GBAS 37

With a frantic hand, Hyunwoo turned off the video and threw the tablet to the corner of the bed. In the room, now instantly enveloped in darkness, Hyunwoo muttered in a breathless voice.

“…Isn’t this crazy?”

He was so startled he was out of breath. His throat felt tight and clogged, and his heart pounded, thump, thump. It was so loud he wanted to cover his ears, but there was nothing he could do about the sound coming from inside.

With no other choice, Hyunwoo closed his eyes and began to slowly even his breathing. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. A few more repetitions and it would calm down.

Why is it being like this, really.

He tried to calm his wildly beating heart for a long time after that, but the sound in his ears showed no signs of quieting down.

Wondering if a splash of cold water to his face would help, Hyunwoo sat up and pushed away the blanket that had been covering his legs. As he braced himself on the mattress to stand up, a strange sensation from below froze his body like a statue.

“Fuck…”

What is this.

Hyunwoo bolted out of the room and burst into the bathroom.

He ran straight to the sink and turned on the faucet. Cold water poured out like a waterfall. He scooped handfuls of water from his palms onto his face, and he could feel his burning hot face gradually cooling down.

Swaaaa—

He had splashed so much cold water that the surrounding area was a mess, and patches of his face had turned red in return. As he hung his head low, water dripped from the tip of his nose, his chin, and his wet hair.

Hyunwoo, leaning against the sink for support, moved his gaze down along his soaked clothes. His brown eyes, wandering aimlessly, were full of anxiety. It was because of the uncomfortable sensation he felt in a place where he shouldn’t.

His hesitant gaze finally stopped at one spot.

Jeon Hyunwoo, you crazy, crazy bastard.

He could swear, this had never happened before in his entire life. The thing that wouldn’t budge even when provoked on purpose, why, why now of all times…

“…”

Bewilderment crept into his eyes as he looked down at his center, which had grown to a point where it was impossible to be mistaken. It was a reality he didn’t want to believe. He had hoped it wasn’t true. Now that he had confirmed it with his own eyes, he felt even more despair.

But why? Could it be from watching Baek Jooin?

“No way.”

Hyunwoo swallowed a curse and turned the water back on full blast. He tried to get a grip by splashing more cold water, but the heat he felt from below remained.

When he lifted his head, he saw a drenched man in the mirror. Hyunwoo stared blankly at the face from which water was not just dripping but streaming, and let out a deep sigh.

Just as he blinked his eyes open.

Baek Jooin’s face was where his own should have been. It smiled brightly, just like in the scene he had just watched, then leaned in close, tilting its head.

“Uaaargh!”

Hyunwoo screamed and scrambled backward in terror. His body, blocked by the wall, staggered greatly. He half-collapsed due to the water pooled on the floor, clutching his chest and panting heavily, heok, heok.

Swaaaa—

In an awkward posture, Hyunwoo pulled himself up using the sink and cautiously peered into the mirror. Should he call it a relief? In the mirror he checked again, there was only his own self, looking like a drowned rat. Baek Jooin was nowhere to be found.

Hyunwoo turned off the water and muttered.

It seems it’s because I watched too many videos. I was so focused I didn’t even notice the sun setting, so it’s bound to happen. This is why media addiction is scary. Especially the last video I watched, it was quite provocative, no, that’s not it…

Hyunwoo shook his head violently as if to stop his thoughts, then froze. After a moment of thought, he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up. Washing his face wasn’t going to be enough.

👾🎮

Beep-ririk—

A large hand shot out from the crack of the slightly open front door. The hand fumbled around the front of the door before grabbing a plastic bundle. A heavy bag dangled from the right hand of Hyunwoo as he trudged into the house.

Not a single light was on in the dark house. Standing in front of the dining table, Hyunwoo stared down at what he had brought in. It was the delivery food he had ordered and then forgotten about.

Just a while ago, he had been so hungry he felt like his stomach was stuck to his back, but now his appetite was completely gone. To the point where he wondered if he had ever looked at food with such indifference in his life!

Was it just his appetite? Everything was a bother. If he could, he wanted to evaporate and disappear without a trace, just like the water pooled in that bathroom.

Recalling what he had done in the bathroom a little while ago, Hyunwoo ground his teeth. Fuck, to think I’d do something like that. The bag rustled in his trembling hands.

“…Whatever.”

Getting angry wasn’t going to change anything. In the end, the food was shoved into the refrigerator just as it had been delivered.

Hyunwoo threw himself back onto the bed and fumbled for his phone. Lying on his stomach, he turned only his head to look at the screen. The time was already well past midnight.

When he swiped up on the phone’s screen, the last screen he had been looking at appeared.

The beginning and the source of the misfortune he had encountered today. The moment he saw the paused image of Jooin in the video Harim had sent, Hyunwoo squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his forehead into the mattress.

Thud.

A heavy sigh escaped onto the blanket where his face was buried.

…I should have closed the video.

The thoughts he had painstakingly suppressed raised their heads again. He tried to brush them off by forcing himself to think of other things, but it was no use. His mind was already full of one person.

He could hear it even when he didn’t want to listen, and see it even when he didn’t want to look. The fantastic melody created by dry, parched hands, flowing along with a heavy kick drum that made him mistake it for his own heartbeat. And the even more fantastically smiling Baek Jooin on stage.

Hyunwoo’s fists pounded the mattress.

This doesn’t make any sense.

How could he think of one person all day long? To the point of not noticing the sun setting and even forgetting to eat. And seeing hallucinations. If someone else had told him they were doing these things, he would have called them a certified crazy person, but he couldn’t believe he was the one doing them.

Hyunwoo, who had been lying face down the whole time, flipped over onto his back. Beneath the eyes staring up at the unlit ceiling light, several hidden versions of himself began a conversation.

This is all Harim-noona’s fault. Sending something so unnecessary. Ah, and we can’t leave out the protagonist of the video, Baek Jooin. If he wasn’t so good at playing the guitar, I wouldn’t have kept searching for him.

The music was good, though. I didn’t know band music was this good.

No, but why did he have to look like that? It’s unfair, so unfair.

What’s unfair about it? You could have just not looked for more. Blaming others has become a habit.

What’s wrong with that? This is the biggest crisis of my life, I can blame others a little. Let’s live a little comfortably.

His head was a mess. Hyunwoo imagined gathering all the tangled thoughts with both hands, squishing them into a tight ball, and throwing it far away. But the black ball hit something, bounced thump, thump, thump, and returned to its original place.

“…Ha.”

Finally, Hyunwoo sat up again and blinked slowly. The sparkling city lights shone through the translucent chiffon curtains.

As he stared at the lights, a question suddenly arose. And that question was: What is Baek Jooin doing right now…

Hyunwoo stopped his thoughts and abruptly slapped his own cheek.

“Are you crazy?”

This was definitely not normal.

Ever since he had been intimate with Baek Jooin, something was happening to his body, to his mind.

Maybe he was completely brainwashed when Baek Jooin had his way with him that night.

…Brainwashed?

What kind of brainwashing?

After thinking deeply, Hyunwoo muttered in a small voice.

“To like him…”

In that instant, a thrilling sensation shot through his entire body. Goosebumps prickled on his skin from head to toe. At the same time, Jiwoo’s words, which he had scoffed at, echoed in his ears.

‘When you really like someone, right? You miss them when they’re not around, you’re always curious about something, and you want to know everything about that person.’

….

The jumbled puzzle pieces began to move, one by one, finding their proper places.

The reason he avoided him out of fear of meeting him, yet his eyes kept following him when he did see him. The reason he acted strangely, unlike his usual self, whenever Baek Jooin was nearby. The reason he constantly checked Baek Jooin’s mood. The reason his body moved before he could think in dangerous moments, that was.

“Am I… in love with Baek Jooin right now?”

It felt as if the thick fog that had filled his vision was clearing away in an instant. Behind the clearly visible emotion, an inexplicable fear crept in.

Ah.

I’m fucked. For real.