AOI 5

And so, Xu Minghai prattled on and on, racking his brains and emptying his entire repertoire of nursery rhymes, witty sayings, and folklore, stretching from traditional customs all the way to domestic family conflicts.

“Crunchy broad beans, grab ’em by the handful, once you marry a wife, you forget your ma…”

The words were barely out of his mouth when Li Yandong’s large, scowling face suddenly materialized outside the window. The string of curses that followed nearly shattered the glass.

“You little bastard! So this is where you’ve been hiding!”

Xu Minghai was so startled he slipped right off the stool. Without a moment’s hesitation, he committed fully—flipped over, scrambled to the door, and bolted the latch.

“I’ve been wondering all morning where the hell you’d gotten to. What did I tell you yesterday?” Li Yandong raged, pounding violently on the door. “Committing crimes right under my nose? You’ve got some nerve!”

Xu Minghai crouched behind the door, not daring to meet his mother’s cannibalistic glare. He shouted in his own defense, “Godfather gave me a mission! He told me to watch the kid! I… I’m serving the people! Chairman Mao said so!”

“Chairman Mao also told you to study hard and make progress every day—why don’t you listen to that?” Li Yandong’s tattooed eyebrows now stood on end, so vividly rendered they seemed ready to take flight. “Xu Minghai! Get your ass out here!”

“I did study hard! I’ve already finished over half my winter break homework!” Xu Minghai fought for survival. “What’s the big deal if I play with Guozi for a little while?”

“He bit a chunk out of you the second he got here yesterday, and you still want to play with him? Have you no shame at all?”

Xu Minghai subconsciously rubbed his own face, then yelled back through the door, “Can’t I just get a taste of what it’s like to be a big brother? If you could pop out a little brother for me right now, I swear I’d never talk to him again!”

These words, by sheer terrible luck, hit Li Yandong right in the most sensitive spot of her trachea, sending her straight into berserker mode. “Who taught you to talk to your elders with that kind of insolence?! Xu Minghai, get out here! If I don’t beat you today, you won’t know how many eyes the Horse King has!”

While mother and son engaged in their spirited battle of wits and wills, Qiu Shi calmly used his teeth to tear at the brown sugar on his oil cake.

“Hey, Guozi,” Xu Minghai suddenly threw him a question, “is it good?”

“Mm.” Qiu Shi nodded.

“Save some room. If my mom beats me to death in a bit, you’ll have fresh human meat to eat!” Xu Minghai huffed.

Truth be told, Qiu Shi’s unruffled composure was something he’d honed back in the Northeast. He’d seen adults wail on their hellion kids far too many times, sometimes even mixed doubles, father and mother teaming up. The little scene before him—all shouting and no hitting—wasn’t even worth the price of admission.

“It’s over, it’s over,” Xu Minghai stole a glance outside. “Looks like my mom’s really lost it this time. She’s hunting all over the yard for a broom handle. Today’s the day I kick the bucket, buy the farm, pushing up daisies!”

At that moment, Qiu Shi finally hopped off his chair. He crouched low and crept over to Xu Minghai, then said to him, “Lie on the ground.”

“Playing dead won’t work,” Xu Minghai said, pointing outside. “My mom doesn’t fall for that stuff.”

“It’s not playing dead.”

Qiu Shi’s mind went to a sickness Er’gou, the kid from the neighboring house back in the village, had. The adults called it “sheep-horn wind” — epilepsy. But Er’gou privately confessed that the last few times had actually been faked, so when he screwed up, his parents wouldn’t beat him. The only downside: you couldn’t use it too often. You had to gauge the severity of the situation and save it for emergencies. Pull it off right, and not only would you escape a beating, you’d get to live like a king for a few days after.

“Copy me.”

With that, Qiu Shi did his best to mimic the memory of Er’gou’s episodes. His small body immediately went rigid. His hands curled into spasms, his legs convulsed, his head lolled to the side as his mouth parted slightly, teeth biting down on the exposed tip of his pink tongue. Then, from the corner of his lips, white foam began to bubble up, manufactured from saliva. His breathing grew rapid, and those jet-black pupils rolled back with all his might, leaving large expanses of eerie white in his eye sockets. As a result, when Qiu Shi finally hit the ground, he was still shuddering and kicking his legs — the very picture of one dying with unresolved grievances.

Xu Minghai sucked in a sharp breath. He realized he had seriously underestimated this kid.

So, when Li Yandong came charging back, broom in hand, Xu Minghai had already unlatched the door. Li Yandong delivered a mighty Buddha’s Palm strike, and the wooden door flew open with a bang. Xu Minghai seized the exact moment to slam the hardest part of his skull against the door panel, then let out a blood-curdling scream: “AHHH—” Then he followed suit, learning on the fly, and surpassed his teacher, delivering an eleven-out-of-ten performance.

Li Yandong’s soul practically flew out of her body at the sight before her. She froze solid on the spot. As luck would have it, that was the exact moment Chen Lei and Zhou Yingying returned. Chen Lei craned his neck, saw Xu Minghai collapsed on the ground, convulsing violently, and got the fright of his life. He shoved the stupefied Li Yandong aside and scooped Xu Minghai up from the floor.

“What the hell happened?!”

Qiu Shi stood off to the side, lips pursed, whimpering and sniffling. “The auntie was going to hit someone. When she opened the door, it banged into his head.”

“I— I…” Li Yandong stood in the doorway holding a cold weapon, utterly unable to defend herself.

“Look at you, always picking fights with the kid day in and day out. What could be so serious it needs shouting and killing over? He’s your one and only son—what if you’d seriously injured him?” Chen Lei took off running, the boy in his arms. “Hurry up and borrow the flatbed cart from next-door Brother Wang! We’re going to the hospital!”

“Okay, okay…” Li Yandong’s mouth said okay, but her legs had stopped obeying. The moment she tried to move, her body went limp. Had Zhou Yingying not been there behind her to catch her, she would’ve dropped straight to the ground.

In the blink of an eye, Xu Minghai was already at the courtyard entrance in Chen Lei’s arms. He thought to himself—he couldn’t actually let them haul him to the hospital on a cart. Once they checked him over and found nothing wrong, the jig would be up, wouldn’t it? So he forced out a few more shudders in Chen Lei’s embrace, then slowly opened his eyes, wheezing and coughing a few times.

“Xiaohai, you awake?” Chen Lei halted his steps and looked down. “Does your head hurt? Where do you feel unwell?”

“Much better, just a little nauseous,” Xu Minghai said in a half-dead voice. “Godfather, I’m dizzy… no need for the hospital. Just carry me back to my room and let me lie down for a bit…”

Seeing Chen Lei eyeing him with open skepticism, Xu Minghai’s guilty conscience got the better of him, and he promptly shut his eyes again. Chen Lei mulled it over for a second, then changed direction and headed toward the southwest corner of the courtyard, shouting as he went, “Yandong, the kid’s awake! Get over here and take a look.”

By now, Li Yandong had finally recovered. She shook off Zhou Yingying’s hand, rushed into the room in a few quick strides, and found Chen Lei had already laid the boy gently on the bed. Li Yandong sat beside him, clutching her son’s hand, sobbing, “He’s never had any kind of fit since he was born. What’s happened to him…”

“His speech is perfectly clear. Most likely just a bump on the head. Worst-case scenario, a mild concussion. Shouldn’t be serious.”

With great difficulty, Chen Lei was trying to find the right balance on the spectrum between “not exposing Xu Minghai” and “not letting his mother worry to death.”

“That’s still not okay! His studies are already a mess, and now this will make it worse.” Li Yandong couldn’t set her mind at ease. She pleaded with Chen Lei, “Let’s still go to the hospital for a look. An X-ray would put my heart at ease.”

“Ma…” Xu Minghai, gauging the right moment, opened his eyes again, quaveringly. “I’m fine…”

“Really?” Li Yandong quickly thrust two fingers in front of Xu Minghai. “How many is this?”

“It’s a victory,” Xu Minghai said. “I really am much better…”

“Mom really didn’t mean it. Xiaohai, why didn’t you dodge…” Tears streamed down Li Yandong’s face.

Xu Minghai thought to himself—in this tiny bit of space, with you wielding a broom, where exactly was I supposed to dodge to?

“Ma, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have talked back to you.” Xu Minghai squeezed out two crocodile tears, the kind that quiver on the lash line without falling, looking utterly pitiful.

“Alright, alright,” Li Yandong tucked the quilt snugly around Xu Minghai. “You lie down. If you feel sick or nauseous again, tell Mom right away.”

“Ma, I’m hungry…” Xu Minghai ventured tentatively.

“What do you want for lunch? Mom will make it for you,” Li Yandong said quickly.

“Fried mantou slices, spread with a thick layer of sesame paste, and a sprinkle of sugar on top.” The mere thought nearly made Xu Minghai drool. Then he added, “A-and I want some Maltesers too.”

“Okay, Mom will go to the grocery store and buy you some soon.” Li Yandong was rarely this agreeable.

“Ma,” Xu Minghai pressed his advantage, “can I play with Guozi from now on?”

Li Yandong fell silent at that, turning her head away. So Xu Minghai directed his pleading gaze at Chen Lei.

“There aren’t many kids in our hutong. Xiaohai seems pretty lonely by himself most of the time. Why not let him play with Guozi?” Chen Lei, standing nearby, picked up the thread. “Why get involved in kids’ business? At your age, what’s the point of holding a grudge?”

“I am holding a grudge! I just can’t stand the sight of Zhou Yingying!” Li Yandong gently stroked Xu Minghai’s damp forehead. She thought it was sweat from the pain her son had just endured. Little did she know, it was actually the crystallization of wisdom secreted by Xu Minghai’s brain after putting on such an intense performance.

“Isn’t it just that Yingzi’s eyes are a bit bigger than yours, her hair a bit whiter, and she’s a bit skinnier?” Chen Lei laughed. “Hong Kong and Taiwanese movie stars look like that too. Are you going to hate every single one of them?”

“Piss off!” Li Yandong ground her teeth. “What the hell do you know? A fine man’s covered in hair! A fine woman’s covered in fat!”

Chen Lei quickly nodded. “Right, right, fat is good, fat is good.”

After this burst of scolding, Li Yandong continued, “Don’t you deliberately change the subject. You know perfectly well why I’m like this! If it weren’t for her, would you have had to…”

“Enough. Same old tune. If you’re not tired of saying it, I’m tired of hearing it.” Chen Lei quickly waved his hand to cut her off. “Yandong, I’m telling you for the last time. No one in this world owes me anything. It’s fate. I accepted it long ago.”

“No wonder they say pitiful people always have something hateful about them. All the worry I’ve wasted on you is exactly that—wasted. Over the years, it’s not like there haven’t been young girls chasing after you, but you always insisted your record wasn’t clean and you didn’t want to date. Chen Lei,” Li Yandong fixed her eyes on him, “tell me the truth. Did you ever actually let go of that hope? Now that she’s back, has your wait finally come to an end?”

“An end? In this life, where’s the end?” Chen Lei didn’t directly answer the question, only instructing her, “Some things, whatever you do, don’t bring them up in front of Yingzi. She doesn’t know anything.”

“Right. Ever since we were kids, she’s been like a little cabbage—only caring about being tender and pitiable herself. What else has she ever known?” Li Yandong pursed her lips, then stood up. “Watch Xiaohai for me. I’m taking the ration book to get sesame paste. I’ll make steamed flower rolls for dinner anyway.”

As she headed out the door, Li Yandong turned back to glance at Xu Minghai on the bed. “From now on, play with whoever you damn well please.” With that, she vanished through the doorway.