HPK 101

“Ugh…!”

Since he hadn’t eaten anything properly, only a mouthful of bitter fluid came up. His throat constricted and then loosened, and his eyelids trembled violently. The pressure behind his eyes was so intense it felt like they were about to burst.

“Ugh, hooo….”

He didn’t know how he had managed to get to the rest stop. It was maddening enough trying to hold back the nausea the entire way, but it was even harder because Taejung, sitting next to him, kept spouting nonsensical things like he should just do it.

Driving at a speed that easily surpassed 200 kilometers per hour, they reached the rest stop in an instant. As soon as he unbuckled his seatbelt, Wooseung ran to the restroom. Just like when he suffered from a hangover, the pit of his stomach kept churning and he heaved, even though there was nothing to bring up.

The hand gripping the toilet bowl turned white. Even though it wasn’t cold, he kept feeling chills. Beads of cold sweat formed on his forehead.

“Haaa….”

Wiping his mouth with a tissue, Wooseung looked back. His eyes met with Taejung, who was leaning against the doorframe.

Standing in a slanted posture, his face was, for some reason, full of dissatisfaction.

“Please buy me a toothbrush….”

Tears welled up from the violent retching. His vision blurred and then cleared, repeating the cycle.

Taejung let out a dumbfounded sigh, ha, before turning his body abruptly and disappearing. Not long after, he returned with a portable toothbrush set and mouthwash.

“Is this enough?”

“…Yes.”

Wooseung squeezed toothpaste onto the stiff bristles of the new toothbrush. Then he spoke to Taejung, who was looking down at him from his side.

“…Please buy me anything warm to drink.”

Taejung’s brow furrowed without restraint.

“Fuck, in all my life, I’ve never had to run errands like this.”

However, while grumbling, he went outside obediently. With wide, brisk strides, he vanished in an instant.

After brushing his teeth until his tongue tingled from the minty flavor, Wooseung took the toothbrush set and mouthwash and left the restroom. Just then, Taejung, holding two takeout cups, was heading this way. Wooseung approached Taejung and grabbed his arm, suggesting they sit on a nearby bench. They sat facing each other with a table between them.

“…”

“…”

Silence flowed over the old wooden table, which had gaps in it here and there.

The drink Taejung had bought was hot chocolate with cocoa powder sprinkled on top. Wooseung carefully drank the beverage so as not to startle his tongue and looked around. A child, maybe five years old, wearing cute overalls, just ran past their table. From behind, a man’s voice calling, “Jihyeong-ah!” followed the child.

There were many people who looked like families. Even though it was a weekday, they were dressed lightly, as if on a trip, and their faces were full of smiles.

“Your eyes look just like this when you’re sucking my dick.”

Taejung, who had been staring at Wooseung from across the table, said abruptly. At the remark that would cause a huge problem if said in a public place, Wooseung’s eyes widened. He hastily looked around, but thankfully, there was no one close enough to hear their conversation.

“Really… why are you like this.”

“What.”

Taejung brought the straw to his mouth and chewed on it, chew chew. The end of the plastic straw was covered in teeth marks, so much so that it was doubtful any liquid could come out.

There was something he had learned while living together. Things like Taejung’s small habits.

He generally handled things roughly. There were many times he threw his Joy-Con or controller when a game wasn’t going well, and he would bite his nails when he was annoyed or dissatisfied. It was as if a childhood habit hadn’t been corrected; he always did it unconsciously. Despite that, his fingernails were neat and pretty.

“…”

Wooseung stared blankly at Taejung’s pinkish fingernails. Considering his temperament, it seemed like he could have been raised as the pampered youngest child, or perhaps he was neglected and lived as he pleased. What was inside him was so strange that it was difficult to picture his past or his family situation.

“President, what is your family situation like?”

Although he drank the warm beverage, his voice was still hoarse. Wooseung cleared his throat a few times and drank again. The thick, sweet taste lingered on the tip of his tongue for a long time.

“You asked before, and I answered.”

He had been careful, wondering if it was an intrusive question, but Taejung’s answer was unexpected. Wooseung blinked his eyes slowly.

“Before… wh-when?”

“The day you got wasted and fucked me.”

“Ah, please…”

Wooseung gestured for him to lower his voice and checked his surroundings once more. In the meantime, people had started lining up in front of the kiosk to order, which made him feel unconsciously nervous.

“Parents, an older brother, a sister-in-law.”

At the ordinary answer, Wooseung secretly thought to himself, ‘So he has parents….’ It was because it felt a little strange that he belonged to a conventional family structure. He had no idea that he had thought the very same thing back then.

“…Thank you for today.”

“…”

“I think I found my mom faster because we took the car.”

“It’s fine. Well, it was fun.”

Taejung shook the cup filled with ice and replied nonchalantly.

All he did today was suffer, so what on earth could have been fun? Even Wooseung, the person involved, was this tired and exhausted, so Taejung, who had been driving all day, couldn’t have been much different.

But what in the world… For some reason, his answer didn’t sound entirely pleasant.

“What was fun about it?”

Taejung said with a mumbled pronunciation, the straw still in his mouth.

“Your household.”

He flinched at the unexpected answer.

“But is the love for alcohol genetic? Did you inherit that from your mother’s side too?”

However, at the words that followed in a carefree voice, he ended up slamming his cup down on the table. In response to his sharply upturned eyes, Taejung raised an eyebrow and said, “What.”

“What’s so…”

“…”

“What’s so fun about it? It’s just how other people live…”

Taejung did not hide his blatant interest. Not in Wooseung’s semi-basement one-room apartment, nor in the 17-pyeong corridor-style apartment where his family lived. He had wandered around the house alone, slinking about like someone who had come to collect a debt.

When he looked around the small room where he had laid his mom down, as if it were fascinating, it felt as embarrassing as the moment her long-grown toenails were exposed.

He had definitely felt fine about it in the semi-basement one-room apartment; in fact, he had felt at ease because, unlike other people, Taejung didn’t pretend not to see poverty. Why hadn’t it been the same in that moment with his family?

“Why. Are you ashamed?”

Taejung hit the nail on the head. His grip on the takeout cup tightened. No matter how he answered, it would be a lie. Wooseung knew that better than anyone.

His mom, who was receiving outpatient treatment for alcoholism; his dad, who couldn’t leave his grandmother’s side for 24 hours; his grandmother, who was unable to move; and Yejin, a twenty-year-old with an endless fountain of things she wanted to do, working part-time on weekdays and weekends while attending school. It was an environment where one could not say there was time and leisure to take care of oneself.

That was why Wooseung wasn’t ashamed of the old, worn-out house, but he was ashamed of things like unkempt fingernails and toenails, and messy hair.

“I didn’t say it to shame you.”

“…”

“There are plenty of guys who live more wretchedly than you.”

Was he trying to offer comfort right now? He was so dumbfounded that he was at a loss for words. Taejung continued to speak nonchalantly while shaking his takeout cup. The clattering sound of the ice cubes colliding intermittently cut in.

“Why, it’s on TV too, isn’t it?”

“…”

“Our family is fucking poor, we have a fucking lot of brats. So please give us some money.”

It was truly a vulgar statement that deserved divine punishment. Even the way he deliberately feigned a pained and pitiful expression.

“…You’ll be punished later. Don’t say things like that.”

Wooseung said it with sincerity. Taejung, the one who had actually said the bad words, scowled fiercely and got annoyed instead. While saying something unbelievable.

“No, fuck, you’re bitching even when I’m trying to comfort you.”

Wooseung was startled by the word “comfort” that came out of his mouth. Was that really… comfort?

“What… what kind of comfort is that.”

“It means you’re well enough off, so stop with the fucking face.”

It was absurd. How in the world was being told that his level of unhappiness wasn’t that bad supposed to be a comfort?

Misfortune cannot be weighed. But right now, Taejung was placing Wooseung’s misfortune and that of others on his two hands as if on a scale, and after weighing them, he was saying, ‘Yours is a little lighter, so stop with the fucking face.’

“It’s a comfort.”

Taejung stated firmly, a straw in his mouth. It was a voice without a hint of doubt.

And then, suddenly, laughter escaped him.