MBL 17

At dawn, snow fell. Outside the window, snow piled up softly. The garden, barren in winter, was covered in white, emitting a gentle glow like a snowy landscape.

Listening to the sound of scattering snowflakes, Joonwon tightened his arms around his younger brother. As he held him with crushing force, the spine pressed against his chest trembled delicately.

Joonwon clasped his brother’s upper body tightly in his arms and pushed deeper below.

“Haa… hyung, it’s hot. So hot.”

They were covered with a blanket up to their heads, and the heat radiating from their two naked bodies made the bedding swelteringly warm. Their entire bodies were sticky with sweat.

Joonwon thrust his fully erect member between his brother’s thighs, gripping his spine tightly. His slow movements rubbed below as he pulled his brother’s upper body into his arms.

He moved one hand past his brother’s lower abdomen, grasping the wet, erect member, while the other hand teased his nipple.

“Ngh…!”

His brother curled his body. Joonwon, too, hunched like a shrimp, mirroring his brother’s curled form, following him as if they were one.

“Hyung, it’s stifling, I can’t breathe.”

“Just stay like this. Haa… don’t move, just stay still.”

Rubbing his lips against the sweat-soaked shoulder, kissing the neck and cheek where hair clung, Joonwon thrust his member deeper between his brother’s pressed thighs. His fingers also rubbed the sticky tip of the flesh.

His brother let out intermittent, urgent sighs to calm his panting breaths, grasping the hand that obsessively touched his naked body, straining to resist Joonwon’s force.

Their writhing movements, melded as one, grew more heated. The temperature under the blanket soared, sweat beading and dripping.

As Joonwon teased the nipple with his thumb and thrust below, he felt the inner groin tighten sharply.

Joonwon felt suffocated. This moment was dreamlike. At the same time, the guilt of violating his brother tormented him. It was a contradictory thrill.

“Hyung… hyung, ah, hyung, do it harder. More…”

His brother whispered, panting heavily. Matching the rhythm, he moved his lower body, trembling thighs shaking from the effort.

Joonwon thrust his hips so hard that the sound of flesh slapping echoed.

“The sound, hyung, it’s… the sound…!”

His brother’s hand urgently reached back, grabbing Joonwon’s buttocks, holding him to stop the fierce movements.

Burying his face in the raised neckline of his brother, Joonwon licked every inch of his sweat and heat.

“Joonyoung, say you love me, huh? Haa, say you love me.”

“Haa, hyung, hyung, I love you, ahh, ngh, mm… mm!”

Unable to bear the hands touching his chest, his brother shook his head. Joonwon’s hands touched him as fervently as the thrusting of his hips.

Every time Joonwon, under the blanket, caressed his brother’s naked body, he asked if he was loved, pleading for him to say it.

Reaching the limit, unable to hold back his breaths, his brother panted out love.

Joonwon gripped his own member, risen between his brother’s thighs, and his brother’s, stopping all breath with a flinch.

“Ngh…!”

He ejaculated. His brother, too, shuddered convulsively, releasing. The soaked groin burned with friction.

“Haa, haa… you okay, Joonyoung?”

“Haa… mm.”

It seemed he’d rubbed too hard. Joonyoung’s inner thighs felt swollen, like they’d been burned.

Joonwon pulled down the blanket. Just exposing their faces cooled the searing heat instantly.

His brother turned his face toward him. His cheeks were flushed red, looking as if he had a cold.

Joonwon brushed back the sweat-soaked hair to see his brother’s face clearly. His round forehead, nose bridge, and lips bloomed like a radiant flower in the dim darkness.

He leaned down and kissed him. The soft, wet lips opened, accepting his tongue. The sensitive flesh of their lips grazed, the sound of sucking and swallowing sticky. It was a filthy sound, yet sweet.

Joonwon turned his brother to face him. Kissing deeply, he twisted his head, swallowing everything pooling in his brother’s mouth, his throat rising and falling rapidly.

Joonyoung, groaning, gently pushed his shoulder. Joonwon pulled back his lips and lifted his face.

“…Haa, haa, hyung, it’s already three in the morning.”

“Sleepy?”

“No, not that. But tomorrow’s graduation, and it’ll be busy from the morning. Shouldn’t we sleep now?”

“Let’s stay up all night.”

Joonwon smiled, kissed his brother’s lips, then moved to the pulsing neck and chest, licking the sweat-soaked skin.

His brother’s shoulders flinched, grabbing his cheeks.

“That tickles.”

“You know? When I touch here… your lower body tightens.”

“…What’s that? I don’t do that.”

“It’s true. When I touch here.”

Joonwon lightly bit his brother’s nipple with his lips while his hand slid between the thighs, touching the groin. As he pressed his finger against the perineum and sucked the nipple with gentle force, the spot under his finger twitched and tightened.

“…Mmph, mm…”

“…Hmph.”

Joonwon was desperate to enter. He was learning what it meant to lose his mind, and it was increasingly unbearable. Each time, he reminded himself Joonyoung was his brother.

He couldn’t do that to his brother, shouldn’t do it, yet he persisted, clenching his fists until they trembled.

He’d promised not to self-harm, but he wanted to cut himself to quell this urge. Wanting his brother was synonymous with pain for Joonwon, and only equivalent suffering could calm this burning desire.

He clenched his fist tighter.

Holding the raised flesh between his lips and rolling it with his tongue, his brother panted heavily, unable to keep his legs still, rubbing against the bedding. Joonwon’s instant erection followed his brother’s reaction, whose lower body jolted.

Rubbing the pulsing perineum, Joonwon deliberately avoided the tip. If he inserted even a finger, he’d lose control and charge in, heedless of Father or Ms. Yoon watching, spreading his brother’s legs and thrusting like a madman.

Suppressing the urge to rub and thrust into the pulsing depths, he only caressed the deep inner groin.

If he could lick that spot, press his lips to it, insert his fingers, and thrust his member deep inside, Joonwon wouldn’t care if he were dragged to hell’s fires.

He knew his brother now wanted him, but Joonwon was still afraid.

He was scared of ruining his brother, of becoming a monster.

“Ngh, mmph, ngh, hyung, ahh, hyung, I, I…!”

Joonyoung’s body arched sharply. He ejaculated, wetting Joonwon’s hand. Joonwon gripped his own bursting member with the semen-soaked palm, stroking it.

Joonyoung twisted his head, kissing Joonwon’s lips, clinging to him.

As his brother whispered love, Joonwon’s member gushed semen. His focus blurred in the climax.

“Haa, haa, haa…”

The word “love” was such a powerful spell that hearing his brother whisper it made Joonwon want to die. It felt like a thin wire strangling his throat, thinning the air, making breathing difficult.

His wet eyes whispered love repeatedly, loosely pressing their lips together.

On the snowy night, Joonwon held his brother and confessed love.

For over ten years, he hadn’t spoken those words, but lately, he poured them out freely. No matter how many thousands of times, it never grew old.

I love you, I love you…

∞ ∞ ∞

It was the last day his brother wore his school uniform. In clean, neat clothes, Joonyoung looked like an angel.

“What time’s the graduation?”

Father, who had a morning meeting, asked Joonyoung.

“Eleven.”

“That’s tricky. I’ll try not to be late. You?”

“I need to stop by the salon and pick up the reserved bouquet, so I’ll go on my own.”

“It’s snowing. Will driving be okay?”

“The roads will be packed, won’t they?”

Father and Ms. Yoon seemed flustered from the morning. Father worried his meeting might not end on time, and Ms. Yoon was concerned about her schedule, debating whether to take the car. With snow falling, moving around Seoul would take twice as long.

Joonwon secretly wished they’d skip it, but seeing their morning bustle, they seemed determined to attend, and he quietly felt disappointed.

Joonwon wanted to be alone with his brother, to handle all his major and minor affairs.

He wanted to walk through Joonyoung’s enrollment, graduation, studies, career, and entire life together.

“I’ll head out first. It’ll take time to do my hair. Joonyoung, see you later. You too, Joonwon.”

Saying she needed to choose clothes, Ms. Yoon hurriedly left. Then Father left early for his meeting, and Joonyoung and Joonwon, with time until the eleven o’clock graduation, leisurely finished breakfast.

“What did Father buy you when you graduated, hyung?”

“Nothing.”

“He didn’t buy you nothing; you just didn’t accept it.”

“Is that how it works?”

His brother gave a clear, incredulous laugh at his response. Having gotten into his desired university, Joonyoung seemed in high spirits lately, smiling more often and not hiding his joy or happiness.

“He’s getting me a laptop. Ms. Yoon’s getting an iPad. But do I need both?”

“If you want to carry a heavy bag, ask for both.”

“Oh, what should I do? I’ll take the iPad and ask Father for something else. Hyung, is the deposit enough?”

“Don’t need it. I signed the contract yesterday.”

Joonwon refused flatly.

“Why act like you owe Father something?”

Joonwon didn’t understand his brother’s words. As he stared, Joonyoung added.

“I mean, don’t feel guilty for no reason.”

“Guilty? About what?”

“…Weren’t you feeling sorry for Father?”

“Me? Why?”

“…I thought that’s what it was.”

Joonwon looked at Joonyoung, utterly confused about why he’d feel sorry for Father.

“If it’s not that, why don’t you take anything from Father? Allowance, tuition, the house deposit… you refuse it all. Like you’re obsessed.”

“He didn’t do anything for me except give birth to me. If I take it and he claims some right over me, that’d be trouble.”

“…”

“Especially about you.”

“…”

“I don’t want to hear him nag or complain.”

He didn’t want to hear it now or ever.

His brother clearly had a different perspective. He didn’t understand Joonwon’s words for a while.

Taking Father’s money would make Joonwon feel unrighteous. He’d been independent from him for a long time, living as a separate entity.

Not leaving home was purely his choice. The pain of not seeing his brother was greater than the pain of cutting himself. Being tied by blood might be better; if they were strangers, he might not even have him as a brother.

Joonyoung being his brother made sense in his head, but the idea that blood was their entire relationship was incomprehensible. Accepting that felt like water rising to his chin, a life-threatening crisis crushing him.

Joonyoung would probably never know.

How many nights Joonwon lingered outside his door.

He’d entered his room on nights Joonyoung slept deeply. Staring endlessly at the softly breathing figure, Joonwon had to suppress surging emotions. He prayed to die, begged the heavens to let him. He couldn’t accept wanting to ruin someone he cherished so dearly. Each time he forced himself to acknowledge it, Joonwon cut his body.

Even on days he masturbated thinking of his brother, he cut himself. When Joonyoung, distant and wary, looked at him as if wanting to say something, Joonwon had to cut his arm to stop himself from reaching out.

No matter how much he cut, when his heart wouldn’t break, he’d stand at a high place, staring dizzily below.

Punishing himself as atonement.

The physical pain of tormenting his body was always less agonizing than his uncontrollable heart. When it came to his brother, it wasn’t a matter of will.

Fearing what he might do, Joonwon enlisted in the navy. If he was apart, separated, forcibly restrained somewhere, he thought he might distance himself, sort it out—a naive hope.

Discharged due to his scars, the tough military life showed him the possibility of escaping his brother. Joonwon lowered himself like a shade plant, castrating his desires.

But seeing Joonyoung after discharge, grown taller, his heart shook even more intensely.

His brother taught him it was love, but Joonwon still feared his impure desires. They didn’t seem normal to him. Sometimes Joonyoung, calling it love, seemed strange.

He shook his head.

“Why not?”

“What?”

“You weren’t listening? I said I’m drinking with classmates tonight.”

Sitting on the sofa, looking out the living room window, Joonwon took the coffee cup Joonyoung handed him. Joonyoung sat beside him, leisurely gazing at the snow-covered garden beyond the window.

With orientation and camps forcing him to drink, Joonyoung was eager to enjoy his new adulthood with friends.

Joonwon, eyes fixed on his brother’s profile, sipped the coffee. Against the snowy background, Joonyoung’s face looked especially radiant today.

He should stop him, but Joonwon’s thoughts froze. Was it right to stop him? Was wanting to keep him close a wrong desire, an obsession? He feared Joonyoung might find him strange, as he found himself.

“…Where?”

“There’s an eating alley near the academy.”

He should tell him not to go, but Joonwon felt he had no right.

“I was going to measure the new house today… the desk and bed might not fit. Guess I’ll go alone.”

Joonwon muttered to himself. Joonyoung said, “Ah.”

“Oh, I want to go too. I need to measure my room.”

“I can do it alone. I’ll measure yours too.”

“No way. Let’s go together.”

“You have plans with friends.”

“I’ll see them later. No big deal.”

Joonyoung sorted it out simply. Joonwon sighed in relief inwardly.

“What time should we leave? It’s still snowing a lot. Bus or car?”

Joonyoung asked, looking at the falling snow through the window. The garden, covered in white, looked purely innocent.

“I sold the car.”

“Huh? When? Why?”

“The deposit was a bit short, so I sold it.”

Joonwon said casually.

“Isn’t it inconvenient without a car?”

“Not really. It wasn’t that useful. School’s not far.”

His university was a bus or subway ride away, and parking was often more trouble than it was worth.

“Then why’d you buy it? Cars depreciate the moment you buy them. Even one drive makes it used, so you don’t get full value.”

Joonyoung, who seemed naive, was sharper and more practical than him at times.

Mentioning resale value and asking if he got a fair price, Joonwon playfully ruffled Joonyoung’s hair.

“Geez, if you’re gonna say that, why’d you buy it? You didn’t need it.”

Brushing back his messy hair, Joonyoung said.

“Traffic accidents have a pretty high mortality rate.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I bought it to die faster. Picked something likely from high-mortality options. Thinking back, it’s dizzying.”

“…You bought a car to die faster?”

Joonyoung’s face paled.

“Kidding.”

Half-joking, half-serious. He’d imagined dying in a crash but didn’t buy the car to die quickly. It was originally for independence, but he couldn’t leave home. He was scared of losing even their brotherly bond.

“It’s a joke.”

“…”

“Just kidding. A prank.”

“Don’t say that, even as a joke. It’s not funny.”

Joonyoung’s face hardened, his tone icy. His round eyes trembled helplessly.

“I won’t die then. Since Joonyoung doesn’t like it.”

“Is that what you call talking? Do you think I’d just hate it? Do you think I’d only just hate it!”

The younger brother hit Joonwon’s arm with his fist, thumping it repeatedly. Joonwon let out a groan with each hit, wincing in pain. It really hurt.

“Just die by my hand today.”

“Hyung was wrong. Okay? I’m sorry.”

Joonwon pulled the struggling younger brother into an embrace, somehow managing to trap him in his arms and whispering into his ear. He apologized for upsetting him.

Trapped in his embrace, grumbling and thrashing fiercely for a moment to be let go, Joonyoung didn’t break free and stayed nestled there. A pleasant scent came from the younger brother’s nape. Joonwon inhaled deeply, taking in the fragrance of the soft fuzz on the back of his neck and the skin hidden beneath his shirt collar.

“…It tickles.”

“Shall we go out in an hour?”

“I need to leave a bit earlier. The teacher told me to come thirty minutes early.”

“Really? That’s a shame.”

“…What is?”

“There’s no one else at home right now. Just the two of us.”

“…….”

Joonyoung, still cradled in his arms, looked around as if searching for the two people who were no longer there. Rolling his eyes as if gauging the situation was a long-standing habit of the younger brother. He’d done it since he was a kid and hadn’t outgrown it even as an adult, always busily darting his eyes whenever Joonwon distanced himself. Because Joonyoung, as the younger brother, followed him too closely, it made things harder for Joonwon.

When it seemed like Joonyoung liked him, Joonwon thought his younger brother would experience the same pain he had gone through.

That it would be so agonizing, crushed by guilt, that it would be hard even to breathe.

The sensation of committing a sin was so vivid, yet the younger brother considered it pure love.

Joonwon was not pure. His mind was entirely polluted with filthy thoughts.

“I was going to bring that up earlier too. After Father left…, it’s just us.”

Even as he spoke those tainted words, the younger brother’s expression was innocent.

Perhaps because of Joonyoung’s expression, Joonwon didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt for sinning. It was strange.

Joonyoung wrapped his arms around Joonwon’s shoulders and pressed his lips against his cheek. Joonwon tightly hugged his younger brother’s waist. As they shifted their seated positions, the sound of the sofa’s leather creaking could be heard.

Laying his younger brother down on the sofa, Joonwon climbed on top of him. He gazed endlessly into the eyes staring up at him.

“When are we moving?”

“This weekend, I think.”

“Did you get Father’s permission?”

“…Why do you keep trying to get Father’s permission?”

Even though he didn’t always obey, Joonyoung was afraid of disappointing Father’s expectations. Disappointing Father wasn’t about failing to get into a prestigious university but about his children desiring each other. That wasn’t just a matter of disappointing him. It was akin to killing a family member.

Joonwon couldn’t understand why, when it came to something as grave as killing a family member, Joonyoung was unbothered, yet he needed Father’s permission to move. He planned to simply inform Father of their independence on the moving day.

“Let’s tell him tonight.”

“Do whatever you want.”

“It’s close to school, so it’s nice. I can walk there.”

Whether it was close or far from school didn’t matter to Joonwon. The criteria for choosing the house were all tailored to Joonyoung’s convenience. As long as his younger brother was happy, that was enough for Joonwon. He had no desires or wishes. He didn’t even have the will to live. Without his younger brother, nothing held meaning for him.

He tilted his head and pressed his lips against his younger brother’s. The soft flesh of his lips melded with his own.

Their bodies overlapped, and their lips intertwined. Joonwon delved deeply into Joonyoung’s lips. The sound of their indulgent breathing grew rough and unsteady.

“Ugh…, ha, mm, hyung, I’m going to be late.”

The younger brother turned his head, avoiding his lips. Joonwon blinked. He’d almost lost himself. He was so immersed in the kiss he’d nearly let go of his senses. Pulling back slightly, he looked down at Joonyoung and whispered.

“Ten minutes.”

“…That won’t do.”

“Thirty minutes.”

“That’s even worse.”

“Alright. Then twenty minutes.”

Joonwon lowered his head toward his younger brother.

The road in front of the school, where the graduation ceremony was held, was a mess because of the snow. Cars couldn’t enter and were waiting endlessly for the parking attendant’s signals.

As soon as he got off the bus, Joonyoung nearly slipped on the icy ground and fell forward. Joonwon hurriedly grabbed the nape of his younger brother’s neck, lifting him upright.

“That scared me. I thought I’d break my teeth.”

“Walk slowly. We’re already late anyway.”

It’s not just you who’s late; all those cars lined up back there are late too, Joonwon thought, glancing at the row of cars on the road.

“Isn’t Father and Ms. Yoon standing somewhere over there?”

He checked carefully, but neither Father’s car nor Ms. Yoon’s car was visible.

They started walking toward the school.

It was the same path where he’d always dropped Joonyoung off and watched his retreating figure from a distance. Joonyoung slipped again, hurriedly grabbing Joonwon’s arm. Telling him to be careful, Joonwon wrapped his arm around his younger brother, gripping his forearm tightly and practically carrying him like luggage to help him walk.

“Something’s wrong with the soles of these shoes. The road’s super slippery.”

“I told you to wear sneakers. Not those.”

“They don’t go with my coat.”

Joonyoung pouted. Joonwon felt an overwhelming urge to kiss his younger brother’s lips right there on the street, whether people were watching or not.

At the school gate, there were stalls lined up selling bouquets. As Joonwon scanned them, Joonyoung looked at him.

“Don’t buy one.”

“I want to buy you one.”

“If you have money to spend on that, just give it to me.”

“Why are you being so stingy?”

“Because you told me not to use Father’s card. That’s too hard. I’m going to use Father’s card. I’ll use it as much as I want.”

“…….”

The younger brother already belonged to Father, biologically and legally. It was a bond Joonwon couldn’t sever. Nothing was as infuriating as the fact that someone else had a claim over his younger brother. It was an irrational, inexplicable anger he couldn’t express.

“…Is that okay?”

His expression must have hardened. The younger brother asked cautiously, reading his face. Joonwon forced a smile.

“Of course. But I’ll give you plenty of allowance, so try not to use it if you can.”

“Your money feels too precious to spend.”

“I told you not to feel burdened by it.”

“It’s not a burden. It just feels like a waste. You work so hard to earn it. It feels wrong to spend it.”

“Father works hard too.”

“That’s just expected of him.”

Joonwon wasn’t happy at all about his younger brother’s consideration. He wished Joonyoung would spend his money as freely as he did Father’s. He wanted his younger brother to see him as his protector instead of Father.

Wanting that much was too greedy. He quietly vowed to himself to slowly cut ties, to gradually separate until no one else remained by Joonyoung’s side but him.

Because of the slippery soles of his shoes, Joonyoung clung tightly to Joonwon’s arm to avoid falling. Then he suddenly stopped. A car waiting to enter the school gate opened its back door, and someone got out, angrily yelling.

“I told you the traffic would be bad. Ugh, damn it.”

“Did I say to take the car? You’re the one who said to take it, ajumma.”

Joonyoung’s hand tightened on Joonwon’s arm, as if on guard. The two who got out were wearing the same uniform as Joonyoung.

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean? So annoying from the morning.”

Spotting Joonyoung, one of them scowled and approached.

“What? It’s Kang Joonyoung? Heo Kyungmin, leave him alone. That selfish jerk.”

Both of them cursed at Joonyoung, muttering about how annoying he was and how fed up they were.

Joonwon recognized one of their faces. Im Juho, a student he’d tutored privately. He hadn’t wanted to do it, but the boy’s mother was so persistent and offered an exorbitant amount that he couldn’t refuse, so he became his tutor.

Joonwon glanced at Joonyoung. These must be the couple his younger brother had mentioned.

Right now, Joonyoung ranked higher, but one was supposedly a model student who excelled academically, and the other was a well-known delinquent in the neighborhood.

He’d said they were dirty. That they were all over each other, touching in the classroom.

Joonwon was a little jealous of how they expressed their feelings without caring about others’ gazes.

“Hello.”

Im Juho, whom Joonyoung had misunderstood and fiercely envied for a while, recognized Joonwon and reluctantly greeted him.

“Long time no see.”

Joonwon responded warmly. Joonyoung’s hands, gripping his arm, tightened, pulling at his coat. Joonwon glanced at his younger brother.

“How did you do on the college entrance exam?”

“Thanks to you. Thanks to you, I did pretty well. Your brother really pissed me off, so I studied like crazy.”

Im Juho glared at Joonyoung with venomous eyes. Joonyoung, who had recklessly misunderstood and blamed him, slipped behind Joonwon’s arm to hide.

“Look at him hiding like a coward.”

“…I’m hiding because I’m sorry.”

From behind Joonwon, Joonyoung spoke softly but clearly.

“Hey, if I’d failed to get into college, you’d be dead by Kyungmin’s hands. But because you pissed me off, I studied my ass off. So, I guess I owe you a bit.”

“Would I have let you kill my brother?”

Joonwon smiled and looked at Im Juho and the other boy beside him, who was making deliberately menacing gestures and expressions.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t speak to Joonyoung so harshly.”

“…Ugh, damn it. Who can live without a brother to back them up?”

“We don’t have a brother.”

Muttering in disbelief, Im Juho was punched by the bigger guy who added a comment.

“Useless jerk!”

“What am I supposed to say when we don’t have one?”

“Fine. So frustrating, so damn frustrating.”

“When you’re pinned under that frustrating guy and enjoying it—mmph!”

“See you later!”

No matter how much he was scolded, the guy didn’t hide his cheeky grin. Im Juho hurriedly covered his mouth and dragged him toward the school gate, disappearing.

Once they were completely out of sight, Joonyoung peeked out and stood by Joonwon’s side.

“Why were you hiding?”

“Because I’m sorry.”

“You apologized, didn’t you?”

“To be honest, I kind of hoped Im Juho would get into college. Like, I wanted him to get in first, and if possible, me too as a bonus.”

“You felt that bad?”

“…I misunderstood him as being that way with you, so how could I not feel bad? I don’t want to be jealous either.”

The younger brother said glumly. He didn’t let go of Joonwon’s arm.

As Joonwon looked at him fondly, Joonyoung suddenly let go of his hand and waved vigorously at someone.

“Jju!”

“Hey! Young-i!”

It was Seokju coming from the opposite side. Joonwon watched his younger brother’s back as he ran toward his friend.

Did he… hear that wrong?

They called each other with such annoying nicknames.

Jju…

He’d heard the guy got into a decent regional university. Even though they’d seen each other yesterday, Joonyoung hugged Seokju as if they hadn’t met in months, excitedly happy. Turning back to Joonwon, he shouted.

“Hyung! See you at the auditorium later! I’m going to the classroom first!”

“…Yeah.”

Joonyoung turned away without even hearing his response, disappearing into the school with Seokju, arm in arm.

Joonwon bought a bouquet from one of the stalls. Holding it, he passed through the gate and entered the snow-covered school courtyard.

When he was a student here, he only tormented himself with forbidden desires, so he had no fond memories.

He didn’t have many friends either. A senior from his marine corps days, who worried he might kill himself, still sent messages about how beautiful and worth living life was, even though Joonwon never replied. The vocalist from a band he was in occasionally called or texted, pestering him about restarting. A school junior who had a crush on him sent occasional check-in messages, and that was the extent of his contacts.

Instead of heading to the auditorium where the graduation ceremony was about to start, he walked toward the school building. He’d heard his photo was still displayed somewhere.

In the exhibition room on the first floor, leading to the central staircase, there were old-fashioned wall clocks and panels about the school’s history.

As Joonwon scanned them, he stopped in front of a framed photo of himself.

He stared at his seventeen-year-old self.

The seventeen-year-old Joonwon stood beside the Minister of Education, who was patting his shoulder, with a gloomy expression, clearly unimpressed by the presidential award.

“Hey…?! Aren’t you Kang Joonwon?”

Hearing his name, Joonwon turned. Someone whose name and face he couldn’t recall approached and greeted him warmly.

“Hello.”

“It’s you, right? Man, it’s been forever. How’ve you been? You look even sharper. I wouldn’t recognize you if we passed on the street.”

“Yes…, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Here for Joonyoung’s graduation, huh? During counseling, Joonyoung bragged so much about how you tutored him. I thought, well, Joonyoung’s set. No worries there. As expected, Kang Joonwon’s brother has that same spark. Haha, were you looking at your photo?”

It seemed to be Joonyoung’s homeroom teacher. He glanced at the photo Joonwon was staring at, finding his behavior a bit cute and surprising.

“No one’s matched your record in competitions since this. These days, the specialized high schools sweep everything.”

“Can I take this photo?”

“Huh? The photo?”

“Or have it taken down.”

“…….”

“I didn’t even graduate from this school.”

“Sure, if you want it down, we’ll take it down. I’ll ask the administration to remove it.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, I’ve got to prepare for the graduation. See you later.”

Joonwon awkwardly bowed to the teacher as he turned away.

He looked back at the photo, staring at the somber boy for a while, then placed the bouquet on the floor and took the frame off the wall. He opened the back cover and removed the photo. He hung the empty frame back on the wall.

He tore the photo of himself receiving the award in half, then tore it in half again. Hesitating briefly, he tore it once more into pieces and threw them into a nearby trash can.

Picking up the bouquet, he slowly walked away. The empty frame sat coldly among the other photos.

The graduation ceremony took place in the auditorium.

Joonyoung was set to receive an award for academic excellence. Apparently, he was receiving it alongside Im Juho. Joonyoung’s name was called. He went up to the stage, receiving a certificate and scholarship from the principal. His classmates cheered loudly, with Seokju being the most enthusiastic.

Joonyoung turned around after receiving the award, staring at the parents’ section for a while. When his eyes met Joonwon’s, he finally smiled brightly. His lips seemed to say, “I got the money.”

Joonwon took a photo with his phone. He snapped pictures of his younger brother to his heart’s content, without caring about anyone’s gaze.

No one looked at him strangely for focusing only on Joonyoung, for taking only his pictures.

As the ceremony neared its end, Ms. Yoon arrived. She showed up, perfectly styled in hair and attire, just as they were about to sing the school song. Without asking the person in question, she declared that the photos taken after the ceremony were the most important anyway and boasted that arriving before Father was her victory. Joonwon just stared at her silently.

Father arrived after the ceremony ended.

In the snow-covered field, people captured their final memories in photos. That’s how they wrapped up three years.

Joonyoung seemed busy taking photos with his friends. Joonwon captured his younger brother with his camera.

“I want to take one with hyung too. Ms. Yoon, please take it with my phone.”

Joonyoung handed his phone to Ms. Yoon. She held it up toward the brothers standing against the snowy field. Their image filled the screen.

“Joonwon, smile a bit. There, that’s better. Alright, one, two, three.”

Before Ms. Yoon finished saying “three,” Joonyoung kissed Joonwon’s cheek. With a smacking sound, Joonwon froze like ice. But he was the only one shocked to the core in that moment.

“Oh my, Joonyoung! So cute! Do it again! I’ll take it properly this time!”

Ms. Yoon burst out laughing. Father was smiling at them too.

Joonyoung hugged Joonwon’s neck and pressed his lips firmly against his cheek again. Ms. Yoon frantically pressed the phone’s shutter, snapping photos.

“Let’s take one with the whole family. Seokju, Jju! Come take our photo!”

Joonyoung called out to his friend.

Joonwon stood next to Joonyoung, who stood next to Ms. Yoon, who had Father’s arm over her shoulder, all lined up together.