TCGAD 17

I stood still like a sack of barley propped up in a corner. No matter how hard I tried to laugh along with his boisterous laughter, I couldn’t. Was it because the laughter sounded so hollow? It felt like I was standing in the eye of a violently swirling typhoon.

“You dare to play those kinds of emotional games in front of me?”

He sneered, chuckling. He laughed so hard that tears welled up slightly in his eyes.

“When a male dog is in heat, it mounts its female. When she’s pregnant, it brings her food.”

Bulkan’s face came close. Startled by the sudden narrowing distance, I flinched. I instinctively stepped back, but it was no use. A large hand reached out and grabbed the back of my neck.

“Why can’t you die?”

His words, growled in a low, eerie voice, were closer to a beast’s howl.

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re the milk-giving cradle for my successors!”

Boom! Lightning struck the cave. For a moment, his face flashed white. Seizing the commotion, I murmured faintly.

“You said you could just take another bride.”

Crash—the thunder faded, leaving an echo. A suffocating silence wedged itself between Bulkan and me. He said nothing more.

You don’t love me, and you don’t want successors from me either. So why are you so desperate to keep me by your side?

At the end of my confusion, the destination of my endless questions was a voice etched in my mind like a tattoo.

‘That b**t**d will offer you as a sacrifice.’

Was that really why…? A chilling sensation cut across my chest, and I couldn’t continue speaking.

My heart felt cold. The ground beneath my feet seemed to crumble away. There was no place for me to stand. So I slowly backed away. A sense of crisis made me retreat step by step, as if I were being driven out after having my land stolen.

“Don’t try to escape from me!”

A hand reached out to grab me, like it was trying to snatch a fish from the water. I quickly shook it off.

“Don’t touch me!”

My voice was so sharp, I could hardly believe it was mine. The beast’s eyes widened, fixed on me.

“Please, don’t touch me.”

I’m begging you… Panting heavily, I quickly turned. I took rapid steps. He loved the chase, a monster who might grab my neck at any moment, so I had to hurry.

“Gasp, huff.”

My breaths came out raggedly. Wondering if he was chasing me, I looked back. Bulkan was still rooted to the spot, staring intently at the hand I’d violently shaken off. The beastly shadow at his feet heaved, panting heavily.

I frantically crossed the dim corridor. As I approached the cradle, Lemon stood at the door.

“Bride.”

Her golden eyebrows were slightly furrowed. There was no trace of a smile. She only looked worried.

“Are you okay?”

And no wonder—lately, the cave had been filled with loud noises. The old me had lived with my mouth shut as much as possible. To avoid drawing Bulkan’s attention, to not provoke his volcanic temper that could erupt at any moment, I’d kept my lips sealed like a doll with glued lips, like an invisible person. I’d lived without showing any presence.

But in truth, that was nothing more than a precarious standoff disguised as peace.

Silence, avoidance, sometimes hypocrisy. Those were all defense mechanisms activated to ignore bitter unhappiness.

“Don’t worry.”

Not wanting her, innocent as she was, to bear unnecessary worries, I gave a small smile.

As I entered the cradle, a distinct scent hit me. Lemon had lit incense to help the pups sleep soundly. The unique, nutty, sweet smell of the pups was completely masked.

I couldn’t help but feel reluctant. A creature’s scent changes depending on what it eats. All they ate was sweet milk or grass, so they smelled like cotton candy. Thinking of that soft, nutty scent that held no hint of harm, my eyes welled up involuntarily.

Despite the commotion in the next room, thankfully, the pups were fast asleep. Happiness lay curled up, sleeping soundly. Bono was snoring softly, cheek pressed against a tiny arm. Kkakka lay sprawled on its back, belly exposed. Its soft, pink belly, inflating like a balloon with each breath and deflating with a pop, was impossibly lovable. Already, Kkakka’s size was catching up to Happiness. Before Happiness got overpowered, Lemon worked tirelessly to establish that Happiness was the elder. For instance, feeding Happiness first or seeking it out first when returning from a brief trip outside the cave to cuddle the pups.

Happiness would flap its ears joyfully, as if it might fly away. Gaining confidence, it puffed out its fluffy chest fur. The white fur, soft as dandelion seeds, looked incredibly delicate.

“…….”

Their faces, breathing softly and unaware of the world’s troubles, were all so pure.

Careful not to wake them, I sat near the cradle. I was cautious not to let the mattress sink too much.

Happiness’s ears twitched. Its puffy, bread-like eyelids opened, and those innocent eyes turned toward me.

“Aet.”

Happiness stumbled toward me like a newborn fawn. I lowered myself so it could place its paws on my lap.

“You’re awake?”

It let out a small “Kkae” cry. Seeing its tiny mouth open in a yawn, it seemed half-asleep but happy. When I extended my palm upward, it nuzzled its cheek against it, then nibbled my fingers.

I looked down at the little fawn’s head. Empusa’s voice flashed through my mind.

‘You said you wanted to escape.’

It’d be a lie to say I didn’t miss it. But realistically, escaping was nonsense.

“…….”

Even if I went back, there was nothing left. My house had burned down, and I had no family or friends to miss. With a man’s pregnant body, I couldn’t roam freely. Getting a part-time job would be a luxury, and even buying ramen or water from the store might be impossible.

‘You’re lying! You’re a man! How can you be pregnant?’

I recalled the old couple’s gaze. Their eyes, thick with disgust and shock, would surely follow me in Korea. They’d pierce me like iron skewers, prod me like kindling.

…And besides.

Above all, the pups were here. When hungry, they’d wake up crying “Bbi, bbi,” searching for me first. Happiness needed me to feed it, too.

Lost in thought, Happiness poked my side with its nose. With the pups asleep, it was asking for my attention.

I gave a small laugh and stroked its tiny head. Its ears flattened adorably under my touch.

“Ae… aet.”

Though it had learned some patience since the pups were born, Happiness was still a baby. Despite efforts to foster its wildness and independence, it was all for naught.

So lovable and dear, but out in that forest, it’d surely become prey. The weakest of the weak. The result betrayed the effort.

I’d raised it to be so spoiled. I hadn’t succeeded at anything.

Could someone like me really escape?

I’d tried several times and knew well: I could never escape Bulkan. Not with these two legs, not with a baby in my womb. Especially not after giving birth, when I couldn’t even bathe alone.

But if I did nothing, the baby in my womb would really be taken away.

“…….”

What should I do? Gu Myeongha, what do you want to do now? The blade hidden in my chest felt like it was piercing my heart. My throat tightened. A jumble of indescribable emotions washed over me.

It was a shared suffering. A pity for myself, who’d been persecuted as a cripple and curled up in a corner my whole life.

And also, love for the pups already born. If I’d been born into a normal family, wouldn’t I have called this love?

This foolish heart, not yet bloomed, not knowing what it might become, ached for the pups who hadn’t experienced it. Their tender, unformed paws, their milk-scented snouts, their moist eyes looking up at me.

That aching heart then shifted to my womb.

A tiny seed, not yet fully formed. If it came into the world, it’d cry out strongly. If I fed it milk until its belly was round, it’d smell nutty from its little head. If I patted and lulled it, it might sleep soundly with its cheek buried in fur.

When I covered my belly with my hand, it twitched, as if sensing my touch. It felt like it was pressing its palm against mine. Even if it was born here, there’s no sunlight, no warm breeze. In a place like this, only moss feeding on dampness could grow. Even I, fully grown, was wasting away in this h**l.

If only I’d never known. But having these pups, I couldn’t shake my attachment. If asked if I could stop missing them… of course not. But if asked if I could kill the baby in my womb before it opened its eyes, that was also impossible.

Yes, I couldn’t give up. I clenched my trembling fists. Yes, let’s escape. Let’s run.

“Bride, you don’t look well.”

Lemon approached and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Like peeling an onion, her unmasked face was expressionless. But I could read the emotion clear on it: worry. I gave a faint smile, then stiffened as a thought sparked like a lightbulb. I spoke calmly.

“Um, Lemon.”

When I called her cautiously, she turned to me. I looked at the burning incense. The scent from crushed herbs was overpowering other smells.

“I’m having trouble sleeping. Could I maybe have some of that?”

“Of course, Bride! Lemon will prepare it right away.”

She smiled brightly, almost overwhelmed with emotion. Since I rarely asked for anything, this small request seemed to bring her joy.

“Of course, Bride! Lemon will prepare it right away.”

Guilt pricked my heart like needles. I silently apologized to her.

“Here you go.”

Lemon handed me a pouch full of incense.

“Yawn.”

Exhausted from childcare all day, she let out a long yawn.

“It’s really late.”

Her pale face was visibly tired.

“You should rest, too, Lemon.”

“I should.”

I pretended to leave first, walking down the corridor. Hiding behind a wall, I watched Lemon leave her room and disappear into her own. I quickly entered the bathroom.

In the quiet stillness, I washed my body thoroughly with bathwater, especially my heels and armpits where my scent lingered. Then, with the incense pouch around my neck, I put on completely new clothes.

Bulkan would always bury his nose in my face, shoulders, or heels, sniffing. He’d look ecstatic, like he was high…

Was my scent properly masked now? I buried my face in my shoulder and sniffed, but I couldn’t tell what had changed.

With the scented pouch around my neck, I headed to… Bulkan’s room.

A massive dog lay asleep on the floor, head buried in the ground, not even on the bed.

“Grr, rr…”

It wasn’t so much sleeping as passed out. I moved cautiously, tiptoeing, glancing to see if his eyelids might open. I approached the mountain of treasures in the corner. The gems glowed faintly even in the dark.

I’d never stolen so much as a candy wrapper in my life. And now, I was resorting to theft. I grabbed a handful, pushing away the guilt that clung like frost.

How much would I need for living expenses? I’d never touched a gold bar, so I had no idea of its value.

After hesitating, I grabbed another handful and carefully tucked it into my clothes.

Then I approached the sleeping Bulkan. Since being dragged to this cave, he’d always pressed his skin against mine whenever he could.

When we first met, he was huge, hard, and strong. But now, I didn’t know why he looked like this.

He was still massive, but his fur was unusually rough. Unkempt, it stuck out in all directions like a lion’s mane. He must’ve been furious—his claws were all gone. The ground nearby was scratched, with deep gouges dug out.

“…….”

A deep pit. Oddly, it was about my height, making me feel strangely uneasy. He’d always said he’d bury me or do something, so maybe this wasn’t just a wild fantasy.

He seemed under immense stress. The only change in his life was me, so I must be the source.

“…….”

I pulled out the knife hidden in my chest. Unsure where to put it, I’d kept it tucked away.

Empusa said to stab Bulkan’s neck with it. No matter how sharp, I didn’t know if it could pierce his wood-like neck.

Even if I stabbed him, his skin would likely regenerate. It was a goddess’s knife, so it might take a bit longer, but still.

Even so.

Despite knowing this, I couldn’t stab him. My hand fell limp. Clang—the knife dropped, its sharp tip embedding in the floor before tipping over.

I’d never hurt anyone in my life. The first time I threw a punch was at Bulkan. Knowing I couldn’t win, I lashed out in anger. He must’ve seemed crazy for me to lose my temper like that.

“…….”

I sighed deeply in my mind. If he were a small dog, I’d have carried him to bed. But I could never manage a beast this huge.

Instead, I pulled a soft sheet from the bed and covered him. Maybe we’d be apart for a long time now… I wasn’t dreaming of a permanent escape. There’s no such thing as a forever fugitive. I just hoped to avoid him until the baby was safe.

I had to leave. Dawn was approaching. The monster would wake when the day broke. To avoid being caught by a four-legged beast, I had to hurry.

I wrapped myself in cloth and left the dim cave. I muffled my footsteps as I passed through the corridor. But at the cradle, my feet kept hesitating. The pups tugged at my heart.

My sharpened senses caught sounds I wouldn’t have heard before: rustling blankets, the pups’ soft breaths, tiny heartbeats that always tickled my chest…

Would we have a next time?

Pups don’t remember their early days. Even I have a point where my memories cut off. If I had a next time, they might not recognize me. They might bare their sharp teeth, growling, pawing the ground, wondering why a human was acting familiar. They resembled Bulkan more than me, after all.

But if they did remember… If they recalled and missed me, I hoped they wouldn’t feel abandoned. Was that too greedy a wish? The pups would grow rapidly, playing and hunting in the forest, training to inherit this land. Unlike Bulkan, a dog, I, a human, could do nothing for them. That made me feel so sorry and pathetic. My heart ached as if all ten fingers had been bitten.

‘Happiness.’

Would Happiness be okay without me? It wouldn’t touch food unless I fed it, always staring outside.

If I left without warning in a single day, how sad would it be? What if it felt abandoned? Regret overflowed, uncontainable.

I wanted to stuff them all in my pocket and take them with me. But that was my greed. With nothing to offer, they’d surely suffer if they followed me.

Just one last time, could I smell them?

Just one more look at their sleeping faces? Would time allow it?

The empty corridor. A hesitating shadow lingered at the door. I turned away. I couldn’t open it. Waking them would complicate things.

I hurried through the corridor. Regret trailed like a long tail, dragging on the ground, but I forced my steps forward. I was foolish for being greedy even as I left.

But then, a sound came from behind. Thinking I misheard, I looked down. Light stretched to my feet.

Was it Bulkan? My heart dropped. My veins felt frozen. No way. He never woke once he fell asleep.

Thud, thud. A large shadow approached. I’m done for. I swallowed dryly, standing rooted. My thick clothes and the direction I faced screamed one thing.

My heart pounded. Like someone facing death, I slowly turned. I couldn’t manage my expression.

Thankfully, it was Lemon. My racing heart calmed slightly, but it still pounded. She smiled brightly and called me.

“Bride.”

I couldn’t respond. I just clenched my fist by my thigh.

“You said you couldn’t sleep. Lemon brought tea for you.”

Worried about waking the pups, she whispered.

“Are you going for a walk?”

Who’d walk into that forest at this hour? Lemon knew that, too. She was giving me a chance to lie.

“Bride, come back to the cave. It’s cold.”

As she approached, urging me back, the tea in her hand smelled fragrant. No, I shook my head, stepping back.

“No.”

Her voice, calling me Bride, was endlessly low.

“Lemon, I’m sorry, but I…”

My voice trembled. This was the most active choice I’d ever made. I had to hurry back.

“I think I have to go.”

This might be my last chance. I wanted to return to my place, see the blue sky, breathe fresh air, and bask in sunlight. Above all, I couldn’t give up the baby in my womb.

“I have to go.”

Ha, a heavy sigh cut through the air. Fatigue was clear on her face.

“It’s raining hard outside.”

Rumble—thunder shook the surroundings.

“How can a human go anywhere on a night like this? You’ll just get caught again.”

Her voice was steeped in inertia, unlike anything I’d heard from her. I quietly called her name.

“Lemon.”

My voice echoed back to me. Even I was surprised by how calm it sounded.

“I sometimes had dreams. Those dreams were often happier than my reality.”

Silence wrapped us like a veil. She closed her lips for a moment. A ripple seemed to stir in her golden eyes. Then, she flinched, her neck stiffening. As if snapping back, she poured out words compulsively.

“Even if you say it’s unfair, I have no choice. I work under Bulkan…”

“Lemon, thank you.”

Lemon, who was about to continue speaking, stopped abruptly at my words. Her golden eyes fixed on me steadily.

“Without you, Lemon, I really would’ve struggled. I might’ve thrown a fit, saying I wanted to die. I don’t have anything to repay you with, but I really wanted to say thank you.”

I wanted to convey my feelings more deeply, but I didn’t have much time left.

“Anyway, I don’t expect to escape forever. Just for a little while…”

I wanted to make every effort I could. So I wouldn’t be ashamed in front of the life in my womb, so I wouldn’t look back on this moment with regret for the rest of my days.

“If we meet again, I’ll definitely cook you some Korean food as thanks.”

A moment of silence passed. Lemon was far stronger and more agile than me. If she decided to stop me, there was no way I could escape. Yet I planned to run, to struggle with all my might.

After steeling my resolve, I was about to call her name again, Lemon—

“Then hold out as long as you can before coming back.”

Words I hadn’t expected at all flowed out.

“What?”

I asked, doubting my ears. A small smile formed on Lemon’s lips, which had been drawn downward.

“Lemon will be waiting here in the cave.”

Stunned, as if hit on the back of the head with a hammer, I stared at her. Realizing time was short, I quickly nodded. I covered my face with the cloth again and hurriedly dashed down the corridor. Leaving the winding, spring-like cave, I stepped outside where torrential rain was pouring. Swoosh—it was as if a white curtain had been drawn, the whole world shrouded in mist. And there, hidden in the darkness, was a carriage. Honestly, it was a gamble.

Empusa had said she’d send a carriage, but it could’ve just been a trick to mess with me. If so, all this would’ve been for nothing. Thankfully, there really was a carriage.

“Gasp, ha, ha.”

I kicked off the ground and approached the carriage. As I opened the door to climb in, a cry—Kkae!—rang out from somewhere.

At first, I thought I’d misheard because of the roaring rain. I was about to close the door when the cry came again—Kkae!

“Happiness?”

Looking out the window, I saw Happiness running toward me through the rain. Shocked, I quickly got out of the carriage. I lowered my knees, and as usual, Happiness placed a paw on my thigh.

“Kkae-aet.”

Its cry was more plaintive than usual. Seeing me sneak onto the carriage at dawn, it must’ve thought it was being abandoned. Happiness cried, Kkae! and frantically scratched at my chest with its front paws, begging to be held.

“Happiness, I’m not trying to abandon you.”

It rubbed its cheek against my face, pleading to be held, and my heart felt like it was tearing into pieces.

“I just have to go take care of something for a bit.”

The darkness was already thinning. It was time to go. Rain poured into my open mouth. The fawn’s fur was soaked, trembling with cold, yet it refused to leave my side.

Its eyes, looking up at me, were filled with sorrow. No matter how I tried to explain, it was beyond the fawn’s understanding.

“Happiness, do you really want to come with me?”

This little fawn couldn’t have learned language yet, but its gaze was blindly devoted.

“If you come with me, it might be really tough.”

If I left it behind, it might carry a lifelong trauma. Thinking it would miss me every rainy day made my heart churn.

“Still want to come?”

As if it understood, it stretched its arms toward me. Alright, let’s go. Even if it’s tough, let’s be together. I scooped up Happiness, whose body was already cold, and threw myself into the carriage.

As I closed the carriage door, the horses began to gallop. They were so fast my body shook uncontrollably. Worried Happiness might be scared on its first carriage ride, I held its small body tightly.

“…Kkae.”

Strangely, my chest filled with exhilaration. My body felt like it was floating upward. Looking out the window, an unbelievable scene unfolded. Endless rain poured from the sky. The carriage was climbing a cliff upside down.

Leaving the grim cave and escaping h**l, I ironically thought of Bulkan. Did he climb this cliff to bring me food? A pointless thought filled my mind.

But I shook my head vigorously to dispel it.

“Aet?”

Happiness tilted its head, puzzled. I quietly said it was nothing.

Worried the rain-soaked Happiness might be cold, I opened my arms and pulled its small body close.

I was really leaving.