DEARG Ch 2

“What are you staring at like that?”

At the voice coming from behind, Jo Jihyun snapped to his senses and turned his head.

“Why the trash can?”

“No…Just.”

As expected, the trash can was completely empty.

“Did you lose something important?”

The guy standing behind him craned his neck to peer into the trash can. Jo Jihyun shook his head with an ambiguous smile, saying, it’s not that. It is not important. He is just curious. About what was written in the letter that Kang Seokwon had written.

“George!”

A voice tinged with mischief rang out. Jo Jihyun’s lips hardened slightly. It was a nickname he truly disliked. Whoever started it must have been a person with nothing better to do. He turned his head with a cold expression. The guy who had called Jo Jihyun pointed to the back door of the classroom with a slightly frightened look on his face. A flicker of bewilderment crossed Jo Jihyun’s eyes. It was Kang Seokwon. Jo Jihyun quickly regained his impassive expression.

“You were looking for me?”

He concealed his fear as much as possible. People like Kang Seokwon instinctively sense an opponent’s weakness. They will bite and tear at it. The moment their eyes met in the hallway that day, he had realized it.

“What time do you finish today?”

After a moment’s thought, Jo Jihyun replied, at one o’clock.

“Alright.”

That was all. Kang Seokwon gave a slight nod and left. Jo Jihyun stared blankly at his retreating back.

“Gasp. Do you know that older guy?”

One of the guys in the class who recognized Kang Seokwon approached him, making a fuss.

“No. I don’t.”

“Then why did he come looking for you? Did you get on his bad side?”

“I don’t know.”

Jo Jihyun answered curtly.

It was the truth. Why Kang Seokwon had come to find him, why he had asked what time his classes ended. He could not even begin to guess.

“The rumor is that guy is incredibly scary. They say he’s no joke.”

From here and there, comments followed about that “no joke” rumor. They were stories that were tiring just to listen to. Jo Jihyun quietly returned to his seat. He opened a book. Even as he read the letters, the content did not enter his head.

“Hey, Gee-orge.”

Choi Giyeol, who had entered the classroom at some point, sat down in front of him in acknowledgement. Jo Jihyun scowled slightly and looked up. This was probably the one. The person with nothing better to do who had started calling him George.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“That Kang Seokwon has his eye on you.”

“What are you talking about.”

“Hey. George. Answer me straight.”

Choi Giyeol slammed his fist on the desk.

“I heard you left school together with Kang Seokwon yesterday.”

“I did.”

“What did you do?”

“We ate.”

Jo Jihyun disliked Choi Giyeol.

The type who was good at studying, good at fighting, came from a rich family, and did not hesitate to display his masculinity through a violent disposition.

“You just ate? Does that even make sense? Then why did he come looking for you again today?”

“I don’t know either.”

“How can that be. You ate together without even knowing the reason?”

Choi Giyeol asked in a provoking tone.

“What business is it of yours.”

Jo Jihyun replied coldly. Choi Giyeol’s face crumpled.

“You son of a bitch…”

Their eyes met just as Choi Giyeol was about to raise his fist. Jo Jihyun noticed at once that Choi Giyeol was hastily averting his gaze.

“What a damn rude bastard.”

Choi Giyeol took his anger out on the innocent desk and stood up from his seat. Jo Jihyun knows that he cannot hit him. There had been a few guys like Choi Giyeol before. People who fail to recognize their own liking for someone and resort to twisted expressions of it.

Most of them would probably graduate from school without ever realizing that feeling. That was what he hoped for, too. He did not want to get entangled in unrefined, raw, insignificant emotions.

Jo Jihyun turned his gaze back to his book.

Jo Jihyun flinched, his shoulders trembling. His eyes met with Kang Seokwon, who was waiting in the hallway. Kang Seokwon came up beside him.

“Let’s go.”

“…”

There was no time to answer. Kang Seokwon strode ahead. Jo Jihyun had no choice but to follow behind him.

“What about ramen?”

“Pardon?”

“Do you like ramen?”

“…Yes.”

Kang Seokwon started walking again. Jo Jihyun could not guess at all what he was thinking. When Choi Giyeol had asked why they ate together, his answer that he did not know was because he truly did not know the answer.

Yesterday, they had eaten pork cutlet together at a snack bar. Throughout the meal, Jo Jihyun had waited for Kang Seokwon to say something, anything. So that he could refuse cleanly.

But Kang Seokwon said nothing. Even after they finished eating, they parted ways without any particular words.

Today, too, they ended up sitting across from each other in a shabby Japanese ramen shop.

“What will you have?”

Kang Seokwon asked. Jo Jihyun thought for a moment, then pointed to the picture with “Best” written next to it on the menu. After Kang Seokwon finished ordering with the waiter, an awkward silence fell.

Jo Jihyun stared blankly at the table. He noticed Kang Seokwon’s fingers under the table, tapping irregularly against his own leg.

Is he nervous?

Jo Jihyun raised his head. Their eyes met. It was a face from which he could read no emotion. Kang Seokwon raised an eyebrow slightly. It meant, why are you staring.

“I was wondering why you asked me to eat with you.”

Jo Jihyun, who had been hesitating, opened his mouth.

“Why do you eat with me.”

An unexpected question was returned.

“I wonder.”

Jo Jihyun picked up his water glass. Lukewarm water went down his throat. His throat was dry. He was in the middle of mentally composing a plausible version of the words, because I haven’t lost my senses enough to flatly refuse when a person rumored to be someone you must never cross asks to eat.

“Do you go eat with anyone who asks?”

For a moment, he read the accusation laced in the other’s voice. Jo Jihyun realized what it meant. His original nickname had been “the Nun.” It was because of his cold and ascetic appearance and attitude. Jo Jihyun intensely disliked the nickname “Nun.” That did not mean he welcomed his new nickname, “George.” No, in fact, he disliked that one more. “George” was a common term used in casinos to refer to a customer who tips the employees generously and lavishly. Sister George gives everything. With a sexual nuance, the guys teased Jo Jihyun.

Jo Jihyun stood up from his seat.

“It is not like that. If you misunderstood in that way, I apologize.”

Kang Seokwon grabbed Jo Jihyun’s wrist and pulled.

“Sit.”

“…”

The grabbed wrist hurt. Jo Jihyun had no choice but to sit back down. Kang Seokwon’s face was still impassive.

“It was a joke.”

He wanted to ask which part was a joke, and whether they were on terms to be sharing jokes, but Jo Jihyun kept his mouth shut. He did not particularly want to hear the answer either.

The waiter brought the ramen.

“Let’s eat.”

Kang Seokwon handed him chopsticks. Jo Jihyun took the chopsticks in a daze.

That day, too, no particular conversation passed between them.

And so the meal ended.

“Delivery has arrived.”

“Yes. Send him up.”

After answering the intercom, Jo Jihyun bit his lip.

He did not know what he was supposed to do. If he confirms that the deliveryman is that person, what then? Is he going to offer a greeting? Is he going to say he’s happy to see him? Does he even have the right to do so?

Jo Jihyun heaved a sigh. Soon, the doorbell rang. The fingertips opening the door trembled slightly. The man silently placed the pizza box on the floor.

“It’s by card…”

This time too, the deliveryman did not answer and took out the card reader. Jo Jihyun, who was looking at the man’s hands, suddenly felt a gaze on him.

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

Jo Jihyun hastily took his wallet out of his pocket and held out his card. While the machine beeping sounds from the reader continued, Jo Jihyun checked the deliveryman’s face once more.

Kang Seokwon.

If his memory was not mistaken, it was him.

Their eyes met.

He could hear the sound of the blood draining from his head. He is captured by that gaze. Even though so many years have passed since that day, he finds himself helplessly dragged back into the memories of the past.

He had to say something. Something like how have you been, or where are you living now, or that he was sorry.

The moment Jo Jihyun tried to force his unmoving lips to move, the man extended his hand first. Jo Jihyun instinctively flinched and drew his shoulders back. But then the card held in the man’s hand came into view. After handing over the card, the man disappeared as if nothing had happened. He heard the sound of the door closing.

And in that moment, he realized.

Whether he had forgotten, or whether he wanted to forget, the fact was that in Kang Seokwon’s present, he did not exist.

“What about udon?”

“It’s fine.”

“Let’s go.”

Kang Seokwon strode ahead, leading the way.

What on earth is this? He stopped worrying about that after they had been eating together for a week.

He asks about the menu and they eat together. That was all. There was not even any particular conversation. At first, it was so awkward he did not know if the food was going into his nose or his mouth, but now he had more or less adapted. No, in fact, for Jo Jihyun who was on the quiet side, Kang Seokwon was the optimal dining companion.

“How does it taste?”

In the middle of the meal, Kang Seokwon asked. He had become a little more talkative recently and would always ask this.

“It’s fine. It’s clean.”

“That’s a relief.”

Jo Jihyun, who had been using his chopsticks, suddenly felt a gaze and looked up. It was still an expression from which he could not tell what he was thinking.

“How are your classes?”

Startled by the completely unexpected question, he ended up choking. Jo Jihyun coughed lightly and asked back, pardon?

“I asked how your classes are.”

“…”

He could not even begin to guess the intention behind such a question. Jo Jihyun slowly blinked his eyes, then answered with a sense of resignation.

“They’re just okay.”

“I heard you’re good at studying?”

“I am good at it,…but that doesn’t mean I like the classes.”

You have to be good at studying to succeed. It was something his parents had drilled into his ears since he was young. Since there was nothing in particular he wanted to do, Jo Jihyun had obediently followed his parents’ wishes and focused on his studies.

Kang Seokwon nodded lightly, saying, I see.

“But who did you hear that from?”

“What.”

“The story that I’m good at studying.”

Kang Seokwon’s expression froze for a moment. He did not know if the phrase ‘expression froze’ was right, but for now, that was the only expression that came to mind.

He’s flustered.

Jo Jihyun instinctively read the fleeting emotion in the impassive face. Being quick-witted was not always a good thing. Because there were often times when he wanted to pretend not to know the other person’s feelings.

Jo Jihyun silently picked up his chopsticks again. Kang Seokwon also resumed his meal. When he picked up the last strand of udon with his chopsticks, Kang Seokwon opened his mouth.

“I heard the kids talking. That George was first in the whole school again this time.”

Jo Jihyun nodded. He had been second on the last mock exam, so it must not be a story he heard last month.

“I thought you were a foreigner.”

“…Pardon.”

Jo Jihyun smiled bitterly. He had heard that kind of remark sometimes because of his nickname.

“Turns out you weren’t.”

Kang Seokwon mutters in a low voice, as if to himself. Jo Jihyun glanced up. It was an unexpected reaction. Besides the nickname, there was nothing about him that could be considered foreign. His pitch-black hair and eyes, and his long, cool-looking eyes were those of a typical Asian. But just now, Kang Seokwon’s tone suggested he was surprised by the fact that Jo Jihyun was not a foreigner.

Their eyes met. He had deep-set eyes. If they held emotion, it would be exceedingly deep. So deep one could be submerged forever. It would surely be overwhelming for both the object of the emotion and the person himself.

He could not breathe. Jo Jihyun emptied his water cup.

“Let’s get up if you’re done eating.”

Jo Jihyun nodded his head.

“Hey, George.”

Choi Giyeol’s arm wrapped around Jo Jihyun’s shoulder. At the rough playfulness that lacked any control of force, Jo Jihyun furrowed his brow and pushed Choi Giyeol away.

“Where are you going.”

“To the classroom.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“The faculty office.”

“Why?”

“A teacher called me. About participating in the essay contest.”

After answering up to that point, Jo Jihyun looked at Choi Giyeol with an expression that said, that’s enough, right? It was an unspoken sign to not bother him anymore.

“As expected, the number one student in the school is on a different level. For a George, that is.”

Jo Jihyun hated it when Choi Giyeol called him George. He would put stress on the ‘Geo’ sound, deliberately slurring the pronunciation ambiguously. Every time Choi Giyeol called him that, the kids around them would snicker and laugh.

“Jo Jihyun.”

“What?”

“My name is Jo Jihyun, not George.”

“George, Jo Jihyun, what’s the difference.”

He did not want to deal with him anymore. Jo Jihyun shut his mouth and started walking.

“George. Are you sulking?”

“No.”

“What are you doing after class today.”

“Cram school.”

“Who doesn’t know that? I’m asking what you’re doing after cram school class.”

Unfortunately, he had run into Choi Giyeol in the cram school lobby a while ago. The rumor that the number of students had increased after a famous instructor from Gangnam was brought in was true.

“I have to go home.”

“What kind of fun do you even have in life. Home, cram school, school. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Someone called his name from behind, Jo Jihyun. He was just getting tired of wondering how long this draining conversation had to continue. So he might have put on a slightly more pleased expression than usual.

When their eyes met, the person who had called him looked surprised himself. But soon enough, Kang Seokwon returned to his usual impassive face.

As Kang Seokwon approached, Choi Giyeol unknowingly took a step back. It was a natural reaction. Choi Giyeol was also on the tall side, but Kang Seokwon was a head taller than him. That large build played a part in why even Jo Jihyun, who was not particularly interested in other people, had come to know the name Kang Seokwon.

Wherever Kang Seokwon passed, a path would form on its own. The students scattered, like crabs finding holes to slip into.

It was the first time Kang Seokwon had acknowledged him at school, except for when he was asking him to go eat. He could hear the sound of cool blood flowing through his fingertips. Jo Jihyun realized that he was more afraid of Kang Seokwon than he thought.

Kang Seokwon held something out in front of Jo Jihyun. Jo Jihyun blinked his eyes.

“Ice cream.”

“…Thank you.”

Jo Jihyun accepted the ice cream. He thought he would just leave after that, but Kang Seokwon stood there and did not budge. Jo Jihyun noticed his gaze was fixed on the ice cream in his hand. After thinking for a moment, he unwrapped the packaging and took a bite of the ice cream.

Only after seeing that did Kang Seokwon leave, as if he had completed his task. Once Kang Seokwon had disappeared inside the building, kids flocked to Jo Jihyun’s side.

“George, are you close with that older guy?”

“How do you know him? That’s awesome.”

It was ambiguous to say they knew each other, and ambiguous to say they did not. Jo Jihyun silently bit into his ice cream.

“Are you really close with Kang Seokwon?”

Choi Giyeol asked, his eyes wide. The cold, sweet ice cream swirled on his tongue. Jo Jihyun replied, I wonder, and started walking.

“Are you crazy? Do you even know what kind of person he is to be hanging out with him.”

Choi Giyeol said, looking serious in a way that did not suit him. Jo Jihyun replied indifferently, I don’t really know.

“I heard that when that guy got into a fight with the kids from the nearby Sungsan Technical High School right after he enrolled, it was no joke. They said even ten police officers rushing in couldn’t stop him.”

“And one of them is still a vegetable, I heard.”

“They say he’s been in and out of juvenile detention centers several times too.”

“Shit, what do you mean juvenile detention with a body that big. Have you seen his fists? If you get hit by those, you’ll be saying goodbye to the world that very day.”

“I heard gangs are lining up to recruit him once he graduates high school. Shit, my legs tremble every time I see him.”

The kids each poured out the urban legend-like stories they had heard about Kang Seokwon.

“I’m being serious, don’t hang out with people like that. Got it?”

After munching on and swallowing the bite of ice cream he had taken, Jo Jihyun opened his mouth.

“…Better than I thought.”

“What?”

“It’s delicious.”

Jo Jihyun finished eating the rest of the ice cream and threw the bare wooden stick into the trash can.

“Why?”

Kang Seokwon asked, putting down his fork.

He does not particularly like greasy food. The same goes for sweet and salty food. He generally enjoys eating plain food. That was the entirety of the facts he had learned about Kang Seokwon so far.

“No, sir. It just seems like you’re not eating much today.”

“…”

Kang Seokwon’s expression froze again. He is subtly flustered. Kang Seokwon drank some ice water. He crunched on the ice, then called the waiter and requested another glass of ice water.

“I’m controlling my weight.”

“Pardon?”

Jo Jihyun doubted his own ears. He had never considered that a person like Kang Seokwon would be concerned about his weight and control his food intake. Jo Jihyun’s head tilted slightly to the side. Kang Seokwon read that subtle gesture precisely.

“I do sports.”

He did not know what kind of sport it was, but his first thought was that he felt sorry for the opponent.

“He said it would be better to compete one weight class down. The match is in a few days.”

“I see…, Is it okay for you to be eating right now?”

At Jo Jihyun’s question, Kang Seokwon lets out an ambiguous silence. Jo Jihyun wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin.

“It’s okay.”

“No. I’m full.”

Jo Jihyun stood up from his seat. Kang Seokwon also stood up.

“I’ll pay.”

Jo Jihyun tried to take out his money, but Kang Seokwon did not answer. He had already gone to the counter and finished paying.

“Thank you for the meal.”

Jo Jihyun said as they left the restaurant.

“You barely ate anything.”

“It’s fine.”

Although he had left more than half of his meal, he did not feel any sense of regret. It was a natural thing when he thought about how much Kang Seokwon would have to run to make up for the food he ate today.

Jo Jihyun checked his watch. It was an awkward time to go to the cram school or to go home. Just as he was thinking he should go into some random place nearby and read a book, Kang Seokwon opened his mouth.

“Your cram school class is at 8, right?”

“Yes.”

He has a good memory.

One more piece of information about Kang Seokwon was added.

“Then do you want to stop by for a bit before you go?”

As soon as they entered the gym, a fiery command fell from a man who appeared to be the director.

“Kang Seokwon, you bastard. Did you eat dinner before you came? Are you crazy? The match is the day after tomorrow, are you in your right mind?”

“I will go change and be back.”

As Kang Seokwon bowed his head and disappeared, the director let out a sigh.

Did I follow him here for nothing.

Jo Jihyun checked his watch. It seemed he would have to stay for at least thirty minutes before he could use the cram school as an excuse to disappear.

“And who are you.”

The director discovered Jo Jihyun and looked him up and down.

“Hello. I am a junior of Kang Seokwon Sunbae.”

“Are you here to train too?”

Jo Jihyun easily guessed that the word “surely not” had been omitted before that sentence.

“I just came to watch.”

Kang Seokwon answered for him instead. At the sight of him, who had changed into workout clothes in the meantime, Jo Jihyun unknowingly swallowed his breath. The firm body that had been hidden under the school uniform was clearly revealed over the thin workout clothes. The sense of intimidation was doubled compared to usual.

“What are you doing. Go and warm up. Don’t even think about going home if you don’t make your target weight today.”

Kang Seokwon gave a short nod.

“You can sit over there.”

Kang Seokwon pointed to a chair placed in the corner. Jo Jihyun sat down with his bag on his lap. Soon after, a tremendous striking sound began to echo inside the gym.

It was to the point where the people who had been training stopped their movements and all turned to look. A pleased energy soon flowed across the face of the director who had been angry.

As expected, I feel sorry for the opponent.

Jo Jihyun thought, watching the punching bag that was swinging helplessly in the air. Just when he was wondering if it would burst, the punching bag made a thudding sound and collapsed.

“Didn’t I tell you to go easy.”

The director clicked his tongue. As if this was not the first or second time it had happened, Kang Seokwon cleared away the collapsed punching bag with an unconcerned face. While he went to get a punching bag, he heard another athlete with a pale face muttering that he was a monster.

Once Kang Seokwon hung up a new punching bag, the merciless striking continued again. Not only Jo Jihyun but everyone else stared at Kang Seokwon with dazed faces.

“What are you all doing. Is this a spectacle? Everyone, move.”

The director yelled. Even while saying that, the director himself could not take his eyes off Kang Seokwon.

“How do you know him.”

To the question tossed out by the director who was standing with his arms crossed, Jo Jihyun thought for a moment before answering, he is a junior from my school.

“Are you close?”

Jo Jihyun smiled ambiguously.

“Live long enough and you see all sorts of things. To think that guy would bring a junior like you.”

Jo Jihyun could easily guess the meaning underlying the words “a junior like you.” To anyone who saw him, he was a person far removed from sports. There was no reason to bring such a junior to the gym.

“Well, it wouldn’t be bad for you to know a senior like that either. Just you watch. That kid is going to grow to a world-class level.”

A greedy fighting spirit appeared in the director’s eyes as he looked at Kang Seokwon. He could feel the ambition that he would definitely raise him to be that way.

“Hey! Man, go easy! The punching bag is going to burst!”

The director shouted, but Kang Seokwon swung his fists as if he could not hear.

“That kid, he’s all fired up because his junior is here.”

“Is that so.”

Jo Jihyun answered, watching Kang Seokwon pound the punching bag. Soon, with a thudding sound, the punching bag burst and collapsed.

“Crazy bastard.”

In the director’s voice as he muttered that, a sense of fear was mixed with ecstasy.

“I’ll be leaving first.”

As soon as Jo Jihyun’s words fell, Kang Seokwon raised his hand. A look of relief that he was finally saved appeared on the face of his sparring partner.

“I’ll be out for a moment.”

The director nodded and threw him a towel. Kang Seokwon wiped away his sweat with the towel.

“I’ll walk you to the bus stop.”

Jo Jihyun wanted to stop him and say he did not have to, but he had already come down from the ring.

“Let’s go.”

He had no choice but to walk behind Kang Seokwon. While waiting for the elevator, Jo Jihyun glanced at Kang Seokwon. He was drenched in sweat, enough to soak his clothes.

With a dinging sound, the elevator doors opened. Kang Seokwon went in first and pressed the button. Jo Jihyun stood next to him. The doors closed. The smell of the man’s sweat was strong in the cramped elevator.

In a state of unknown tension, Jo Jihyun swallowed dryly. He felt a gaze. Their eyes met through the mirror. His hair stood on end. Since when had he been watching? The man was looking at him with an intensity as if he would devour him. The tips of Jo Jihyun’s fingers trembled with a flinch. The inside of his mouth went completely dry. The time it took to go down to the lower floor felt like an eternity.

The man’s breathing, the smell of his sweat, his gaze seemed to dominate his entire body. His head spun and he felt nauseous. A dinging sound rang out. Like a bell signaling the end of a round. The elevator doors opened.

Jo Jihyun stretched out his foot as if he were running out.

“I’ll be going first. You don’t have to walk me.”

He did not listen for an answer. He ran without looking back. He remembered the man who had been watching him in the mirror. It was the eye of a male. Containing a clear desire, of what he wanted.

It felt as if he had heard an answer to a question he had not asked.

“I’m sorry. I have a supplementary class at the cram school.”

Even after answering, Jo Jihyun could not lift his head. There was no way Kang Seokwon would not know that he was lying.

“Right. I understand.”

Today makes it three days in a row of refusal. He might well get angry or show some other reaction, but Kang Seokwon backs down obediently.

When Jo Jihyun lifted his head again, Kang Seokwon was already walking towards the end of the hallway. He let out a small sigh.

“George. You made a good choice.”

Choi Giyeol, who had approached at some point, continued speaking, his eyes shining.

“You don’t fit in with a person like that. Don’t get involved for no reason.”

Jo Jihyun shook off Choi Giyeol’s arm that was placed on his shoulder.

“What are you doing after cram school today.”

“The study hall.”

“Wow, what kind of fun do you actually live for? You don’t listen to music, you don’t like sports, you don’t date. Shit, are you actually impotent?”

Choi Giyeol snickers as he scans the area between Jo Jihyun’s legs with his eyes.

“What about you?”

“What?”

“What kind of fun do you live for.”

Jo Jihyun stared at Choi Giyeol with cool eyes. Choi Giyeol’s face flushed in an instant. Choi Giyeol hastily turned his head away.

“How am I supposed to sit here and list all of that one by one.”

Choi Giyeol yelled as if he were angry. He was not angry, but anxious. Afraid that his feelings would be discovered.

Jo Jihyun replied nonchalantly, me too.

“What?”

“I don’t have time to tell you things like that one by one either. I’m leaving first.”

Choi Giyeol’s face quickly returned to its normal color. Jo Jihyun slung his bag on and started walking. From behind him, curses like, fucking, rude bastard, burst out in succession.

After walking for a while, Jo Jihyun came to a dead stop. He could easily feel a happy energy from the faces of the students leaving the school gate.

How can one like something so nonchalantly?

He remembered the man’s eyes that he saw a few days ago. In his appearance, of someone who clearly knew what he wanted and what he was good at, Jo Jihyun felt a sense of inferiority.

It felt like he had already lost to his opponent before even stepping into the ring.

He had no particularly pleasant memories nor anyone he liked. The only thing he was good at was getting grades. He was not a special genius either. It was just the only talent he had. He did not even know what would be good to do after his status as a student ended.

He saw a road that had ended before his eyes.

In that moment, the ground beneath his feet felt distant.

I don’t feel well.

Jo Jihyun quickly moved his steps into an alley. It was two years ago that he had found out he had a panic disorder. It was when he failed the entrance exam for the foreign language high school he had been preparing for. At first, it was just a light ringing in his ears. Then the symptoms gradually worsened. His breathing became short, he felt nauseous to the point of vomiting. He considered it was because he was under severe stress. No, he wanted to consider it that way. Then one day, he collapsed in the subway on his way home from the cram school. Only after that did he realize the seriousness of the situation.

He was able to find the exact name of his condition in a psychology book he borrowed from the library. He did not tell anyone. He was afraid. A panic attack would eventually be the trigger. He already knew the conclusion that a mental imbalance would ultimately reach.

Jo Jihyun stood in the alley and caught his breath. The switch gets flipped for trivial reasons that other people would not understand. The problem is that he himself does not know when that will be. Cold blood rises from the tips of his fingers. A cold sweat breaks out and his heart pounds. He tried to empty his mind.

Then, a fierce voice was heard from behind.

“How dare a pissant high schooler hang around in the big brothers’ territory.”

The repulsive smoke of a cigarette came rushing at him. Normally, he would have turned his head, but because he was disoriented, Jo Jihyun inhaled the smoke completely. His stomach twisted. Jo Jihyun grabbed the wall and retched, ugh. The expressions of the thugs who were smoking cigarettes all crumpled at once.

“Is this bastard acting like he’s throwing up because he’s disgusted by us right now?”

“Ha, this is truly absurd.”

Jo Jihyun covered his mouth with his hand and only shook his head. He had to say that was not it, but it felt like if he opened his mouth, he would vomit right then and there.

“This son of a bitch, to the very end!”

A large palm struck his head. Jo Jihyun’s body was thrown into the wall as if he had flown. A rough force grabbed his hair.

“We were bored, so you came at a good time.”

His head was forced up. The expression of the thug with a cigarette in his mouth changed subtly.

“This punk. Is he even a guy?”

“Isn’t that a Jeil High uniform? That’s an all-boys school.”

“Check it out.”

A snickering laugh burst out. A hand came inside his uniform shirt. At the lukewarm warmth of another person, the nausea he had barely suppressed surged up. Jo Jihyun put strength into his hands to push the opponent’s hand away, but it was no use.

“Stay still!”

He was slapped across the cheek, harder than before. His head rang and his vision wavered. Physiological tears formed in Jo Jihyun’s eyes. The thug who was looking down at his face swallowed his saliva with a gulp.

“Have you ever given a blowjob?”

Jo Jihyun bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. He did not understand what he was saying. The man licked his lips and unzipped his fly. Jo Jihyun’s face turned pale. As long as he was not an idiot, he could understand what the previous action meant.

“If you try any funny business, I’ll dislocate your jaw.”

He growled, grabbing Jo Jihyun’s hair. Jo Jihyun froze just like that. As if all the blood had drained from his brain, all his thoughts stopped at once.

“Shit, what a filthy bastard. Anyway.”

“Hey, if he sucks well, I’m next.”

A vulgar laugh spread through the thick cigarette smoke. Jo Jihyun’s body trembled.

A fear like death.

Someone had said that. A terrible fear, as if he would die at any moment, dominated his entire body.

He saw a distant cliff. He felt like he was perched precariously on his feet. It felt as if he would fall like a stringless kite if he swayed even a little.

“What’s wrong. You look like you’ve sucked a lot of dick. Open your mouth and…”

The vulgar words ended there. With a thudding sound, the thug’s head was slammed into the wall. He could not offer any resistance.

“Shit. What was that!”

“Who the fuck are you!”

The complexions of the men, who had initially tried to respond with anger to the unexpected and sudden situation, hardened palely. A man a head taller than them was looking down at them.

At the overwhelming sense of intimidation, they froze on the spot as if they were petrified. When the gang of thugs barely came to their senses, the opponent’s attire came into view. They could not understand why they were so scared of a mere high school student, but they could not easily shake off the fear that dominated their brains.

The man’s indifferent eyes swept around the area. They immediately understood its meaning. To the man, they were mere insects. Beings whose existence could be crushed with a single gesture without even needing to put his mind to it.

“What the…”

The man with blond hair and a piercing stepped forward, clenching his fists. The bravado he put on to hide the fact that he was terrified was easily broken like a reed. The man’s palm grabbed the guy’s face and smashed it down onto his own knee.

“Aaaaargh!”

A scream and blood shot up like a fountain. The two remaining guys flinched and checked behind them. But in the very next moment, the two people’s bodies shot up into the air. They did not even realize what had been done to them. A tremendous impact, as if they had been hit by a car, just split their stomachs. They could not even scream and were strewn on the floor.

The man, who had subdued the gang of thugs in an instant, bent his waist and supported Jo Jihyun, who was collapsed on the floor.

“Are you okay?”

Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“To the hospital…”

The man could not finish his sentence. Jo Jihyun’s body collapsed limply.

“――!”

Jo Jihyun shot up from his seat. Breathing heavily, he barely managed to touch his forehead with his hand. A dream. Sweeping back his hair, which was soaked with sweat, he closed his eyes again. No, he tried to close his eyes.

“…”

Realizing that he was in an unfamiliar place, his eyes flew wide open. Surely, is this still a dream?

As he tried to raise his body, the bedroom door opened. A large man came in.

“You’re awake?”

It was Kang Seokwon.

Jo Jihyun still could not grasp the current situation and just blinked his eyes. As if he had read the bewilderment in his expression, Kang Seokwon opened his mouth.

“You don’t remember?”

“…”

Slowly, blood circulated in his head. The memories connected. He realized why he had ended up alone in a small room with Kang Seokwon. His face flushed at the thought that he had been seen in a situation he had not wanted anyone to see.

“I, I will be leaving now.”

Jo Jihyun moved to throw off the sheet that was covering his body and stand up. However, he froze on the spot when he realized he was naked underneath the sheet. His pants were gone, and the underwear he was wearing was not his own.

Jo Jihyun’s thin lips trembled. Kang Seokwon stared blankly at Jo Jihyun for a moment, then suddenly opened his mouth.

“There was vomit on them, so I sent them to be dry-cleaned. I threw away all the underwear too.”

Jo Jihyun’s face turned even redder. Kang Seokwon’s gaze moved slowly, as if he were observing every single detail of that rare change.

“…I’m sorry.”

Jo Jihyun apologized. He had made a strange misunderstanding.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Kang Seokwon replied. His tone was as if it were truly no big deal.

“Still, you must have thrown away the clothes…”

“I sent mine in with them. I just have to go pick them up in the evening.”

Jo Jihyun lowered his head. He was already a quiet person by nature, but it was difficult to utter even a single word. It felt as if the part of his brain responsible for language was paralyzed.

“I was going to send them in anyway. Don’t worry about it and get some more sleep.”

“I have to go to the cram school,…”

He glanced at the clock. The class time had already long passed. In many ways, it was a day of bad luck. Jo Jihyun let out a sigh and swept his cheek with his palm.

“Want something to eat?”

At Kang Seokwon’s question, Jo Jihyun shook his head. His stomach still did not feel good.

“Water?”

“…Thank you.”

Kang Seokwon, who had left the room, came back with a cup of water. Jo Jihyun, who was about to reach out his hand, lost his balance and staggered. Kang Seokwon’s arm supported Jo Jihyun’s back. Jo Jihyun flinched. With an impassive face, Kang Seokwon brought the cup to Jo Jihyun’s lips.

“I can…”

The cup touched his lips. Cold water gushed into his mouth. Unconsciously, Jo Jihyun opened his mouth and drank the water. Kang Seokwon watched Jo Jihyun’s Adam’s apple move.

After he had drunk about half the water, Kang Seokwon took the cup away. Jo Jihyun once again said thank you, in a voice that was barely audible.

“Lie down.”

Kang Seokwon laid Jo Jihyun down. It was an attitude as if he were handling a child. Jo Jihyun could not even properly meet Kang Seokwon’s eyes. He did not want to be a bother to anyone, but the fact that that someone was Kang Seokwon made it even more uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable.

“When your stomach feels better, do you want to eat some porridge or something?”

“It’s alright. You should eat first, Sunbae.”

It was a time well past dinner.

“I can’t eat anyway.”

At Kang Seokwon’s reply, a thought crossed Jo Jihyun’s mind.

“Didn’t you say your match was soon?”

“Tomorrow.”

His tone was casual, as if it were someone else’s business. Instead, it was the face of the one who had asked that hardened.

“Shouldn’t you not be doing this?”

“I shouldn’t.”

“…”

“A joke.”

Kang Seokwon added lightly.

“I told them. I was just planning to warm up lightly today anyway.”

Even after hearing Kang Seokwon’s words, Jo Jihyun could not easily relax his expression. Even if he was a layman when it came to sports, he knew that the day before a match was extremely important.

“It’s really okay, so you can go.”

Kang Seokwon made a strange expression. With eyes that made it impossible to tell if he was smiling or angry, he said.

“It’s really okay, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

And then he adds another word. I’m here because I want to be, he says.

The word “want” lingered in Jo Jihyun’s ears. He slowly turned his body and buried his head in the pillow.

An awkward silence flowed.

“Do you live alone?”

It was a question he had managed to come up with.

“Yeah.”

“Do you cook for yourself too?”

“Sometimes.”

A third question simply did not come to mind.

“What about you?”

A question was dropped from above his head. Jo Jihyun’s eyes shot upwards.

“Do you live with your family?”

“Yes.”

Kang Seokwon nodded his head. Slowly, as if chewing and swallowing tough food.

Kang Seokwon’s gaze moved along Jo Jihyun’s jawline. Heat spread wherever his gaze traced. His skin tingled. A precarious tension swelled Jo Jihyun’s internal organs taut.

He knows what Kang Seokwon wants. Enough to jump into a fight the day before a match, enough to come looking for him the next day even after being rejected for days with reasons that were not reasons, enough to bring an opponent who had vomited and collapsed home, wash him, and lay him down, he knows what he wants.

The gaze that greedily and persistently sweeps over his skin speaks of that desire. With every breath he took in and out, he felt the man’s sticky desire flowing down his throat.

His lower abdomen tightened. He is afraid. There is nowhere to run. He did not know what to answer to his demand, his confession, or his coercion. The image of Kang Seokwon smashing the heads of the men standing in the alley like eggs flashed in his mind.

Kang Seokwon’s breathing rose and fell.

“Jo Jihyun.”

A low voice rang out. Jo Jihyun slowly turned his gaze. He was crushed by the black pupils. Powerlessly pressed under his gaze, he waited for the next words.

“What are your hobbies?”

“Hey, it’s been years. You’re looking well. My Honey.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Jo Jihyun showed his disgust, but Kim Seonwoo laughed it off with a face that seemed not to mind in the slightest.

“Still dripping with coldness. When did you get back to Korea?”

Kim Seonwoo chattered on as he sat down. Jo Jihyun replied, a few weeks ago, and drank his coffee.

“It’s been a few weeks and you’re only contacting me now?”

“I was busy.”

“You’re truly consistent in many ways.”

“You say that like you just found out.”

“No, that’s why I’m happy.”

Kim Seonwoo was Jo Jihyun’s university roommate when he was studying abroad. Their personalities were so contrasting that they could be called oil and water. Breaking the expectations of those around them, the two hung out together for quite a long time. It was because Kim Seonwoo quite liked Jo Jihyun’s personality.

“After dealing only with guys who are different on the outside and inside while working, I feel good meeting a guy like you.”

Jo Jihyun swallowed the coffee he had in his mouth.

“I’m different on the outside and inside too.”

“The fact that you say it so openly, that’s the wonderful part.”

Jo Jihyun looked at Kim Seonwoo, who was still smiling like a boy. Honest, and confident to the point of being brave.

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that. You’re making a man’s heart flutter.”

Jo Jihyun’s gaze turned cold. There was a time during their university days when Kim Seonwoo had confessed to Jo Jihyun. Jo Jihyun had firmly rejected him, saying that since this incident would likely affect their future relationship, he would move out of the house. Kim Seonwoo had said that would not happen. As promised, after that, their relationship flowed on as before, unchanged. It was only to the extent that Kim Seonwoo would joke around like this sometimes.

“I’m calling Ms. Yugyeong.”

Kim Seonwoo, who was two weeks away from his wedding, looked serious and shook his head.

“Don’t. Yugyeong will faint.”

“So stop talking nonsense.”

“Anyway. You can’t take a joke. By the way, what’s up. My friend, who arrived a few weeks ago and is only contacting me now.”

Jo Jihyun put his coffee down on the table. He glanced down briefly before looking up and opening his mouth.

“I went on a blind date.”

“What?”

At his friend’s sudden words, Kim Seonwoo choked. Only after coughing lightly several times did he look up and say, what are you talking about.

“It’s just as I said. I went on a blind date.”

“When? Did you go on it after you came back this time?”

“No. Last time.”

“When was last time again. Don’t tell me you came to Korea, went on a blind date, and then just went back?”

“Yeah.”

At the calm reply, Kim Seonwoo furrowed his brow, as if he were dumbfounded.

“You have something like that happen and you don’t even contact me, no, you came to Korea and didn’t even say a word and just left?”

“It just happened that way.”

Jo Jihyun drank his coffee and turned his head slightly. The loud sound of a motorcycle was heard. A red delivery box came into view.

“What are you staring at so intently.”

“It’s nothing.”

“So, did you come back to go on another blind date this time too? When are you seeing her? What kind of woman is she?”

“No, it’s because of the person I met last time. And your wedding is coming up, so I came back for both.”

“I’m so grateful I could cry.”

The motorcycle that had been parked in front of the shop left with a loud engine noise. Jo Jihyun’s gaze moved back to the window.

“What have you been staring at like that since a while ago? Is someone out there?”

Kim Seonwoo stood up and looked outside.

“Kim Seonwoo.”

Jo Jihyun called his friend’s name in a low voice. The black pupils under his long eyelashes stared quietly at the other person.

“Hey, you bastard. You’re really making my heart flutter. Why are you calling me like that.”

“Do you like pizza?”

“You live in a nice place.”

“That’s not something I’d expect to hear from the youngest son of Kyungwon Corporation.”

Despite Jo Jihyun’s scolding, Kim Seonwoo paid no mind and looked around here and there.

“Are you living alone?”

“Then who would I be living with.”

“The woman from the blind date, perhaps.”

Jo Jihyun swallowed a hollow laugh.

“Why would she come here. What do you want to drink.”

“Just give me a glass of water.”

Kim Seonwoo made a whistling gesture as he saw the bedroom.

“The bed is big?”

“I didn’t choose it.”

“Did your mother choose it?”

Jo Jihyun closed the bedroom door.

“Hey, I contacted Taesu and the guys. They said they’ll be here soon.”

“What? When?”

“Just now while you were in the bathroom.”

They were all friends he had met while studying abroad. To be precise, they were Kim Seonwoo’s friends. Jo Jihyun let out a sigh. He already knew from several parties how noisy it would be when all those people gathered.

“Kim Seonwoo, you really.”

“Think of it as punishment for only contacting us now after coming back to Korea.”

Kim Seonwoo smiled slyly.

“They said they weren’t busy?”

“When I said let’s have a housewarming party at Honey’s place, they all said shut up and come.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

Honey was Jo Jihyun’s nickname from his time studying abroad. When he said his name was Jo Jihyun, nine out of ten people would hear it as George. In the end, Jo Jihyun introduced himself as Hyun. That was what sounded like Honey to foreigners. No matter how many times he corrected them, everyone called him Honey. Watching his friend frown every time, Kim Seonwoo had said he might as well use the name George then. That it would be easier to pronounce. And on that day, Kim Seonwoo saw his friend get genuinely angry for the first time.

“Then what should I call you.”

“Jo Jihyun.”

Jo Jihyun added curtly.

“What’s the use of that now. Whatever you call me.”

After thinking for a moment at Kim Seonwoo’s words, Jo Jihyun replied, that’s true.

“Did you order the pizza?”

At Kim Seonwoo’s question, Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“Then I’ll order it. Let’s have some pizza after a long time.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

Jo Jihyun cut off his friend who was about to take out his cell phone.

“What?”

“I said I’ll order. It’s a hassle.”

“What’s so hassling about it. It’s quick if you do it with an app.”

“No. Still, I’ll do it.”

Kim Seonwoo looked at Jo Jihyun with an interested expression. Even at the coffee shop, he had put on a very serious voice as if he were about to bring up some important story, but all he ended up saying was whether he liked pizza.

“What is it. Tell me the truth.”

Kim Seonwoo narrowed his eyes and continued.

“You opened a pizza place, didn’t you?”

“… I’m ordering.”

Jo Jihyun took his phone and went out to the living room. Kim Seonwoo was once again absorbed in looking around the house.

Since moving into this house, he had ordered pizza once every two days. Each time, Kang Seokwon came to deliver the pizza. But not once did he acknowledge him. Even when their eyes met, he did not speak to him or even greet him.

At first, he was bewildered. He even worried that he might have lost his memory. However, the moment their eyes met, he realized that he knew him. At the thought of being ignored, he missed the timing to acknowledge him.

Ten times.

He decided on that. If Kang Seokwon did not speak to him within ten times, he would accept the fact that he did not want to face him.

The problem was,

“…”

Jo Jihyun looked at the refrigerator and then let out a small sigh.

Not only was he not someone who ate a lot to begin with, but greasy pizza was not his preference at all. When he ordered a whole pizza, he would eat only one slice. The leftover pizzas piled up neatly in the freezer. Originally, he had planned to call Kim Seonwoo over and feed him the thawed pizza from the freezer. But when he said he would order pizza from another place, he had found himself saying he would do it without realizing it.

Since the other guys were coming too, he was thinking of mixing in some of what was in the freezer and serving it, when the intercom rang.

“They must be here.”

Kim Seonwoo picked up the intercom with a pleased face and opened the door. Not long after, the entrance became noisy.

“Hey, it’s been a long time. Kim Seonwoo, you bastard.”

“The new groom is looking handsome.”

“I’m not a groom yet.”

“You’ll be a groom soon. Hey, they say you don’t only go to hell after you die. You’re about to walk into hell soon.”

Jeong Taesu, who had gotten married first, said with a grim expression.

“Curse me, just curse me.”

Kim Seonwoo shook his head.

“I’m not cursing you, I’m telling you the truth. No, they’re saying the Earth might collide with an asteroid in a few days, and you want to get married?”

“It’s always the ones who’ve done it who say that.”

“It’s the wisdom of one who has experienced it. Yo, Honey.”

“It’s been a long time.”

Jo Jihyun offered a brief greeting.

“How is it that your face is exactly the same. Did we get old for you instead?”

Lee Jaegyeong said, grabbing Jo Jihyun’s cheek. Jo Jihyun lightly slapped his hand away. Despite that, Lee Jaegyeong sat on the sofa with a broad smile.

Kim Seonwoo’s friends were all noisy and self-willed. Jo Jihyun pressed his forehead with his hand and glared at Kim Seonwoo.

“I told you it’s a punishment.”

Recognizing the meaning of that gaze, Kim Seonwoo winks.

“What do you want to eat? Honey said he’s buying.”

“He didn’t call us to buy us pizza. I ordered it on my way here.”