MBL 9

“What the hell? You damn bastard?!”

Heo Kyungmin grabbed my collar, looking ready to throw a punch, and I apologized lifelessly.

Already dumbfounded, Heo Kyungmin’s expression turned crazed as the last shred of his patience vanished. He tightened his grip on my collar.

“Kyungmin-ah, don’t do that.”

“Damn it, look at this crazy guy! Do you know who I am? Wanna die?”

“Heo Kyungmin.”

Im Juho sharply called Heo Kyungmin’s name, telling him to stop.

“This bastard… ugh, I’m going crazy. You’re dead. We’ll settle this later, you little punk. Watch yourself at night.”

The strength in his grip, as expected from someone aspiring to be a gangster after graduation, was no joke. It felt like steel. Even just holding my collar, the overwhelming force was palpable, far beyond what I could handle.

“What’s that? Joonyoung-ah! Damn it, what’s going on?”

Seokju, who had practiced judo until middle school, spotted us tangled up and rushed over.

Heo Kyungmin hesitated when he saw Seokju.

If they fought, it’d be a sight. Seokju, who hated fighting, was one of the few at our school who ignored Heo Kyungmin.

A female teacher, unable to discipline Heo Kyungmin’s blatant delinquency, once pushed Seokju to confiscate the cigarette Heo Kyungmin was smoking and stomp it out, citing the school’s no-smoking rule.

As Im Juho stood, dripping kimchi broth, and walked away, Heo Kyungmin chased after him.

“Imju, you okay? What do we do? I’ll give you my clothes. I’ll take mine off for you.”

“Get lost, you dog.”

As they moved away, Seokju shuffled over in his slippers.

“What’s with those guys?”

“…Nothing. It’s nothing. My hand slipped.”

“You did that to him?”

“Yeah, it just happened.”

I picked up the tray from the floor. Seokju looked back and forth between me and their retreating figures, puzzled.

Making a mess of Im Juho felt good, somewhat, but the guilt of sinning with hyung didn’t lessen at all.

Before lunch ended, I brushed my teeth and washed my hands. I stared at my face in the mirror.

A face like hyung’s—because we’re brothers, there’s a similarity despite the differences.

The face hyung desires…

There was nothing in my appearance that seemed to spark his sexual impulses.

“Did I ever do something to you to make you hate me?”

A stranger’s face appeared beside mine in the mirror. I looked at the other face.

I couldn’t understand why Heo Kyungmin mistook us. Im Juho and I didn’t look alike in any way; only our builds were similar.

I couldn’t fathom why hyung chose Im Juho as my substitute either.

“What’s the reason?”

“You’re asking because you don’t know?”

I was the one who spilled the tray on his clothes, yet I asked with a bewildered, incredulous expression.

Im Juho’s brow furrowed.

“I’m asking because I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Really?”

“I don’t know, damn it! Why the hell are you acting like this? Like I’m suddenly your enemy?!”

“Because of you… because of you, I’m…”

“What because of me?!”

Im Juho genuinely seemed clueless. He looked at me, struggling to speak through my anger, as if he were the one more baffled.

Because of you, hyung and I are tangled up, rolling around together—words I could never say surged to my throat.

In truth, it wasn’t Im Juho’s fault. The problem was me and hyung. Our brotherhood was the issue.

“What because of me? What is it?!”

“Damn it, you and your filthy guy-on-guy stuff.”

“…”

“Everyone in school knows you and Heo Kyungmin are together. Why do you think they keep quiet?”

“…”

“You think they’re quiet because it’s normal? They’re scared of Heo Kyungmin. Behind your backs, they call you filthy. Got it? You homo bastards. Your face makes me sick. Understand?”

“…”

Heo Kyungmin and Im Juho were perfectly normal.

The abnormal ones were hyung and me. I was the filthy one, doing unspeakable things with hyung, yet I despised Im Juho.

I knew the insults I hurled would come back like arrows, piercing me. Spitting into the sink, I shoved past Im Juho, who stood with hurt eyes, and left the bathroom.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Something happen at school?”

“Huh?”

“Why can’t you focus?”

Hyung, explaining a problem, poked my forehead with his finger. Lost in thought, I looked up.

Im Juho left early, saying he was in pain. I stared at his empty seat until class ended.

Leaving school, hyung’s car was waiting. Waiting for me was a brother who’d mutilate himself if we didn’t do these abnormal, filthy things.

“My head hurts. I’m done for today.”

Exhaustion hit hard. As I put down my pen and started to clear the desk, he threw a jab.

“Isn’t the mock exam tomorrow?”

“Mock exam or whatever.”

“Don’t overdo it with hours at a time. Study an hour a day consistently. Studying’s meaningless if it’s not daily.”

“You wanna nag me?”

The source of my misery was lecturing me.

“I do wanna nag. Keep talking, keep looking at you.”

“…”

“Wanna hold you too.”

Spouting words I couldn’t counter, his face drew closer. Our lips collided with a smack, then parted.

The problem was with me and hyung, yet I blamed Im Juho.

I’m the one doing filthy things with him, touching each other under the guise of studying, acting like lovers, yet I dumped all the blame on Im Juho.

His arm slid under my shirt, wrapping around my back. His hand grazed my ribs, brushing my chest. My nipple caught on his warm palm, and my shoulder twitched. Startled by my own intense reaction to the light touch, I glanced at hyung.

His eyes, calmly reading, turned to me.

“Look at me like that, and I’ll wanna kiss you.”

I closed my eyes to avoid him, but he misunderstood, lowering his head to press his lips to mine.

His tongue parted my lips, licking inside. The wet, entangled flesh made loud, slick sounds. His hand touched my chest, gripping the flat skin, circling my areola with his fingertips.

My upper body trembled. Turning my face toward him, I pressed my misaligned lips to his, licking and swallowing his tongue.

He pinched my nipple, twisting it.

“Hng…!”

My lower body jolted, and I pushed him away, breaking the kiss.

His flushed face looked at me, eyes craving more.

“Can’t focus? Should I turn off the light?”

“…”

His arm, rubbing my bare skin, slipped out.

Like preparing for bed, he turned off the room’s lights and the desk lamp.

The room went dark, lit only by the faint glow of outdoor lamps seeping through the window.

He often darkened the room deliberately, trying to spare me guilt.

So we wouldn’t know who was who.

So I wouldn’t know who was touching me.

So I wouldn’t know who I was clinging to.

He grabbed my wrist, not letting go. For a while, only quiet breathing filled the air as he waited for me to come to him.

“You want me to go to Im Juho?”

“I promised not to do that again, never again…!”

My heart sank the moment he mentioned that name.

“I’m reminding you because you keep forgetting the year you promised me.”

“…I didn’t forget. How could I?”

I was confused. If I hated him, I’d have found a way to push him away. I neither rejected nor held him, just stayed still, waiting for him to touch me.

Knowing my hesitation, he was giving me absolution with empty threats.

You’re not sinning.

The one hurting you, making you do this, is me.

He was the villain here, and I was the pitiful victim enabling his sins.

To erase Im Juho from his mind, I could do worse. To restore hyung to before he was tainted, I was ready to give more than he wanted.

“Don’t forget. Don’t pretend you don’t remember.”

“It’s late… it’s too quiet, someone might hear.”

“You’re good at staying quiet.”

He led me to the bed.

Kissing, we collapsed onto the bed. We were careful not to make noise. When our quickening breaths grew loud, he pulled back, looking down at me, catching his breath.

Lying with his arm as my pillow, I gazed at his deep eyes in the dark.

Though it wasn’t cold, we pulled the blanket to our necks, hiding our entwined bodies.

We moved quietly.

His hands lifted my clothes as if to strip me. He pulled my shirt up to my armpits and my pants below my knees.

His firm thigh parted my knees, pressing gently, then began rubbing below. His large hand grazed my bare, hairless skin.

“Nng… ugh…”

I let out faint moans.

I felt heat from his groin, faintly touching me. As he touched me, I wanted to touch him.

What would his thick pubic hair feel like?

It might prick my palm. If I gripped his straining erection, what sounds would he make? Maybe more than the faint, aching breaths he let out now.

The image of touching him came to life. His hand gripped my erection, stroking upward.

“Ugh!”

My face burned, and our bodies under the blanket grew hotter. The heat we radiated quickly warmed the bedding. My breath grew stifled, hot.

“Ngh… ha, ha, it’s weird. This is weird.”

“…Feels good? Joonyoung-ah, tell me. Feels good, right?”

He asked, persistently checking. I shook my head, whimpering as if about to cry, saying I didn’t know, no.

“If I’d loved you like this since you were little… hm? Joonyoung-ah. What would that have been like?”

“Ha, crazy… don’t say crazy things. They’ll hear. They’ll hear, hyung. Be quiet. Don’t say anything, nothing at all.”

Please don’t say anything.

Someone might hear. They could hear.

I clung to him, pleading.

“Your first thrill, your first release… if I’d been the one to give you all those firsts.”

Ah, I should’ve done that. I had to, he said, regretting not giving in sooner. His breathing, as frantic as his hands, grew erratic.

“Hng, ugh… nng, hyung, ah, ah, I’m gonna… I’m gonna come. Something’s coming…!”

It felt strange. I hated the feeling of breaking. Clinging to his broad chest, I whispered as he held me below.

He wasn’t trying to push me off the bed, but I hugged his neck. My waist trembled, my thighs trapped by his legs, squirming.

His lips kissed my cheek, then my tilted neck, his movements slowing so subtly I didn’t notice.

“…Ngh.”

His grip stilled. I, too, froze, pushing my groin against his hand.

Knock, knock—a clear sound.

“Father’s here. Joonyoung-ah. You asleep?”

Father’s voice came faintly from a distance. He was knocking on my empty room’s door.

His presence moved toward hyung’s room, where we lay.

His grip loosened as Father’s steps grew clear.

His touch resumed with the same intensity. Rustling sounds grew loud.

“…!”

I hissed in his ear to stop, to quit.

His arm tightened around my back, his hand on my groin pressing harder.

Father’s presence paused at hyung’s door. He seemed to hesitate, not wanting to disturb us, thinking we were studying.

In the dark, I looked at hyung’s face. Tears streamed from my eyes as I trembled under his touch, helpless.

“Ngh…!”

I clamped my mouth shut. I came, wetting his hand.

Shuddering with pleasure, I gripped his twitching arm tightly, my lower body convulsing.

Father’s steps turned away, careful not to disturb us. His movements were vivid, as if he were right beside us.

His footsteps passed my room, down the stairs. Feeling his presence fade, I let out the breath I’d held in frantic gasps.

“Ha, ha, ha…!”

Unbelievable. The things we were doing, everything hyung and I did.

His breathing, held back, grew noticeably rough.

Shifting his weight over me, he pressed his erection between my thighs, tight and deliberate. Lying flat, I instinctively closed my legs, gripping him, and his back twitched under the blanket.

Unconsciously, I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Slick, wet mucus coated his erection like lubricant.

The blunt, hard sensation parted my thighs, rubbing sensitive skin.

I tightened my knees, holding his rigid flesh tightly.

“Ugh, Joonyoung-ah, ngh, don’t. Stop.”

He shook his head, trying to stop me as I squirmed to help him finish.

“Don’t move. Just stay. Ha.”

Grabbing my bare hips firmly, he thrust his hips. The sound of flesh slapping echoed as he drove downward.

His wet pubic hair scraped painfully against my groin.

I wanted to touch it. To feel its texture, to know if his straining erection was as smooth and hard as his back, hot or cool. Not just between my thighs but with my hands, to feel it.

Wanting to touch his intimate parts, my breathing grew labored.

I couldn’t lose myself too.

Unable to touch him, I surrendered my lower body, taking his panting movements with my whole being. Sweat dripped in the hot blanket, our skin sticking slickly with each rub.

After thrusting for a while, he groaned like a beast and came.

“Ngh, ugh…!”

I hugged his heaving torso. My cheek rested on his sweat-soaked shoulder. His sensitive skin trembled between my thighs, untouched by my hands.

He rubbed his sensitive flesh against me, pressing his lips to mine. I opened my mouth, meeting his entwining tongue.