NAME 37

It was always Jaehwan who spoke first. Since he was a person who talked softly and well about everything from work to daily life even without a special reason, Seowon could not help but be flustered by his sudden silence.

‘Did something happen in the office? Or did something bad happen over the weekend?’

It was only natural to worry about him, as he was a friend and a colleague before being a partner. Seowon approached him first and struck up a conversation.

“Did you have a good weekend?”

“Huh? Ah, yeah. Just so-so.”

“Your complexion doesn’t look good. Did something happen?”

He, who had not been looking toward Seowon at all, finally turned his gaze. A look of discomfort toward Seowon was clearly evident.

“Assistant Manager Lee Jaehwan, did I perhaps do something wrong?”

It was just something he said without much meaning. If there was something, he intended to listen, and if not, that was a relief. He did not want his relationship to become uncomfortable with Jaehwan of all people.

“Why… do you ask that?”

However, Jaehwan seemed to have something on his mind. He didn’t say “no” immediately but asked for the reason instead. A sigh escaped softly. Had Lee Jaehwan ever been like this before? He could have let it go without asking for a reason, but since he had a bad feeling for some reason, Seowon continued to try to converse.

“If there is, tell me; if not, never mind.”

“… .”

He absolutely hated it when someone hid their true feelings from him. He would understand if it were because of work, but it was even more so because Jaehwan was not a relationship bound by work.

While waiting for Jaehwan’s answer, the elevator arrived at the first basement floor. It seemed Jaehwan also intended to eat lunch at the cafeteria, as he got off as soon as the elevator doors opened. Seowon quickly caught him.

“Assistant Manager Lee Jaehwan, talk to me before you go.”

“… .”

He stopped, but he did not turn toward Seowon. There was definitely something, after all.

“There is something on your mind regarding me.”

The expression of Jaehwan as he slowly turned around was extremely unfamiliar. It was a stiff, cold, and wounded expression. Just as the question ‘Why on earth’ began to sprout, Jaehwan opened his mouth.

“Why do you think that?”

“What do you mean why. Your attitude right now says so.”

“And you have nothing to say to me?”

“Something to say? Like what?”

Jaehwan, whose lips flickered, jerked his head away to avoid Seowon’s gaze. Frowning and gnawing on his lower lip, he eventually grit his teeth. Tendons bulged and flickered above his distinct jawline.

“Assistant Manager Lee, I really don’t know the reason why you are angry… .”

Seowon reflexively tried to reach out toward Jaehwan but was stopped. This was because Jaehwan snapped Seowon’s hand away. The rejected hand hung in the air. The fact that Jaehwan had pushed him away was so shocking that words did not come out well.

“I heard it was your heat cycle.”

However, an even more shocking story flowed from Jaehwan’s mouth.

“Uh… that’s right.”

He answered reflexively, but Jaehwan’s complexion was far too poor. Was the fact that he hadn’t told his partner the cause of the displeasure? However, there was no rule that said one must spend a heat cycle with their partner, and since he had been meeting Jaehwan dryly without sex, it was difficult to see that Seowon was at fault. At least, that was what Seowon thought.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But we… .”

“I know, I’m not unaware. At most we just rub lips together, you and I.”

“Lee Jaehwan, why are you speaking like that?”

At his rough choice of words, Seowon’s voice also rose. Since he began to feel the gazes of the people passing by, even if they were few, Seowon dragged him into the emergency stairwell. Thud. Inside the space where the roar of the heavy door closing echoed, the two stood facing each other.

“I also thought about it a lot. But I didn’t say anything because I thought it would be rude to tell you that much… .”

“Jeong Seowon, if you were going to be polite, you should have been polite until the end. How can you do this to me?”

“That’s why I’m asking what I did!”

As if Seowon’s words were a signal, Jaehwan poured out the words he had been holding back.

“I heard you spent your heat cycle with the Team Leader. With that guy named Baek Kanghyun or whatever. Then what am I to you? Am I just a fuel tank you call and use whenever you need it?”

“What…?”

“Because you said you had circumstances, I waited and endured. Whenever you called, I went out. I thought that someday you would open your heart to me—no, at least, yeah… your body to me. But that wasn’t it. You and I have known each other for a whole four years. But how can you, with a Team Leader you’ve known for barely two months… .”

“Lee Jaehwan, are you right now… hey, I’m not grasping the situation well. I don’t understand a single thing you’re talking about?”

“Don’t understand what! You understood everything!”

Jaehwan’s scream-like shout echoed inside the emergency stairwell. Under the dim lighting, Jaehwan’s distorted face was reflected in his eyes. Seowon kept his mouth shut and barely breathed. He felt that if he opened his lips even a little, his pounding heart would fly out of his mouth, and he would end up screaming at Jaehwan, so he pressed down on his left chest and organized his thoughts one by one.

“I don’t know where you heard what, but. It’s not what you think it is.”

Whew. Seowon let out a long sigh and spoke calmly. Regardless of how Jaehwan knew about the matter with Baek Kanghyun, the priority was to convey the truth to him. Jaehwan, who was fuming, continued to pant.

‘It’s my fault.’

Seowon understood why Jaehwan was this angry. This was the result of his selfish behavior—failing to end the partner relationship even while knowing he had feelings for him, and leaving an opening for him because of pheromones. Just as Baek Kanghyun had used him as a ‘tool to relieve sexual desire’ in the past, Seowon himself had ended up using Jaehwan as a ‘pheromone fuel tank.’ Because he was certain that as long as he didn’t let go, Jaehwan would not be the first to leave him. What a trashy and Baek Kanghyun-like thought this was. Seowon shuddered with self-loathing and gave a bitter smile.

“That’s why I told you last time. That we should end it.”

“… .”

“But you said it was okay even like this.”

“That was because I…!”

At Seowon’s calm way of speaking, Jaehwan’s expression softened as if he had finally come to his senses. He even grabbed Seowon’s hand suddenly and trembled slightly. Seowon looked at the hand held by him for a moment and then raised his head to stare at Jaehwan. The eyes that had been flickering black with rage were now filled with fear. Ah, his heart throbbed and the tip of his nose tingled.

“Anyway, I’m sorry about this. I… it’s true I was in the wrong. To give an excuse, I intended to spend the heat cycle alone. But because the Team Leader showed up at my house… . It was never intentional. If I had intended to spend it with someone, I would have told you first.”

“Seowon, I… .”

Jaehwan kept shaking his head. But Seowon did not stop.

“No, let’s end it now. I think it’s truly time to end it. It’s hard for you, and it’s hard for me because of the guilt. I’m not that thick-skinned, Assistant Manager Lee.”

“Seowon, no, Assistant Manager Jeong. No. I just got excited for no reason. I’m really sorry.”

Jaehwan’s speech became faster. The joined hands became damp with sweat. However, Seowon had already made up his mind.

“I’m more sorry. I’ve received so much help from you all this time… . I’m truly sorry. And I met a new doctor this time, and he said there is a way to treat my constitution. So it’s okay not to worry anymore. It will get better from now on.”

“Seowon, please. No, I!”

Seowon did not give Jaehwan a chance to intervene. Even if whatever he said now would be a wound to him, stopping here was the best he could do for Jaehwan.

“I heard. That a new recruit confessed to you? It’s the person I saw on the rooftop last time, right? She was pretty.”

He could not bring himself to say the words ‘You look good together, try making it work.’ He felt as if his chest were blocked, making it difficult even to breathe. However, Seowon barely swallowed the lump blocking his throat and continued.

“Seowon, that, and I, you!”

“Giving false hope, that’s hard. I know it better than anyone. So I can’t do it anymore. Because I like you. Because I like you as a colleague and as a friend, that’s why I’m saying we should stop. We… probably won’t be able to stay as we were… but… thank you so much for considering my situation. I was sorry. That is all I, Jaehwan, have to say to you.”

At his eyes which were damp with moisture, Seowon’s heart collapsed. To think the day would come in his life when Jeong Seowon makes a man cry—and a good person like Lee Jaehwan at that.

“… .”

Countless events from the three years spent with him flashed by. If Jaehwan hadn’t been there, company life would have been truly difficult. He might have quit, unable to endure it.

Seowon slowly pulled his hand out of his. The strength that had been gripping Seowon as if never to let go slowly loosened. And when the fingertips of the two people separated, Jaehwan’s head also dropped down with a thud.