TWENTY 11

Even though they hadn’t fought and weren’t stuck in an ongoing conflict, Youngwon reminded him via message that he was still confronting him ever since the day he had sought him out.

He wasn’t proposing reconciliation, nor was he suggesting they renegotiate; he simply maintained the concept of a couple taking a break.

Yet, it wasn’t as if they were truly turning their backs on each other or exchanging angry reactions as the words implied. Though they hadn’t run into each other due to schedule conflicts, they still naturally shared everyday talk through messages as usual.

Jiseo’s stance hadn’t changed at all since the day Youngwon had visited him. Growing up by barely a few days wasn’t going to have a massive impact on such a momentous decision.

If anything had changed slightly, it was the thought that if he wasn’t going to accept Youngwon either way, maybe he should just treat him like a kid right out in the open.

“Is it because he’s young that he just charges in blindly without looking ahead?”

After all, Youngwon himself often used the expression that he was ridiculously young compared to him.

“Maybe I should just do that. But what if he gets really hurt because I actually went all out?”

Since Youngwon’s actions were cute, he could certainly treat him with all sincerity like an adorable joke.

However, he hesitated because he worried that Youngwon, who seemed quite serious, might get hurt by it. Furthermore, the fact that marriage was the most crucial cause of the current conflict between them weighed on his mind.

That’s why he kept thinking he shouldn’t be too serious about it, and those thoughts kept holding Jiseo back. No doubt it was because he was worried Youngwon would get hurt. Yes, it had to be for that reason.

Besides, no matter how much he thought about it, it simply didn’t feel like reality. That was probably because Youngwon was like freshly made, soft tofu that couldn’t possibly compromise—the kind that looked like it would burst into tears the moment you poked it.

Still, he needed to cut this unnecessary time short. No matter how much time and thought he gave it, nothing was going to change, and if this was also an act of tormenting Youngwon, he could frame it that way.

Come over to my house and let’s talk again.

Youngwon

Did baby finish thinking? Got it. I’m on my way.

Faced with a reply even faster than expected, Jiseo made a bewildered expression and rubbed his earlobe. He hadn’t been able to imagine what kind of reaction Youngwon would have after reading his message, so he never expected him to come running as if he had been waiting.

More than that, the way Youngwon referred to him had now settled into an entirely bizarre direction. It was a pity, as if he wanted to look mature until the very end, but even today he was just cute. How could a feeling that had solidified like this change so easily?

Putting down his phone at the news that he was coming right away, Jiseo opened the refrigerator. Since it was early, he naturally wouldn’t have eaten breakfast, so Jiseo prepared a meal for two without hesitation and placed it on the dining table.

He probably wouldn’t be able to eat right away, though. Anticipating that Youngwon would drag him away to start a conversation the moment he arrived, Jiseo prepared a meal centered around yogurt and salads, which still tasted good even when cold.

Not long after Jiseo finished his preparations and lingered near the entryway, the sound of the door lock unlocking echoed.

“Hyung, hyung!”

Pushing the swung-open door back, Youngwon appeared looking more frantic than usual. Without even catching his breath, he grabbed Jiseo’s wrist—which was thicker than his own—and led him toward the sofa.

“What do you want to talk about?”

As expected, without even glancing at the dining table, Youngwon wedged Jiseo between his legs and started the conversation first.

Though food was set out on the table, Youngwon didn’t seem to have the slightest interest in that direction.

Jiseo quietly observed Youngwon’s face. His fair complexion was still pale and completely free of blemishes.

There was a reason he took in Youngwon’s face first. It was to check if he hadn’t been sleeping well or if any issues had arisen due to their quasi-cold war.

There didn’t seem to be any particular problem. Since he just looked neat and tidy, Jiseo felt an inward sense of relief and slowly opened his mouth.

“Exactly when did you start thinking—not as a joke, but in earnest—that once you’re fully grown, you have to marry me?”

“Naturally, from the day we made that promise. If you thought that wasn’t earnest, did you think I was just teasing you or playing along?”

“Do you even properly remember the day you made that promise with me? You were in kindergarten.”

“Memory aside, we already made a promise.”

His tone and voice were soft, but his attitude toward the matter was still resolute.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll ask you again. Do you just want to keep me as a younger brother you know?”

“You shouldn’t rush to conclusions about feelings, so I’m telling you that’s not it. If you try to seduce me…”

“…”

“I can’t guarantee I won’t fall for it.”

“…”

“But you’re so young that just having this conversation makes my conscience prick, which is why I’m saying not right now.”

No matter what kind of fantasies he entertained about him or what kind of relationship they ended up in, Youngwon was just a young guy who had barely turned twenty.

It didn’t matter to him if Youngwon kept liking him. Just like Youngwon said, if he made an effort to win his heart or uninhibitedly displayed his affectionate feelings, well, if it couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be helped.

If he was in his right mind and had any sense, he wouldn’t be feeling similar emotions toward him for the next several years. That was the biggest problem.

“Just wait. I’ll find a way. Hyung keeps pushing me away for really… really absurd reasons, so I’m going to find a way.”

“…”

“I can’t let you go like this. You were mine to begin with.”

“…”

“I actually thought it was a relief that you, of all people, confessed when you had no interest in marriage or anything.”

Seeing his face flush all the way to the tips of his ears in a single breath, Jiseo felt that he needed to soothe him for a bit.

Knowing that this was also the daring persistence that only youth could push forward with, Jiseo nodded and replied.

“If we find some common ground, I’ll accommodate you as much as possible. After all, from your perspective, it’s pretty much as if I broke a promise.”

“…”

“Or how about raising the bar just a little bit for what counts as being fully grown?”

“Me? Or you?”

“You, of course.”

“If it’s going to be an absurd reason like that, forget it.”

“…”

“I’m strictly marriage first, dating later. No matter how much I like you, if we aren’t getting married, I’m not dating. Because I don’t want to be lovers… I want to be a married couple with you. I want to make you mine as fast as possible. You were meant to be mine a long time ago.”

“Can we really not compromise at all?”

At Jiseo’s even softer whisper, Youngwon pouted his lips as if he had been waiting for it. This isn’t what we promised… he muttered to himself like an internal monologue before letting out his refusal verbally as well.

“Because we can’t narrow the gap at all. I’ll go figure out a clean solution. Give me time.”

“Alright.”

No matter what kind of solution he figured out, probably nothing would change, but Jiseo nodded just like before.

If he even stopped him there, he would end up leaning entirely toward being a shameless bad guy who merely toyed with the heart of a younger brother ten years his junior.

Though he couldn’t guess what Youngwon would do, honestly the scope of what he could guess wasn’t that wide. The most likely outcome he would choose was bringing the whole matter regarding the two of them straight to their family.

He would use his ultimate weapon to ask them to take his side, but even so, everyone knew it was impossible anyway.

No matter what was said, affection for Youngwon would naturally be woven into those words. They would respect all of their choices, but they would certainly take his persuasion more seriously than Youngwon’s.

Because they loved Youngwon, they would want him to gain more experience. And… sorry to Youngwon, and though they wouldn’t ignore his feelings of affection, they would inevitably feel that he was rushing in like a wildfire simply because he was young.

“He’s been like that since he was little. Youngwon must really like Jiseo hyung. His dreams have gotten even bigger in the meantime,” they would say, reacting with nothing but pure cuteness just like him, and that was the truth.

No matter how many times he turned it over and thought about it, he could never immediately view Youngwon as a romantic partner. For now, he was simply like a real younger brother.

Yet for some reason, he couldn’t reach a firm conclusion that he would never fall in love with Youngwon. So in the end, the only reason he could give was the unchangeable fact that Youngwon was simply too young.

“Grow up a bit more and come back. Then hyung will really accept you.”

“I hate to say this, but I want to meet you before hyung got any older than this. You want me to miss out on all my pretty years?”