GBAS 47

“Drink up.”

Half of his body on the entrance tiles, the other half on the linoleum floor, Hyunwoo, kneeling, drained the entire glass of cold water.

“Thanks, hoo, thank you.”

He almost died. Slumped over as if he’d collapsed on the floor, Hyunwoo gasped for breath. It had started as a forced cough, but from the midpoint, it became difficult to control even for himself and was excruciatingly painful. He decided he should never use this method again.

His hair was a mess from all the shaking. The flush in his face had yet to fade as Hyunwoo, tears clinging to his eyes, looked up at Jooin.

Jooin’s lips parted slightly as he took the empty glass Hyunwoo offered, then quickly closed.

‘What am I doing.’

For a moment, he almost asked if he was okay. His grip on the glass tightened.

“If you’re okay now, hurry up and-”

Just as Jooin, steeling himself, was about to issue the order to leave again.

“Hy, hyung.”

Quickly scrambling on his knees to Jooin’s feet, Hyunwoo clutched the hem of Jooin’s long t-shirt.

“Even if I have to go, just one thing. Just one. Please?”

Looking at Hyunwoo, who was gazing up at him with moist eyes, Jooin let out a small sigh.

Just then, gentle jazz music began to flow from the speaker on the shoe cabinet where the two were facing off. As the lyrical voice of a mellow British singer followed the piano melody, Jooin’s face crumpled.

Let’s look into each other’s eyes.

I can’t tell you my true feelings yet.

This isn’t some kind of background music service.

The subtly building atmosphere, as if it were trying to stir up emotions, was irritating. I should turn it off right now. Muttering to himself, Jooin reached for the speaker.

“Hyung. Are you listening to me?”

Just before his hand could touch the button, Hyunwoo grabbed Jooin’s right hand and continued.

“What you said earlier. Was that really true?”

Jooin’s gaze, which had been on the shoe cabinet, moved to Hyunwoo. With a face full of exhaustion, Jooin answered.

“What did I say.”

“I mean.”

At Jooin’s response, Hyunwoo bit his lip hard before speaking again with difficulty.

“You said you touched me. You, touched me.”

A faint excitement laced his voice as he looked straight up and asked.

This guy is really getting on my nerves. Sweeping back his fallen hair, Jooin raised his voice.

“Did you not hear what I just said? You’re the one who started it.”

“Exactly. Whether I started it or whatever. You didn’t refuse, right?”

At Hyunwoo’s words, Jooin made a face of disbelief and retorted curtly.

“Why is that important.”

Then Hyunwoo shook his head and said firmly.

“It is important!”

His face scrunching up, Jooin pressed the back of his own neck with his free hand. The nape of his neck was stiff from the mounting stress.

At the same time, a pained voice mumbled from below.

“Ah, I really didn’t want to say this.”

Say what, exactly. As Jooin raised his eyebrows as if to say, ‘get on with it,’ Hyunwoo seemed to make up his mind, swallowed once, and opened his mouth.

“What I said back then at the beach. That was actually a li-”

“I know.”

At Jooin’s answer, Hyunwoo’s eyes doubled in size. Jooin nonchalantly tossed out another remark as if it were no big deal.

“You said you’d never done it before.”

“H-How did you.”

“Because you told me.”

That you got dumped. Multiple times. For not being able to perform.

As he said this, Hyunwoo’s face instantly flushed red.

It didn’t seem like his memory was completely gone, but he apparently couldn’t recall the part where he’d come into the room and babbled on about useless things for a long time.

Thinking about it again made him feel wronged.

Did he list about a dozen of his failed love stories to someone who was trying to sleep? But hearing the reasons for the breakups, it was too clear where the fault lay to feel sorry for his misfortune. When I asked why, he said he had no intention of doing so before marriage, so I just thought he lived a rather dull life for someone with his natural gifts.

The problem came after that.

Even though he said he was walking the path of celibacy himself, it seemed he actually had his own doubts. Whether the fact that he had lived his life without even a kiss was truly voluntary restraint or not.

‘You could try it now, then.’

As if a kiss was such a big deal. I was so sick of listening to him that I just teased him playfully.

I should have stopped right there. I should have tied down my descending wrist or done something to stop it. As they say, a late-blooming thief doesn’t know when the sun comes up. A bitter laugh escaped him as he recalled the guy who had pounced on him like his life depended on it.

Pre-marital chastity, my ass. It was laughable.

“Wha, whaat.”

“……”

“You knew, you knew that and pretended not to?”

His mouth agape in disbelief, Hyunwoo kept muttering things like, “Wow, no way.” Even under Hyunwoo’s resentful gaze, Jooin just shrugged with a nonchalant face.

“I told you. Just consider it stepping on a landmine. Besides, that was because you were trying to pretend you weren’t-”

“How could you do that!”

Hyunwoo, finally getting to his feet, cut Jooin off and shouted.

“You have to take responsibility!”

Hyunwoo’s voice echoed in the small space.

“At first, I thought I made a mistake. That I drank myself stupid and completely lost my mind. Do you know how much I wanted to die, thinking I did something terrible to you? But what’s done is done, right? So I was going to take responsibility. Because there’s such a thing as moral responsibility.”

“……”

“But what? This wasn’t a one-time thing for you?”

“……”

“You might have lived your life like that, hyung, but I haven’t.”

What is he talking about right now. For a moment, Jooin was speechless, just staring blankly at Hyunwoo.

“Are you saying you can just play with someone for a night and then toss them aside?”

“……What?”

“Do you have any idea what happened to me after that? Just yesterday, I…! No, that’s not it.”

I should check a calendar or something. Is this really the 21st century? I was about to faint. At that moment, the jazz music that had been grating on Jooin’s nerves ended.

Hyunwoo, regardless of Jooin’s silence, opened his mouth.

“Anyway. How can I meet anyone with this body? I can’t meet anyone anymore.”

Along with Hyunwoo’s words, a grating, rough stroke of a guitar chord sounded twice from the quiet speaker. Jooin knew this song very well. What followed was the male vocalist’s playful shouting.

As Hyunwoo, who was standing on the entrance tiles, strode up onto the wooden floor, their perspectives shifted.

Recalling the song’s title, Jooin glanced towards the speaker. At that, Hyunwoo tightened his grip on Jooin’s arm, as if telling him to look at him instead.

Hyunwoo stepped closer to Jooin and said.

“You made me this way. So you take responsibility.”

Glam rock, completely unsuited for the mood, filled the small room. In that time, the distance between the two had shrunk to just a hand’s span.

“Well?”

Hyunwoo, who had been staring at Jooin for a while, prompted for an answer.

At the same time, the song’s climax began. The male vocalist shouted the same lyrics over and over, as if teasing.

I wanna be your toy

The laughter-filled lyrics swirled around his ears, tightening their grip on Jooin. Hyunwoo, who had moved even closer in that time, gazed intently at Jooin. Every time the fan turned its head, strands of Jooin’s hair scattered and brushed against Hyunwoo’s cheek.

“……”

“……”

His captured wrist throbbed. Even while thinking he couldn’t let it go on, the rising anticipation made his throat burn.

Jooin clenched his teeth and squeezed out his voice.

“First, let go of this.”

At Jooin’s words, a hesitant Hyunwoo loosened his grip. Jooin rubbed his still-warm wrist and took a step back. At that, the ends of Hyunwoo’s eyebrows drooped as if pulled down.

Standing at a distance, only one thought filled Jooin’s mind.

‘Think carefully. A second time isn’t a mistake.’

As Jooin lowered his head and repeated the same words, the song that had been confusing his mind began to fade out. As the sound grew quieter and quieter and reached its end, the vocalist’s playfulness soared.

The vocalist chuckled, humming an ad-lib that was hard to even understand. Focusing on that sound, the heavy thoughts weighing him down scattered in an instant. As the song ended with a light shout, his churning stomach settled down calmly. Jooin’s expression became much more relaxed.

When he lifted his head, he saw Hyunwoo standing there, cautiously watching his reaction. Even though he was a head taller than him, Hyunwoo’s gaze seemed to be looking up at him.

Having made his decision, Jooin reached a hand towards Hyunwoo.

Grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, just below the chin, Jooin pulled Hyunwoo’s face towards his own. They were so close he could feel his breath.

Staring intently into eyes filled with anxiety, nervousness, and a slight hint of expectation, Jooin spoke as if tossing the words out.

“Sorry, but I can’t take responsibility.”

No!

Just as Hyunwoo was about to voice a rebuttal, Jooin’s lips pressed firmly down on Hyunwoo’s soft ones.

“……!”

Hyunwoo, frozen with a sharp intake of breath, blinked his eyes.

Mwah.

Parting his lips with a light sound, Jooin smiled and said.

“If you don’t like it, run away now.”