DEARG Ch 23

Late in the afternoon, the mother returned home and saw her son lying in bed, burning with fever. She asked if he had gone out anywhere, what he had done, and what studying he had accomplished over the weekend. Stop it, he’s sick. The father intervened to stop her. It was a relief. It was almost enough to make him wish he had been hit by his father earlier.

The weekend ended like that. Some days passed uneventfully, while others felt like h**l. They were bearable days.

That day, he woke up unusually early. It was because of the sound of the rain. He considered sleeping more but got out of bed. After showering and getting ready, his mother called Jo Jihyun in a gloomy voice.

“Go alone today.”

“Yes.”

He tried his hardest not to show his joy.

“Take care of your own meals.”

“Understood.”

“My head hurts so much I can’t do anything.”

She mumbled an excuse and went back to the bedroom. Jo Jihyun hurriedly went to his room to pack his bag. He checked the clock. If he left now, he could just barely make it on time.

As he put on his shoes at the entrance, his mother came out and asked if he was already leaving.

“Yes. I’m going early. It’s raining.”

“Alright. If it’s still raining this afternoon, I probably won’t be able to pick you up.”

She always struggled on rainy days. She said she felt migraines that split her head apart. No matter how many hospitals she visited, the response was always the same: it’s stress-related. Every time she heard that, his mother criticized the doctors. She complained that they couldn’t even find a proper diagnosis despite taking her money. She believed there had to be a reason for her headaches. Jo Jihyun thought her headaches were somewhat connected to the deaths of his maternal grandfather and uncle. It just so happened that it was raining on the days they took their own lives. He believed an unconscious fear manifested as stress, resulting in her headaches.

“Come straight home after school. Don’t go anywhere else.”

“Understood.”

Before she could add anything else, Jo Jihyun grabbed his umbrella, quickly twisted the doorknob, and left. He anxiously waited for the elevator’s display numbers to change. He opened his umbrella and walked quickly. Once he was out of the apartment complex, he started running. As he arrived at the bus stop, he saw a bus pulling in. He barely managed to board it. He swiped his bus card and turned his head. Kang Seokwon, sitting in the back, spotted Jo Jihyun and widened his eyes. Jo Jihyun slightly bowed his head.

“What’s the occasion?”

“I came out early.”

Since it was early, the bus was almost empty. Apart from the two of them, there was only one other person sitting at the front. Jo Jihyun climbed the steps and sat next to Kang Seokwon. He looked at Jo Jihyun with slightly surprised eyes.

“If it’s uncomfortable, I’ll move.”

Jo Jihyun started to stand, holding his bag.

“No.”

Kang Seokwon grabbed Jo Jihyun’s hand.

“Don’t move.”

Jo Jihyun sat back down. Perhaps because of the rain, no passengers boarded even when the bus stopped at the next stop. The sound of rain relentlessly tapped on the quiet bus ceiling.

“How’s your ear?”

“It’s all better.”

“Still, don’t overdo it. Be careful when you cough.”

“Yes.”

It had been a while since they went to school together. The bus stopped at a signal. For the first time, Jo Jihyun wished the bus would stop at every signal.

“It’s raining a lot.”

Jo Jihyun mumbled, looking out the window.

“Yeah.”

It was the kind of weather where it wouldn’t be surprising if the rain turned to snow.

Jo Jihyun silently counted the days since he last saw Kang Seokwon. He had made it this far safely. This fragile peace, which might not last, made every day precious.

“It’d be nice if it snowed.”

“Do you like snow?”

Jo Jihyun tilted his head slightly. Kang Seokwon had never shown any particular preference for weather.

“I want to see it with you.”

His casual words hit like a dart. A flush of heat rose to Jo Jihyun’s face. He fidgeted with his gaze and turned toward the window.

“I was going to head to your classroom anyway.”

“Huh? Why?”

Since that day, they always ate lunch together. With Jo Jihyun unable to go out much lately, it was the only time they could spend together.

Kang Seokwon pulled a lunchbox from his bag and handed it over.

“I have to go somewhere this afternoon.”

He spoke vaguely, but it was surely an important appointment.

“Couldn’t you have skipped school today?”

Kang Seokwon smiled without answering. Until lunchtime yesterday, he hadn’t mentioned anything. It surely wasn’t a last-minute appointment. The warmth of the still-hot lunchbox made Jo Jihyun’s chest feel heavy.

“I’ll come pick up the empty lunchbox. Come to my classroom after sixth period.”

“……. Thank you.”

“Just make sure you eat it all.”

You’re too skinny. Kang Seokwon said with a slight frown.

“Yes. I’ll eat it all.”

Jo Jihyun put the lunchbox in his bag. A sudden thought struck him, and he called out, “Sunbae.”

“What?”

“When’s your birthday?”

Come to think of it, he had never asked. Kang Seokwon looked a bit flustered and closed his mouth.

“Is it hard to say?”

“No, it’s not that.”

It’s a bit awkward, though. Kang Seokwon mumbled, lowering his eyes slightly.

“December 2nd.”

Jo Jihyun’s eyes widened at the response. It was less than two weeks away.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He had been receiving so much from Kang Seokwon that he thought about giving him a gift. Then he realized he hadn’t even acknowledged his birthday. If he hadn’t asked, he might have missed it entirely.

“I was thinking we could have dinner together that day.”

It was a very Kang Seokwon-like suggestion.

“Is there anything you need?”

At Jo Jihyun’s question, Kang Seokwon replied, “No.”

“Don’t waste money on unnecessary things.”

“It’s not unnecessary.”

“I don’t need anything. Honestly.”

Kang Seokwon’s gaze met Jo Jihyun’s. It was fervent affection. Jo Jihyun understood the deep meaning behind those simple words.

“Still, I want to give you something. I always feel like I’m only receiving…….”

Kang Seokwon gave a faint smile.

“I’m receiving too. Plenty.”

The bus waited at a right-turn signal. After this signal, it was the stop in front of the school. They both prepared to get off, gathering their bags. Kang Seokwon spoke as if he just remembered something.

“That.”

Jo Jihyun looked at him with wide eyes.

“A letter.”

“What kind of letter?”

“One you write by hand.”

Kang Seokwon loved Jo Jihyun’s handwriting. He had even torn out a few pages from the notebook they used to pass notes.

Jo Jihyun swallowed a quiet laugh.

“I’ll write a lot.”

“Alright.”

The bus stopped at the station. As Jo Jihyun opened his umbrella and stepped off, a gust of wind blew. The umbrella’s frame broke, and it turned inside out. Kang Seokwon, who got off right behind him, opened his umbrella and handed it over.

“No, it’s fine…….”

There wasn’t even time to refuse. Kang Seokwon pressed the umbrella into his hand and ran off. In the blink of an eye, Kang Seokwon passed through the school gate and disappeared. Jo Jihyun gripped the umbrella handle. The lingering warmth of his touch made him smile unwittingly.

“Number 23. Who’s number 23?”

Hong Sunil, sitting next to him, nudged Jo Jihyun’s arm. Jo Jihyun stood up, saying, “Yes.”

“Jo Jihyun. What are you daydreaming about?”

“Sorry.”

“Thinking about your lover? Come solve this problem.”

The class burst into laughter. Jo Jihyun rubbed his flushed neck and walked to the blackboard. He picked up the chalk and wrote out the equation without hesitation.

“Doesn’t that guy write insanely well?”

“His handwriting could seduce any guy.”

Giggles came from behind. They no longer hurled blatant insults like before, but teasing like this persisted. Jo Jihyun didn’t care at all and completed the equation.

“Well done. The formula and solution are perfect. You should make a Jo Jihyun font and sell it. It’s too good to erase.”

Jo Jihyun bowed slightly and returned to his seat. The math teacher began explaining the problem Jo Jihyun had solved. Jo Jihyun looked at the umbrella leaning against his desk. A dark navy checkered umbrella. A common, ordinary one. Jo Jihyun tapped the handle lightly with his fingertips. He recalled Kang Seokwon’s back as he strode away. Thinking of him always brought a tingling pain. How long could he keep seeing him? If time somehow passed and……

With a pop, the umbrella opened. All eyes in the classroom turned to Jo Jihyun. Flustered, he quickly folded it back. He had accidentally pressed the button while tapping the handle.

“Jo Jihyun. Why are you so out of it today? Is that umbrella your lover? Why do you keep staring at it?”

“Sorry.”

“Go stand outside with the umbrella.”

Jo Jihyun obediently followed the math teacher’s orders, taking the umbrella and standing at the back of the classroom. The lesson resumed. Holding the umbrella, Jo Jihyun listened to the class. The bell rang. As soon as the teacher left, everyone rushed to the cafeteria.

Jo Jihyun sat down and took out the lunchbox.

“What’s with the lunchbox? Don’t you eat at the cafeteria?”

Someone passing by commented. Jo Jihyun smiled awkwardly and said, “Just felt like it.” The classroom quickly emptied. He opened each side dish container. They were all filled with things Jo Jihyun liked. Even nutritionally balanced. Picturing the large man standing at the sink, preparing the lunchbox from early morning, a warm sensation brushed his throat.

Don’t leave any behind. Eat it all.

Jo Jihyun ate the rice and side dishes methodically. It was more than he could handle alone, but he swallowed slowly, bit by bit. He felt overstuffed but ate every last bite. It was the first time he had spent an entire lunch break eating.

Throughout the classes, Jo Jihyun thought about the letter he would write to Kang Seokwon. What color paper to use, whether to write with a fountain pen, ballpoint pen, or pencil, and if a pen, what color ink to choose. What to say in the opening, and so on.

He hadn’t realized writing a letter to someone could make his mind so busy. Suddenly, he thought of the letter from Kang Seokwon that he had thrown away without reading. What was written in that letter addressed to “Dear. George”? Was it written with a pen or a pencil? What color was the paper? What did the opening say, and how did it end? Imagining a letter he could never read again, Jo Jihyun thought of Kang Seokwon. The man standing across the street.

“It’s over! Let’s go home!”

Someone shouted loudly from the other side of the classroom. Startled, Jo Jihyun looked at the wall clock. Sixth period was already over. He quickly grabbed the lunchbox bag and stood up. He ran up the stairs. Opening the classroom door, he saw Kang Seokwon, who had arrived first, turning his head.

“You’re here?”

“Yes. Did you finish your business?”

“Yeah.”

He was holding a plaque. Even at a glance, it wasn’t ordinary.

“Did you win an award?”

He smiled faintly, casually placing the plaques on the desk and approaching Jo Jihyun.

“Was it to your taste?”

No matter how many times they ate together, he always asked that.

“It was delicious. Thank you.”

Jo Jihyun held out the lunchbox and called, “Sunbae.”

“What?”

“Are you going home now?”

“Yep.”

For third-year students who had finished the college entrance exam, classes ended after fifth period.

“Can I come with you?”

Kang Seokwon looked surprised. He already knew Jo Jihyun’s mother stood at the school gate every day after school.

“She’s not coming today.”

Jo Jihyun glanced out the window. It was still raining.

“You have supplementary classes today.”

Jo Jihyun knew Kang Seokwon had a good memory, but it still surprised him every time he confirmed it.

“I’m going to skip them.”

At Jo Jihyun’s bold statement, Kang Seokwon burst into laughter.

“I only have about an hour to spare, but,”

I want to be with you.

Jo Jihyun whispered. Kang Seokwon stopped laughing and nodded.

“Then go grab your bag, and I’ll meet you at the school entrance.”

As Jo Jihyun started to leave, Kang Seokwon grabbed his arm.

“Don’t run. You’ll fall.”

His expression was like one watching a toddler take their first steps. Jo Jihyun swallowed a laugh.

“You don’t have to worry—”

Kissing him felt like meeting a downpour in the middle of summer. An irrepressible passion surged.

“I’m worried.”

Their noses touched.

“Whether you’re in front of me or not, I’m always worried.”

Kang Seokwon wiped Jo Jihyun’s lips as he spoke.

“We’re lucky today. Going to and from school together.”

“Indeed.”

“See you at the entrance.”

Jo Jihyun nodded. He left the classroom first. It took effort to suppress the urge to run down the stairs. He grabbed his bag and went to put the umbrella inside, but it was gone. Thinking someone might have mistaken the common pattern, he asked his deskmate.

“Have you seen the umbrella that was here?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“It’s navy with a checkered pattern.”

“Huh? I think I saw it in the trash earlier. Is that it?”

Someone pointed to the trash bin at the back of the classroom. Jo Jihyun ran over and rummaged through it. The umbrella, its ribs all broken, was stuffed inside.

Who in the world……

Jo Jihyun turned his head. Choi Kiyeol, who had been looking his way, turned away. He didn’t even feel angry. Jo Jihyun folded the broken umbrella and put it in his bag. He left the classroom.

He saw Kang Seokwon waiting at the entrance. Their eyes met, and his lips softened into a smile.

“Let’s go.”

Jo Jihyun hesitated, unable to follow.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sorry.”

Kang Seokwon narrowed his eyes.

“The umbrella…….”

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. In the pouring rain, he couldn’t say that the umbrella Kang Seokwon had given him without hesitation, the one he had carefully traced with his eyes during class, had been broken by Choi Kiyeol.

“Did you lose it?”

At Kang Seokwon’s question, Jo Jihyun nodded. He might realize it was a lie. He always did.

“Wait here.”

Kang Seokwon ran into the rain. There wasn’t even time to stop him. Jo Jihyun realized anew that if Kang Seokwon decided to run, he could never catch him. The same went for changing his mind. Shaking off the gloomy thoughts, he lifted his head. The relentless rain felt welcoming. As Kang Seokwon said, it was a lucky day. Suddenly, he recalled the title of a novel they studied in literature class. Jo Jihyun swallowed a bitter smile. It was a work often cited as a prime example of irony. Just a stray thought.

The nearest convenience store from the school entrance was quite a distance away. Jo Jihyun stood blankly, watching the rain, waiting for the man.

“Jihyun.”

At first, he doubted his ears. The woman’s voice pierced his skin like a sharp awl. He thought it was a hallucination born of anxiety. But the moment he saw the woman approaching with an umbrella, he realized it was real.

“……, why are you here?”

“Why? Am I not allowed to come?”

Her expression was laced with irritation, like someone dragged out of bed. Jo Jihyun blinked.

“No, it’s just that you said you weren’t coming this morning…….”

“I just came. Let’s go.”

She adjusted her coat and gestured with her head. Jo Jihyun couldn’t hide his confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

“……I still have one supplementary class left.”

“Really? Was it like that? I don’t remember. Then why are you out here?”

“I wasn’t feeling well. I was just about to leave.”

He waited for her to tell him to go back inside.

“No choice then. Let’s go.”

But for some reason, the woman gestured for Jo Jihyun to follow her again. Unable to resist, Jo Jihyun walked into the rain.

“Where’s your umbrella?”

Seeing her son walking without an umbrella, the woman furrowed her brow.

“It broke.”

“Don’t lie. Where did you lose it? You’ve always been like this since you were a kid. Always lying whenever you get the chance. Just like your father.”

Even when he told the truth, if his mother was in a bad mood, she always dismissed her son’s words as lies.

Suddenly, he felt a gaze. His eyes met those of a man holding two plastic umbrellas. Without even time to use them, the man was running toward him, gripping both umbrellas in one hand.

“Hurry up and follow. Who did you take after to be so slow?”

His mother shouted in an irritated voice. Jo Jihyun slowly followed behind her.

“Even in this rain, I came to pick you up. Do you think mothers like that are common?”

“Thank you.”

Jo Jihyun responded weakly. He passed by Kang Seokwon’s side. The sound of the rain filled the air.

“You’re like that. You seem so sharp, but there’s always a screw loose somewhere. That’s what worries me, as your mother.”

The woman’s meaningless muttering continued. Jo Jihyun’s attention was entirely focused on what was behind him. He could hear the man’s footsteps. Keeping a reasonable distance, the man walked slowly. Steady, regular footsteps.

“I don’t believe in baseless rumors. I trust my son. My son would never do such a thing. You’d never do something so filthy. Right?”

The woman turned around. Jo Jihyun flinched and stepped back. A fear he couldn’t control with reason reared its head. The screeching sound of brakes, blood spreading across the road, screams, sirens, …….

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Hurry up and follow. Don’t dawdle.”

Jo Jihyun walked behind the woman, completely soaked by the rain. The woman had a compulsion for cleanliness. There was no way she’d let her w** son under her umbrella. The November rain was cold enough to chill him to the bone. But he had no energy to care about such things. Thinking about what expression Kang Seokwon might have, what he might be thinking, left him unable to feel anything. His mind, paralyzed with panic and fear, held only one thought: he had to protect Kang Seokwon.

The woman nagged incessantly until they reached the bus stop. Jo Jihyun couldn’t lift his head until the bus arrived. He noticed the hand of the man standing beside him. He was holding an umbrella. The bus arrived. His mother folded her umbrella and boarded. Before getting on the bus, Jo Jihyun barely managed to glance at Kang Seokwon.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you getting on?”

The woman gestured.

Don’t come.

Jo Jihyun signaled to him with his eyes and boarded the bus. As he swiped his card and moved to sit, he heard someone else board behind him. Jo Jihyun bit his lower lip. His mother had already taken a seat.

“Sit here.”

The bus was empty. She pointed to the seat across from her. Jo Jihyun followed her instructions, setting down his bag and sitting. Rainwater dripped down his face. Kang Seokwon sat a couple of rows away.

“You know Choi Kiyeol, right? Did you know his father is the president of Daeui Corporation?”

“I didn’t know.”

“If you didn’t, now’s the time to learn. He might end up doing business with your father. You should get close to him. Look at me and Sukhyun. It’s been years since we graduated high school, but we’re still so close.”

Just a few days ago, she had been cursing Sukhyun, but now she was her dear high school friend. Her inconsistent, inexplicable words became easier to understand the moment he gave up trying to make sense of them.

“How about studying with him? Like the tutoring I mentioned before.”

“No way.”

Jo Jihyun firmly shook his head.

“Why not?”

“It’ll hurt my grades.”

“Then make sure it doesn’t.”

“…….”

“If you work twice as hard, three times as hard, it won’t. Why are you acting weak before even trying?”

Jo Jihyun didn’t respond.

“No answer?”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’ll do it even if you don’t want to. Listen to your mother. You’re my son, aren’t you?”

“Being a parent doesn’t give you the right to decide everything.”

He tried to respond calmly, but his hands trembled. It didn’t matter when he was alone. But in front of Kang Seokwon, he didn’t want to show this side of himself.

“Rights?”

The woman’s face twisted.

“Why wouldn’t I have them? I gave birth to you.”

Her voice lowered. Disgust, sharp and cutting, bared its claws and tore at tender flesh.

“Do you know how horrific it is to give birth? I never want to experience it again.”

She shuddered, as if the child she bore was not a beloved son but some kind of monster.

“Even when you were wriggling in my womb, it made me sick. All you did was steal the food I ate. A giant parasite.”

Jo Jihyun lowered his head. He could see Kang Seokwon’s hand, gripping the umbrella tightly.

“I wished you’d died.”

She glared straight at her son as she spoke.

“From the moment you were in my womb, I wished you were dead. So I went to the hospital. Do you know how they kill a baby? They put in a machine and grind it up. Then they s**k out the shattered bones.”

“……, please stop.”

Jo Jihyun tried to stop her, but she didn’t listen.

“But they said it couldn’t be done. You were already too big, too big to get rid of. And then they showed me the ultrasound. You looked so much like me.”

She let out a low laugh.

“The doctor told me to imagine how beautiful you’d be. It was chilling. Seeing a picture of you, looking just like me.”

It was the same feeling Jo Jihyun felt every morning looking in the mirror.

“You should’ve just died in my womb. Torn to pieces. When you were smaller, I should’ve gone to the hospital and gotten rid of something like you.”

“…….”

She casually denied her son’s existence.

The near-cursed tirade directed at him no longer saddened or hurt him. The only thing that was unbearable was that Kang Seokwon was hearing all of this.

When he had a fever, Kang Seokwon stayed up all night wiping his forehead. When he woke trembling from nightmares, Kang Seokwon soothed his fears through the night. When he couldn’t even swallow a sip of water, Kang Seokwon held him, made him drink, fed him porridge, gave him rice, and brought life back to his blood and flesh. During their time together, Kang Seokwon raised him with all his heart. Jo Jihyun learned what human emotions were from him, emotions he couldn’t even receive from his parents. Like teaching a child to walk, the man patiently loved him.

And in front of that Kang Seokwon, the woman relentlessly killed him.

“If you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t feel this awful today. Rights? Why wouldn’t I have rights?”

Her body trembled with rage. She couldn’t bear the shame she felt.

The bus stopped at a signal. They had to get off at the next stop. His rain-soaked body had been shivering for a while. It wasn’t just because of the cold. Still, he desperately endured.

“We’ll talk when we get home.”

She stood up as if declaring war. When she pressed the bell, the bus stopped. Jo Jihyun grabbed his bag and stood. He passed by Kang Seokwon. The woman opened her umbrella and got off the bus. Kang Seokwon was gripping the handrail tightly. His hand, with veins standing out, was visible. Overwhelmed with despair, Jo Jihyun couldn’t even speak.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you getting off?”

His mother shouted from below. Jo Jihyun grabbed the bus pole and started down the steps. At that moment, a strong force pulled him back.

“Don’t go.”

Kang Seokwon held him. His face was expressionless, but he looked like he might cry.

The moment Jo Jihyun saw him, his heart crumbled.

The woman’s eyes widened in shock. She looked at Kang Seokwon standing behind him. As if realizing everything, she raised a trembling hand and pointed, saying, “You.”

“Are you getting off or not?”

The bus driver asked.

“We’re not getting off. Go.”

Kang Seokwon shouted. The driver, intimidated, turned away. The woman screamed from outside the bus. At the same time, the bus door closed. She ran to get back on, but the bus had already started moving. Kang Seokwon, still holding Jo Jihyun’s hand, sat him down beside him.

Jo Jihyun, pale as a ghost, couldn’t say a word. Rainwater he hadn’t wiped off streamed down his face. Kang Seokwon reached out to wipe his face. Jo Jihyun flinched and leaned back. Kang Seokwon’s expression hardened.

“I’m sorry.”

He apologized. Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“For acting on my own, ……I’m sorry.”

Unable to lift his head from the weight of his guilt, Kang Seokwon bit his lip.

Jo Jihyun felt like he was going insane. He deserved this for having such a parent, but Kang Seokwon had done nothing wrong.

“But I just can’t do it.”

“…….”

“I can’t let you go.”

The woman who didn’t even share her umbrella, letting him get soaked in the rain, had poured words on her son that were nothing short of violence. The feeling of watching someone more precious than life itself get beaten with hollow eyes couldn’t be described as mere despair.

Kang Seokwon tightened his grip on Jo Jihyun’s hand.

“I’ll figure something out.”

For the first time in his life, Kang Seokwon wanted to kill someone. Don’t hit others, don’t cause harm—the words his grandmother repeated every time she saw her grandson. It was why he hadn’t become trash. But today, for the first time, he thought it wouldn’t matter if he did.

“Please, I’m begging you…….”

Kang Seokwon held Jo Jihyun and pleaded.

He had promised Jo Jihyun. Let’s live together.

He believed that if they endured one more year, they could live happily. He wanted to make it happen somehow. Every strand of hair, every finger, every eyebrow, every nail—nothing was less than precious. Every day, Jo Jihyun returned to that place. Kang Seokwon had escorted him there. All he had done was leave Jo Jihyun in that place.

“Sunbae.”

Jo Jihyun’s lips moved, producing a sound.

“Yeah.”

“……, stop it.”

Jo Jihyun smiled faintly.

“You have to stop now. I’ll get off here.”

Jo Jihyun pushed Kang Seokwon’s hand away. But Kang Seokwon grabbed his hand again.

“Do you hate me?”

“…….”

“If you’re getting off because you hate me, I’ll let you go.”

Kang Seokwon’s gaze pierced through his skin. A sharp sensation coursed through his blood, spreading slowly.

“If it’s not that, you’re not getting off.”

Kang Seokwon’s sincerity weighed like a heavy anchor. His limbs felt bound. He didn’t know how to escape him in the first place. That was the rule of this cruel game. He would meet him again, fall in love, and part ways. In the worst way possible.

“Do you hate me?”

Kang Seokwon asked.

“……, would you believe me if I said I did?”

“If you said it sincerely.”

“Sunbae, ……, …….”

Jo Jihyun saw the umbrellas in Kang Seokwon’s hand. Two plastic umbrellas. He hadn’t even opened one on the way to the bus stop.

In the end, it would come to this.

“……, I hate you.”

He swallowed the rising emotions.

“I’m just tired of it all. I hate you. So, I’m getting off.”

“Say it’s me you hate.”

“I hate you.”

“Look at me and say it.”

“……, I hate you.”

Kang Seokwon grabbed Jo Jihyun’s chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. Jo Jihyun bit his lip.

“Don’t. You’ll hurt your lips.”

Kang Seokwon pried his lips apart. Even in this moment, the man was endlessly gentle.

“Do you hate me?”

Kang Seokwon asked the same question as before, with an utterly devoted gaze. His look dismantled everything. It tore down fragile shields and shattered iron bars. What remained was a foolish, stupid child, repeating the same mistakes. Pushing him away while trembling at the thought of losing him.

“……, you know I can’t do that.”

Jo Jihyun’s lips, blue from the rain, trembled.

“How could I, ……hate you, sunbae?”

Even if he spent his entire life ensuring Kang Seokwon’s well-being, it wouldn’t be enough. All he wanted was for him to be happy. That was everything he desired.

“Alright.”

Kang Seokwon hugged Jo Jihyun.

Alright, Jihyun. That’s enough.

As if there was no need to hear more, he patted Jo Jihyun’s shoulder. With a steady, metronomic touch, Jo Jihyun felt an unbearable sense of relief. Instinctively, he leaned into him. It was the ultimate selfishness.

The pouring rain drenched the world outside the window. The waterlogged city couldn’t keep up with the speeding bus and slowly stretched out.

While the bus moved, the two said nothing. They just held hands.

The world outside the window began to burn with an orange sunset. If only the world would burn away like this. As he entertained such a horrific thought, the bus reached its final stop.

After showering, Kang Seokwon gestured for Jo Jihyun to sit. Usually, after a shower, he would dry Jo Jihyun’s hair with a large towel. Today, there was no towel or fan.

“Let’s talk.”

Jo Jihyun sat in front of Kang Seokwon. He handed over a few bankbooks and papers.

“What are these?”

“Everything I have.”

“…….”

“I can send you to college.”

Jo Jihyun could guess whose name was on the worn-out bankbooks without looking.

“Don’t waste the money your grandmother left you.”

“It’s not a waste.”

“Sunbae.”

Jo Jihyun quietly called Kang Seokwon’s name.

On the way to his apartment, they hadn’t spoken either. Kang Seokwon held Jo Jihyun’s hand as they walked. Even when people glanced at them, he didn’t let go. Jo Jihyun walked silently by his side. The stares and whispers of others didn’t bother him at all. He only wished the man holding his hand wouldn’t be hurt.

“You said you’d do what I asked.”

“……, yeah.”

“Then keep this. I’m not going to college.”

“Jo Jihyun.”

“I’ll earn my own way. Don’t worry. All I know is studying, so I’ll definitely go someday.”

Jo Jihyun continued calmly.

“What I need isn’t money—it’s time.”

Time to live free from legal constraints. It was the one thing he desperately needed, then and now.

“Wait one more year?”

Kang Seokwon’s voice sank low as he asked. It was the same face Jo Jihyun had seen on the bus, one that looked ready to collapse.

“No.”

Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“I’ll go talk to them today.”

He had thought about it while walking with him.

He didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes, create the same unhappiness, or push Kang Seokwon into the same misery.

“So, can you wait just a few more hours?”

Jo Jihyun smiled as he looked at Kang Seokwon. Kang Seokwon pulled him into a hug. I’ll wait, as long as it takes. At his exhaled words, Jo Jihyun nodded. He raised a hand and patted his shoulder, slowly, steadily, soothing his fears as Kang Seokwon had done.

Kang Seokwon’s anxiety, his sense of loss, his frustration.

These were things Jo Jihyun hadn’t known before. Hidden by his strength, they were now painfully, lovingly clear.

Jo Jihyun patted Kang Seokwon’s shoulder for a long time.

“Do you have to go alone?”

“Yes.”

Jo Jihyun stubbornly nodded. It was a conversation they’d had multiple times.

“What if something happens?”

“My father should be home by now.”