream. A hand shot through the broken window, grabbed him by the collar, and slammed him straight into the steering wheel.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Dull sounds echoed. Blood bursting from the crushed wounds splattered onto Jo Jihyun’s white face.

“Wh-what…”

A large hand opened the locked car door and pulled the art teacher out. A school uniform was visible. Only then did Jo Jihyun recognize who the man standing outside was.

“Ugh, you, what are you, ack…!”

The sound of a nose bone breaking was heard. Kang Seokwon silently threw the man to the ground. There were no other words to use besides the expression ‘to trample.’ He kicked and crushed whatever he could see, whether it was the face or the torso. There was no hesitation or reluctance. It was an innate cruelty. That was not something one could acquire by feigning or practicing. The rampant rumors about Kang Seokwon were not made up.

“Plea, sa, sav…”

With broken teeth, the art teacher could not even properly pronounce the words ‘save me.’ His pants were already soaked. The stench of urine was overpowering. He had instinctively realized that he could die like this. There was not even time to appeal to authority by citing his status or age. It was an overwhelming superiority of power.

Kang Seokwon slowly bent his waist and grabbed the man’s hair.

“Lay a single finger on him.”

It was a low, quiet voice. Realizing what it meant, the art teacher nodded his head frantically. Kang Seokwon slammed his head hard against the ground. Like a cockroach sprayed with poison, the man trembled and collapsed on the ground.

Kang Seokwon opened the passenger side door. He grabbed Jo Jihyun’s wrist and pulled him. His legs gave out, and he almost fell several times. Kang Seokwon walked ahead without a word. Blood flowed from Kang Seokwon’s hand, where glass shards were embedded.

Only after walking for a good while and entering a deserted alley did he let go of his hand. A handprint was left on Jo Jihyun’s slender wrist, as if an insignia had been branded there.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

Jo Jihyun shook his head.

Kang Seokwon’s gaze fell on Jo Jihyun’s hand. After checking the broken fingernail, his jaw hardened. A cool anger tinged Kang Seokwon’s indifferent face.

“It’s okay. I did this to myself…”

Kang Seokwon put down his bag and took out a boxing bandage. Grabbing his fingertips, he quickly wrapped the wound with the bandage.

“Go to the hospital.”

Jo Jihyun nodded his head. The part where his fingertips had touched felt numb, as if the blood was not circulating.

Kang Seokwon reached out his hand. Without realizing it, Jo Jihyun swallowed his breath and closed his eyes.

“Just a moment.”

Kang Seokwon wiped the blood splattered on Jo Jihyun’s face with his sleeve. It was a careful touch, as if he were polishing a priceless jewel. Kang Seokwon meticulously wiped away the bloodstains.

Jo Jihyun opened his eyes. He could see Kang Seokwon’s focused face. He lowered his gaze.

“How…”

Even as he tried to calm down, the end of his questioning voice trembled. If Kang Seokwon had not appeared at that moment, he would have suffered a terrible ordeal.

“He has a bad reputation. They said he was kicked out of his previous school for causing trouble.”

It seemed he had seen them talking in the hallway. Jo Jihyun bit his lip hard. Then, Kang Seokwon’s hand came into view.

“Your hand, sunbae-nim…”

Kang Seokwon looked down at his own hand with an indifferent face. “It’s fine,” he said, shaking his hand a couple of times. A few shards fell to his feet. Jo Jihyun took out a handkerchief and handed it to him. Kang Seokwon stared at the handkerchief for a moment, then took it and put it in his pocket.

“I think you should wipe off the blood.”

“I don’t want to get it dirty.”

His chest ached. It was just a handkerchief. It was truly nothing. A warm pain spread at the words of the man who treated him, who was nothing, as if he were a great treasure.

He felt a surge of emotion. Who the h**l did he think I was.

He was a cruel man. A man who would not blink an eye at taking a person’s life if faced with such a situation. The tenderness that lurked within that cruelty was directed entirely at him. It was dangerous. It felt like his throat was burning.

“Should I take you home?”

Kang Seokwon asks. Jo Jihyun shook his head. He had to kill time somewhere before going home. Kang Seokwon stood still, watching Jo Jihyun.

Only after a long moment did Jo Jihyun understand his gaze.

He was watching. To see if he was really okay.

He had shown him a panic attack twice.

“I’m okay. Really.”

In the car, it felt like he was going to die, but from the moment Kang Seokwon grabbed his hand and pulled him, he could breathe. Kang Seokwon nodded as if he understood. And even after that, he watched Jo Jihyun silently for a long time.

Where his careful gaze touched, heat spread. Jo Jihyun lowered his head. The nape of his neck felt hot.

“Do you have a phone?”

Kang Seokwon suddenly asks. Jo Jihyun shook his head slightly. Kang Seokwon opened his bag and took out a pen and paper. After writing something down, he folded the paper once and held it out.

“If anything happens, call me. Anytime.”

The words, ‘anytime,’ stirred a thirst within him. In a small voice, he answered, “Yes.” Jo Jihyun thought of the key in his pocket. He had to give it to him. And he had to apologize for what happened that day. Then he could end it.

“I’m leaving.”

Kang Seokwon picked up his bag and walked away. Clutching the key in his pocket, Jo Jihyun watched Kang Seokwon’s back.

Heat rose on the wrist where Kang Seokwon’s brand remained.

“Jihyun, are you home?”

“Yes.”

Jo Jihyun scurried into his room and locked the door. Although he had washed the blood-splattered uniform shirt in the sink, it was just in case.

He changed his clothes and meticulously checked his uniform. He heard the doorknob rattle.

“What are you doing? With the door locked?”

When he opened the door, his mother continued in an annoyed voice.

“You should greet me as soon as you come home. Locking the door first thing, where did you learn such manners.”

“I’m sorry. I was just changing my clothes. I was very sweaty.”

His mother looked her son up and down with suspicious eyes. The fingertips of Jo Jihyun, who was holding his uniform shirt, trembled slightly.

“What happened to your hand?”

“I fell and scraped it a little.”

“Can you still take notes?”

“Yes. It doesn’t affect it at all.”

A look of relief passed over his mother’s face.

“How was class today? How is the new special lecture teacher?”

“He teaches well.”

“They said you have a mock exam the week after next. Is your studying going well?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Then review and prepare for your lessons for a bit before you sleep. Should I make you some coffee?”

“No. It’s okay.”

“You have to work hard. You know that mom is counting on her son, right?”

His chest felt tight. Jo Jihyun nodded his head. From the moment she left the room, his mother started muttering curses about his father as if talking to herself. Jo Jihyun quickly closed the door. He put down his bag and sat at his desk. Only after opening his English workbook did he catch his breath.

His head hurts.

He quietly rested his head on the desk. He suddenly searched his pocket, took out the paper Kang Seokwon had given him, and unfolded it. It was a note with only numbers listed on it.

Jo Jihyun silently read the numbers to himself. Zero one zero…

After reading the eleven numbers in order, he felt strangely at ease. He folded the paper again and tucked it inside his wallet.

His headache had eased up considerably.

Something cool touched his neck. He flinched his shoulders to avoid it, but he could not move. He felt the gaze of someone watching him. The cool touch slowly wrapped around his neck. The moment he tried to exhale, a firm force tightened around his throat. You have to die. You have to die first so I can do whatever I want. Because you’re here, I can’t do anything. So you, you…!

The hand that had been strangling his neck while spewing curses slowly stroked his face. A damp hand fumbles over his skin. A trail of moisture is left behind, like a large snail tracing a path. Goosebumps rise. A fear different from the fear of being able to die covers his body.

Do you know what kind of face you have?

The man’s voice whispers in his ear. A damp hand fumbles over his body. Nausea rises and his stomach twists. He flails his hands to push off the man on top of him, but it is useless. A blurry figure pressed down on his body.

It’s a face that drives people crazy. You will drive people crazy. And you will go crazy too.

“Huk…”

Even after sitting up, he could not distinguish between dream and reality for a long time and gasped for breath. The sheet was soaked with cold sweat. He had chills, and his body trembled uncontrollably. His head was heavy. He lay down again, but even with his eyes closed, he could not fall asleep.

It felt like he was being crushed by the darkness. His mind was crumbling, wearing away. If this continued, he would go mad someday.

Jo Jihyun hugged the sheet and tried to recall good memories.

Sunlight. The wind. The smell of a crisp new book. The fragrant scent of fabric softener.

Kang Seokwon’s back came to mind. The broad back that had been within arm’s reach in the small room.

Those days, which were not so long ago, feel distant.

After that incident, the art teacher was nowhere to be seen. According to rumors, he had taken a leave of absence after getting into a car accident. Whatever the reason, it did not matter. He just never wanted to see that face again. More than anything, he was relieved that no harm had come to Kang Seokwon. He had tried to go to the 3rd year classrooms to thank him, but he did not even know which class he was in. He asked a passing 3rd year student and found Kang Seokwon’s classroom. A bandage was wrapped around his hand. He silently bowed his head. Kang Seokwon had casually thrown out a single phrase.

It’s okay.

That voice, that low resonance, that cool temperature, is unforgettable.

I want to hear his voice. He was suddenly seized by a fierce longing.

He got up from his spot and went out to the living room. He picked up the phone placed in the living room and brought it in. Jo Jihyun stared at the phone’s dial pad. He had never dialed it before, but he had already memorized the number. When he had a nightmare or felt unwell, he would unfold the paper with the phone number written on it and read it. It was a number he had memorized after reading it once, but just looking at the numbers felt good. The rough yet neat letters were just like him.

Zero. One. Zero…

Jo Jihyun slowly pressed the buttons. After dialing the eleven-digit number, a ringing tone followed. His heart pounded. A sense of self-loathing was already washing over him. It was late. He might not answer. It would be better if he just did not answer…

「Hello.」

A languid voice came from over the phone. Jo Jihyun bit his lip. He had to say sorry for calling this late at night, sorry for waking him up, …but he could not make a sound, as if he had lost his voice.

「…Hello.」

Once again, Kang Seokwon’s voice flows in. Jo Jihyun quietly listened to that voice. Kang Seokwon did not say anything. He did not ask who it was, nor did he hang up the phone. He could hear the sound of breathing. He closed his eyes. It felt as if warmth was touching his back. The regular sound of breathing soothed his crumbling mind.

Holding the phone to his ear, Jo Jihyun lay down. The sound of breathing reaching his ear was the same as that night when he was held. He could breathe.

The comforted darkness receded.