TCGAD 23

“Because I was waiting.”

The sunset went down over Bulkan’s shoulder, casting a hot light over all the land. The backlighting dyed Bulkan’s face black. I wanted to see his expression, but unfortunately, I couldn’t see it well.

Suddenly, Bulkan turned his body away from me with a j**k. Whether it was because of the sunset, Bulkan’s earlobe and the nape of his neck, which I could glimpse, were considerably flushed red.

Even after Bulkan disappeared, I remained behind alone, my eyes following the traces of where he had vanished. Trudge, trudge, I was returning to the cave. It felt like I was leaving something behind, so I kept looking back.

“Are you back?”

It seemed someone was loitering at the entrance of the cave. It was Lemon, holding Haengbok in his arms. He greeted me with a very welcoming face.

“You should be having dinner soon, but Mr. Bulkan is….”

“He’ll come.”

Definitely, I added, nodding my head weakly.

“Then this Lemon, whom the bride adores, will show off his skills for a change!”

Na na na, Lemon hummed a bizarre tune, picking notes at random, and swayed his body lightly.

“Thank you, Lemon.”

Lemon even rolled up his sleeves and displayed his skills. I sat at a well-set table that looked like its legs would break and just waited for Bulkan. As time passed, a curtain-like darkness covered the window that had been deeply dyed with a madder color. The food lost its temperature and grew cold.

“Bride, aren’t you hungry? It would be better for you to eat first.”

To Lemon’s worried question, I just shook my head, saying I was fine.

“I’ll wait just a little longer. He’ll definitely come.”

I was planning to trust and wait for Bulkan even if it meant waiting past dawn until morning came. Although he hadn’t said it to me directly, the atmosphere from before seemed to be making some kind of promise to me.

But no sooner had I finished speaking than the cave entrance became boisterous, and the sound of Bulkan growling and barking, full of bluff, resounded, shaking the cave walls.

“Grrrrr.”

The door flew open with a b**g, and Bulkan appeared. Crack, crack, he loosened up his body, cracking his neck from side to side, and the puppies got excited and rushed at Bulkan.

“You furball brats. When are you going to roam the forest with those front paws?”

Bulkan stomped the ground hard with each of his feet, b**g, b**g, and the puppies yelped with delight. Whine, whine, they jumped up and down on the spot excitedly. Bulkan strode toward the dining table, stomp, stomp. Thud, he sat down, crushing the chair as if he would break it. The bloodstains that had been spattered on his body were all gone by now.

“…Why were you so late?”

“I came after washing my front paws and g**in in the river. Because that is the duty of a male.”

A crazy guy at the dinner table…. Facing the dog who was spouting nonsense again, I smiled awkwardly. I picked up a bone from the plate and placed it on Bulkan’s plate.

“Hecate?”

I tried to ask calmly, but the end of my voice trembled noticeably. Bulkan gripped the meat on the bone with his hand and smoothly pulled out the white bone.

“Hmph.”

Bulkan snorted and tore the meat in his hand to shreds. In that hand as big as a cauldron lid, the meat was helplessly dismantled. I waited for his answer with a nervous heart.

“I tied her whole body up with Python2) and handed her over to Mount Olympus.”

He chattered in a casual tone, then scattered the pieces of meat he was clutching in his fist onto my plate. Then he watched me quietly.

“…Oh.”

I took a deep breath, then let it out with a whoosh. Cold sweat ran down my spine. It seemed I could finally feel at ease.

Even with the meat piled high in front of me on the plate, I couldn’t easily reach out my hand. It was because my hands were still trembling. The corners of my mouth were still quivering, but I speared a piece of meat with a fork and held it out to Bulkan.

“Here.”

Bulkan looked at it with a terribly unfamiliar expression. He looked at his own hands alternately, then soon opened his mouth wide and swallowed the fork in my hand in one go.

“Why did you swallow that?”

I jumped up from my seat in surprise, but as soon as I heard a crunch! sound, I plopped my body back down onto the chair.

“I got scared for nothing.”

A laugh escaped me out of a sense of futility. Bulkan chuckled, subtly showing off his molars. Those menacing teeth could shatter even a strong bone in a single bite. A weak fork like that would be no different from a dog chew.

“Haa.”

Thanks to that, I was completely relaxed. Leaving behind the fork that had already disappeared, I picked up a spoon and started to eat the meat in front of me, bit by bit.

Munch, munch, following the sound of Bulkan devouring his meal, the occasional clatter of a spoon hitting a dish continues.

Whine, whine, yip, whine, the sound of the puppies playing, circling around, could be heard nearby. A true peace, which had come after a long time, wrapped around us as softly as a swaddling cloth.

☀️

Hecate was hung from a cliff on Mount Olympus. At its sharp edge, she received the punishment of having her whole body pecked at by an eagle, endlessly.

There were two charges in total. The first was the crime of casting a spell on a knife and giving it to an Empusa to stab Bulkan. The second was the crime of trying to bring chaos to Mount Olympus.

<<Sob, sob, sob, sob…. That d**ned human bride…! To me, right now… as a sacrifice, offer him up…. That stupid, foolish dog, I will surely! Rip him to shreds and kill him! Ughhh…, my daughter, my daughter.>>

Every night, a bloodcurdling wail could be heard. It was said that as she cried out in agony, longing for her daughter, she began to turn into a hard plaster statue from her fingertips.

<<Ugh, sob, sob….>>

A bird laid its eggs in her mouth, which had been open from wailing. Moss grew on her side, and her hair began to be covered with ivy. As insects swarmed her, she became a resting place for passing birds to sit for a moment.

Thus, time flowed slowly, bringing us back before the season of spring.

It was now the second spring we were facing. For some reason, it was quite different from what I felt last time. Unlike the feeling of emptiness, as if there were no flowers, no butterflies, no birds, nothing. Flowers were in full bloom, and butterflies were flying around. It was now heading toward a scene that anyone would recognize as spring.

“It really must be spring.”

Lemon arranged the flowers he had picked into a vase and curled the corners of his mouth. The fragrance was very nice.

“Mr. Bulkan beat up Mr. Poseidon’s seahorse, ah, no. He skillfully persuaded it to water the entire forest evenly, and he stole Mr. Apollo’s sun chariot…. um, borrowed it for a moment to let things bask in the sun.”

Bulkan personally put effort into this patch of woods as if he were decorating a garden? It was truly unexpected.

That was understandable, because just by looking at the state of this cave, one could immediately tell how little interest Bulkan had in things like aesthetics.

“That’s really unexpected. I thought he wouldn’t give a single bit of attention even if lightning struck and everything was burning to death.”

Even though I said that, my two eyes were glued to the window, busy looking outside. The weather was very nice today, so it would be good to go out with the puppies and throw ourselves into the river.

These days, I was spending a lot of time with the puppies. Just watching the puppies rolling around in the grass, chasing butterflies, and chasing each other’s tails made me happy.

From time to time, nymphs would approach and pluck their harps. But Bulkan, whose sensitivity was at its peak, would never tolerate it.

‘Get lost, before I smash your head in!’

Anyway, even the domineering presence of a family elder flipping a dinner table at a holiday gathering wouldn’t have been that intimidating. He was just so incredibly violent. He would snatch me up into his arms and was always on high alert. Judging by his actions, he was no different from a real military dog. It was amusing for no reason, so I was smiling to myself. Then, Lemon’s voice came from beside me.

“I once mentioned that the bride likes flowers.”

The smile that was on my lips naturally scattered. The back of my neck felt hot for no reason, so I just kept stroking it with my hand.

☀️

I walked slowly through the forest.

The beasts, who had been busy prolonging their lives day by day, crawled out to pick and eat fruit, and they dug burrows and built nests as if finding new homes.

As I approached and caressed a flower, a sparrow came hopping closer. It was plump with fat. I was about to kneel down to stroke its feathers. But suddenly, a large shadow was cast over my head. I looked up to see Bulkan about to spit.

“Ptooey!”

I let out a gasp and covered the sparrow’s head with my hand.

“What is wrong with you, that’s like a flood for this little one.”

Bulkan, thoroughly annoyed, got ready to growl, grrr, at the little bird. How much harm could this tiny bird possibly do to me? He was really as sensitive as one could possibly be.

“Don’t touch that, it’s dirty!”

Despite that, Bulkan would be overprotective like this, watching anxiously as I even strolled on the soft grass. Although a human baby, unlike with the puppies, doesn’t cause my belly to swell up quickly or make me feel so tormented that I pass out.

“It’s clean. I saw it washing itself over there earlier.”

Bulkan kicked the grass for no reason, pow, pow. Flames were flaring in his two eyes, as if he was about to go mad with jealousy. In any case, he was a thug with a temper so foul it had no equal.

“Whine, whine!”

I could see the three four-legged babies playing in the grass far away. They seemed to be having fun, nipping each other, chasing, and tumbling around, crash, b**g, boom.

I was worried that Haengbok might be knocked over by their size, but it seemed Kkakkwa and Bono were controlling their strength as they had learned. Haengbok chased a flitting butterfly, and Kkakkwa followed Haengbok’s tail.

“Whine!”

In the meantime, Bono, who spotted me, thought ‘this is my chance’ and came running, hehe. He circled around me, wagging his tail furiously, then flopped over and showed his belly.

I stroked his soft belly, which was not yet fully-grown. He stuck out his tongue and laughed, hehe. His muzzle was open in a ‘heee’ shape, seeming very pleased. The sunlight flowed softly over Bono’s face.

“Go on and play well, I’ll wait here.”

Bono, excited, circled around me and then ran back to the grass. His retreating tail wagged furiously. I watched him with a pleased look, then bent my upper body slightly.

The shoelace was a little loose. I tried to tie it again, but it was not easy because my stomach was protruding.

“Huh?”

But Bulkan suddenly lowered his body in front of me. Then he started to do something unbelievable. A guy who always wore something like iron boots began to tie the strap of my sandal.

His hands, which used to be front paws, were truly clumsy beyond belief. His touch, which did not know even one gram of delicacy, just kept fumbling with my skin.

I couldn’t think to help him, and just stared down at Bulkan blankly. To think that Bulkan was really that fighting dog I met when I was young…. A strange emotion washed over me. The feeling that our first memory was more solid and older than I thought.

Sway, the wind blew. It was a very soft wind. With the sunlight coming in, it was not as cold or damp as before.

“D**n it….”

He chewed on a curse, as if things were not going as he wished. Beads of sweat had formed on Bulkan’s tanned forehead, which was revealed by the passing wind. He was trying relentlessly to receive my love with an appearance and touch that were very unlike him. He showed a changed appearance when eating, too. He tried to use a fork, taught the puppies how to play hunt, and showed them how to bark, woof, woof.

Sometimes, he would meticulously l**k the puppies’ fur with his tongue. He was so full of spirit that the puppies became completely soaked. Even so, the puppies loved it and tried to imitate Bulkan by striking the ground with their front paws, thud.

Just as spring had come to this always-parched patch of woods. It felt as if an emotion like a new sprout was blooming in my heart, which had been as dry as a desert.

“Bul…kan.”

I reached out my hand without realizing it. Gently, I caressed Bulkan’s forehead. Softly, I tidied his hair. His hair, like a dog’s fur that had never been brushed, wound around my fingertips, which had become sensitive to touch.

“What?”

Then, startled, I felt his gaze and trembled. Bulkan’s eyes were open and looking at me. Gasp, only then did I realize what I had been about to do. My finger that had touched his forehead felt hot enough to burn.

I quickly turned my body around and hurried my steps.

The high sky. Clouds as transparently white as glass drifted like kites. The forest grew thick and lush, and flowers bloomed in places. Luscious fruits hung abundantly on the once-empty tree branches. Starving animals found food, and the village residents who had suffered from hunger became prosperous.

As I slowly took a step, soft grass tangled with my feet. The pasture was moist because it had rained overnight. I felt good for no reason. A smile formed on my lips without me knowing.

Bulkan followed behind me. The nature around us was spread out so wonderfully, yet his head was fixed only on me. It was as if he were a beast born with the ingrained instinct of a bird flying in the sky or a fish swimming in the sea.

I stopped my feet for a moment in front of the lake. I gave my attention to the rippling water. The reflection of Bulkan’s face, staring at my back, appeared in the water mirror. That expression again. I l**ked my lower lip with my tongue. For some reason, I felt thirsty.

“…….”

His two eyes, directed at me, were full of longing. His nose kept twitching, coveting my breath, and his jaw was clenched tight, revealing his tension to the fullest. Everything about him was truly, unbearably fervent.

He was crashing into me with his whole body, as if to say he loved me without a moment’s rest.

It is somewhat violent, intimidating, and one-sided. But it is a high wave3) that will never harm me. I navigated that sea like a sailboat swept away by a rushing tide.

“…….”

A thick silence bound us together as one.

In all my life until now, I have almost never felt proper love. You need to at least have a vegetable patch to dream of a sprout. I have never felt what they call attachment from my parents, who should have been the first cornerstone. My grandmother was the only one who bestowed affection upon me…. The situation was the same even after I grew up a bit more. I never even once had a romantic relationship like everyone else.

I was just busy supporting my life, which had collapsed with a slump. In a life of earning penny by penny, every single minute and second is precious. There was no time to look into something as trivial as the heart.

But now, I have a place to return to. We are firmly supporting each other’s bodies.

“…….”

To Bulkan, I was love, and longing, and a predator that devoured his anxiety. I couldn’t know exactly how much sadness resided in his heart.

I could only, just faintly. Predict it with my sharply honed senses. The sweetness, bitterness, agony, and longing felt in the air were all directed at me.

‘It must be your fault that my insides are broken.’

That fact was incredibly unfamiliar. That my unhappiness and death could come as sadness to another. It was becoming a new world for me.

‘You take this d**n thing!’

Bulkan, who had tried to dig up, manipulate, and smash the emotions rooted in his heart, had now stopped wandering. He was now simply replacing his entire heart with it.

So then, do I love him? Honestly, I still don’t know the answer. This feeling was just like a cloud. It changed its shape according to the blowing wind, according to the temperature. At times I seemed to hate him, and often I felt tenderly toward him.

Perhaps, just as Bulkan said, I am stupid and weak, and unable to properly distinguish the shape of the emotions that have seeped into my heart.

However, one thing. What is certain is that when I look at his eyes that watch me with anxiety, my chest tightens uncomfortably.

“You know.”

Now I could understand what kind of wound my words had left on Bulkan. As I began to speak, his gaze was directed solely at me. Whoosh, the wind blew. Bulkan’s rough hair fluttered in the gentle breeze.

“You asked me before, what I wanted to be born as in my next life.”

The memory of that time flashes through my mind. After realizing the true nature of Bulkan’s feelings, that memory would often come to mind and weigh down on my heart.

‘What will you be born as?’

I remembered the answer I had given then, and I was bound to it as if anchored to that memory, unable to move an inch.

‘I don’t particularly want to be born again.’

Bulkan had said he would wait for me, but I had said there would be no next time. It was no different from answering that I would disappear from this world forever. Although I did not intend it, although I cannot know the depth of the wound it carved….

Only now did I realize why he had rummaged through that gloomy cave like a madman. It must have been because he had no place to rest his heart. It could take a dizzying amount of time, perhaps hundreds of years, until I was born again, and he had been robbed of even the chance to wait while enduring that endlessness with no end in sight.

“As you know, I die quickly, unlike you.”

A strange light flashed in his jet-black eyes. His eyes sank as if not a single ray of light could penetrate them. A concentration of melancholy.

“Even so, you have no choice but to keep loving me?”

I asked if that was really the only path for him. Bulkan’s jaw tensed. He was just staring at me like a lost dog.

“I do not know how to not long for you.”

Flinch, I trembled my shoulders. There it was again. It felt like a giant was holding my heart in his hand and crushing it, kneading my heart. The tip of my nose tingled for no reason, and it felt like a wind was blowing inside my heart.

“I don’t really know about things like past lives, or next lives. But….”

I wanted to ask Bulkan, too. Do you feel this way, too? Is that why you said you wanted to tear out your heart? This crazy b**t**d….

“If I am given the chance to decide what to be born as in my next life, I will be born as anything.”

I hoped he would understand that I was saying this because I was worried you would wait for me too desperately.

“I will become that sunlight, and I will try being the wind that flows in the air, and I will try being the shimmering scales on the water’s waves.”

A wait without a promise only deepens solitude. Loneliness was bound to give birth to and nurture fear.

“Then, around the time I’m forgotten a little, I will try appearing before you as a person, or an animal, or anything.”

It truly feels like walking through an endless labyrinth. I thought that if I let you know that there is an end in that vast maze, you, standing before that immense time, might feel a little less lost. It was the minimal promise I could make to you, who had come a long way, constantly worrying whether you would lose me, whether I would come to love you.

“I will come to your side in the next life, too.”

Not simply for you, but for the me who will miss you. For the us who will be together.

I returned to the cave with Bulkan.

Sunlight was shining brightly into the cave, which used to be pitch-black as if made from a mold of darkness. A wave of gold. The puppies, like fish swimming in a golden sea, had fallen asleep drunk on the sunlight, and sometimes smacked their lips, nom, nom, as if having a good dream.

Wheeze, wheeze. The breaths they let out were full of comfort.

Feeling the tranquility inside my stomach as well, it seemed the unborn baby was also lying down, sleeping comfortably.

Smiling slightly, I looked down at my stomach and raised my head, and there was a gaze watching me with blind devotion.

I savored the peacefulness in this place full of affection, and finished preparing to embrace with open arms the attachment that had begun to nestle in my heart.

Right here in this place.