MBL 6

“Take off your clothes.”

“What?”

“Take off the shirt you’re wearing right now.”

“Feeling like doing something beastly again?”

Hyung tried to deflect the situation with a joke that neither of us could laugh at.

Pale with shock, I grabbed his shirt and tried to forcibly pull it off. As I yanked at the thin short-sleeved T-shirt, it came off over his head before he could resist or stop me.

“…!”

What I saw that night wasn’t an illusion or exaggeration. His body was covered in an unbelievable number of scars.

I stared at him, frozen in shock.

There weren’t just small scars; there were large ones too. Some were so severe they must have been life-threatening at the time.

“What, what is this? What are these…? Why is your body like this, hyung?”

I could barely speak, stunned. In a daze, I looked at him, or rather, at his torso, which looked as if it had been torn apart by a wild animal’s sharp claws, overwhelmed with shock.

Hyung let out a low sigh, calmly putting on the black shirt I’d given him to cover his torso.

He casually took the blood-stained shirt from my hand.

“It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal? That…? That’s no big deal? What’s a big deal to you, then, hyung?”

He was my hyung. My family. No human could see such devastating scars on their kin and not shed tears. Thinking of the pain those scars must have caused, my eyes filled with misty tears.

I grabbed him, telling him to stop, and yanked his black shirt up to his neck.

“What are these…? You didn’t get beaten up by someone, did you? You did this, didn’t you? You… you did this to yourself, right?”

He wasn’t the type to get beaten up, nor did he have any reason to.

Under the short-sleeved shirt, cleverly hidden, were countless knife marks on his flesh, even burns that looked like cigarette marks, with skin crushed and mangled.

Even holding up his shirt, I couldn’t believe it. Despite what he’d done to me, all I could see were his scars.

I sobbed foolishly, asking through tears.

“Why did you do this…? Why on earth did you do this?”

“…”

“Why, exactly?”

“…To myself.”

He moved his lips as if to say something. I wiped the tears streaming down my face with my arm. His image kept blurring, and I was suddenly terrified that he’d disappear completely, like now, into a hazy mist.

“I wanted to kill myself.”

“…”

I couldn’t understand.

Hyung, who was so exceptional it bordered on extraordinary, could never have lacked anything.

His sunken eyes gazed at me blankly.

As I ran my hand over his smooth skin, the rough texture of the scars stood out under my palm. Each of these scars must have stung and ached until they bled and healed.

Instead of wincing at the pain covering his body, hyung chose to harden into stone. Sometimes his expressionless face felt like an emotionless, inorganic rock.

“So I wouldn’t do this filthy thing to you.”

“…”

“So I wouldn’t end up like this. I had to kill myself each time.”

“…”

He said it wasn’t about enduring but about killing himself each time.

Cursing the part of himself that desired me, hyung said he’d committed hundreds of suicides.

I had added one more scar to the thousands he’d inflicted on himself. The wound on his forearm had already crusted over with dried blood.

“I told you. This level of pain doesn’t even itch.”

He touched his forearm. The rough texture of the scabbed blood transmitted clearly through his skin.

A tear fell down one cheek.

“I really didn’t want to make you cry.”

His gentle fingers wiped my tears, but they kept falling.

“It ended up like this.”

Hyung, who had been looking at me with pain, turned silently and left the room.

∞ ∞ ∞

Even though I couldn’t see him, I was constantly aware of hyung’s presence in the next room.

I sat at my desk out of obligation, but studying was impossible. I scribbled aimlessly in my notebook, meaningless and useless.

Fearing any sound, I focused all my attention on his room. At the slightest noise, my ears perked up, and my heart pounded wildly.

Entrance exams, stagnant grades, hyung’s avoidance of eye contact, the awkward burden of Father and my stepmother—those trivial issues that once irritated me now seemed like a lie. A normal life had never existed for me in the first place.

“So I wouldn’t do this filthy thing to you.”

“So I wouldn’t end up like this. I had to kill myself each time.”

Recalling his words, my chest throbbed.

Then, a sound came from hyung’s room. Steady footsteps approached. Soon, a knock and the door opened. I held a pen, pretending to study, and turned to him.

His countless scars were hidden by clothes, and a peach-colored bandage covered the wound on his forearm from my strike.

He held a book in his hand.

Hyung read books obsessively—sitting, walking, even eating, sometimes getting scolded by Father for his table manners. Carrying a book everywhere was his long-standing habit.

Hyung loved books excessively. He was addicted to reading anything in print, no matter what it was.

The irrational scars on the body of someone who’d devoured thousands of books’ worth of knowledge.

The scars from self-inflicted whipping and cutting were as difficult to address as what we’d done.

“…Why?”

“Were you studying?”

He, who had torn apart, bitten, broken, and reassembled my world, asked cautiously.

I avoided his gaze without responding.

After a moment’s hesitation, he asked.

“I’m hungry and going to grab something. Want me to get you anything? Anything you feel like eating?”

It was already past the afternoon on a holiday.

The late afternoon sun seeped through the window, his gentle tone caring for his little brother.

The warmth made everything that happened between us feel like a lie.

Every blink brought back what we’d done. Everything around me felt desolate.

“Want some coffee? You seem to know how to drink it now.”

“…”

Acting indifferent, as if his little brother didn’t exist, yet hyung had noticed that I, who couldn’t drink coffee before, had started consuming caffeine last year.

He seemed oblivious but had been observing me closely.

That fact felt both good and bad. My complex emotions showed plainly on my face.

“Should I bring some?”

He asked gently again, holding the door open. When I didn’t answer, I followed his retreating figure and hurriedly called out.

“Hyung, hyung, wait a second.”

“Yeah?”

“…Fix your clothes.”

He looked down at himself.

Maybe it was just me, but his attire looked disheveled.

His shirt was unbuttoned, revealing chest muscles, and his hair stuck out messily, like he’d just woken up. His untidy appearance kept reminding me of something.

He quickly fixed his clothes and turned back, looking neat.

More than hungry, I felt an empty void inside. As if my body had swelled to burst and then deflated.

Hyung soon returned with something from the kitchen.

“You like grapes, right? Eat.”

“…”

“Want something else?”

Lush grapes, neatly cut fruit pieces, sticky-looking chocolate brownies, and coffee.

I just stared at the snacks he placed on the desk. I had no appetite.

“Just leave it. I’ll eat later.”

“Here.”

Hyung picked up a fork and brought a grape to my lips. Its sweet, fresh scent lingered at my nose.

“I’ll eat later.”

“Are you going to keep avoiding my eyes like this?”

“…”

“You told me not to mess around with that Im Juho guy. I did what you said.”

“…You call that an excuse?”

I tried not to look at him, but his tone forced me to turn.

“Thinking it’s better to be with you than with that guy.”

“…”

“Is that normal?”

“…”

It wasn’t normal. I wasn’t normal. Hyung’s words were true.

Rather than him venting his desires on me, the thought of him touching Im Juho, kissing him the same way, caressing him—it drove me insane with repulsion.

Rather, as he said, it was better for him to be with me, to vent on me.

Hyung was more precious to me than anything else. The betrayal of being forced into this choice cut deeply, aching through my bones.

“Stop protesting and eat. Build up energy to resist and hit me. Hating someone, and loving someone… it takes energy.”

Hyung was right.

I grabbed the tray and devoured the food. His hand brushed through my hair as I greedily chewed brownies and fruit, a gentle touch soothing an angry little brother.

Suddenly, my nose stung, and my chest swelled. I barely swallowed the mouthful of food. My eyes reddened, and he spoke.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“…”

His body bore scars and wounds far greater and older than what I’d endured. If anyone was hurt, it was him, with more and longer-lasting pain.

Tears fell, streaking my cheeks, pooling at my chin.

Wiping my tears repeatedly, he said softly.

“Don’t cry. Okay?”

“Who made me cry, who…!”

His soothing after hurting me felt cruel.

He lowered his head and kissed me. His scent was rich and soft. His wet tongue licked my wet jaw and cheeks. Moving to my temples, his tongue became a warm comfort.

Despite him breaking and violating me, the overwhelming comfort made me want to sob loudly.

It wasn’t just pain. It wasn’t just filthy and repulsive.

The depraved act with my brother, the shameless desire for each other, the strange pleasure each time he pressed against me.

Had I clung to his neck as he, like a boy, uncontrollably climaxed between my immature legs?

What we’d done blurred like a wet dream. The sun’s shadow through the window dazzled my eyes. I squeezed them shut. My head spun.

“Hnn… ngh…”

As if submerged in warm water, his lips soothed the sharp tension and bitter betrayal, loosening my body.

This was utterly absurd. I responded to his kiss. I exhaled heated breaths.

While kissing, he reached out, moving the tray, fork, and dishes to the side table.

Gazing through half-open eyes at his passionate expression and movements, I felt adrift in a vast emptiness.

He naturally pulled me up from the chair, leading me to the bed.

Clinging to him, lips locked, I sat on the bed with him. He laid me down, his weight settling over me in a seamless process. We began to overlap our bodies again, craving each other’s warmth.

Like a creature molting, his hands stripped my clothes. I wanted to strip his too. My head spun with the dizzying urge to shed everything, to rub bare skin against him.

I wanted to touch the self-inflicted scars on his body, hidden in everyday life, but I only clutched his shirt, unable to strip it off.

This was wrong. It was something we shouldn’t do.

He embraced me with both arms. I didn’t resist, letting him pull me. Chest to chest, I rested my chin on his shoulder. He held me perfectly, our bodies fully entwined.

Touching his broad, solid back, his shoulder blades flinched.

His body heat rose like a haze, smelling good. Hyung always had a pleasant scent. A faint woody fragrance emanated, making me feel good when rubbing against him.

I rubbed my skin against his.

How long had I missed this warmth?

The more I rubbed against him, the more a burning longing surged. It wasn’t a longing with a specific goal.

Just… simply…

As if something parched and withered was being soaked, I was intoxicated by the melting warmth.

“…Haa.”

Unbuckling his belt and unzipping, he pulled out his erect organ and rubbed it against my thigh. He slid his knee between my legs, spreading them.

My thighs parted, limbs entwined in a position that absolutely shouldn’t be.

I hadn’t thought it would go this far.

My body shrank.

“Hyung… wait, hyung, just a second.”

Clinging to his back, I shook my head. Shifting his weight between my spreading legs, he embraced me, pressing his lower body down.

“Hn…!”

Sensitive flesh collided. Goosebumps erupted.

My lower body stiffened. He was slowly circling below, rubbing himself against me.

“Ah, ah, wait… wait, hyung, don’t do this, listen to me for a second.”

I flinched, trying to avoid his lower body rubbing against my groin.

His erect organ touched my crotch, rubbing against it. The sensation was devastating.

“Listen to me, stop, stop…!”

I pushed against the overwhelming pressure. His heavy weight, unrestrained, pressed down, ignoring my resisting hands.

“What’s that, huh? Haa, what’s that?”

He sat up, meeting my eyes, but his gaze was too unfocused for conversation.

“This… this isn’t okay. Don’t do this.”

“Then how far is okay? How am I supposed to hold back? Can you do that, Joonyoung? Tell me how far is okay.”

There was no boundary for what was okay. It shouldn’t have started at all.

“How far should we go? Tell me how much I can touch you. Haa, I’ll do exactly that. I’ll do what you say.”

Saying he’d do as I asked, he wasn’t listening at all. He poured out heated breaths, spouting promises he wouldn’t keep.

“Get a grip, please…!”

I struck his shoulder. He flinched briefly but only intensified the movements below.

My hips twitched at the burning sensation.

“Ah, wait, hyung, hyung, wait, ngh!”

He suddenly lifted his hips and thrust down. Like with a woman, his erect flesh slammed into my groin, making sounds.

“Ah, hyung, hyung, this is wrong…!”

No plea reached his ears. The more I begged him to stop, the more fervent he became.

Raising my voice might be heard. Someone might hear.

He lifted his hips and slammed down. His hot, erect flesh collided with my swollen skin, slapping wetly.

“Haa, ah, ngh, hnn!”

The shame of meeting hyung’s eyes, the uncontrollable excitement mixed with the act, made my moans uncontrollable, driving me further into madness.

“Ah, ah… hyung, ngh, hnn!”

“Joonyoung-ah, haa, Joonyoung… haa, Joonyoung-ah.”

He called my name like he was possessed, thrusting as if penetrating. The wet, clinging sounds were obscenely horrific.

He must have done the same with Im Juho. Thinking of him, aroused, doing this to me as he did to him, sent my emotions into uncontrollable upheaval. Unbearable displeasure, anger, and pleasure mixed messily.

Hyung, like a half-wit unable to find a hole to penetrate, helplessly rubbed his painfully erect organ against my lower body, panting roughly with wet, sticky sounds.

“Haa, Joonyoung-ah, aah, ahh, ngh.”

As his erect lower body forcefully struck below, it hit a point of pleasure mixed with pain. To stifle the bursting moans, I wrapped my arms around his neck and covered my mouth with my hand.

“Hnn, ngh, ugh…!”

A dizzying gasp barely escaped through my sealed lips.

Hyung’s body bent flexibly toward me, and my unconscious urge lifted my hips to meet his groin. He, who had been frantically rubbing, now pressed tightly below, moving rhythmically with a sticky motion.

“Ah, haa, ngh, hnn… ugh.”

I dug my nails hard into his sensually writhing back. To avoid separating, I pressed my lower body closer, clinging to hyung. The rippling current soon turned into a surging wave, gaining speed.

Hyung’s heated organ and my swollen sensitivity met and crushed together at one point.

“Hah, hnn, ugh!”

My lips touched his flushed ear. My feverish breaths shattered against his earlobe. He flinched, as if his ear was ticklish.

“Hnn, hah, Joonyoung-ah, haa, haa, fuck, aah, fuck, Joonyoung-ah…!”

“Hyung, the sound… people will hear, the sound…! Ahh…!”

The center of hyung rubbing against my lower body was firm yet soft. The motion, struggling to grind against mine, repeated.

His back, touched by my hands, grew sticky with sweat, and the scorching heat of a midsummer sun enveloped us.

His uncontrollable, rough panting poured like a waterfall over my neck and chest. I grabbed his hair, messing it up wildly. I gripped the back of his head tightly.

“Haa, hyung, aah, hyung!”

I fully surrendered to his movements, clashing my lower body with his. My breath hitched, racing toward unbearable pleasure.

As he rubbed below until my skin stung, he locked eyes with me, pouring out urgent breaths.

“Ngh…!”

Our gazes tangled with his surging black eyes. Tears welled up in his eyes as he let out a pained moan.

“Ahh, ugh, aah…!”

Flinching, a fiery heat that felt like it would explode swept through my body, and with our eyes locked, we neared climax.

My hips, urgently arching, moved desperately to mesh with his groin like gears, spurting hot, viscous fluid. He bent my waist, grinding deeply as if burrowing into me.

My head tilted back involuntarily, and my chest surged upward.

“Ngh…!”

“Ngh!”

A gasp burst from my convulsing lips. My entire body was soaked with sweat and secretions.

“Joonyoung-ah… haa, haa, aah, Joonyoung-ah.”

He called my name. I kissed him. Our tongues frantically explored each other’s mouths through parted lips. Writhing to savor even a bit more of the raw sensation, I shared a deep kiss with hyung.

∞ ∞ ∞

Nothing exhausted me like the morning after a holiday, but today was worse than ever.

I couldn’t tell if I had slept or just lain in bed all night as the morning arrived.

Even though I was already awake, the phone alarm made me curl up and burrow into the bedsheets as if escaping.

“…”

I’m crazy.

Unless I’m crazy… I’m crazy. Kang Joonyoung, you’re crazy.

I’ve lost it. I’m not in my right mind.

Recalling yesterday was like that. It was something I’d never even imagined.

I can’t believe it. I can’t accept it.

I didn’t hate what hyung and I did in this bed yesterday. At times, I was so aroused my breath stopped. It’s unbelievable that such breath-stopping sensations exist, and that such intense stimulation came from contact with my own brother.

The dark regret and fear of doing something forbidden, the terrifying realization of its irreversibility, dawned on me as the sun rose and the surroundings brightened.

“Haa…”

A sigh of collapse escaped me.

After witnessing hyung’s masturbation, I had found my own arousal repulsive and ignored it, but just recalling yesterday made my lower abdomen heat up and my breath quicken.

His fervent writhing as he recklessly clashed his lower body against mine, his pained moans and impure gasps.

His voice calling my name at climax, the curve of his writhing back under my palms, his sweat-soaked back. His shirt was a tangled mess, as if ravaged.

I had never seen hyung in that image, in that way, but yesterday, he was suffocatingly sensual.

His vivid, stimulating movements replayed, keeping my body restless.

“…”

What do I do, what do I do… Is this okay?

Unable to do anything, I lay face-down on the bed. Ignoring my disheveled hair, I rubbed my heated lower body against the mattress, mimicking what he did yesterday, grinding slowly.

“Ngh…”

The rustling sound of my movements was unusually loud. Without even touching myself, the sensation was maddening.

I brought my fingers to the lips he had sucked. I rubbed the swollen, plump flesh. My mouth, recalling his kiss, gaped as if seeking his lips and tongue.

“Haa, ngh…”

Just as I was about to cross a threshold, my phone alarm rang.

Startled as if someone had flung open the door, I froze, holding my breath, and lay flat on the bed. Simultaneously, my crushed lower body, stimulated, released semen.

“Ngh…”

My spine trembled with light convulsions. My eyes blurred, and objects distorted. Biting my lip, I waited for the spine-tingling thrill to fade. My tensed spine relaxed languidly.

My rapid breathing calmed.

As the pleasure subsided, only the cold, sticky touch of wet underwear against my skin remained, leaving a hollow feeling. It was dirty and unpleasant.

Without much stimulation, just thinking of hyung yesterday made me climax too easily.

I felt like a monster. Pulling off the blanket covering my head, I sat up.

“…Ugh.”

Tears of self-loathing and regret welled up.

How could hyung do this to me?

How could I have such thoughts about him?

I hated him bitterly for awakening feelings I shouldn’t know, sensations I didn’t want to understand.

I felt unbearably filthy.

Hyung must have felt this guilt and filthy shame too, yet he called my name in a languid, wet voice.

How could that be possible? How deranged must one be to think that way? I couldn’t understand.

“Joonyoung-ah…”

His face, trembling with ecstasy as he held me tightly, unable to contain himself.

Fleeing from that dazed, admiring face, I stood from the bed but collapsed to my knees on the floor.

“Ngh…!”

My thighs had no strength. I punched my unsteady thighs. After a few hits, sensation returned.

If hyung can’t control himself, I have to. If he’s lost it, I must stay sane. I tightened my lips and stood.

I showered and changed into my school uniform. Standing before the mirror, I dressed. The marks hyung left on my neck and chest were clear. Buttoning up hid most, but I put bandages on the exposed parts.

In the mirror stood a diligent, earnest student. A boy with a pure face and neat attire, unbelievable to have done such things with hyung.

Hyung’s self-inflicted scars were only in hidden places. The carefully chosen spots, undetectable to others, were packed with evidence of his deeply broken psyche.

Since childhood, expectations for hyung were excessive. Including caring for me, he was perfect in everything, but as he hit puberty, his rebellion grew. Yet, whatever the process, he always exceeded Father’s expectations.

So Father never harshly disciplined his deviations. There was nothing in this house to torment hyung enough to leave such marks.

In the end, his breakdown was because of me. His attempts to run away, to stop playing the good student, might have been because of me.

Instead of our busy father or absent mother, hyung diligently cared for me, but his sudden change always puzzled me, fueling unwarranted insecurity and victimhood.

When hyung changed, I was old enough not to protest his betrayal or bother him cluelessly. Our relationship naturally grew distant with age.

He said he chose to die hundreds of times to avoid doing this to me.

Pity and compassion for him, mixed with resentment and hatred, surged simultaneously.

Whatever the reason, this wasn’t something to do to a student preparing for exams.

I sighed, grabbed my bag and phone, and went to the living room.

Manager Yoon was busily preparing breakfast, and Father was at the table, flipping through a financial newspaper.

“Good morning.”

“Oh, yes. Joonyoung, you’re up. Did you sleep well?”

Manager Yoon cautiously checked my complexion because of yesterday. I wasn’t in good condition, but she wasn’t the cause.

“Yes, I slept well.”

Father’s second wife and former secretary, Manager Yoon was initially clumsy at housework. Her seasoning was often off, and she even burned rolled omelets I could easily make. She’s improved, but her inexperience still showed.

Manager Yoon checked the simmering stew and turned off the stove.

Hyung’s seat was empty.

I kept my mouth shut, pretending not to notice, and sat at the table. Father, reading the paper, glanced at me and asked.

“Is the older one still not up?”

I didn’t answer, and Father’s gaze turned to Manager Yoon, who couldn’t possibly know about hyung’s waking.

“He’s probably up. Joonyoung, can you tell hyung breakfast is ready?”

“…I have to go early today because I’m on duty.”

Answering her, I hurriedly picked up my spoon. In our house, it was unacceptable for a child to eat before Father, but I shoveled food down so fast he couldn’t scold me.

They looked at me, bewildered.

“Joonyoung, eat slowly. You’ll choke.”

Ignoring her, I swallowed food without chewing, gulping down a mouthful. I emptied my bowl in no time and stood.

“I’m off to school.”

“Okay, have a good day. Be careful and don’t skip dinner.”

Manager Yoon followed me to the door to see me off.

“Need pocket money? Want me to give you some?”

“No, I still have some. I’ll go now.”

Not noticing her attempt to apologize for yesterday, I said goodbye and hurried out.

Thankfully, I didn’t run into hyung.

The more I recalled, the more what happened between us wasn’t something I could ignore. I didn’t know how to face him, what expression to wear.

I left the house, walking as if running. I reached the bus stop in one go. The morning air cooled my lungs with each exhale.

Waiting for the bus, I looked at the gradually busying street from afar.

I shook my head like a bug was on it, trying not to think of yesterday’s nightmare, but any lapse filled my mind with it. Diverting my thoughts was futile.

“Really crazy…”

Doing this to me, his little brother, was bad enough, but knowing he did it with Im Juho was an unbearable shock, tormenting me.

Despite my pleas to stop, he did it, and the savage urge to beat him surged repeatedly.

We, spilling semen on each other, slowly calmed our rapid breaths. The lingering sensation faded like sand swept by waves, but we stayed entwined, as if we’d remain so forever if possible.

If he hadn’t left my room first, we might have stayed all night, hyper-aware of each other’s presence, holding our breaths.

Embracing each other.

I should have resisted to the end. Pushed him away, ignored his scars, hit and kicked him.

Why did I do it?

Why… why did I do that with hyung?

I couldn’t resist his burning desire for me. While pushing him away, I went crazy, responding to his writhing, losing myself.

The school bus arrived unnoticed.

I followed the crowd heading the same way and boarded.

Finding an empty seat, I sat but stood again when an elder appeared. Holding the strap, swaying with the bus, I shook my head, trying to stop thinking.

Arriving earlier than usual, the school was quiet. A few early students were studying in the classroom.

Im Juho, also early, was focused on studying as usual. While I was going mad, that bastard, who rolled around with my hyung, was calmly studying.

I entered through the back door and sat. While unpacking, I obsessively stared at Im Juho’s back—no, glared.

I glared at him with murderous intent. I wanted to kill him.

All of this was Im Juho’s fault. He started it.

If I didn’t know about him and Heo Kyungmin, this nightmare might not have happened. I wouldn’t have lost hyung. If I hadn’t seen him leave hyung’s studio, hadn’t visited hyung that day, it might not have happened.

Hyung said if I didn’t indulge him, he’d roll around with Im Juho.

I hated what we did, but him touching Im Juho was so unbearable I’d rather he did it to me. It was immoral, but I hated it that much. I couldn’t tell if I hated Im Juho or hyung being with him.

Roughly pulling books from my bag, Im Juho turned around. Confirming I was disrupting the studious atmosphere, he blatantly showed displeasure.

I wanted to topple desks, rush over, and punch his brazen face.

I couldn’t forgive either. I couldn’t forgive hyung desiring Im Juho as he did me. A jealousy-like rage surged uncontrollably.

“What are you staring at? Got something to say? Say it.”

Im Juho raised his voice from a few seats away.

“…”

“If you’ve got something to say, say it. Bottling it up makes you sick.”

He chuckled as if giving life advice. His laughter was something I wanted to block out.

I stood reflexively. The recoil knocked my chair back.

I walked to his desk. He looked up, eyes raised.

“What, you really got something to say?”

“Filthy bastard.”

I spat, looking down at him.

“…What?”

Caught off guard, he grimaced.

“Filthy germ-ridden bastard. Dirty scum.”

“Hey, Kang Joonyoung, are you crazy?!”

“Fuck, shut your filthy mouth. It stinks.”

“…This bastard, you’re really crazy?”

Im Juho stood. The eyes of the few early students turned to us. He knew what I meant. He glanced around.

“Hey.”

“…”

From my voice, expression, and gaze, disgust boiled fiercely. His brow stiffened.

That smooth face might have clung to hyung, touching his coarse black hair, sucking his erect organ. Somewhere on his body, he might have taken hyung’s organ.

Imagining hyung spreading his thighs and rubbing against him, as he did with me, made me want to vomit hot bile on his face.

“Disgusting bastard.”

How dare, how dare, how dare!

You, of all people… doing that with Heo Kyungmin, with my hyung?

Fuck, what do I do with this bastard? How do I kill him? How do I tear him apart?

I was going mad. I wanted to stab Im Juho to death.

Unable to contain my murderous intent, my clenched fists trembled.

“Kang Joonyoung, what’s wrong with you? On drugs?”

“Filth like you should die. Please die today. I’m begging you.”

“…”

With contempt-filled eyes, I spoke and returned to my seat.

Maybe hyung was no different from a beast like Im Juho, but I didn’t feel the same disgust and anger toward him.

When our organs touched and rubbed yesterday, I didn’t feel this deep repulsion. Inexplicably, I felt a strange calm, a warmth like receiving long-craved reward.

I wanted to hurl every insult possible, but my breath caught, and words wouldn’t come.