TCGAD 18

When the rain showed signs of letting up a little, I took Haengbok out to see this and that. The sea was about a thirty minute walk away, so we would often go out to see the beach.

We would go out in the evening when there were fewer crowds and walk around, pressing our feet into the soft sand. Puk, puk.

“Are you having fun?”

Haengbok went, “Aet,” and laughed, digging at the sand with his front paws. Puk, puk. Once, he followed a wave out, then got startled as it swelled up again and quickly came back to me.

I watched him with a small smile, but Haengbok suddenly whipped his head around and started staring intently into the empty air.

“…What’s wrong?”

It was as if he had seen a ghost.

For a moment, a dizzying chill shot down my spine, and my body froze. I nervously looked around, becoming overly sensitive. Swish, swish, I could hear the sound of the waves. It was already deep into the night, so there were not many people around. At most, a few couples were whispering sweet nothings to each other while looking at the sea. It was all a perfectly ordinary scene.

Next, I looked at the sandy beach for no particular reason. Footprints were scattered messily on the slightly damp sand. I peered among all the prints of various sizes and shapes to see if there was anything as large as a bear’s paw.

“…Kkae?”

As I stood there blankly, Haengbok’s whimper floated through the air. My face was shimmering in his clear eyes. The night was too dark, and there were too few people. Even though I had specifically chosen this time for Haengbok, I quickened my pace.

“Should we head back now?”

On the way back to the motel, I watched Haengbok trotting along. Trot, trot. From an alley, I heard a dog barking. Awooo. I flinched and stopped in my tracks. When I pulled the leash, Haengbok looked up at me from my side.

Suddenly, a large dog passed in front of me. Its black eyes stared right through me. Why? Why was it staring at me so intently?

…Could it be Bulkan?

“Mallang-ah, come here!”

As soon as its owner called its name and pulled the leash, it immediately wagged its tail and ran over. It snuggled up to its owner, acting all cute. I wiped my forehead. Beads of cold sweat were running down my face.

“There’s no way.”

I muttered to myself like a madman. The dog’s owner glanced at me as if I were crazy and slowly moved away.

If it were Bulkan…

He is not the type to just let me be like this. He was so much like a tank, so reckless. He would have grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and dragged me away long ago.

However, on the other hand, there was a persistent feeling of unease that kept nagging at my heart. The gaze that had stared at me while hiding quietly in the river, and the eyes that had hidden behind the door to watch my reaction—both were definitely Bulkan’s.

…Ah, get a grip. I slapped my forehead with my palm. This is really serious. Unless I am suffering from some post traumatic stress disorder or something.

“…Oh!”

As I was walking absentmindedly, imprisoned by a train of thoughts, my wrist was suddenly pulled. Haengbok was looking at the doghouse again. Kkae-aeng, kkae! he whimpered repeatedly. That hyung-nim from before was standing there, blocking the front of the doghouse. He was not paying any attention to Haengbok.

“Haa.”

I let out a small sigh. I went over to Haengbok, scooped him up, and held him in my arms. Usually, when I held him like this, he would like being in my arms and stay still. But he kept whimpering, kkae-aeng, kkae-aeng, and squirming his little cotton-ball paws.

“Let’s go wash up quickly.”

The motel owner might scold me if I drop sand in the hallway. I soothed him and returned to the room. Again, there was a food delivery in front of the door.

“Why was it delivered to the wrong place again?”

It was truly strange. I hugged Haengbok even tighter. Goosebumps rose all over my body. Perhaps because the rain had let up a bit, the letters on the receipt were less smudged this time. I read the address, and although I could not be sure of the exact location, it was definitely not in this neighborhood.

“……”

I looked at the closed door. Thump, thump, my heart was on a wild roller coaster ride. Is it right for me to open this door right now? Am I being unnecessarily suspicious? I barely have any cash on me; all my money is in the safe inside this room. Because my death has been officially registered, I could not even open a bank account.

“…Ae?”

Haengbok, perhaps sensing that something was wrong, placed his front paw on my cheek. I soon made up my mind. I touched the card key in my hand to the door lock.

“It’s okay.”

After all… if he really did follow me, if he really came all this way just to find someone like me, for f**k’s sake, then running away from here would only be a matter of time before I get caught.

Let’s go in and confirm that it’s not him. No way that crazy b**t**d actually followed me, right? Because of someone like me, because he’s crazy about me?

The hand pushing the door was trembling. Darkness from inside the room seeped out through the cautiously pushed open door.

I could not sense any presence, any sign of anyone. Just in case, I took slow, sideways steps. Then, I flung open the bathroom door.

“……”

A cold silence greeted me. I let go of the doorknob, feeling drained.

“Am I really losing my mind?”

Seriously, I need to stop. With a hollow laugh, I closed the door again and returned to the room. It was then that I noticed something was wrong and stopped dead in my tracks. Then I carefully stepped on the carpet again. Squelch.

I stamped my foot a few more times. Squelch, squelch, squelch. I looked down, and parts of the cheap carpet were a darker color. It was soaked with something, even though I had not spilled any water… Thud, my heart dropped with a great fall. A surge of anxiety made me scan the room with my peripheral vision. I had been staying here for a while, so it should have been a familiar space, but at this moment, it felt strangely unfamiliar.

“……”

A sudden gust of wind blew across my cheek. I slowly turned my head.

“…Ah.”

I immediately understood why. The room’s window was wide open.

I had deliberately chosen a room with a large window so that Haengbok could look outside even from inside the room, and because of that, a very large window was wide open, making the room w** as if it had been dipped in water and pulled out.

Swoosh, the wind scratched at my cheek.

Did I leave the window open? I asked myself the question and answered it at the same time. …There is no way.

Startled, I quickly ducked my head under the desk. Beep, beep, beep, beep. I hastily pressed the keys on the lock, and the safe opened with a clunk. From inside the small box, I grabbed a wad of green bills and began counting them, one by one.

“Fifty thousand won, one hundred thousand won, one hundred fifty thousand won…”

The bills, stacked up like that, totaled 3,127,520 won. Not even a single ten won coin was missing. My shoulders slumped. It was a relief that the money was not gone, but… I still could not feel completely at ease.

“……”

Could something else be missing? I turned my head to look around the motel room.

It was not a place with that much furniture to begin with. At most, there was a wardrobe, a bed, and a small side table with welcome drinks.

I approached the window. On the small side table were things like a kettle, tea bags, and coffee packets. They were all knocked over in a mess. It was as if something large had squeezed through the window and swept through the room.

Did Bulkan really come? I meticulously examined the carpet for any footprints, but the cheap carpet was only soaked with moisture from the start.

“…Kkae.”

Haengbok rubbed his soft nose against my thigh. He looked at me with a worried face, as if asking what was wrong. I gently covered his small nose with my palm and petted him. As my nerves had been on edge without a break, it felt like he was putting the brakes on. I have been overly sensitive lately. This time, it could just be nothing again, so I would rather check with my own eyes and put my mind at ease. Just standing here will not give me any answers. I figured it would be better to speak to the motel owner, so I left the room. I went all the way down the stairs and stood in front of the front desk.

Knock, knock. When I knocked on the acrylic window, the owner poked his face through a small opening.

“What is it?”

“Mr. Owner, um, by any chance…”

I carefully parted my lips.

“Was there anyone loitering in front of my room, ah, no…”

I had naturally used the word “person,” but then I changed my phrasing to be more vague. The thought that I should not limit the subject to a person crossed my mind.

“Was there anything?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The owner waved his hand dismissively. A couple passed by behind us, so the owner and I paused our conversation for a moment. It was still just a guess, so I was being cautious as there was no need for others to hear about it.

“I’ve been here all day today, and no outsiders came in. Just some delivery people came and went a few times.”

At the owner’s words, the delivery food that had been in front of the door momentarily flashed through my mind.

“I went out for a little while, and when I came back, the window was open. The room is a bit of a mess… That delivery person, did he seem suspicious or anything?”

“He just looked the same, you know.”

When I asked with a rather serious face, the owner seemed to sense that something was unusual. He soon opened the creaky door and came out to stand in front of me. He was a short, stocky, middle aged man with a hunched back, whose height only came up to my nose.

“That window has been causing problems for a while. We had it repaired once, but it’s acting up again, d**n it.”

The owner suggested we go to the room together and started up the stairs.

“Nothing’s missing, right?”

“No, nothing.”

When we opened the door and entered, the room was in the exact same state as I had seen it a moment ago. The first thing the owner did was pull a chair over to the window and look at the lever.

“Hey, look, this part is torn off.”

He tapped the lever with his hand, pointing it out for me to see. As I approached where the owner was, I saw that the lever was indeed smashed, as if it had been ripped off.

“The probability of someone climbing up and breaking the window is….”

The owner stretched the skin between his nose and upper lip.

“This is the fifth floor. What kind of crazy person would climb up the window in broad daylight to steal something? Besides, you said nothing was missing.”

“Yes, nothing is missing.”

I slowly shook my head. If not for the money, there was absolutely nothing to steal in this place. I looked out the window.

Although it looked shabby on the outside, I had chosen what was considered the most splendid place in this area, so it was in a pretty good location. There were quite a few people coming and going in front of it. It did not make sense that someone who needed to be so secretive as to climb up the window would have scaled that wall. It was indeed an absurd story.

But that was only if the opponent was a person… Bulkan used to climb up and down huge cliffs in an instant by digging his claws in, like a large feline animal.

“But a delivery was mistakenly sent here the other day, and again today…”

“There are so many motels and inns around here. Let’s see here.”

Saying let’s see, the owner picked up the delivery food on one side. As his eyes were not very good, he put on the magnifying glasses that were hanging on his shirt’s front pocket, held the receipt far away, and read it letter by letter.

“Let’s see here… Oh, this place is right in the next neighborhood. It must have been delivered to the wrong place.”

The owner’s gaze turned to me. He was dealing with me because I was a guest, but he also tilted his head as if he did not understand why a young man was being so sensitive about something like this.

“……”

A damp wind blew in from the window and brushed against my cheek. A coffee mix packet tumbled across the side table, and paper cups rolled around, de-gu-ru-ru, before falling to the floor with a thud. Could it really have happened because of the wind… Is my paranoia acting up again?

“If you’re really uncomfortable, I’ll switch you to another room here. The room across is empty right now anyway.”

The owner pointed to the door with his short, stubby thumb. I hesitated for a moment to answer. If Bulkan had really come here, if he had really found me at last, then changing rooms would be of no use.

“Excuse me, could I use the phone for a moment?”

“Sure.”

He said I could, clasping his hands behind his back and nodding his head. When I came down to the lobby with the owner, he took out an old telephone and gave it to me. I stood in front of the front desk and picked up the receiver. I pressed the numbers written on the receipt one by one.

—Welcome, this is Haecheondang, providing the best taste and service!

After the dial tone, a person answered the phone.

—Yes, I’ve got the call.

“Yes, hello.”

I quickly pulled my back away from the wall I had been leaning on and answered the phone.

“Um, it’s nothing much, but a delivery was sent to me by mistake.”

—Ah, ah, the one that was supposed to go to Seongguk-d**g?

“Yes, that one.”

The owner, also curious about the phone call, pressed his ear close to the receiver.

—Oh dear, I was looking all over for that, so it did go to the wrong place. The delivery person was so insistent that he definitely left it in front of the right house.

“That delivery person, could I possibly speak with him for a moment?”

An exclamation of surprise, like, Huh? flowed into my ear.

—We use a delivery agency, so the person who comes is different each time. Even if I knew, I couldn’t give you their personal information. …But why do you ask?

The surroundings I could hear over the receiver were bustling. “Mr. Owner, one spicy seafood noodle soup and one black bean noodle here!” “Yes, coming right up,” and other such conversations commonly heard in a Chinese restaurant were audible. It was dinner time now, a busy period when customers were flooding in. If I held up the phone like this, it was as good as blocking the line for taking orders.

—Anyway… We’ve already remade the food and sent it, so you can just eat what you have there or do whatever you want with it.

A slight sense of urgency seemed to be present in his tone. I felt I could not disturb him any longer.

“Yes, I understand.”

As I replied softly, the call ended. Even so, I could not let go of the receiver completely, a lingering feeling remaining in my hand. A question came from in front of me.

“What should we do, should I change your room?”

If I had been alone, I might have just said it was fine. The room I was staying in was on the fifth floor anyway, and he said he would repair the window… I would have just said I would put up with it for a few days.

Frankly, I had even lived in a place like a cave, so I would have thought, what’s something like this? However, now Haengbok was with me, and I also could not deposit my cash in a bank, so I was keeping it as is.

“…Yes.”

I reluctantly nodded my head. It was a bit disappointing that Haengbok had just started to get used to the place we were living in, and now we had to change rooms again, but it was because of the uneasy feeling I had. I completely let go of the phone from my hand and received the new card key he handed me.

“Call me if anything else happens.”

I gave a small nod and slowly went up the stairs. Then I flinched and whipped around. It was a strange thing to do, spurred by the feeling that someone was following me, but behind me was only empty space.

‘Haa, what a crazy b**t**d.’

I scrubbed my face with my hands. At this point, I really wonder if I should get psychiatric counseling. I shook my head from side to side and went up the stairs again. Behind me, where I had passed, the light went out with a click.

☀️

After that day when my heart had been uncomfortably shaken, a series of days that were nothing short of ordinary continued, as if nothing had ever happened.

Like that, two days, three days, four days…

Time passed steadily, and it reached a point where the wind digging into my neck grew even colder. It seemed the season would soon change. It was time to prepare to welcome winter.

I opened the safe and took out the money. I calmly counted how much was left. The remaining money was still about one million won. It was still enough to stay at the motel, but the problem was…

“……”

Even though I had only been sitting for a short while, my back felt stiff and tight, so I stood up. My gently protruding belly was reflected in the wardrobe mirror on the opposite side.

Now that I was entering my sixth month, my belly was noticeably unusual even at a glance. It seemed there would soon be a limit to covering it up by wearing baggy clothes.

I have to prepare for the baby’s birth. Thinking of selling a few more accessories, I grabbed some more and pushed them into my clothes. Haengbok was wrapped in a warm blanket with the electric pad turned on, watching television. A variety show featuring animals was Haengbok’s favorite.

<How can a deer be so comfortable inside a house like this? It’s like he is their own child.>

The narration leaked out from the volume, which I had deliberately turned down low for Haengbok’s sensitive ears. I had thought his concentration was particularly good today, but it seemed he found it fascinating because a deer, just like himself, was on the screen.

“Kkae-aeng.”

Contrary to my initial worries, Haengbok seemed to be adjusting well to life here. He had now become quite friendly with the motel owner, to the point where they would sometimes watch television together at the front desk or play tug of war with a rolled up newspaper.

“Haengbok-ah.”

“Ae, ae!”

Haengbok popped out from under the warm blanket and rubbed his cheek against my knee. Haengbok’s body had also clearly grown a lot compared to before. It must be frustrating for him to continue living in a motel like this.

“Let’s go out for a bit.”

With the leash on Haengbok’s neck, I came out to the lobby. The mister, who was sitting forlornly on the sofa watching the news, turned his head toward me.

“Are you going out?”

I nodded slightly.

“Haengbok too?”

Haengbok, having recognized his name, whimpered softly from my side.

“Ae!”

“Ahem, ahem, if you leave him here, I’ll play with him a bit.”

When the owner rolled up a newspaper and waved it at Haengbok, Haengbok quickly approached and bit the other end with his muzzle, starting a tug of war.

“Look at this little guy, he’s gotten stronger than before, huh?”

His daily routine consisted only of receiving people who came to the motel or watching television. A gentle smile spread across the owner’s face, which was usually filled with a monotonous routine. Thanks to the owner, who was surprisingly good at playing with him, Haengbok also wagged his tail excitedly, flap, flap.

“I’ll be back then.”

Although I had entrusted Haengbok to the owner, I did not feel at ease thinking of leaving him alone. I quickly hurried my steps and arrived at the pawnshop I had visited before. Thump, thump, I knocked on the old glass window.

“Are you there?”

The mister’s face lit up.

“Oh, the one who came before! What have you brought today?”

“Just a moment.”

I rummaged inside my clothes. I placed all the accessories I had picked out from the safe in front of him. With each one that was added, the mister’s eyes overflowed with joy. He had the face of a wild ginseng hunter who had finally found a precious wild ginseng in a nearby mountain after days of searching in vain.

“For this much, I’ll give you this.”

The mister showed me five fingers. I stared blankly, wondering if that was the correct market price.

“I think I should get more than that.”

“Oh my, you drive a hard bargain. Alright, then I’ll add another fifteen. No more than that, I’ll go bankrupt too.”

I thought there was no way it was a losing business for him, but that amount seemed enough to live comfortably for a few months, so I nodded, saying I understood. The mister once again glanced at my hand.

“So, you’re not selling that one? That one would be worth quite a bit of money.”

He clicked his tongue, as if truly regretting that the ring on my finger was not for sale. Tch. I clenched my fist and shook my head. This was truly a last resort. It was not that this ring had any particular meaning to me, but… as the pawnshop owner said, if this ring was truly that valuable, then it should be used in a real emergency, so I could not sell it now. I kept rationalizing to myself, though no one was listening.

Although it was a short time, I felt grateful and gave the motel owner some puffed corn, then returned to our home with Haengbok.

I took the thick envelope out of my pocket, put it in the safe, and let out a sigh. Phew. To even sign a contract for a monthly rental, I needed to restore my identity. Only then could I open a bank account. I could not keep living like this just because it was convenient. For Haengbok to run around, it would be better to get a first floor apartment, right? A house with a yard might be difficult right now, but still, with the money I have and if I save up diligently…

“Kkae.”

Haengbok pulled on my sleeve. I, crouching in front of the safe and staring into space, must have looked terribly strange to him. I felt sorry for going out alone while leaving him with the owner, so I filled the bathtub with water and let him play, and then fed him a hearty meal.

<…The cat, as if afraid to lose them, follows closely behind the couple, and, what’s this? It’s going inside the house.>

The narration from the animal variety show Haengbok was watching flowed from the television. Haengbok’s eyelids, lying on the bed, slowly began to close. He seemed ready to go to sleep after a busy day. Purr, purr, his breathing grew longer and longer. Soon, his breathing calmed down completely.

I carefully got up from the front of the bed. The place I headed to, muffling my footsteps as much as possible in the darkness, was the computer on one side.

When I pressed the power button, the screen lit up. Although it was an old model, it still seemed to work. Blink, blink. The cursor flashed. I fell into thought, wondering what to type in the search bar. Then, in the white search bar, I typed my grandmother’s name along with the word “fire.”

Sure enough, several articles appeared. Since she was a shaman who was once famous, people had taken an interest.

At the very top was a picture of the half-burnt shaman’s house, which looked like melted candle wax. As soon as I saw it, I felt my heart drop with a thud.

It was as if the horror of that day was being replayed right before my eyes. …The hazy smoke that obscured my vision, the sharp fumes that clawed at my throat, the approaching scent of death.

I could scroll down in just 0.1 seconds, but I could not bring myself to move the wheel any further. I had a very strong feeling that if I read it, I would suffer from immense aftereffects.

However…

In order to wash away this damp, clinging feeling of unease in my heart, in order to know the truth of that day, it was something I had to do.

“Hoo, hoo.”

I took several deep breaths. I prepared myself by blowing air into my tightly closed heart.

Then, tok, tok, I carefully scrolled the wheel down. With my eyes, I slowly followed the letters that appeared on the screen.

At 2 AM on the 11th, a fire broke out at a certain shrine located in Gwanak-gu, and an 80-year-old woman was found dead in the accident.

I lowered my gaze further down.

Her son, Mr. Gu, claims that the accident was caused by a gas leak, but the neighbors have stated that they did not hear the sound of a gas explosion.

A gas leak? I bit my thumb, chewing on it, then quickly moved my face closer to the monitor. It had been a long time since we had used the gas because we had not paid the bill. So what on earth did they mean by a gas leak?

An oil can was found at the scene, so the fire authorities are considering the possibility of arson and are currently investigating the exact cause of the fire.

I felt like I was suffocating more and more. Along with the desire to not read any further, a compelling urge to read more fought a tense battle within me.

The body of the grandson, Gu Myeongha, has not yet been found, and his whereabouts are unknown. It was revealed that they are still searching for the body and his tracks.
.
.
.
Meanwhile, it has been determined that the grandmother died while searching for her only grandson, adding to the great sadness and shock.

After reading the last paragraph, I clamped my mouth shut with a pain that felt truly unbearable. It felt like my heart was being torn to shreds. To try and forget the pain with another pain, I pushed the skin between my thumb and index finger into my mouth and bit down hard. Kkwa-deuk.

I clenched my jaw so hard it was sure to leave a bruise, but it was useless. It was nothing compared to the sharp pain that pierced my heart like a knife.

It felt like someone had come inside me and was cutting me up with scissors. Snip, snip.

“…Heuk.”

A sob I could not hold back escaped. I quickly ran to the bathroom. I was worried that if I suddenly burst into tears, the little deer would be frightened, so I turned on the water. Swaaah, clear water poured into the round sink. And into it, drops of liquid that fell from my cheeks mixed in. Tuk, tuk. I cried like that for a long time in front of the cold porcelain sink.

I could not even make a grave for her. The thought of my grandmother, who must have closed her eyes alone and lonely in a place where no one was, made my chest feel so tight that I just pounded my solar plexus with my fist. Puk, puk. The image of my grandmother that I had briefly glimpsed in h**l floated blurrily before my eyes. Her small embrace, her gentle voice, the nostalgic smell of a Buddhist temple. Even as she was leaving, she was worried about me, wishing for my happiness, and smiling at me…

I thought that reading the articles would resolve some of my questions, but instead, my stomach felt as tight as if I had indigestion after dinner.

I cupped my palms and filled them with water. Splash, splash… I washed my face several times to erase the traces of crying. The cold water slapped my cheeks relentlessly. And when I looked in the mirror, my face was flushed red all the way down to my neck.

“Ugh…”

I rubbed my face with a towel. When I quietly came out, Haengbok was still sound asleep. Only the beam of light from the television was illuminating the dark room.

I quietly left the room. When I came back to the front desk, the owner greeted me.

“Why?”

“Mr. Owner, um… I’m just going to borrow the phone for a call.”

He nodded, telling me to use it.

“Why doesn’t a young person have a cell phone?”

I gave an awkward smile at his light scolding. I put the phone to my ear and, slowly recalling the memory, pressed the buttons firmly.

—The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check the number and try again.

The voice that flowed through the receiver soon after made my vision go dark. His cell phone number must have changed again, I lamented softly. My father wandered from one monthly rental to another, constantly changing his cell phone number.

I do not know where he borrowed the money from, but after going crazy with gambling, he seemed to have gotten involved in some strange places. What people commonly call loan sharks, places like that. While I felt helpless and dejected, it was also true that I felt a little relieved that my father had not answered the phone. I was still afraid to face that man. I was almost in a daze, feeling pathetic for having such feelings, when the owner asked if something was wrong, his voice filled with curiosity.

“Is something wrong?”

“…No.”

I shook my head, saying it was nothing. I slowly returned to the room, closed the door, leaned my back against it, and slid down to a sitting position.

What do I do now? The way to contact my father is gone.

No, actually, there is still one way left. To go back to the place where I used to live. But that place… is also where Bulkan came to find me and dragged me away. If he was planning to find me, that place would have been the first thing to come to his mind.

Why did the house catch fire that day, why did my grandmother have to die, why did he report me as dead as if he had been waiting for it…

All of these were things I could only find out by meeting my father. However, it was true that just the thought of facing my father again sent chills down my spine. The history of being beaten, threatened, and exploited was too long.

“……”

However, I had to resolve that matter to be able to restore my identity. In order to truly settle down here, I needed to take exams and get a job. It was something I had to do.

If my belly gets any bigger than it is now, my feet will be tied… I had to move as quickly as possible. The sooner, the better.

☀️

As soon as the morning sun rose, I went into the bathroom and showered as if to scrub my skin off. It was to wash away all the scent. After washing my body very cleanly, I took out clothes I had never worn before.

“Ae.”

As I was getting ready, Haengbok looked up at me. He thought we were going out, and his face was full of anticipation.

“Haengbok-ah, um… I have to go somewhere for a bit, so will you play with the mister?”

When I made a sorry face, the smart Haengbok immediately understood my meaning. He drooped his head a little, looking dejected.

“I’ll buy you peaches when I come back.”

Haengbok’s eyes, having understood the word “peaches,” grew moist. Summer was already over, so it was not the peak season, but there would still be some from greenhouses. I smiled softly, grateful to Haengbok for being appeased by just that.

After finishing my simple preparations, I took Haengbok down to the front desk.

“Mr. Owner, I have to go somewhere for a bit.”

“At this hour?”

The owner pushed his glasses down to the tip of his nose and looked at the clock. It was just past seven in the morning.

“Yes… I think I’ll be a bit late.”

It was a situation where I could not be more shameless. As I bowed my head low with apology, the owner nodded, saying he understood. Haengbok sat obediently on the sofa and buried his face in a pillow.

Until I opened the door and left, he kept looking at me with a longing gaze.

☀️

It took a good five hours by taxi to get to where my grandmother’s shrine was. I had definitely left in the morning, but when I arrived, the sun was high in the sky.

“Have a safe trip.”

When I got out of the taxi, a hot wind blew from somewhere. A familiar smell that brushed the tip of my nose, and a strangely mixed scent of something burnt, stimulated my sense of smell.

I passed by a scene that was so familiar, yet strangely unfamiliar. I quickened my steps.

Here, if I just pass here, it would be right there. As I crossed the valley over a stone bridge, the shrine I had come to find was revealed.

“Ah.”

I could only stand there blankly in my spot. It was, well, in a state that was no different from ruins. The persimmon tree, the yard, everything was in a mess, with clear traces of the fire’s fierce sweep.

I immediately climbed onto the wooden floor. The sight of the ashes, settled in piles, filled my mind with the memory of the fire blazing with tremendous force.

I had naturally assumed it would already be burnt, but there was a huge difference between just expecting it and actually seeing it.

As I looked inside with a bitter heart, I felt a sense of unease. Nothing was in its place; it was all in disarray. This was clearly a sign that someone had rummaged through the inside.

Who on earth did this? I was momentarily suspicious, but then it occurred to me that if the place had already become a ruin like this, people could have come and gone as they pleased.

It was a disaster. I wanted to get at least some of my grandmother’s belongings… Is it hopeless, I wondered, and was letting out a deep sigh. At that moment.

Something caught my eye.

There was an object on top of the wardrobe that was not easily visible. Perhaps because the fire started from below, the box closest to the ceiling was still recognizable in its form. It was truly the last remaining memento of my grandmother. She had cherished it so much that I thought it was a bankbook or a house deed.

“Heuk, eu-heuk, heuk. Grandma.”

When I opened the box, all the awards and gold medals I had ever received were contained within it. I hugged the box to my chest and cried for a long time. I wanted to live my whole life remembering her with even a trace of her, until the day I die, but I could not find anything. Even the few belongings my grandmother had were all burnt.

I made a small grave by piling up soil right in front of the house. I placed a few fruits I had bought before coming, some persimmons, and soju in front of the grave, then prostrated myself and bowed. Even then, I could not bow completely forward, so I just awkwardly tilted my head forward.

“Grandma.”

It felt like my heart was going to tear apart. Even though I knew I had to get out of there quickly, a sticky sense of regret clung to me, and I could not bring myself to take a step. In front of the memories of my grandmother and me, which had all burned down and turned into white ashes, I too felt like I was crumbling into powder. Pa-seu-seu.

“Oh my, who’s there?”

A loud voice came from outside, so I quickly looked out. A woman was standing there. And she looked strangely familiar…

“You’re Gyesun unnie’s grandson, aren’t you?”

My eyes widened. Ah, a face flashed through my mind for a moment. It was the woman who had come to the shrine and given me the prayer beads.

“I thought some d**n thief had come, but it was you.”

“Yes.”

I replied faintly. The woman looked at my face and let out a deep sigh. Phew. She pounded her chest with her fist as if frustrated. I belatedly remembered the state of my face and quickly wiped it with the back of my hand. Tears, snot, it was a mess.

“You must be out of your mind with grief, too.”

The woman also took a couple of shots of soju in front of the grave and then bowed twice.

We sat down roughly on the burnt wooden floor and shared the fruit. After taking a shot of soju and letting out an exclamation of, “Kyaa,” the woman tore off a piece of squid leg with a ttak and started talking.

“Your father came to visit.”

The woman delivered some unbelievable news.

“My father?”

For a moment, the image of the incredibly messy interior of the house came to mind.

“He was yelling and screaming for the land deed. That disrespectful b**t**d, anyway.”

Although I did not see it myself, just hearing about it was enough to understand the situation. Even after my grandmother lost consciousness, he would come whenever he had a chance and nag about money like that.

“It seems the insurance money didn’t come through because your body wasn’t found. He was making a huge fuss, asking me where I had hidden it.”

That son of a b**ch, that fucking mutt! The woman spat out a rough curse.

“I told him you weren’t dead, that I couldn’t see your wandering spirit here, and he beat me up, that son of a b**ch, saying he wouldn’t leave the rotten old hag alone.”

The woman pointed to below her face. It was indeed bruised a dark blue.

“I’m sorry.”

“What did you do wrong?”

The woman clicked her tongue. Tz, tz.

“If you’re born into a poor family with a tough fate like yours, you won’t see any good.”

Then she muttered in a voice filled with remorse.

“Should I say you’re lucky you weren’t sold into p**stitution?”

No matter how I thought about it, it was truly suspicious. Was the reason he was looking for me with such bloodshot eyes simply because of the insurance money? I quietly replayed that day in my mind. The memories, which had been hazy and shrouded in fog, seemed to become a little clearer.

‘Please stop coming to our house.’

‘A brat talking back to his father like that.’

The man, who had come home dead drunk, was making a fuss, telling me to eat some beef rib soup.

‘You son of a b**ch, do you think you would have even survived if it weren’t for me?’

he muttered, starting to slap my cheek. Tuk, tuk. Then, in the end, he even punched my cheek. Pushed by the strong force, I tumbled backward.

‘What’s going on?’

My grandmother came out, rubbing her sleepy eyes. Worried that my grandmother might be startled, I quickly got up and moved to the kitchen to avoid the situation.

‘Mother, I brought some beef rib soup. Try some.’

‘Beef rib soup?’

My grandmother’s voice grew louder. It seemed it was hard for her to resist her hunger with her favorite food right in front of her. The only food we were supposed to have that day was a soybean paste stew with a block of tofu. Compared to what I had prepared, it was a grand feast.

Just for that one day. Yes, I thought, let’s grease our stomachs just for that one day.

Since we could not even turn on the gas stove properly, we ate the slightly cold beef rib soup as it was. For some reason, even that made my stomach turn, so I could not take more than a few spoonfuls and put it down right away. My grandmother, however, said it was delicious and finished the whole bowl.

That day, my grandmother and I fell asleep. A very deep sleep, at that. Come to think of it, the soju bottle my father brought that day seemed to have a strange smell. Normally, he would have opened it and drunk it right away, but he had even furtively glanced at me and hidden it under the table.

I think there was some kind of musty smell coming from it. What could it have been? I sharpened my senses. It was a very familiar smell. For instance, the smell of oil from an old car?

Something was definitely suspicious. I became convinced that there must be a reason why things kept getting stuck, like a pebble in my shoe. …Father, I had to go find my father.

“Excuse me, do you happen to know where my father lives?”

“You mean that man?”

Hmph, the woman snorted.

“He’s taken up a spot in an apartment building that’s about to be redeveloped and is living there, yelling and screaming at everyone around him.”

The woman’s voice, as she poured herself another drink, grew a little louder. She seemed to have had quite a bit to drink, as her face was quite flushed.

“A guy who likes to drink and has a loud voice is exactly the kind of guy ghosts would love.”

“Um, could I get the address there?”

Flinch, the woman’s shoulders jumped.

“Why are you asking for that?”

Her gaze toward me was filled with suspicion. It soon widened.

“Don’t tell me you’re planning to go there?”

I did not bother to answer. It seemed she was already convinced, so there was no need to confirm it.

“There’s something I really want to ask him.”

The woman waved her hands frantically, saying I should not.

“Are you crazy? Why would you go looking for that crazy b**t**d? He’s running around with bloodshot eyes trying to find you right now. Don’t ever let him see you.”

“Then I have to go see him all the more. To find out why he’s looking for me like that.”

At my calmly added words, the woman let out a sigh. Haa.

“I really said something I shouldn’t have.”

“I really want to meet him and hear what he has to say.”

And so, in my hand as I returned in a taxi, was a small note. It was the address that the woman, who had been waving her hands in protest for a long time, finally put into my hand.

The sunset was already visible in the taxi window. More time had passed than I had thought. The thought of Haengbok, whom I had left at the motel, belatedly came to mind, and my heart grew anxious.

As soon as I got out in front of the motel, I ran inside. Among the incessant barking of dogs, I heard a kkae-kkae sound and hurried my steps, panting.

“Heok…!”

I was so surprised that I even dropped the bag of peaches I was holding. De-gu-ru-ru, the peaches rolled on the floor. Haengbok was in a standoff with that large dog from before. Fortunately, the dog was on a leash, so it could not reach Haengbok, but… the problem was Haengbok. If he took two more steps forward, it seemed the dog would lunge and bite his neck with a wang.

“Haengbok-ah, come here… huh?”

I quickly bent my upper body, calling for Haengbok to come here, but Haengbok was stubborn. As if he was fixated on something, he just kept whimpering, kkae-aeng, kkae-aeng!

“Look, look, I bought the peaches you like.”

It’s dangerous there, so come to me quickly, Haengbok-ah. My voice trembled with tension. I picked up the peaches rolling on the floor, wiped them on my clothes, and held them out. Did my desperation get through? Haengbok yelped, Kket! and started trotting towards me.

And from Haengbok’s mouth as he approached, something glittered.

“What is that…?”

I grabbed the end of it and lifted it. The texture that wrapped around my fingertips was not unfamiliar at all, which made it even more chilling.

“Why is this…”

And the moment I realized what it was, I felt a shiver run through my entire body. It was none other than my anklet. The one I had sold to the pawnshop… my anklet.