DEARG Ch 10

He opened his eyes.

A familiar ceiling came into view. Tap, tap, tap, the cheerful sound of a knife striking a cutting board reached his ears.

“Jihyun-ah. You need to get up.”

At the sound of the familiar woman’s voice, Jo Jihyun shot up in surprise. He looked around. His blurry vision gradually sharpened and found its form. Was he still not awake from the dream?

As he was blankly surveying the room, the door opened.

“Jihyun-ah. You’re going to be late. Hurry up and get up.”

“……”

“What’s wrong? Are you sick somewhere?”

The woman, wiping her hands on her apron, approached and placed a hand on his forehead. Jo Jihyun flinched in alarm and swatted her hand away. The woman’s expression crumpled.

“What’s wrong with you. Your mom has been up since morning making your breakfast, what is this behavior?”

Her tone and voice were chillingly realistic. Jo Jihyun blinked his eyes for a long moment.

“Are you still not fully awake? Go wash your face first. Hurry.”

She grabbed Jo Jihyun’s sleeve and forcibly dragged him out of the bed. His feet touched the floor. Everything was so plausible it sent a shiver down his spine.

He dazedly went into the bathroom.

He turned on the faucet. He cupped his hands to catch the trickling water, then w** his face. His senses became sharp and clear. He splashed water on his face several more times.

Slowly, he raised his head.

The moment his eyes met his own in the mirror, his legs gave out and he collapsed on the spot. As soon as the thud sound was heard, the woman in the kitchen shouted in an irritated voice.

“What are you doing in there?”

With a trembling hand, he slapped his own cheek. Slap. The stinging pain told him this was not a dream, but reality. He slapped himself again, harder. Once more, and once more. He slapped himself several more times in a row, but it was the same.

The salty taste of blood spread in his mouth. Jo Jihyun gripped the sink, pulled himself back up, and checked the mirror again.

“Jihyun-ah! You’re going to be late for school!”

Unfamiliar yet familiar eyes were looking back at him.

It was his eighteen-year-old self.

“You know you have a mock exam in a week, right? Study hard today, too. Got it?”

Starting two weeks before the month of the mock exam, his mother would repeat the same reminder as if counting down.

“I understand.”

He answered as he slipped his feet into his shoes. Even while pressing the elevator button and waiting, the sense of reality was still absent.

Ding.

Startled by the sound of the elevator, he lifted his head. His eyes met with the person inside.

“Student, are you not getting on?”

“Ah, no.”

Jo Jihyun hurriedly stepped into the elevator. He checked his face one more time in the mirror. It was the same.

His reflection in a school uniform was undeniably that of an eighteen-year-old student.

How could something like this happen? Walking blankly toward the bus stop, Jo Jihyun pinched his arm several times.

What on earth had happened?

Before he could even organize his thoughts, the bus arrived, and he habitually boarded it right away. Standing and finding his balance inside the swaying bus, Jo Jihyun tried his best to retrace his memories.

He had been waiting for the elevator. He was on the phone when he saw a large moon outside the window, and… …Kang Seokwon.

At the name that surfaced, Jo Jihyun’s head snapped up.

Jeil High School, this is the stop for Jeil High School. At the announcement, a crowd of students poured out of the bus. Jo Jihyun followed them and got off as well.

Boys in familiar school uniforms walked down a familiar street. The feeling of past memories progressing as the present was a strange sensation that couldn’t be described with words.

With a dazed expression as if in a dream, Jo Jihyun walked along the street to school. He entered the classroom and sat at his desk. The desk, the chair, the students around him—everything was the same. Jo Jihyun cautiously tapped the shoulder of the guy sitting in front of him.

“Excuse me.”

“Huh? What’s up?”

“What’s today’s date?”

“April 3rd. Why?”

“It’s nothing. Never mind.”

Jo Jihyun counted the days in his head. This was before everything had happened.

The school trip, the incident with Choi Giyeol, and the transfer to America.

Jo Jihyun cupped his cheeks and let out a sigh. He couldn’t shake the thought that he might still be dreaming.

Either that, or he had gone insane…

“The teacher’s coming!”

At the shout from a student in the front, everyone found their seats and sat down. Jo Jihyun also habitually straightened his posture.

“You all know you have a mock exam next week, right? Get your heads on straight and study. And stop chattering in the morning.”

The homeroom teacher’s voice grew more and more distant in his ears.

Jo Jihyun sat blankly at his desk, wondering how on earth he should handle this confusing situation.

“Joji!”

At the voice calling him, Jo Jihyun flinched and turned his head in surprise.

“What are you so surprised about? Where are you going?”

It was Choi Giyeol. He placed a hand on Jo Jihyun’s shoulder and spoke playfully. It felt like an insect was crawling up from the spot his hand touched. Jo Jihyun hastily shook Choi Giyeol off. Choi Giyeol’s expression distorted.

“Ah, um, the teacher called for me.”

Jo Jihyun muttered like it was an excuse and fled the spot.

The moment he saw Choi Giyeol, his stomach twisted. It was not simply a fabricated, false memory. The voice that had groped his body and spewed filthy curses echoed vividly. His vision distorted and a sharp ringing filled his ears. Jo Jihyun clamped a hand over his mouth and ran to the bathroom. He threw up everything he had eaten for breakfast. Once he had vomited everything, the ringing disappeared.

Jo Jihyun went to the sink and rinsed his mouth. His hands were trembling. No matter how much he thought about it, those memories were not a delusion. Choi Giyeol had definitely, to him…

Just then, he sensed someone’s presence. The moment he lifted his head, he froze solid. The man who was entering the bathroom spotted Jo Jihyun. Their eyes met. The moment he read the emotion that flickered in the man’s gaze, Jo Jihyun felt as if he had been doused with cold water.

Jo Jihyun fled the bathroom as if running away. He didn’t hear a voice calling after him.

That gaze looking at him held nothing more and nothing less than the puzzlement of observing a stranger.

Kang Seokwon does not recognize him.

Everything had returned to the very beginning.

“What did you say today’s date was?”

“April 3rd. You asked earlier.”

The guy sitting in front of him looked at Jo Jihyun as if he were strange. Jo Jihyun apologized, saying, “Sorry.”

“You’re a little weird today. Are you sick?”

“No. I’m not sick. …By any chance, do you remember what I was like yesterday?”

“Did this guy study so much his brain went funny? Yesterday’s you? You were the same. Came to school and studied, and studied, and studied.”

“…, thanks.”

Jo Jihyun muttered blankly, packed his bag, and stood up from his seat.

The him of yesterday was no different from usual. Then what on earth had changed?

As soon as Jo Jihyun sat down in the school library, he opened a notebook.

He wrote down and organized the events of the past as he remembered them. The beginning was the day he received Kang Seokwon’s letter. What was the exact date then? No matter how desperately he tried to recall, he couldn’t remember the date.

It was frustrating. The feeling of that day, the scene, Kang Seokwon’s voice calling him—they all came to mind vividly, but he couldn’t figure out the one thing that mattered.

April 3rd.

He writes down the date in the corner of the notebook.

What has changed.

He doesn’t know yet.

What is the same.

The people. The space.

Jo Jihyun scribbled with his pen and then wrote the name Kang Seokwon.

He thought about the moment they had coincidentally run into each other earlier today.

Jihyun-ah.

The voice that used to call him like that came to mind, and his chest tightened. Kang Seokwon doesn’t know him yet. In the end, this means it is before his life was ruined.

It felt like his heart had dropped with a thud.

Jihyun-ah.

The warmth and scent of the voice that called him, his touch—they were all distinct.

Jihyun-ah. I love you.

The emotional voice that had whispered while hugging him in the hospital room had to be treated as something that never happened.

Let’s live together.

The heart of the man who had silently answered that way even at the moment he confessed everything should not have existed.

Jo Jihyun buried his face on the desk.

He didn’t know why these things had happened, but he could be sure of one thing. He had to live on as if he didn’t know, so that Kang Seokwon could make the right choices.

“A part-time job?”

“Yes.”

“A student?”

“Yes.”

The convenience store manager scanned Jo Jihyun up and down with a puzzled expression.

“You think you can do it?”

“I can do it. Are students not allowed to?”

“No. It’s possible. You just need your parents’ consent form.”

At the words “parents’ consent form,” Jo Jihyun’s expression momentarily hardened.

“Minors absolutely need their parents’ consent.”

“I will bring it. Is there anything else I need?”

“A certified copy of your resident registration, and for ID, a student ID card will do. Just bring the parents’ consent form. But can you really do it?”

The manager asked, his tone still unconvinced.

The boy’s appearance, neatly dressed in his school uniform, seemed far removed from a part-time job.

“Yes. I can do it. You don’t have to worry about that.”

The manager wrote something on a piece of paper and held it out.

“Well then. For now, bring the documents listed here by tomorrow.”

“Understood.”

Jo Jihyun bowed his head in farewell and left the convenience store.

It took him three days to accept the fact that he was not dreaming or insane. After that, he quickly adapted to reality. This was the first time he had ever been thankful for his personality, which was quick to give up and accept things.

First, the very first thing he did was to organize all the events he remembered. That took him a full two days. After that, he decided on the things he needed to do.

Go to college. This was absolutely necessary. A good education would broaden his opportunities to earn money.

Leave home when he becomes an adult. He could work as a tutor once he entered college, but he needed to save up as much money as possible before then. For that, a part-time job was essential. As soon as school ended, he went to the library to look through the free classifieds. He chose places that didn’t overlap with his mother’s usual routes and went to each one for an interview. The moment they saw a minor in a school uniform, most store owners shook their heads.

The convenience store was the only place that had barely accepted him. His time was limited. Minors could not be employed after ten o’clock. He had to give up his private academy. But it didn’t matter. He could just split his time to study. Above all, his cognitive abilities were different from when he was a high school student, so it was easier to absorb the class material than before.

And the last thing to do was.

Jo Jihyun bit his lower lip.

He could endure this confusing situation or reliving the terrible times he had already experienced once. His appearance was that of a high school student, but inside, he was someone who had aged several years since then. He hadn’t spent those years in vain. However, suppressing his heart was still difficult.

He hadn’t seen Kang Seokwon even once since their chance encounter on the first day. It was only natural. They were in different grades and had no connection. In the first place, unless he made up his mind to seek him out, it was rare to see him at school.

Even knowing that it had to stay that way, whenever he left the classroom and walked down the hallway or was in the schoolyard, he would habitually search for Kang Seokwon with his eyes.

Like a boy with a one-sided crush.

Jo Jihyun swallowed a short laugh. When you thought about it, it was a one-sided crush. Since Kang Seokwon didn’t remember him.

Jo Jihyun held his head up straight.

He firmed his resolve not to ruin Kang Seokwon’s life and started walking.

“I’m home from school.”

“Welcome home, son.”

His mother came to the entryway and greeted him cheerfully. Jo Jihyun took the mock exam report card from his bag and handed it to her.

“A perfect score in English and Math, but you got one wrong in Language?”

Her expression quickly turned stern. She was a person who didn’t know the meaning of satisfaction.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

Only after hearing those formulaic words did his mother’s expression soften.

“Right. A person can’t always get a perfect score. Still, I hope my son takes the test without making any mistakes next time.”

“Yes.”

“How are your academy classes? I heard the new teacher who came in this time is very famous.”

“He teaches well.”

Jo Jihyun answered as calmly as possible.

In order to work the part-time job, he inevitably had to skip the academy. The day his mother found out about that, all h**l would surely break loose.

“Right. Mom is counting on you. You have to study hard so you don’t end up like your incompetent father. You know that, right?”

“I’ll go in and study.”

“Go ahead.”

At the word “study,” his mother smiled generously. Jo Jihyun went into his room and took a book out of his bag. He was studying in his spare time while working at the convenience store, but he still had to make up for the academy class time separately. To avoid arousing his mother’s suspicion, he had to show her grades that would satisfy her.

Except for the time he spent eating dinner, he didn’t take his eyes off his book until three in the morning. Only when it became too difficult to keep his eyes open did he get up and head to his bed. He threw his body, as heavy as water-soaked cotton, onto the bed.

“Jihyun-ah.”

Startled, he shot up. Kang Seokwon was standing there with a worried face.

“Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?”

Jo Jihyun looked around. It was the library. A security guard was tidying up the area. He blinked his eyes due to his hazy memory. His head felt heavy, as if he could almost remember something but not quite.

“You weren’t coming out, so I came up to check. Are you not feeling well?”

Kang Seokwon, in his school uniform, still had a worried expression. Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“No. I’ll just get my books.”

He organized the books on the desk and put them in his bag. Kang Seokwon silently lifted Jo Jihyun’s bag.

“It’s okay. I’ll…”

“Let’s go. It’s late.”

Kang Seokwon took the lead and walked ahead with long strides. Jo Jihyun followed behind him. As they exited the library building, a still-warm night breeze blew. The trees all shook their bodies in unison with the wind.

“Sunbae-nim.”

“Yeah.”

Kang Seokwon turned around. His eyes were gentle. He had almost run up and hugged him right there.

“What is it?”

“No. It’s just…”

He quickened his pace and stood next to him. They walked down the street side-by-side. There were no particular words exchanged, but he felt his mood slowly relaxing.

“Did you do well on the exam?”

“Yes. So-so.”

Kang Seokwon gave a short laugh.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I was just thinking it’ll be easy to find your name again this time.”

“Are you still looking for it?”

“Yeah.”

Kang Seokwon added. I think it’s become a habit.

Jo Jihyun never knew that being a part of someone’s habit could feel this ticklish. He mumbled and lowered his gaze.

“Want something to drink?”

Kang Seokwon asks as they pass by a convenience store. Jo Jihyun shook his head. Even the most trivial expenses were his share. He wanted to avoid making him spend money as much as possible.

They passed the main street and walked toward the park. To get home, they had to go in the opposite direction. But he intentionally chose the roundabout way. This time walking with Kang Seokwon was the greatest comfort of his day. A broken streetlight scattered its light intermittently. They walked under the darkened trees without any conversation. Just that, in itself, was fulfilling.

In front of a drink vending machine, Kang Seokwon inserted coins and took out a bottle of water. He twisted off the cap and handed it to Jo Jihyun. Thank you. With a small word of thanks, Jo Jihyun accepted the water and drank. He drank about a third of it and gave it back to Kang Seokwon. Kang Seokwon downed the water in one go. He lightly tossed the empty bottle into a trash can and called out to Jo Jihyun.

“Jihyun-ah.”

Even after drinking the water, his eyes were still filled with thirst.

“Yes?”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

At the sudden question, Jo Jihyun tilted his head slightly and answered.

“I go to school, then the library.”

It was always the same routine. Kang Seokwon couldn’t possibly not know. Kang Seokwon says, “Right,” drawing out the end of the word. It was a reaction unlike him. Jo Jihyun blinked his eyes, waiting for the next words.

“My competition is over and your exam is over too, so… …shall we meet outside?”

It was not an unusual thing to say. To meet outside.

But the man brought up those words with great difficulty. Unlike him. At that uncharacteristic, boyishly green attitude, Jo Jihyun felt a heat rising within him.

“Okay.”

He gave a small nod.

“Is there anything you want to eat?”

He asks. Jo Jihyun replied, “Anything.”

“There’s no such food.”

Jo Jihyun gave a small laugh. A smile came to his lips every time the blunt man casually threw a joke. At that moment, Kang Seokwon pulled Jo Jihyun into a tight hug. At the sudden action, Jo Jihyun nearly stopped breathing. Even if there were few people in the park because it was late, they could still run into someone anywhere. Besides, they were both in their school uniforms. It was no different from having their identities tattooed on their faces.

Jo Jihyun softly called, “Sunbae-nim,” to Kang Seokwon. Only then did he let Jo Jihyun go. Heat flickered in his dark eyes. Just the touch of that gaze felt like the fever was contagious. Jo Jihyun needlessly rubbed his cheek and dropped his gaze.

“When you smile…”

Kang Seokwon said. Jo Jihyun lifted his head and met his eyes.

“I feel like I’m going to go crazy.”

The boy confessed his fever. The shadow cast by his large frame completely covered Jo Jihyun. His face flushed red.

“Let’s go.”

Kang Seokwon walked ahead. Jo Jihyun called out to him, “Sunbae-nim.” Kang Seokwon stopped and turned his head at an angle.

“I wish tomorrow would come quickly.”

Kang Seokwon smiled. It was a boyish, refreshing smile. Kang Seokwon replied, “Me too.” Jo Jihyun’s heart pounded. A lukewarm wind shook the trees.

Throughout the entire movie, he couldn’t concentrate on the screen. It was partly because Kang Seokwon’s large frame made the movie theater seat feel cramped, but he was so conscious of their touching arms that he missed reading the subtitles several times.

Looking back, it was always like that. If they were in a fixed place with their skin touching, he would become strangely conscious of it and unable to concentrate. It was especially like that when he was memorizing vocabulary on the bus.

Though he didn’t know it would be like this even in a movie theater.

Jo Jihyun peeked to the side. Kang Seokwon’s nose, revealed in the darkness, stretched out smoothly. He had heard that if you do boxing, your nose gets broken at least once or twice, but Kang Seokwon had no such trace. It was proof that he had never been hit that much by anyone. His gaze fell on the well-shaped lips that continued from the bridge of his nose. He recalled the sensation of those soft lips. Their eyes met. With his lips, Kang Seokwon mouthed, “What?” Jo Jihyun shook his head. Feeling as though his unnecessary thoughts had been caught, heat rose to his face.

Until the movie ended, he focused on the screen as if he were watching a video lecture. When the ending credits rolled up, the lights in the theater turned on. People stood up from their seats one by one. When Kang Seokwon rose from his seat with his large body, the gazes of the people around him all focused on him. It was not difficult to read the sense of awe on the faces of the men looking at him.

“Let’s go.”

At Kang Seokwon’s words, Jo Jihyun quickly stood up. From behind, he could hear astonished whispers like, “Just how tall is he,” and “If he’s in a school uniform, isn’t he a student?” Even as they left the theater and walked down the hallway, people glanced at Kang Seokwon. Kang Seokwon himself, however, had a face that said he couldn’t care less about such things. His gaze was directed solely at Jo Jihyun.

“Was it not fun?”

“Pardon?”

“The movie. You didn’t seem to be concentrating.”

He was an incredibly sharp person. Jo Jihyun said, “No,” and continued.

“It was fun. Thank you.”

It was the first time he had been to a movie theater in almost ten years. The movie theater in his memory was much darker and dirtier, but he was quite surprised that it was dazzlingly flashy from the entrance.

Kang Seokwon’s expression as they walked down the hallway was not good. The entire time they rode the elevator and came down from the building, he said nothing. Wondering if he had made some sort of mistake, Jo Jihyun slowly replayed the day in his mind. Kang Seokwon had booked the movie tickets. Jo Jihyun had bought popcorn and drinks with his own allowance. Kang Seokwon had vehemently refused, but he had insisted that he would pay for that at least. The popcorn was more expensive and less tasty than he thought. Was that why he was in a bad mood? Jo Jihyun stole a glance at Kang Seokwon’s face reflected in the elevator glass. The elevator opened, and everyone got off on the first floor. He could hear the murmuring of people gathered in the building lobby.

“It’s raining.”

Jo Jihyun muttered, looking outside. Kang Seokwon’s expression hardened even more. They hadn’t brought an umbrella because the rain wasn’t in the weather forecast. The two of them had to stand in the building lobby and watch the rain fall. As people left one by one, only the two of them remained in the lobby.

“I don’t think it’s going to stop.”

Jo Jihyun said, looking up at the gray sky, thick with dark clouds.

“I know.”

Jo Jihyun glanced to the side again.

“Sunbae-nim.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you perhaps in a bad mood? If I made a mistake, please tell me. I will fix it.”

He spat out the words he had practiced over and over in his head, without even taking a breath.

“There’s nothing.”

He answered, his tone a little flustered. Jo Jihyun stared blankly at Kang Seokwon. Kang Seokwon swept his palm over his own cheek. Jo Jihyun immediately noticed that he was troubled.

“…I’ve never done it before.”

“Pardon?”

“I’ve never done something like this before, so I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask what kind of movies you like. For some reason, I feel like I ruined it.”

Jo Jihyun’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” Kang Seokwon added again. At that awkward apology, a fire flared up in his heart. He was apologizing for his own clumsiness. Perhaps this was their first date.

“No, it was really good,” Jo Jihyun replied. Neither of them was good with words, nor were they talkative by nature. A silence followed. The sound of the rain could be heard.

“It rained that day, too.”

Kang Seokwon said as if to himself, looking at the faintly falling rain. He could tell what he was talking about. It was the day he first confessed his shame to Kang Seokwon and they exchanged words of promise.

“You’re right,” Jo Jihyun said, turning his gaze forward.

“I think we bring the rain with us.”

At Jo Jihyun’s words, Kang Seokwon laughed softly. “I suppose so,” Kang Seokwon said, nodding his head slowly. The rain began to fall even more heavily.

“Want to go home?”

At Kang Seokwon’s question, Jo Jihyun put his bag over his head instead of answering.

He took off his soaking w** clothes and took a shower. Wrapped in a large blanket, he listened to the radio. The sound of rain mixed with an unknown song. They shared a kiss. Kang Seokwon’s large hand stroked his back over and over. He leaned against him with his eyes closed. He was comforted by the warmth of another person. In that moment, they were more special to each other than anything else. Tal-tal-tal, the school uniform dried in the wind of the whirring fan.

“Today was the day to watch the video lecture.”

Jo Jihyun muttered with his eyes closed. Every time he moved his lips to speak, his neat eyelashes trembled finely. Kang Seokwon watched him blankly.

“I feel like I skipped class.”

“What does it feel like to skip class.”

The corners of Jo Jihyun’s lips curve up slightly.

“It’s good, better than I thought.”

Kang Seokwon kissed him as if sipping from his lips. Their soft lips met naturally. Like a boy kissing for the first time, every time, Jo Jihyun’s heart trembled. Kang Seokwon pulled Jo Jihyun’s shoulders into a hug. Kang Seokwon pressed his nose against the nape of Jo Jihyun’s neck and inhaled. His toes tickled. The song on the radio had changed to a different one. Even without any particular conversation, the moments were as natural as breathing.

“When it rains,”

Jo Jihyun suddenly opened his mouth.

“I think I’ll remember. Today.”

“I will, too.”

Words of promise are added. Kang Seokwon’s cool eyes loosen relaxedly. Jo Jihyun tightened his hand that was hugging him. He vowed that whenever it rained, he would always think of today.

The heavy rain soaked the windowpane.

The sound of falling rain tapped against the windowpane. Perhaps because of the dream he just had, his pillow was w**. The memories of before, no, memories that do not exist, keep appearing as dreams these days.

It’s agonizing.

Those memories that only he possesses seize his consciousness without warning.

He misses Kang Seokwon’s voice, his warmth, his kindness, to the point of pain.

The humid air made his head feel heavy. Jo Jihyun got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. When he came out after getting ready for school, his mother was sitting with a face that carried all the gloom in the world.

“I’m off to school.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you breakfast.”

“It’s okay.”

“I should have fed you breakfast and sent you to school, but my body ached so much I couldn’t move.”

“You should get some rest.”

An empty can came flying at him.

“You son of a b**ch. Your mom says she’s sick, and that’s all you have to say?”

On rainy days, his mother’s irritability doubled.

“I’m sorry. Should I bring you a blanket?”

He asked, suppressing the urge to flee the spot. His mother’s expression softened a little.

“Yes. And bring me a glass of hot water.”

Jo Jihyun brought a blanket and a cup of water, then asked again.

“Is there anything else you need?”

“No.”

She smiled with a satisfied face. It was a beautiful face.

“Your father left early this morning.”

“…Yes.”

“What’s he so busy with when he can’t even earn a single penny.”

Like a child being punished, Jo Jihyun had to stand in front of his mother and listen to all of her venting.

“You can’t end up like your father, okay?”

She said, grasping her son’s hand with a benevolent smile like the V**gin Mary. It felt like his flesh was rotting away from where her warmth touched. Jo Jihyun replied calmly, “Yes.”

“Hurry and go. You’ll be late for school.”

“Yes. I’m leaving.”

Jo Jihyun bowed his head and walked to the entryway. His heart was pounding. He tried to soothe himself by saying it’s okay, that this is nothing, but his whole body was trembling even as he put on his shoes.

“Jihyun-ah.”

His mother called him. Jo Jihyun turned his head and said, “Yes.”

“I love you, son.”

Jo Jihyun lowered his eyes as much as possible and replied, “Me too.” He didn’t realize until he was in the elevator that he was so nervous his palms were drenched with sweat. No, his whole body was covered in a cold sweat.

“Haha…”

He laughs feebly. He is not okay at all. One of the things that hadn’t changed after returning to the past was his own mental deficiency. It was a disability he couldn’t confide in anyone about, couldn’t lean on anyone for.

He opened his umbrella.

His body felt particularly heavy today. It felt like he was carrying out the missions assigned to him day by day.

I’m doing well. If I keep doing this, someday…

“…”

I’ll go to college and become independent from my family.

And after that?

In the end, nothing will remain by his side.

The bus arrived and he boarded. He sat in a back seat and habitually took out his vocabulary book, but not a single word entered his head. The bus, earlier than usual, was not crowded. Even as it passed stops, not more than one or two passengers got on.

Jo Jihyun looked at the bus window. The rain-soaked scenery came into view.

When it rains, I think I’ll remember, today.

Shaking off the futile memory, Jo Jihyun straightened his gaze. At that moment, he unknowingly held his breath.

It was Kang Seokwon.

While he was thinking, Why, the man walks forward. His upright gait, his cool eyes, his physique that was overwhelming just to look at.

Everything was exactly as he remembered.

He sits down in a seat.

So he goes to school at this time.

He realized why he had never once met him, even though their routes overlapped. Thinking that he shouldn’t, he followed Kang Seokwon’s back with his eyes. Then, his hands suddenly came into view.

His hands, with their sturdy knuckles, were calloused in the direction where force was applied. His hair was also w**. It wasn’t because of the rain. He had finished his morning workout and was on his way to school.

A genius the likes of which our country will never see again. A jewel that appears once in a hundred years.

Those were the words that described Kang Seokwon in the newspapers. In the news and articles, they vied to praise the new star who had appeared like a comet. Kang Seokwon had climbed up step by step.

Beep. The buzzer sounded.

He felt a gaze. Kang Seokwon, standing in front of the back door, was looking at him. Only then did Jo Jihyun realize it was the stop in front of the school and grabbed his bag.

“I’m sorry.”

He bowed to the bus driver and scrambled off the bus. Kang Seokwon was already walking far ahead.

When he opened his umbrella, with a pak sound, raindrops scattered into the air.

He must not forget. The things that will exist for Kang Seokwon, even if nothing remains for himself. The brilliant future and the reward for his efforts that he should have had.

Jo Jihyun slowly walked into the rain.

“Hello.”

“Oh, Jihyun, you’re here.”

Kim Soojung, who worked the previous shift, acknowledged him. He changed his clothes and came out. He had decided it wasn’t good in many ways to work in his school uniform, so he always kept a set of casual clothes. After checking the cash register and placing the book he took out from his bag on the table, Kim Soojung giggled.

“You know you really don’t fit in as a convenience store part-timer, right?”

“Is that so?”

“Your looks, and the things you do. You should try being an EBS cover model or something. No, are you too pretty for that? There were quite a few kids asking how old you are.”

“Aren’t you going to be late?”

At Jo Jihyun’s words, she said, “Oh my, look at me,” and picked up her bag.

“See you later.”

Jo Jihyun bowed his head.

She went outside, and he opened his book. It was a place with little foot traffic, so there weren’t many customers. After dinner time, most of the customers were people coming to buy cigarettes or alcohol.

Tinkle.

The bell rang lightly every time the door opened and closed. It was the first customer in an hour since the last one had left. Without taking his eyes off the book he was reading, Jo Jihyun greeted, “Welcome.”

English, Korean, and Math were easier to understand than before, but for memorization subjects, the results were still proportional to the time invested.

A large hand placed a bottle of water on the counter. He scanned the barcode on the water bottle with the reader and informed him of the price, “It’s eight hundred won.” A thousand-won bill is held out. Jo Jihyun took the money and pressed the button on the POS machine. He laid the thousand-won bill flat in the neatly arranged banknote compartment and picked up the coins. The moment he was about to give the change, he turned his gaze to the customer standing in front of him. Because their eye levels didn’t match, he couldn’t see the other person’s face right away. He casually lifted his head and ended up dropping the coins in his hand.

Clang.

Even after the coins hit the floor, Jo Jihyun stared up at the other person as if frozen for a long time. The person holding the water bottle raised his eyebrows as if puzzled.

“Ah, …I’m sorry.”

Jo Jihyun immediately bowed his head. He tried to find the coins that had fallen on the floor, but they were not easy to spot. After fumbling around on the floor for a while, he found a one-hundred-won coin. In the end, he couldn’t find the other hundred-won coin and had to take one out from the POS machine again.

“Here, your change is two hundred won.”

His fingertips were trembling. Kang Seokwon, who took the money, went straight out of the convenience store. His legs gave out and he collapsed right there on the spot.

Blood rushed to his head and his face flushed.

Why is he…

Jo Jihyun covered his face with his hands. This place was definitely not within Kang Seokwon’s range of activity. It was quite a distance from his house and the gym. At his sudden appearance, he couldn’t come to his senses for a while.

What if he comes here again? Should I quit? I’ve just barely gotten used to the work… …what should I do?

While worrying for a long time, Jo Jihyun suddenly realized something. The fact that Kang Seokwon, just like before, did not know him. It was an overabundance of self-consciousness. Just because they had run into each other a few times by chance, there was no way he would get involved in his life.

His coming here was just a coincidence.

After reaching that conclusion, he felt as bitter as he felt relieved.

Almost a month had passed since he woke up in his room that day, but he hadn’t exchanged a single word with Kang Seokwon. It was a natural result.

Jo Jihyun sat back down in the chair and opened his book. He read for a long time, but not a single letter registered in his eyes.

“You crazy b**t**d. First place again this time.”

“Joji, are you on d**gs these days? How do you not miss first place even once? I heard your national ranking is no joke either.”

In front of the bulletin board where the overall rankings were posted, classmates spoke to Jo Jihyun in a teasing tone. Jo Jihyun gave a listless smile. He studied like crazy in the time he had left after his part-time job. Not only his school ranking but also his national percentile shot up. His mother’s hysteria decreased by a surprising amount. At least, she didn’t wield knives or scissors at the son who saved her face.

“You’re getting secret tutoring, aren’t you? Let me in on it. Joji.”

Choi Giyeol clung to him and leaned on Jo Jihyun’s shoulder. Just his approach made him feel so bad that a cold sweat broke out, but Jo Jihyun tried hard to react nonchalantly.

“I’m not doing anything like that.”

“Then how are your grades improving day by day?”

“I’m just working hard.”

“Well, Joji, it looks like lasers are about to shoot out of your eyes during class. What’s with you these days? You worked hard before, but you weren’t like this.”

“It’s about time to be a third-year high school student.”

Jo Jihyun mumbled a vague excuse and removed Choi Giyeol’s hand. He shouldn’t react too strongly, nor should he let him get too close. It was a relationship that he had to maintain moderately, like flowing water, and then cut off.