BATTER 18

“Excellent point. I’d almost like to take you to grad school with me.”

Baron’s index finger pointed to the humanoid’s other hand. An improvised anti-humanoid rifle had been firmly welded there to ensure it wouldn’t be dropped, even by accident, during the operation.

“The EMP rifle is completely fixed to one arm. Looking at how it’s assembled, they added new parts to a finished product. But if you look here… see? The color from the arm bled a bit onto the rifle. They painted it after assembly. Doesn’t look like the technician was particularly skilled. However, even the police use this same brand when they use anti-machine suppression weapons. This is a recent model. If my memory serves me… ah, I don’t think it’s even six months old.”

Baron continued, stroking the sleek surface of the firearm.

“They must have been pretty desperate to put a brand-new weapon in its hands. I’m sure there were ways to use a more superior robot, but they didn’t. Or rather, I’d say they couldn’t.”

The finger sliding down the barrel stopped near the trigger. He then flicked his finger against the magazine with a sharp snap.

“And the number of bullets they prepared is way too low. Not even enough for a reload. They managed to get a decent gun, but the budget for this plan wasn’t sufficient. Or maybe they just stole it in the first place. Since they haven’t come back despite knowing our location, they probably didn’t have any other methods ready. They aren’t big enough to be called an ‘organization.'”

At most, it was likely a small-scale group of ten people or fewer. They were probably a bunch of nobodies in terms of wealth, technology, and firepower. This city was overflowing with small-fry bottom-feeders who wanted to be big shots.

“If the original model was an old one and they even got it from a mediocre technician, it must have been quite cheap. It’s a much better choice if you have to burn the robot’s memory at a moment’s notice. What we need to think about is: ‘Why did they have to burn it?’ You could simply think of it as destroying evidence, but if they were just dealers who wanted to kidnap an expensive android to sell him, there’s no reason to wastefully make a humanoid self-destruct. Making a living like that isn’t a crime around here. No need to destroy evidence for something that isn’t even a flaw. So, what did the guys who sent this thing want to hide by making it self-destruct? What did the guys trying to snatch you want to keep hidden from you?”

Bijou blinked slowly a couple of times. Then, he gently turned his head from where it was resting to meet Baron’s eyes. His following words were not an answer to the question.

“You’re enjoying yourself.”

“Oh.”

Baron, who had been pouring out a long monologue, arched a crooked eyebrow. He rubbed his mouth, which had been moving non-stop for a while, with his palm. Beyond the hand gently stroking his lips, his eyes crinkled into a curved shape.

“Does it look that way?”

“Yes!”

“Haha, does that make me seem like a bit of a freak?”

With a short laugh, Baron wrapped his arm around Bijou’s waist. There were no curves, but it was thin enough that there was plenty of room left. Bijou’s eyes looked straight ahead, then slightly down, then back to the front. Having scanned something quickly, Bijou answered brightly.

“No, it doesn’t seem like you have an erection!”

At the bold choice of words, Baron burst into a “Puh-haha” laugh. He didn’t know if it was an AI-style joke meant to make him laugh, but Baron had long passed the age of cracking up over words like “erection” or “genitals.” Baron took it a step further.

“You can’t tell just by looking; you have to touch to know for sure.”

Even after being hit back with harassment, Bijou was just smiling radiantly. It wouldn’t have been strange if a halo had appeared behind his head right then. With a face like a spotless angel, he reached his hand right between Baron’s legs without a moment’s hesitation. It was a gesture closer to a medical check-up than any kind of groping.

“Yes, you’re soft! It’s just as I confirmed through visual information.”

Having boldly and certainly cross-checked the tactile information, Bijou continued.

“And above all, I feel happiness in your enjoyment. Even if it is a freakish pleasure, I do not judge you.”

“Ah, this is seriously killing me.”

Baron covered his eyes with his palm and shook his head side to side. Meanwhile, perhaps intending to return the favor for the “funny” compliment, the being started listing more good things.

“Also, you seem to have excellent powers of observation and information-combining skills. That is a clear and outstanding merit. It is a great specialty that sets you apart from others.”

“Okay, okay. Praise me more.”

“You’re wonderful! You’re amazing! You’re cool! You’re great!”

A string of various positive adjectives followed. Every single word pulled out was nothing short of hilarious, but the most impressive one was this last one.

“And I think those traits are truly lovely!”

“Ah-haha…”

Baron broke into a laugh, his face crinkling up. A sharp sense of enjoyment radiated from his wrinkled, distorted face. He laughed like that for quite a while before stroking Bijou’s waist, almost as if tickling him.

“That’s the cutest praise I’ve ever heard. Thanks for the support… want me to give you a kiss or something?”

Honestly, he didn’t actually intend to do something like kissing. It was an utterance closer to a personal habit of speech, but Bijou suddenly jumped up from his seat without declining or accepting.

“Oh, then please wait a moment.”

Immediately after, he dashed into the cramped bathroom, and a loud splashing of water followed. Having quickly finished washing his face, Bijou ran back out in front of Baron. There was a bit of moisture left on his freshly washed face, but he still looked soft and clear. Bijou, now cleaner, fresher, and smelling slightly of motel soap, made a proud announcement.

“I think it would be okay to kiss me now!”

It felt like the first time he’d ever had a kiss where hygiene was such a priority. Expressions like “funny” or “absurd” didn’t even fit. Bijou wasn’t a funny or absurd robot. It was strange. He was a strange robot. Baron wiped his face several times, unable to shake off his troubled smile.

“Hey, I’ve met quite a few pretty kids in my time, you know?”

“Yes!”

“But I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as strange as you.”

And the being replied without a shred of regret.

“Because I am not a person!”

Baron just thought to himself that even if he changed the expression to “an intelligent being including machines,” it wouldn’t change much. Knowing it would be meaningless, he just decided to finish what he had started.

“Right. Okay then, shall we lift that chin up?”

Bijou proudly showed off his freshly washed face. Since he was acting so proud of it, it was only polite to at least pretend to touch his lips to him. Baron Lin pressed his lips to the android’s soft cheek for a moment. Whether he always acted that way or not, Bijou, having received the light kiss, swayed his body side to side happily. It was a gesture like a doll on a spring.

“Do you like it that much?”

“Yes, it feels like my battery is being charged. Even though it hasn’t actually been charged.”

He was getting used to the strange way of speaking that alternated between obvious flattery and unexpected factual judgments. Baron nodded, saying “Right, right,” as he left a message for the motel’s management AI. While he was arguing that the motel was responsible for the damage and scrap disposal costs because a clash with an intruder had occurred due to poor security, Bijou babbled on incessantly.

“However, by sharing various forms of physical affection, including kisses, humans can produce endogenous opioids—that is, endorphins!”

“Wow, when you put it like that, it sounds incredibly illegal. I like it.”

Since he finished by saying it was cool, Bijou’s smiling face looked somewhat proud.

“When you need endogenous opioids, please come find me first!”