DEARG Ch 9

“I am not okay, not at all…”

Kang Seokwon gripped Jo Jihyun’s cheek. This was the hand of the man who had broken Choi Kiyeol’s bones with a blank face. It was the same hand that had trembled while fastening the torn-off button.

“Please.”

Kang Seokwon whispers softly. One could guess what words would follow. Jo Jihyun stubbornly shook his head. Their eyes met. Kang Seokwon pressed his lips to Jo Jihyun’s hair.

Every time, Kang Seokwon had saved him. He had regarded a broken human, unloved even by his own parents, as if he were a saint.

Jo Jihyun threw his arms around Kang Seokwon in a sudden embrace.

In that moment,

“Is that you, Jihyun?”

He heard the sound of blood draining from his head.

“What are you doing, right now?”

“…”

Frozen on the spot, Jo Jihyun couldn’t even breathe.

“I’m asking what you two are doing there.”

A woman’s irritable voice cut through the air. Before Jo Jihyun could even answer, a pale white hand seized his wrist.

“Come here. Let’s go.”

“Wait, I can’t go.”

Barely regaining his senses, Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“What are you talking about? Why can’t you go? Who says you can’t?”

His mother’s eyes glared. At the end of her gaze stood Kang Seokwon.

“I need to go to the police station first and…”

A sharp hand mercilessly strikes his cheek.

“Why would you go to the police station.”

“Mother…”

“Why would a good kid like you go to a police station! Don’t go!”

It was a senseless tantrum, devoid of any logic. His mother gripped Jo Jihyun’s arm tightly and started dragging him away.

“Mother, please wait. Don’t do this. Please…”

“Shut your mouth. Before I rip it.”

His mother’s eyes gleamed with madness. The color drained from Jo Jihyun’s face, turning it white.

“Let’s go home. To home, and, and I won’t let you get away with this. You filthy b**t**d, how, dare, you do such a filthy thing…”

As she muttered as if chanting a prayer, Kang Seokwon blocked her hand.

“What is this.”

As his mother raised her head to glare at Kang Seokwon, Jo Jihyun’s heart sinks with a thud.

“Mother. Five minutes, no, just one minute. I’ll go home in one minute. I’ll go, so please, I’m begging…”

His mother slapped her son’s cheek once again. As if that wasn’t enough to quell her anger, she strikes him repeatedly.

“A man has nothing better to do than…!”

Kang Seokwon grabbed the woman’s arm. There were no words, not even a ‘stop’ or a ‘don’t do this’. His gaze, sunken into pitch blackness, stared at the woman.

No matter how crazy a woman she was, she felt a primal sense of danger and flinched. But she had an outstanding talent for tormenting people.

The mother shook off his hand and, as if to make a point, grabbed her son’s hair. Then she drags him all the way to the sidewalk. Even though Jo Jihyun pleaded, ‘Mother, please, don’t do this,’ she did not stop walking.

Kang Seokwon’s eyes grew cold. He stood in front of the two, blocking their path.

“I’m asking you for a favor.”

Kang Seokwon bowed his head. The moment she heard the words that flowed from his lips, a cruel smile forms on the woman’s face.

“Please let him go.”

The woman keenly understood the deep meaning his words carried.

“He is my son.”

Tightening the hand that was clutching his hair, she continued.

“He’s the son I carried for ten months and gave birth to. Do you know what that means? He’s my precious son. I won’t give him to anyone.”

The mother’s distinctly pronounced words were horrifying. Jo Jihyun pushed her away with all his might.

“It’s not like I wanted it either.”

His mother looked at Jo Jihyun as if she could not believe it. He had been an obedient son. One who never went against her, no matter what she said or what she did.

Her chin quivered.

“What did you just say…”

“I said I didn’t want to be, to be born as your son.”

Though his stomach was twisted and nauseous, Jo Jihyun desperately held it in and glared at his mother. Even if he went home and got beaten and cursed at, he could not, be dragged away right now.

“Jihyun, what are you talking about. You must be saying that because you’re not in your right mind and you’re scared…”

The mother soothed her son with a voice as sweet as if it were coated in honey. Jo Jihyun leaned his body back, avoiding her touch.

“Don’t touch my body. Not ever again.”

The mother’s lips twitched. Her lips, which soon formed a smile, spew out terrifying curses.

Bastardwhoshouldbekilled,dirtyhomobastard,bastardwhowouldfuckadog,sonofabitchwhodumpshismotherforamanwhospreadshislegs,bastardwhosnolessthanaworm.

Slowly, the expression vanishes from Jo Jihyun’s face. Unable to watch any longer, just as Kang Seokwon reached out to grab Jo Jihyun’s arm, the mother clutched her son’s shirt hem.

“I don’t need a son like you either!”

Then, she pulled with all her strength and pushed her son away. The moment his body lost balance and fell backward, Jo Jihyun saw his mother’s eyes looking at him. In that very brief instant, Jo Jihyun realizes his mother’s meticulous malice.

In front of Kang Seokwon, right in front of him, she was snatching away something precious.

As the headlights approached with a sharp blare of a horn, Jo Jihyun closed his eyes. A heavy impact enveloped his body. His body, which shot up with a thud, hit the car’s frame and went tumbling down.

The incident happened so suddenly that even the people nearby couldn’t do anything.

“Call, call an ambulance. An ambulance!”

Someone shouted. Lying on the ground, Jo Jihyun blinked his blurry eyes. Blood drips onto his pupils. Only after blinking a few times at the stinging sensation in his eyes did Jo Jihyun realize it was not his own blood.

The dull, echoing sound that rang out at the same time he hit the car comes to mind. The warmth that had firmly wrapped around his body the moment the impact was transmitted, too.

“…”

The warmth slips and falls away. Even seeing it with his own eyes, the scene did not register, so Jo Jihyun stared down for a long time.

Why is Kang Seokwon here.

Why is Kang Seokwon bleeding.

Why…why. Why…

Scrape, scrape-scrape-scrape-scrape.

He hears the sound of his heart being ground down. Blood is draining away. His entire body grows cold and cool. The world came crashing down with a thud.

“I didn’t do it. He suddenly jumped out. It’s true.”

The ashen-faced driver jumped out of the car and shouted. People gathered around. The sound of murmuring, the sound of honking horns from behind, the sound of sirens from afar all tangle together to create a sharp noise.

But Jo Jihyun was trapped in a heavy silence, looking down at Kang Seokwon for what seemed like an eternity.

“Jihyun!”

Even at the sound of someone calling him, Jo Jihyun showed no reaction. His father, who had rushed over after being contacted late, took his son’s hand.

“What on earth happened. What happened.”

The son, who had been sitting in front of the operating room with bandages and plasters all over him, finally lifts his head.

“You know.”

“What does that mean. What do you mean, I know.”

Jo Jihyun slowly turned his head. His eyes met his mother’s, who was looking this way. At her son’s cool demeanor, which she had never seen before, the mother flinched and held her breath.

“…I beg you.”

Jo Jihyun brought his hands together and muttered.

“…please…”

Jo Jihyun’s colorless lips parted, whispering small sounds. As his father drew closer, his words slowly continued.

“If it weren’t for Sunbae, I would have died. No, even if not today, I would have died someday. Whether by hanging myself, or by being strangled.”

At his son’s words, the father’s expression hardened abruptly.

“So…I beg you. Please think of me as dead and abandon me. I beg you.”

“What are you talking about. Jihyun, what on earth…”

“I beg you, please…”

His mother rushed over, knelt, and took Jo Jihyun’s hands.

“Jihyun, mom was wrong. I was just so angry earlier. I’m sorry. What parent in this entire world would abandon their child.”

Her beautiful face is a mess of tears. In this moment, Jo Jihyun knows she is being sincere. But to him, it is a sincerity not worth a single fingernail.

Jo Jihyun shook off her hands. She read plainly the contempt and indifference etched onto her son’s expressionless face.

“What you said is right, mother.”

“…”

“I’m a son of a b**ch who abandons his parents because he likes men.”

His mother raised her hand. Jo Jihyun silently looked up at his mother. The moment she saw her son’s chillingly cold, sunken eyes, she faltered and lowered her hand. She had realized that no matter what she did, he would no longer move according to her will.

“Jihyun, for now, let’s go home and…”

His father grabbed Jo Jihyun’s shoulder. Jo Jihyun slowly swallowed a laugh.

“Father.”

“Yes, Jihyun.”

The middle-aged man nods with a tired face.

“Did I even exist in that house?”

There must have been one son, but, Jo Jihyun adds with a weak laugh.

“…Jihyun.”

Jo Jihyun lowers his head and clasps his trembling hands. Then, until the hand gripping his shoulder fell away, he repeated the same words.

Please, I beg you. Abandon me. I beg you…please. Please….abandon me.

He repeated the words more desperately than on the childhood day when he first learned how to pray to God and had prayed for his mother to love him.

Curled up on the auxiliary bed in the hospital room, dozing fitfully, Jo Jihyun woke up with a start. He had felt a gaze. He lifted his head to check and saw Kang Seokwon looking at him. He was about to open his eyes wide and speak, but then he closed his mouth. It was different from usual. Their eyes met, but there was no change in Kang Seokwon’s expression. It wasn’t the usual feverish gaze either.

Only after they faced each other like that for a long while does Jo Jihyun realize. Kang Seokwon was checking. Checking the other’s well-being. Slowly mulling it over several times, he scrutinizes every detail of Jo Jihyun, making sure he is safe.

Kang Seokwon’s fingertips moved as if in a small spasm. At that faint sign, Jo Jihyun slowly sat up. Without being told, he sat on Kang Seokwon’s bed.

Kang Seokwon reached out his hand. Only his left arm, the one that wasn’t broken.

Jo Jihyun leaned against it as if entrusting his body. Only after confirming the warmth with his body did Kang Seokwon slowly exhale. The hand holding him firmly sweeps down Jo Jihyun’s back. It fumbles for his existence, fumbling again and again, repeatedly confirming it.

“I have a favor to ask.”

At Kang Seokwon’s words, Jo Jihyun nodded. He thought that whatever words would follow, he would grant them.

“Don’t go.”

“…”

“I’ll take care of it somehow. I’ll do everything. So….”

Kang Seokwon, unable to suppress the surging emotion, swallows his next words. It was probably anger. Overlaid with a sense of powerlessness.

His right leg, right arm, and two of his right ribs were broken. It was the side he had used to block the car’s frame while holding Jo Jihyun. It had been a major nine-hour surgery. Even though he must have felt a pain like his entire body was being trampled as the anesthesia wore off, Kang Seokwon only thought of Jo Jihyun’s safety. As if that was all he felt.

Jo Jihyun slowly raised his hand and caressed Kang Seokwon’s cheek. Then he gave him a light kiss.

“I will not go.”

As if engraving the words of a vow onto himself, Jo Jihyun whispers. I will not go, not anywhere…I won’t go, so you too, Sunbae…

Jo Jihyun dropped his head, unable to finish his sentence.

From the time he was brought to the hospital until Kang Seokwon finished his surgery, he did not cry. He neither screamed in despair nor let out a groan of grief. He endured all these terrible things completely and waited for Kang Seokwon. Even the sense of loss that felt like his heart was crumbling to dust felt like it was entirely his to bear. It was the first time he had learned what loss felt like, because he had never had anything to begin with. With every breath, crushed sorrow rose up his throat. It was a feeling he never wanted to experience again.

And as he stayed by the side of Kang Seokwon, who had finished his surgery, he realized. This was where he was supposed to be.

Kang Seokwon pulled Jo Jihyun into a deep embrace. Their lips met. Hot breaths mingled as they sought each other’s bliss.

It was an unbelievably, silent night.

“Meal’s here.”

Jo Jihyun quickly got up and brought the meal tray. He turned the bed, helped him sit up, set up the overbed table, and placed the tray down. Watching Jo Jihyun move about diligently, Kang Seokwon asks, ‘And you?’

“I’ll go down and eat later.”

“Then let’s go together later.”

“You shouldn’t keep moving around when your bones haven’t even set.”

Jo Jihyun made a worried face.

“They’ll set soon.”

He wasn’t just saying that. It had only been a few days since the surgery, but Kang Seokwon was already at a level where he could walk freely with crutches. Even the doctor was at a loss for words at his monstrous stamina and strength in a situation where one arm, one leg, and his ribs were broken. When Jo Jihyun muttered, ‘Still,’ Kang Seokwon lowered his head and kissed the nape of Jo Jihyun’s neck. Jo Jihyun’s face flushed bright red.

“I’ll, I’ll go get some water.”

Jo Jihyun quickly picked up the water bottle and left the room. Walking down the hallway, Jo Jihyun rubbed his flushed face.

Unlike before, Kang Seokwon had been initiating physical contact like this often. As if trying to confirm the fact that he was holding a precious jewel in his own hand.

Jo Jihyun looked down at his own hand, which was clutching the water bottle.

On the afternoon of the day Kang Seokwon woke up, Jo Jihyun went to the hospital where Choi Kiyeol was admitted. As soon as she saw him, Choi Kiyeol’s mother’s face lit up.

‘Jihyun. Don’t you worry. We know everything that happened.’

Jo Jihyun blinked. And he soon understood the meaning of those words. He had met the eyes of the man standing inside the hospital room. A revulsion, as if a slimy snake were slithering over his entire body, arose. His heart pounds like crazy, but like a machine spinning in place, his body only grows colder.

‘I heard that teacher was also beaten by that guy named Kang Seokwon or something? I heard he’s a total gangster. You’re being threatened by him too, right? You poor thing.’

Choi Kiyeol’s mother looked at Jo Jihyun with pitying eyes. Choi Kiyeol, who was lying in the hospital bed, looked this way, but when their eyes met, he hastily turned his head away.

Jo Jihyun clenched his drenched hands.

‘No. I have never been threatened. If we’re talking about threats, Choi Kiyeol made them to me, so you can ask him about that.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Choi Kiyeol beat me and tried to sexually a**ault me. Sunbae was helping me.’

Jo Jihyun said this while looking straight at the teacher who was glancing this way. At Jo Jihyun’s words, Choi Kiyeol’s mother let out a scream-like sound.

‘What are you talking about? Why would our Kiyeol do such a thing?’

‘You shouldn’t speak that way without any proof.’

His father even chimed in. Jo Jihyun answered calmly.

‘As for proof, you can look at the photos inside Choi Kiyeol’s phone. It doesn’t matter if you delete them. I’ve already saved them elsewhere.’

It was a lie. But it didn’t matter. This was the only way to protect Kang Seokwon.

Choi Kiyeol screamed, ‘Close the door, quickly.’ At her son’s frantic reaction, the mother’s face turned white.

‘If you want to sue, go ahead. I will sue as well.’

As Jo Jihyun bowed his head and was about to leave, Choi Kiyeol’s father held him back.

‘Then what, would you like us to do?’

It was the expected reaction. Choi Kiyeol’s parents were people who valued their own prestige as much as their son’s well-being. Jo Jihyun said what he had thought of. That they would not hold Kang Seokwon legally responsible for this incident, that they would transfer Choi Kiyeol to another school, and that they would not involve his own parents in this matter. Choi Kiyeol’s father eventually nodded. Jo Jihyun said to be sure to let him know if they were going to change their minds. Because he would have to prepare to sue as well. Having secured that promise, Jo Jihyun left the hospital. On the way back, he threw up everything he had eaten. Until clear stomach acid came out. As he walked on trembling legs, a laugh suddenly escaped him. It was so easy. Once he started thinking that it didn’t matter what happened to someone like him, everything became easy. Just as Kang Seokwon had been to him.

Jo Jihyun tightened his grip on the water bottle.

“Jihyun, going to get water?”

“Yes. Hello.”

A passing nurse acknowledged him. Since Jo Jihyun, who was clearly a minor, was taking care of Kang Seokwon, he naturally stood out. There had been a few patients, guardians, and nurses who had asked for his name and age. At first, such attention was uncomfortable, but now he reacted to it nonchalantly.

“You’re going through a lot, taking care of your cousin, kid.”

Because of their dissimilar appearances, they couldn’t say they were brothers, nor could he say he was a senior from school. So the excuse he had roughly made up was that they were cousins.

“Drink this while you’re at it.”

The nurse offers him an orange juice.

“It’s okay.”

“No, no. Seeing you reminds me of my son.”

The fact that motherhood was something that offered such kindness just from being reminded of someone, was hard to believe.

“…Thank you.”

When Jo Jihyun bows his head properly, the nurse smiles, saying he has a pretty face and good manners too. Rubbing his blushing face, he filled the water bottle and returned to the hospital room.

Kang Seokwon was waiting for Jo Jihyun without even having opened his meal.

“Why aren’t you eating.”

“I was going to eat with you.”

“Why would I eat a patient’s meal.”

Jo Jihyun said with a smile as he placed the water on the table. Kang Seokwon’s gaze lands on the orange juice in Jo Jihyun’s hand.

“Ah, the nurse gave it to me.”

Kang Seokwon says, ‘I see,’ and opens the meal container. A short silence fell. Watching Kang Seokwon’s expressionless profile, Jo Jihyun asked.

“Should I throw it away?”

Through the events of recent days, he realizes that Kang Seokwon is very jealous. He seemed to not particularly like it when people at the hospital, especially the nurses, called Jo Jihyun a pretty student and handed him drinks or fruit.

“No. Drink it.”

Kang Seokwon answered, neatly stacking the lids of the meal container to the side.

“…She’s an older lady.”

Kang Seokwon snatched the orange juice from Jo Jihyun’s hand, opened the lid, and handed it back. Jo Jihyun silently stared at the orange juice, then took it to the sink and poured it all out. When their eyes met, Kang Seokwon frowned slightly.

“I don’t want to make you worry about things like this.”

Kang Seokwon had a displeased expression, but in the end, he did not say that he wasn’t worried.

“You have to get better quickly.”

Jo Jihyun mutters as if to himself. Then, he noticed Kang Seokwon’s gaze watching him intently and blinked. The feverish gaze slowly traces over Jo Jihyun. The events of yesterday flashed through Jo Jihyun’s mind.

He had dozed off on the auxiliary bed and woken up to find Kang Seokwon looking down at him. While caressing Jo Jihyun’s hair with his fingertips. They kissed. Kang Seokwon gripped Jo Jihyun’s head firmly. As their lips met deeply, Kang Seokwon couldn’t contain his excitement and pulled Jo Jihyun into an embrace. No, to be precise, he tried to pull him into an embrace. Before he was blocked by the arm in the cast. Jo Jihyun swallowed a short laugh. Watching him, Kang Seokwon quietly clicked his tongue and sighed. Jo Jihyun knew what that meant. In Kang Seokwon’s studio apartment, the two had pressed their bodies together whenever they had time. But they had never gone all the way. Even though Jo Jihyun knew what Kang Seokwon wanted, whenever he fumbled between his b**tocks, his body would stiffen. Each time, Kang Seokwon would bite his lip, sigh, and pull his body away. It was that exact expression. Lowering himself, the man had always taken a step back. He wanted to do something for him. Was that why? He had found himself muttering those words without realizing it.

Let’s do it when you’re all better.

Kang Seokwon’s expression had frozen. As if he had heard something he shouldn’t have. Jo Jihyun had haltingly averted his gaze. It ended there. So he had even wondered if perhaps he hadn’t heard him correctly.

“Right. I have to get better quickly.”

Only after hearing Kang Seokwon mutter to himself as he picked up his chopsticks was Jo Jihyun able to be sure that he had heard him properly.

Feeling unnecessarily hot, Jo Jihyun looked out the window. He thought he felt a sign of Kang Seokwon laughing softly.

Just then, the door opened and a nurse came in. Her gaze was fixed on Jo Jihyun. Jo Jihyun immediately stood up from his seat.

“What is it?”

“A call came in…”

Almost no one knows that he is here. And among them, the only person who would contact him is probably, his father.

“I understand.”

Jo Jihyun looked back at Kang Seokwon and said, ‘I’ll be back after taking the call.’ Kang Seokwon nods with a displeased expression. Even without this, his father had come to the hospital room several times. Telling him to come back home. Each time, Jo Jihyun had firmly refused. Kang Seokwon had also watched that happen.

There was a bitter taste in Jo Jihyun’s mouth as he walked down the hallway following the nurse. He holds no great ill will toward his father. He had only loved his wife. To an excessive degree. Even while fighting and spewing curses at each other every day, the two never divorced. He could well guess the reason why his mother was not taken to a psychiatric hospital. It was because, coincidentally, his maternal uncle had been receiving treatment at a psychiatric hospital right before he committed suicide.

“Um, but…”

The nurse who was walking ahead trails off and looks back. A very bad feeling flowed through him. Jo Jihyun, biting his lip, went to the desk and was handed the phone. Even the head nurse who gave him the phone had a stiff expression.

“Hello.”

「Jihyun…!」

The sound of a beast that has lost its reason, wailing.

The moment he heard that voice, Jo Jihyun dropped his head.

His father had lost his mind. Wearing blood-splattered clothes, he just kept repeating, ‘what do I do, what about your mother, what do I do.’ It was the first time he had seen his father so mentally broken.

“Is she in critical condition?”

At Jo Jihyun’s question, his father shook his head, trembling.

“Will she have a permanent disability?”

“No, but…”

Until now, his mother had never once attempted suicide. That, at least, must have been a mental bastion for his father.

“She’ll be okay.”

Jo Jihyun said, looking at his father. The middle-aged man, his face a mess of tears, buries his ruined face in his hands and bursts into tears. His weeping voice trembles as he says, ‘If your mother is gone, I’ll die too, I can’t live either.’

“So, Jihyun, if you, could just…please.”

His father clung to his son.

“The business is going well right now, everything is going well. So if you just, please…please, huh?”

“What should I do.”

Jo Jihyun asked in a bitter voice.

“I won’t ask you to live with us. But as parents, how could we ever cut ties with our child.”

In the end, it was back to square one. Jo Jihyun didn’t even want to be in contact with his mother. He no longer wanted to maintain a relationship with a woman who, if she didn’t get her way, would push her son into a rushing car, telling him to just die.

“Couldn’t you go stay with your aunt?”

“What are you talking about.”

The blood drained from Jo Jihyun’s face.

“I’ll ask your aunt. Please…everything is going well. So if you just, if you just help…”

In his father’s voice as he begged and cried, Jo Jihyun felt a faint resentment. He discerns the underlying meaning that if only he would endure, their family would be at peace. Cruel selfishness. There is a hierarchy even among family. It is easy to grasp if one knows who the person in power is. Most young children have no choice but to live crushed by that power.

“Please, I’m begging you. Your mother is going to die at this rate. She hasn’t eaten or slept for days. Please, just think of it as saving a person’s life, huh? I’ll listen to anything you say…”

Jo Jihyun shook off his father’s hand that was clutching his hem.

“I don’t want to go live in America.”

He could well imagine who had come up with the idea of sending him to his aunt in America. Even if they don’t live together, they need a son who looks good on the surface. One who would study in America and build a stepping stone for success.

“Jihyun!”

His father calls his son’s name, sobbing. Tears welled up in Jo Jihyun’s eyes. He doesn’t want his mother to die. No matter how much he dislikes the woman, she is the mother who gave birth to him.

“Jihyun. You’re like this now because, you’re young and you don’t know anything. You’re just mistaken because he’s nice to you. Think carefully. About what’s important. Huh?”

His father ends up collapsing to the floor and bursting into tears.

“…It’s very important.”

His father did not hear the faint whisper Jo Jihyun muttered.

It is very important. As much as you think of mother, I do too.

The unsaid words pile up in his stomach, as heavy as pebbles.

“Then go and talk to your mother for a bit. She’s been looking for only you since she woke up.”

“…”

Jo Jihyun’s lips turned blue.

“It’s your father’s last wish, please.”

Because of his father, who grabbed his trouser leg and bowed his head, Jo Jihyun ended up nodding.

“I’ll just see her. Father, I also…can’t do more than that.”

His clothes were already soaked with a cold sweat. Since that day, if he saw his mother’s face even in a dream, he would have to run to the bathroom and vomit up everything inside him. The mixed emotions of vivid fear and disgust clawed at his insides.

Jo Jihyun slowly stood in front of the hospital room door and knocked. There was no word to come in. As he opened the door and entered, the sight of his mother sitting on the edge of the bed came into view. Her profile, as if submerged in sorrow, looked tragically beautiful. She did not even turn her head, even though she knew her son had entered. Jo Jihyun exhaled slowly and took a step.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

She answers.

“…Please don’t do this.”

Even knowing that words like these held no meaning, Jo Jihyun said them.

“And father?”

“Pardon?”

At the unexpected question, Jo Jihyun asked back in surprise.

“How is your father?”

He had heard that he had run to the hospital carrying his mother, who had slit her wrists and hung herself. His father had been so out of his mind that he couldn’t even think to call 119.

“He is greatly distressed.”

“He would be.”

She says this as if mulling over the fact, and then nods. Then, she beckons to her son.

“Can you come a little closer for a moment?”

His heart sinks with a thud. An ominous premonition creeps up from the tips of his toes. Jo Jihyun swallowed dryly.

“Mom, has something to tell you.”

Her voice was extremely hoarse. Seeing the marks left on her neck, Jo Jihyun dropped his head. Jo Jihyun looked down at the floor and took one step, closer to his mother.

“A little more. I’m sorry. My voice isn’t coming out well.”

“…”

A cold sweat ran down his forehead. It’s okay. She can’t do any harm here. Jo Jihyun barely managed to take a step.

“Jihyun.”

His mother wrapped her arms around her son’s neck. At that startlingly affectionate gesture, Jo Jihyun held his breath.

“If I die, your father.”

With a voice as sweet as a witch luring a child with candy, the mother slowly whispered.

“Will die, for sure.”

Jo Jihyun j**ked his body away as if he had been burned by fire.

“What are you talking about.”

“That your father will also commit suicide. Because he can’t live.”

She says with a faint smile. She reached out her hand and clutched the hem of Jo Jihyun’s clothes.

“The most precious thing, do you know what it feels like to have that taken away?”

“L-let, let go…”

His mother glared. As he met the eyes that were glinting with madness, eyes that looked exactly like his own, a wave of nausea rose in Jo Jihyun.

Jo Jihyun shook off his mother with all his strength. As he left the room just like that, his mother muttered behind him in a heavy, hoarse voice.

“It’ll be the same for him too.”

Jo Jihyun’s footsteps stop dead. Extreme displeasure scratched away at his heart.

“…What, do you…”

His mother did not answer. Jo Jihyun slowly turned around. His mother pulled her lips wide into a smile.

“Do you think I can’t do it?”

“…”

“I’ll do it, no matter how many years it takes. In front of him.”

With a face as beautiful as a flower, she threatened her son.

That she would take away what he held most precious, right in front of Kang Seokwon.

“…You can’t.”

Jo Jihyun said it as if to soothe himself. You can’t, mother, absolutely not. It won’t happen like that. Swallowing his fear, he muttered inside his mouth.

“If I can’t do it, I can have someone else do it.”

Jo Jihyun thought of the man crying outside the door. The man who had said over and over that if his mother died, he would surely die too.

“You just wait and see. Because it will, surely, happen that way.”

She spat out the words, chewed as if reaffirming her own resolve. Jo Jihyun hastily ran out of the hospital room.

“What did she say? What did your mom say?”

His father ran up and grabbed his son’s hand.

Jo Jihyun was about to open his mouth, but stopped and pressed his lips together.

“…Nothing…”

His father’s bloodshot red eyes were not much different from his mother’s poison-filled ones. One person was mad with hatred, the other was mad with love.

“What are you talking about. She was only looking for you. She kept saying, give me back my baby, that’s all she said. Jihyun, please.”

His father knelt down as if collapsing. I can’t be without your mother, I’m begging you, please, Jihyun. Grabbing his son with his blood-stained hands, his father wailed endlessly.

“Jihyun…”

“Father, mother is…”

You have to give up now.

As if he knew what Jo Jihyun was about to say, his father abruptly lifted his head.

“No.”

The man says, his expression hardening resolutely. No. His bloodshot red eyes reveal an unyieldingly strong will.

It felt like hitting a solid rock wall. Jo Jihyun bowed his head. An indescribably miserable feeling washes over him. In the end, these were things that would not change.

Jo Jihyun had no choice but to silently listen to his father’s weeping.

The walk to the hospital where Kang Seokwon was admitted felt particularly, long. Is this what it feels like to be dead tired.

Jo Jihyun, who was about to enter the hospital room, stopped his feet at the voice coming from inside.

“Hey, you b**t**d. Are you in your right mind? Are you crazy?”

He soon recognizes whose angry voice it is.

“I’m sorry. Director.”

“Is this something that ends with you being sorry? Do you have any idea how difficult my position has become because of the canceled match?”

The man questions him relentlessly without a break.

“I barely managed to persuade the association, which is making a huge fuss right now. I wore out the doorstep going back and forth apologizing, saying a guy like you would never appear again! Do you think I rented a private room for you so you could do this.”

“I will pay you back for everything later.”

“Is paying it back the problem? What are you trying to do right now.”

“I will do it again later.”

“You think you can do that whenever you want? Are you saying that because you don’t know how important timing is for an athlete?”

“I’m sorry.”

Jo Jihyun bowed his head without even realizing it.

“It’s not a problem that ends with you being sorry! How much I invested in you. I brought you all the way to Seoul and had you train, and now all you have to say is that you’re quitting training?”

“It’s for the time being.”

At the words that he was quitting training, Jo Jihyun felt a shock as if he had been hit hard on the back of the head.

“That’s the same thing!”

At the sharp yell, Jo Jihyun flinched his shoulders. The director, panting heavily, exhales and then continues to speak.

“Let’s hear the reason why you’re doing this, at least.”

“I need money.”

The director let out a scoff as if he was dumbfounded.

Jo Jihyun bites his lip for a long moment and lets go.

“Is it because of that b**t**d?”

“…”

“Is it because of that pale-faced b**t**d named Jo Jihyun or whatever.”

Kang Seokwon did not say anything.

“S**t, just you watch if I let that b**t**d be. If I catch him, I’m going to snap his fucking arm.”

“Do not speak carelessly.”

The soft voice sounds low, like the threat of a beast. Even the director hesitates for a moment before spitting out a curse, ‘d**mit.’

“Get a grip, you b**t**d. With nothing better for guys to do with each other, f**k.”

“That is none of your business, Director.”

“What do you mean it’s not my business! You ungrateful b**t**d! If something like this gets out, you can’t compete. Don’t you know how much this world gossips? Are you saying that because you don’t know how conservative the old folks in sports are!”

Kang Seokwon did not answer. Perhaps thinking that further talk was pointless, the director shouts, ‘cool your head,’ and walks out. Jo Jihyun stepped aside next to the door and stood there, as if frozen to the spot.

His eyes met the director’s, who came out opening the door. A fleeting sense of bewilderment crossed the director’s face, but soon, as if he had decided something, he closes the door behind him and grabs Jo Jihyun’s hand. Jo Jihyun was dragged straight to the emergency staircase.

“Did you hear?”

At the blunt question, Jo Jihyun hesitated for a moment before nodding his head.

“Alright, then I don’t need to explain. Kang Seokwon is a genius who might come along once in a hundred years, no, once in our entire country.”

He knows. It was a fact he could tell just by looking at the headlines that appeared in various articles. Jo Jihyun had been reading every article about Kang Seokwon.

“That b**t**d says the reason he’s quitting is because of money, do you know anything?”

“…”

Jo Jihyun could not say anything. The reason is more than guessable. For the two of them to live together, they need a regular income. Prize money, at best, comes in three or four times a year.

“Did you tell him to do that?”

The director grabs Jo Jihyun by the collar. Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“No. That kind of thing…absolutely not.”

“Then why is he like this overnight. He’s absolutely not the kind of b**t**d to do that! S**t, if you didn’t tell him to, then what is it!”

As he was about to shake his head, Jo Jihyun stopped. Maybe he had told him to. In the end, it was the terrible situation surrounding himself that had pushed Kang Seokwon to such a point.

“Do you know how much effort I put into raising that kid!”

As the man let out a furious shout, a nurse passing by in the hallway opened the emergency staircase door. The director hastily pushed Jo Jihyun away.

“Please be a little quieter. It’s time for the patients to sleep.”

“I’m sorry.”

The director immediately apologized. The nurse glanced at the two of them before closing the door and disappearing. The director messed up his own hair in frustration and then glared at Jo Jihyun.

“You. Just disappear from in front of Kang Seokwon.”

“…”

“You’re ruining Kang Seokwon’s life right now. You get it? Do you know what a great athlete that b**t**d could be!”

“I’m sorry.”

The lips that are apologizing tremble.

“If you know you’re sorry, then get lost, please.”

The director grabbed Jo Jihyun by the collar, shook him once, and then threw him down. Pushed weakly against the wall, Jo Jihyun, with a face pale and white, muttered ‘I’m sorry’ again.

The director spat on the hem of Jo Jihyun’s clothes.

Disgusting h**o b**t**d.

Jo Jihyun silently listened to the insults. Just as Kang Seokwon had at the police station. Even that was entirely his to bear.

“You just dare to show up in my sight one more time.”

The director spewed curses and went down the stairs. The angry footsteps faded away, but Jo Jihyun could not lift his head.

The spit that ran down the hem of his clothes drips onto the sneakers Kang Seokwon had bought for him. Jo Jihyun quickly wiped the sneakers with his sleeve. No matter how much he wiped, the stain would not come off.

Jo Jihyun bit his lip and buried his head in his knees. The burden he carried was too heavy. So heavy he couldn’t lean on Kang Seokwon.

Kang Seokwon closed the book he was reading and sat up. He turns to look at Jo Jihyun, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I’m sorry. I’m a little late.”

The frown lines on Kang Seokwon’s brow still do not smooth out.

“I waited.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kang Seokwon reaches out his hand and cups Jo Jihyun’s face.

“Did you cry?”

“…”

It seems it was obvious, even though he had washed his face and a long time had passed. Jo Jihyun smiled vaguely and turned his head.

“What did you talk about with your parents?”

“We didn’t talk about much.”

He is a sharp man. It’s better to say as little as possible. Jo Jihyun, trying his best to act as if nothing was wrong, replied and sat on the auxiliary bed.

“Jo Jihyun.”

His voice calls his name in a low tone.

“…They told me to come home. Just that.”

“It took that long to talk about that?”

“I had dinner on the way here.”

Kang Seokwon’s expression is still cool. Jo Jihyun quietly fidgeted with the hem of his clothes. He had diligently tried to wash out the mark where the spit had landed in the bathroom, but a water stain remained. Jo Jihyun, blinking his eyes, slowly parted his lips.

“Sunbae…I’m going to quit school.”

“What?”

Kang Seokwon sat up completely. He raises an eyebrow. His expression said, ‘what kind of nonsense is this.’

“I don’t want to go for a while. For one reason or another.”

“Transfer, then.”

“I’m just going to rest for a bit.”

“No.”

Kang Seokwon understood exactly what Jo Jihyun was saying.

“I want to rest for a bit.”

Jo Jihyun smiled faintly. His eyes met Kang Seokwon’s. He felt like he wanted to cry.

Do you want to run away? With me, to a place where there are no people, a place my mother would never know about? Can you do that for me?…While ruining your life, Sunbae.

His throat burned as if it were on fire as he swallowed the words he could never say out loud.

Kang Seokwon strokes Jo Jihyun’s back. The voice that calls, ‘Jihyun-ah,’ is incomparably gentle. That’s why he can’t lean on him even more.

“What’s wrong.”

It was not a questioning or interrogating tone. He was simply worried. Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“It’s true. I’m just tired of everything…should I just take off and go somewhere.”

“No. Jo Jihyun.”

Kang Seokwon said firmly. His hand gripped Jo Jihyun’s shoulder tightly.

“I’ll do it.”

“Sunbae…”

“I’ll do anything, so don’t do that.”

The moment he heard him say he would do anything, he heard the sound of something that had been precariously holding up inside his chest snap with a thud.

No matter what he said, Kang Seokwon would end up quitting training. And he would do anything. Things that would twist his life.

Get lost. Don’t ruin his life.

The director’s voice echoed in his ears.

It’ll be the same for him too.

He sees the image of his mother with her beautiful smile.

Jo Jihyun lifted his head and looked up at Kang Seokwon. A faint anxiety crosses Kang Seokwon’s eyes.

“Thank you.”

Jo Jihyun continued, smiling.

“For saying that…thank you so much. Sunbae, I…like you.”

At the single phrase that escaped like a sigh, Kang Seokwon froze completely.

Jo Jihyun, with eyes that were silently smiling, said it again.

“I like you, Sunbae.”

It was a word neither of them had ever said out loud. Jo Jihyun’s lips suddenly became parched from the hot heat spreading in his chest. His entire body felt as gritty as desert sand.

“I, Sunbae…”

The rest of his words were devoured by lips that crashed fiercely against his. Kang Seokwon let out a hot breath and s**ked on Jo Jihyun’s lips. His ears were ringing. The heat rose, and he couldn’t think of anything.

With one arm, Kang Seokwon lifted Jo Jihyun onto the bed. The slender body wrapped around Kang Seokwon. The desire bulging beneath the thin hospital gown touched Jo Jihyun’s leg.

Kang Seokwon let out a ragged breath and pressed their lips together deeply. His tongue moved fiercely, stoking the other’s desire. Jo Jihyun’s hands, which were clutching Kang Seokwon’s hospital gown, trembled slightly. The call of ‘Jihyun-ah,’ is swallowed into his mouth. A chilling heat swept through him, all the way to his toes.

“Sunbae…Sunbae…”

Jo Jihyun called Kang Seokwon with blurry eyes. Feeling as if his desire was being strangled, Kang Seokwon quietly bit his lip.

“…Can’t we do it.”

“What?”

At Kang Seokwon’s question, Jo Jihyun lowered his reddened eyes.

“If we do it now…”

Watching him shift his gaze hesitantly, Kang Seokwon swallowed dryly. The sound of his prominent Adam’s apple moving sounds strangely raw to Jo Jihyun’s ears.

“If you are okay with it now…I want to do it.”

Kang Seokwon called, ‘Jihyun-ah,’ and gripped his shoulder. As if that were a sign of refusal, Jo Jihyun asks with a frown, ‘Can’t we?’

Kang Seokwon couldn’t say anything and just looked at Jo Jihyun. He was assessing the other’s intention.

Just then, Jo Jihyun lightly bit and released Kang Seokwon’s lip. For his part, it was a desperate seduction, but it was an action far from being a kiss, and Kang Seokwon held his breath.

“Sunbae…please…”

Jo Jihyun pressed his own against Kang Seokwon’s legs and slowly began to rub.

At that pitifully awkward and clumsy act, Kang Seokwon stopped thinking any further. He devoured Jo Jihyun’s lips as if tearing them apart. It was a savage kiss, different from any before. His hand gripped Jo Jihyun’s b**tocks and pulled him in tight. With their lower bodies pressed together, Kang Seokwon pulled down Jo Jihyun’s pants.

“Ah…”

As his pants and underwear came down in a tangle, Jo Jihyun’s face flushed. Yet, as if asking him to do it somehow, he clung to Kang Seokwon and rubbed his body against him. Kang Seokwon pulled down his hospital gown. His w** p**is was revealed.

Pressing his p**is between Jo Jihyun’s legs, Kang Seokwon held Jo Jihyun and thrust his hips up. W** flesh slapped against each other slickly. The nape of Jo Jihyun’s neck flushed bright red. Kang Seokwon bit Jo Jihyun’s shoulder. A bruised mark was quickly left, like a brand.

Jo Jihyun reached his c**max first, soaking Kang Seokwon’s hospital gown. Ecstasy comes to Kang Seokwon’s eyes as he watches Jo Jihyun’s convulsing body. Soon after, Kang Seokwon also reached his c**max. S**en splattered messily onto Jo Jihyun’s clothes, which he hadn’t had time to take off.

When Kang Seokwon wiped it with his hospital gown, Jo Jihyun shook his head.

“It’s okay.”

Jo Jihyun leans down again and s**ks on Kang Seokwon’s lower lip. It is a gesture more clumsy than a baby s**king on its mother’s b**ast right after birth.

At that insignificant action, heat once again suffuses Kang Seokwon’s body. With their lips locked, the two men explored each other’s bodies. Like people who would not greet another tomorrow after today.

“If it hurts, tell me.”

Kang Seokwon’s voice is low. Jo Jihyun slowly nodded his head. A finger fumbled between his b**tocks. He s**ked in a breath. Kang Seokwon’s little finger pushed into the crevice.

“――, ――.”

“Are you okay?”

“…Yes.”

It was only a little finger, yet he could feel it down to the knuckle. The tips of his toes twitched and trembled. The finger slowly delved inside. That explicit movement nakedly revealed desire. Kang Seokwon is looking straight at him with fearsome eyes. He is a beast possessed by desire.

“Haah…Ugh…”

Jo Jihyun narrowed his eyes slightly. Kang Seokwon’s expression is so unchanged it seems indifferent. But his gaze, at least, was persistently raking over Jo Jihyun. His breath, his changing expressions, the movements of his body, the disordered sounds.

The finger carefully spreads open and widens the place that had been tightly closed.

“I’m putting, one more in.”

At Kang Seokwon’s words, Jo Jihyun squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, as if telling him to hurry up. At the pitiable sight of him enduring the pain, the man’s p**is twitches.

Two fingers barely went in. A cold sweat broke out on Jo Jihyun’s back. Gasping for breath, Jo Jihyun urged Kang Seokwon on, saying, ‘do more.’

“I have to go slowly…”

“More…please keep going.”

Kang Seokwon furrowed his brow. Jo Jihyun gripped Kang Seokwon’s hospital gown. His only thought was to do anything and everything for him somehow.

“Hurry…”

Kang Seokwon pulled out his fingers and brought his own flesh to the entrance, which was now very slightly softer than before.

“――!”

The insertion happened without even a moment to take a breath. Jo Jihyun’s slender body trembled finely. His face was also deathly pale.

Kang Seokwon bit his lip.

If he was going to stop, it had to be now. Both of them knew that. Anymore and he would not be able to suppress that ferocious, beast-like instinct.

Jo Jihyun reached out his hand, gripped Kang Seokwon’s cheek, and whispered.

Please.

It is the moment his faintly remaining reason evaporates. Kang Seokwon’s p**is thrusts inside as if striking. Jo Jihyun’s eyes flew wide open with the pain of his body being split apart.

The small crevice precariously opened and swallowed the large p**is. A stifled groan escaped from Jo Jihyun. With one hand, Kang Seokwon gripped Jo Jihyun’s waist and thrust his desire all the way up. Jo Jihyun’s body collapses onto Kang Seokwon’s shoulder with a flop, as if it were being bent in half. Even so, he grips Kang Seokwon’s hospital gown with all his might. Like a lifeline that must never be let go of. Even as Kang Seokwon thrusts roughly, Jo Jihyun swallowed his groans down his throat.

“Jihyun-ah.”

At the low call, Jo Jihyun barely lifted his head and frantically pressed their lips together. At that small reaction, Kang Seokwon fucked him like a madman, ardently devouring Jo Jihyun. Hot blood mingled, and their bodies locked together.

The sound of breathing, only the sound of breathing was heard. The rapid pulse in his ears feels like it’s about to burst.

“Ah! Sunbae…Sun…Haah! Uht!”

Jo Jihyun wailed, clutching Kang Seokwon’s hospital gown. He thought he had to hold back his groans, but his head was tingling. His tear-filled voice calls for only Kang Seokwon, over and over again. His body sways as Kang Seokwon moves it, and the part below gets w** as he strikes. Every time Kang Seokwon called his name as if in a dream, Jo Jihyun’s heart grew so hot it felt like it would burst.

From between his spread thighs, the precursor to slick fluids dripped stickily.

“――!”

The sound of a beast’s growling breath came from Kang Seokwon’s throat, and his muscles tensed all at once. Hot liquid shot into the opened crevice with a rush. The inside shivered and trembled, repeating its contractions. A mix of cloudy s**en and blood flowed down his thighs. Like a young girl discovered during her first period, Jo Jihyun’s face flushed red with shame.

Kang Seokwon wordlessly pulled Jo Jihyun into an embrace and caught his breath. His lips gently bite and release his earlobe. Hearing the very small sound whispered along with it, Jo Jihyun dropped his head without realizing it.

It’s a miserable feeling. So miserable, he cried with happiness.

“――.”

The fishy smell of blood spread in his mouth. Blood trickled down Jo Jihyun’s nose as he slowly sat up. It seems he had hit his nose when he fell. He spat out the blood that had gone down his throat and wiped his face. He turned his head to check the clock and already, the outside was stained with black darkness.

It felt like he had had a long dream. Shivering from a sudden chill that pierced his bones, Jo Jihyun slowly stood up from his spot.

Dreams and memories were tangled up in a mess.

Right. And then he had left.

Without saying a word to Kang Seokwon, he had left him just like that. He chose to study abroad in America, as if fleeing. He couldn’t bear it. To be by Kang Seokwon’s side and watch him make twisted choices because of him, the numerous humiliations he would receive because of it, the pointing fingers, the contempt, and above all, the fear that his mother would one day ruin his life.

He took all those feelings, which were too burdensome to either endure or confide, and disappeared.

On his way to America, he made a promise with his father. That he would no longer meet with his mother. Then, at least call. His mother said, as if bestowing a great deal of tolerance. His father also clung to Jo Jihyun with a helpless face. Jo Jihyun replied that he understood. If that was fulfilling his duty as a son, he could respond as if playing a recorded tape as much as she wanted.

On the day he left for America, his mother sent a letter in his father’s hand. In the letter, Kang Seokwon’s phone number was written. With a kind explanation attached that for a few hundred thousand won, one could make a clone phone and find out anything, whether it was text messages or call records. Jo Jihyun tore the letter to shreds. But he could not shake off even that horrifying madness.

To his father who was seeing him off with tears, saying to have a good trip, Jo Jihyun held out a white envelope.

‘No matter what happens, please be sure to send it a month from now.’

In the letter, the address of the house he would be staying at in America was written. In a month, Kang Seokwon’s body would also be somewhat better, and then he could start training again. They had to assess each other’s situations when their bodies were healthy.

‘I beg you.’

He pleaded with his father, bowing his head. Tears fell, drop by drop.

Starting for such a reason, curious about trivial things, not knowing how to handle those feelings, he cried like a child in front of his father.

His father nodded his head.

‘I will do so for sure.’

Tears also formed in the eyes of his father, who said so while holding his son’s hand. His expression was sincere. At least, he believed so at the time.

And so he left Korea.

For about a fortnight after arriving in America, he was sick all the time, like a person with a fever. And then, from the time he barely came to his senses, he waited for Kang Seokwon’s letter.

Hoping that he would calm his anger, regain his reason, and that they could gradually continue their happiness in America. His simple and foolish belief continued for a month, and then another month after that, and then another two months after that. He thought it wouldn’t be easy for Kang Seokwon to send a reply, given his personality. He couldn’t easily imagine him writing a letter. But he thought a letter would arrive someday.

But for half a year, no letter came.

Snow fell. The snow seen from America was particularly cold and deep.

The following spring, he moved his residence to the dormitory. Once a day, he would call his aunt to check if the letter had arrived. That became once every two days, once every three days, a week, a fortnight, a month…

Is Kang Seokwon still angry? Is that why he’s not contacting me?

Every night, he dreamed of Kang Seokwon coming to find him in America. There were days he held him gently, days he got angry, saying, ‘you ruined my life,’ and days he silently got on top of him and choked him. Unable to wait for a reply any longer, he even sent him a letter himself. But like the envelope that returned stamped ‘Return to sender,’ his feelings for him lost their direction.

Longing weathered with time and gradually subsided. He believed so.

He also thought about calling, but he didn’t want to hear a rejection in his voice, not that much. Also, the madness of his mother, which was more than enough to ruin Kang Seokwon’s life, came to mind, so he couldn’t easily put it into action.

Even the number he had left as a last resort was pushed far back in his memory.

It’s enough that I confirmed he’s not in a psychiatric hospital.

The memory of the voice that said that warms his chest. At the same time, his fingertips and toes freeze as if the blood isn’t circulating. Staggering, he went to the dining table, found the pill bottle, and swallowed them with water. Then, he picked up his phone. He dialed the number, and the signal tone rings regularly.

「Yes. Hello.」

“Father.”

「Oh, it’s Jihyun. Yes, what is it.」

The voice of his father, who lives in Shanghai with his mother for business, is incomparably bright and energetic. Just like his business, which started to go well as if by a lie, from the day after he disappeared.

“I called because I have something to ask.”

「Yes. Go ahead.」

“The letter, I mean.”

It was a question he had already asked several times when he was in America. Each time, his father had returned a solemn answer, saying he had sent it.

Over and over again.

It was around the time he had been in America for a year that he decided to stop asking this question. Around the time he began to think that perhaps Kang Seokwon might not be looking for him.

「What letter?」

“The letter I gave you when I was supposed to come to my aunt’s house.”

From over the phone, he hears the sound of him humming, trying to recall the memory.

“Did you, mail that?”

「Hahaha, you rascal. You called now to ask about that? At this hour.」

“Yes.”

His heart pounds and races.

Kang Seokwon’s face comes to mind. His angry voice and the memories of past days mix together in a jumble and begin to roll around chaotically.

“I called to ask about that.”

「Jihyun, why that…」

“Please tell me.”

Jo Jihyun pressed his forehead with his hand. A pain like being pricked by a needle began to be felt. His father let out a long sigh.

「I threw it away.」

“…”

He felt the illusion of someone pouring molten iron over his heart.

He covered his face with his hands.

Terrible shame and anger pound at his heart.

「What parent in this entire world would see their child going down the wrong path and turn a blind eye.」

“…You threw it away?”

「Yes. Of course that…」

He did not listen to the words that followed.

It’s the worst. It’s a miserable feeling that cannot be expressed. He cannot think of any excuse for his own cowardice, his weakness, his foolishness.

I have to meet him. I have to meet him and talk…

Jo Jihyun, who was about to get up from his seat, picked up his phone. He pressed the eleven numbers he had memorized, one by one.

「The customer you have called is not available…」

He pressed the call button again. It was the same. The woman returned the same answer over and over again. Jo Jihyun first shoves his phone into his pocket and puts on his shoes.

Let’s meet, and talk. Whatever words, any words. I might not be able to be forgiven, but I have to do something. If not…I want to be forgiven. I should have held onto Kang Seokwon yesterday. If I had, things wouldn’t have become so twisted. If I could turn back time and go back to yesterday. No, I want to start over from the very beginning. If I could, I want to go back to the beginning and start everything over. I want to set right Kang Seokwon’s life that went awry because of me.

At the fierce greed that rose anxiously, Jo Jihyun wiped his cheek with his palm. Then, he was startled when he saw the mirror attached next to the elevator. He had roughly wiped his blood-stained face with his sleeve, but it seemed there was nothing he could do about his bluish, pale complexion.

Should I at least change my clothes and go.

Jo Jihyun looked down at his blood-stained shirt, and then suddenly remembered that he didn’t even know where he should go. He took out his phone again. This time too, it did not connect. After the woman’s warning that it would connect to voicemail, Jo Jihyun pressed 1 and opened his mouth.

“Sunbae, this is Jo Jihyun.”

He pressed the elevator button.

“I have something to tell you. An apology, no, I’ll tell you when we meet. So…”

Jo Jihyun turned his head absentmindedly and then blinked his eyes.

The sky was definitely pitch black when he came out, so when did such a big moon appear? It was not the feeling of fulfillment he usually felt when looking at a full moon, but only a creepy sensation that wrapped around his entire body. It felt like facing the eye of a snake that had been enlarged.

Jo Jihyun realized that he was in the middle of leaving a message and turned his head again.

“Ah…I’ll go to the store. I’ll wait.”

When he pressed the star key and turned his head again, he felt as if the moon had grown by a handspan. Jo Jihyun narrowed his eyes slightly and pressed his temples. He thought he was seeing things because his body was not in good condition. Auditory or visual hallucinations were no longer a rare occurrence.

But still, this.

Every time he blinked, the moon came a handspan closer. Jo Jihyun, with his eyes wide open at this unbelievable sight, froze on the spot.

The moon, which was glaring at him stark white, tilted as if c**king its head to the side, and then he heard the sound of the earth shaking with a boom.

In an instant, the lights of all the buildings outside the window, as well as the apartment, were extinguished. In the darkness that swallowed the Seoul sky as if no light remained on the ground, stars poured down. Light was drawn as if wounding the sacred darkness. Overwhelmed by the terrifyingly beautiful sight, Jo Jihyun watched silently for a long time.

It was truly a magnificent spectacle.

After the light that had poured down like a shower ceased, only the white moon brightly cast its body upon the great bridge.

In the very next moment, the ground beneath his feet collapsed.