MBL 15

“If someone touching me makes me feel that good, if that’s what makes me fall in love, then will I feel that way with just anyone?”

“…”

“What if I go out there right now, grab some random person, and ask them to kiss me, to hold me, to take off their clothes and tangle with me…! With anyone! With someone other than you, hyung! Would you like that? Do you really want me to do that…!”

“…”

“I don’t want anyone else but you, hyung. Just thinking about it makes me sick. But do you know what I hate even more?”

He was looking at me with a stunned expression, as if the world were collapsing.

“It’s you doing that with someone else, hyung. I want you to only do it with me.”

“…”

“I want to keep being together like this. With you, hyung, together…”

“…”

“That’s what love is, you idiot.”

I told him to get out, that I couldn’t stand the sight of him, and pushed him out of my room. As soon as his body was shoved out, I slammed the door shut with a bang and sank to the floor, crying loudly. I cried with tears and snot, letting him hear, letting the one who said he hated making me cry hear it all.

∞ ∞ ∞

Hyung treated me with complete, flawless indifference. He taught me diligently, never missing a day. If anything, he was so fervently cold that he genuinely worried about me when I couldn’t keep up with the pace, letting out sighs filled with concern.

He seemed like a different person. He didn’t look at me, didn’t speak to me except about study problems, and didn’t touch me. When I said it was love, an invisible, thick glass wall went up between us, blocking words and emotions from reaching each other.

Hyung perfectly pretended that the months we spent as lovers never happened. He treated me as if nothing like that would ever happen again, and when we were in the same room, he always kept the door wide open.

“Let’s stop here for today. Review the mistake notebook we made last time before bed.”

“…”

He closed the books spread out on the desk and pushed them to one side. Then he got up from the chair first. As if he had no further business with me now that studying was done, he placed the guitar on his lap and started tuning it.

I gathered my books, stood up, and turned to him.

He didn’t even glance at me.

I knew what tormented him, what made him give up on me, and that it caused him even more pain.

If I hadn’t liked him, if I had pushed him away completely, hyung would have branded himself a bad guy and rotted in his own personal hell.

He didn’t stop because it was against morality. If giving up were easy because of some notion of heavenly principles, he wouldn’t have started in the first place. He even confessed that he wanted to be a beast.

But he couldn’t bring himself to turn me into a beast too. He couldn’t bear to drag me into the pain he’d endured.

The colder he was in ignoring me, the more I realized how much he loved me.

“I’m going to study hard.”

“…”

“I’ll study to death. Because if I mess up the exam, you’ll think it’s all your fault, hyung.”

I was determined not to do anything that would make him suffer.

“I won’t do anything to make you sad, hyung. That’s how I love you.”

Hyung stubbornly refused to give me even a glance, holding his ground. Though he acted coldly, the fingers touching the guitar trembled faintly.

I wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay.

My liking him wasn’t the end of the world, nor was it something that would ruin me. It definitely wasn’t about me having to endure the time and pain he had suffered.

It was just one person liking another. Just the act of longing for someone.

I looked at hyung, who didn’t answer, and slowly walked out of his room.

Even after closing the door, I didn’t hear the sound of the guitar.

We ignored what had happened between us, and a day passed. Another day, a week, a month went by, and the weather grew colder. Hyung and I studied diligently, careful not to burden each other.

And then the college entrance exam day inevitably arrived. In just a few days, the weather had turned sharply cold, dropping below freezing.

When I woke up in the morning and opened the window, a changed season greeted me. Crisp air filled my lungs. White breaths spread into the air with every exhale.

If I stretched my head out the window, I could see hyung’s room window. It was tightly shut. I breathed in the chilly air that cooled my head and stared at the unopened window for a long time.

It was the exam day I’d waited over a decade for, but I wasn’t nervous or anxious. Surprisingly, I wasn’t even trembling. I was confident I’d worked hard, so I was quietly excited, eager to show my skills.

While I, the test-taker, was fine, Father and Ms. Yoon were the ones nervously bustling around that morning.

Ms. Yoon prayed to the religion she believed in.

“Please let our Joonyoung, who worked so hard, not make mistakes and do well on the exam today.” No one else said amen, but Father seemed to share the sentiment, nodding once when she said not to make mistakes and nodding enthusiastically, as if in strong agreement, when she said to do well.

“I packed your favorite kimbap with kimchi fried rice, some side dishes, and fish cake soup in a thermos. I also packed fruit in case you don’t feel like eating. Is there anything else you want? Should I pack something else?”

“It’s fine. I’ll eat well.”

“Let’s leave before the roads get busy. I’ll drive you to school today.”

Father said before standing up after breakfast.

“No, I’ll go with hyung’s car.”

I declined Father’s offer, saying I was fine.

“Go with Father’s car. I have things to do.”

Hyung, who had been sitting indifferently as if he had no interest in the exam or me, abruptly refused.

“I feel more comfortable going with hyung’s car. I want to keep things as usual.”

It was exam day, and on this day, it was customary to do whatever the test-taker wanted, whether it was the head of the household or the nation’s police. This was a country that delayed airplane landings for the exam’s listening section.

“Alright, then Joonwon, take him. Joonyoung worked hard studying. You did too, Joonwon. Don’t feel pressured, just do as you always have.”

Father encouraged me, his eyes showing he knew how hard I’d studied these past months and appreciated all my efforts.

I really had studied hard. If I messed up the exam, it wouldn’t just be my burden—it would obviously become hyung’s. He was already blaming himself, and I didn’t want to add to his guilt. Having a goal left no room for wavering.

“Joonyoung, you worked hard. Don’t be too nervous, just solve the problems calmly. Even if some don’t go well, it’s okay. Life has so many hardships, and the college entrance exam is, really, a very small one compared to them.”

Ms. Yoon, making a tiny gesture with her fingers and squinting, saying the exam was no big deal, earned a sharp look from Father.

“Is that something to say to a kid going to take the exam?”

“It’s fine. Ms. Yoon is right. If I don’t do well this year, I’ll do better next year. But I’m going to do well this year. Don’t worry.”

“Our Joonyoung has really grown up. When did you become so mature?”

Ms. Yoon burst into a proud smile.

“Double-check you have your exam admission ticket.”

At Father’s words, I patted my uniform’s front pocket.

Hyung unconsciously held my bag and the lunch Ms. Yoon had packed. I shouted “Fighting!” to my parents and left the house.

I got into the car with hyung. While buckling my seatbelt, I glanced at him driving.

He deliberately avoided looking at me, staring straight ahead. I wished the traffic would slow us down, but the short distance quickly closed, and we arrived near the school where he dropped me off.

The school gate was bustling with cheering juniors and parents dropping off their kids. A police car with flashing lights was already there, managing the area.

Hyung stopped the car and handed me my bag and lunch. He didn’t even say the usual “Do well on your exam.”

He gripped the steering wheel, looking ahead as if urging me to get out. Compared to the noisy outside, the car was eerily quiet.

I looked at his stiff profile.

“…I’m going to do well on the exam.”

It wasn’t a vow to not waste my efforts but a statement, like it was already a fact.

“I’m going to get into the same university as you, hyung.”

His eyes, fixed ahead as if ignoring me, twitched faintly. That had been the reason sustaining me these past months. The goal that kept me steady.

I vowed that after the exam results came out, I’d prove my feelings to hyung.

“Run away if you can. I’ll keep chasing you, hyung. Whether it’s America or England, it doesn’t matter. I’ll go as far as I can.”

“…Kang Joonyoung.”

His head stiffly turned toward me. The gaze he’d kept lowered, avoiding my eyes, lifted.

I looked at him with unwavering determination, unshaken by anything. Hyung looked into my eyes as if paying a harsh price.

I wasn’t defying heavenly principles; I just liked someone. I wanted him to know that. The pain he suffered wasn’t something I had to endure.

“Liking you doesn’t ruin me, hyung. It doesn’t hurt as much as it hurt you. I guess I don’t have a conscience.”

“…”

“I don’t like that you think you’re ruined, hyung.”

“If I end up in a mental hospital, will you believe me then? That I’m not ruined? I’m not sane. Do you know what I think when I see you? If that’s not crazy, what is?”

“…”

“It’s wrong.”

“If you really thought that, you shouldn’t have started it in the first place.”

“…”

“I knew from the beginning. I just wanted to act crazy. For one year… just one year, I wanted to deceive myself and pretend I didn’t know. I made a mistake in a moment of madness.”

He berated himself, saying how crazy he must have been to do that to a test-taker like me, his face full of self-reproach. But his concern for me as a brother was also sincere.

“Then keep acting crazy. Keep pretending you don’t know.”

“Stop saying nonsense.”

His face contorted. Pain consumed him in an instant, as if he might burst into tears. Thinking of me, wanting me, must have been like being stabbed by a thousand needles every day.

“Look at me.”

I called to him. I grabbed his cheek, turning his face toward me as he tried to look away.

“What do you think when you see me? Right now, I want to kiss you, hyung.”

“…”

“Are you going to put me in a mental hospital too?”

“Joonyoung.”

I pressed my lips to his, which were about to firmly refuse.

His movements froze as if doused with cold water. I licked and nibbled at his still lips, urging him to open them. He didn’t, but his dry, warm lips still held sweetness.

I pulled back and stepped away from him.

His neck was stiffly rigid.

“If you run away again, I’ll cut my wrists. As many scars as you have on your body… I’ll make on mine.”

“Kang Joonyoung…!”

“So wait for me. I’ll come to you, so wait.”

“…”

I caressed his cold, frozen cheek and got out of the car. I slung my bag over my shoulder, waved at the tinted car window, and started walking.

The exam was conducted in a calm atmosphere.

I wasn’t nervous or excited. I solved the problems diligently, as I always had. I erased hyung’s face and thoughts from my mind and focused on the exam.

I kept in my heart that failing this exam could hurt hyung.

Only after the exam papers and answer sheets were collected did I let out a deep sigh, realizing it was over. Regardless of how I did, a mix of relief and emptiness filled my chest, leaving it cool and hollow.

I declined Seokju’s invitation to go drinking and left the chaotic school, heading to where hyung always waited for me. His car, unable to completely ignore me, was parked by the road.

The car door opened, and hyung got out. I smiled at him as he looked at me with concern. His tense expression, which must have been troubled all day, finally relaxed.

He didn’t ask how the exam went or if I did well, just took my shoulder bag.

“Good job.”

“Yeah. You too, hyung.”

I got into his car and took out my phone to call Ms. Yoon.

As he started the car, hyung glanced at me when I began with “Manager Yoon.”

“Yes, I’m done now. I think I did well. Hard work? Nah, you’re the one who worked hard looking after a test-taker, Manager Yoon. Oh, I’m going to hang out with friends. Is it okay if I stay out tonight? Please explain it well to Father. Yes. Hyung said he’s not coming home tonight either, so you and Father can have some quality time together.”

I got permission from Ms. Yoon to stay out and ended the call. Hyung drove as if he hadn’t heard, heading toward home.

“Let’s go to the sea.”

“…”

“I want to see the sea. I’ve always wanted to go see it first thing after the exam. Let’s go.”

Hyung didn’t respond. He didn’t seem to have the intention or will to go.

I arbitrarily set the car’s navigation to Sokcho.

“For the last time… then just for today, let’s be lovers.”

“…”

“Okay?”

My throat locked up. I asked with a choked voice, and hyung silently turned the steering wheel from the direction of home.

The days were short, and it grew dark and cloudy before evening.

As we left the city and entered the outskirts, something started falling. It was early snow. White, goose-feather-like snow swirled beyond the windshield.

Hyung drove silently, and I sat quietly, looking out the window. He turned the heater on high, lulling my exam-weary body to sleep.

I fell asleep watching the world turn white.

A large hand shook me awake as I slept soundly. I groggily opened my eyes. The car was so warm it felt cozy. I could sleep until morning if I stayed like this. The seat was reclined for my comfort, and hyung’s down jacket was draped over my shoulders.

I lowered the jacket, heavy with his scent, and sat up, asking, “…Are we here already?”

“We got here a while ago.”

He reached to brush my messy hair but hesitated and pulled his hand back. I rubbed my face, wiping away the lingering drowsiness.

As he said, it was pitch black outside the car window. Nothing was visible.

The clock showed it was already past eight in the evening. I’d slept for over three hours. Hyung must have arrived long ago and waited for me to wake up.

It was just dark outside.

“Is this really the sea?”

“…It’s the sea.”

I got out of the car. It seemed windy, but when I stepped out, a chilling cold hit me beyond expectation. I pulled up my coat collar and hunched my shoulders.

The moon in the sky was hidden by clouds, offering no light. Hotel and resort lights flickered in the distance, and the sound of waves crashing was loud, but the sea itself was invisible.

It was freezing, but it felt refreshing. The harsh sea breeze brought a sense of liberation, opening up my chest.

Hyung came to my side as I stared into the dark void, catching my breath.

“Hyung, I’m hungry.”

“…”

“Oh, there’s a restaurant over there.”

Looking around, I saw a few lit-up restaurants. I wasn’t craving anything specific, just hungry, so I went to the nearest one. Hyung followed without a word.

“Seafood stew sounds good. Can we get that?”

“Sure.”

We sat at an empty table and ordered. The restaurant’s TV was broadcasting news about the college entrance exam, saying this year’s difficulty was higher than last year’s. I didn’t find it particularly hard.

The seafood stew was placed on the burner before cooking. Hyung carefully set the table to make it easy to eat.

He deliberately avoided looking at me, staring elsewhere. His jawline, fixed on the uninteresting TV news, was sharp, as if speaking of his recent struggles.

The stew soon bubbled, and the clams opened their tightly shut mouths.

We started eating without conversation.

“…Should we go to a hotel?”

I asked him mid-meal. His hand, holding a spoon, froze in midair before moving again casually.

“Let’s just go home.”

“No. We came this far; I want to see the sunrise.”

“…”

Despite my insistence, hyung didn’t respond. We finished our meal in a gloomy atmosphere, as if we’d failed the exam, and left the restaurant.

I left him heading to the parking lot and walked toward the beach alone. Waves from the dark sea lapped at my feet.

I stepped back whenever the waves came close, worried about wetting my sneakers. Breathing in the icy wind made my chest ache.

Hyung followed a few steps behind. The seaside was quiet, with no customers at the fish restaurants due to the cold, but it wasn’t completely deserted. Faint cheers from a group setting off fireworks nearby echoed. The fireworks they shot lit up the sky, briefly revealing hyung’s figure in the darkness.

His cold, expressionless face looked up, sensed my gaze, and stopped when he saw me.

“…”

“…”

Already freezing, his expression hardened even more when he looked at me. In the cold sea breeze and the sound of waves, hyung was sorting out his feelings, determined to hold firm.

Determined to protect me as a brother. To never do anything dirty again.

To end things with me…

He closed the distance and spoke to me.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“A little cold. No, it’s fine. It’s not that bad.”

I stopped hyung as he abruptly tried to take off his down jacket to give it to me.

“Let’s go. You’ll catch a cold like this.”

“Hold me.”

“…”

“If you hold me, hyung, I don’t think I’ll feel cold.”

His hand, which had been unzipping his jacket without hesitation to give it to me, paused.

I finished unzipping his jacket for him and slipped into his embrace, as if crawling into his clothes. A warmth that made my spine tingle was in his arms. I shivered while holding him.

As I trembled, hyung stood stiffly, neither pushing me away nor returning the embrace.

“It’s warm.”

“…”

Hyung let out a breath, as if he were truly going crazy. The breath he exhaled turned into white mist and shattered in the air. The waves crashed with foam, rushing close to where we stood. I rubbed my forehead against his shoulder. The rapid beating of his heart traveled through his chest to me.

“Don’t do this. I’m already going crazy, so don’t shake me up.”

“…”

“I’m barely… barely holding it together, barely restraining myself. Please don’t do this.”

His trembling hand brushed over his roughened face. He rubbed his face several times, trying to hold onto his sanity. Perhaps he was revisiting the thoughts and anguish he had at the place where our mother rests.

That this shouldn’t happen, that it would ruin Joonyoung.

That he might pass the pain he endured onto Joonyoung, so he must have begged to be stopped.

“If I shake you… are you someone who gets shaken, hyung?”

I held the trembling hyung tightly, rubbing against him to steal even a bit of his warmth, and asked.

“I get shaken. Like the world’s been turned upside down.”

I lifted my head, which had been buried in him. Our eyes met. His eyes wavered like waves in the darkness. Fireworks shot from afar bloomed and faded in his eyes, casting fleeting light.

“What am I to you, hyung?”

I wanted to ask him. I’d wanted to ask for over ten years, throughout the past few months.

His eyes, which had caught the fireworks, gazed into the void before meeting mine. For the first time, in a gaze free of anguish or wavering, hyung spoke the truth.

“You’ll be confused if you hear it.”

“That’s my burden to bear. Whether I can handle it or not is up to me. You don’t need to interfere with that. I’m… not that young.”

Hyung gave a hollow, sad laugh at my words.

He spread his arms, wrapping his jacket around my back, holding me preciously. He leaned in, fiercely pressing his lips against mine. His hot, wet tongue parted my lips, greedily exploring my mouth. It was a kiss that tightened my breath and clouded my mind. I clung to his waist.

He pulled back from the heated kiss, breathing heavily.

“I want you.”

“Haa, haa…”

“As family, I want you.”

“…”

“And as a lover, I want you.”

His voice cracked hoarsely.

The man who wanted me as a lover, as family, was my hyung.

His arms, which had been holding me like a freshly bloomed flower, slowly loosened.

“I… I went to Mom and prayed to go crazy. Since going crazy wasn’t an option, I begged her to just kill me.”

He was desperately trying not to go mad, vowing to protect me as a brother.

Running away from home, losing himself in music, quitting school, tearing his own body apart—these were his struggles over ten long years, hoping his yearning for me would wear out.

It was too long a time.

And hyung might spend even longer years ahead like this, condemning himself as dirty, berating and torturing himself.

My throat burned bitterly.

“Don’t do that. I don’t think you’re crazy, hyung.”

“If I’m not crazy, then what is this? I… I love you.”

A tear rolled down his cheek. It hung at his jaw before falling onto my chest, cold yet hot.

“…I love you too, hyung.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

His heart, wanting me, wishing to die since going crazy wasn’t possible, was tattered and torn. Pushing me away, keeping me at a distance, was the only way he could protect me as a brother.

“I know it’s not that kind of love.”

“…”

“If that’s crazy, then let me be crazy too.”

“Do you even know what you’re saying?”

His voice trembled faintly toward the crashing waves. I nodded, my cheek buried in his shoulder.

Once, twice, three times. And a fourth.

“You’re saying something you can never take back.”

I kept nodding. The tremor in his voice grew stronger.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it. I didn’t hear it. Let’s not do this. Please.”

He tried to pull my arms, wrapped around his waist, off him. I locked my fingers, holding him firmly, squeezing with all my strength until my arms shook.

“If loving you is crazy… then I’ll just be a crazy person.”

“…”

I looked up at him. His eyes were red, as if he’d been holding back intense tears.

“I love you. I love you, hyung.”

“…Joonyoung.”

I stared into his disbelieving eyes for a long time.

He tried to calm his trembling with slow breaths, but his voice quivered as if chilled by the cold. Tears flowed endlessly from his eyes, wetting his cheeks. I wiped the silently spreading tears with my hand.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hold on any longer.”

His eyes twisted in despair, as if begging to be killed right there if this was wrong.

“…Can you do it without thinking, like it just happened, like there was no choice?”

Hyung asked. The conflict and anguish that drove him to tear himself apart bled hoarsely into every syllable.

“It’s not about being able to do it… it just happened. It couldn’t be helped.”

“…”

“If that’s what being crazy means, then let’s just be crazy.”

“You can’t take it back.”

He pulled me into a fierce embrace. His wide chest, burying his nose in my neck, inhaling my scent, trembled violently.

He held my wrist tightly and walked. We crossed the sandy beach, passing the group setting off fireworks, passing friends drinking around a bonfire, just walking.

We walked in the freezing wind to a remote shore. Not far away, a hotel stood by the sea.

He stopped, staring at the brightly lit building for a long time. Holding hands tightly to keep them warm, I quietly gazed at his profile as he looked at the hotel.

“It’s cold. Can’t we go in there?”

“Are you really cold?”

“Yeah. Really. Really cold.”

He pulled me along, hurrying into the hotel.

We got a card key and stepped into the elevator.

I looked up at him, still tightly holding my wrist. When our eyes met, he couldn’t hide his nervousness and gave a faint, awkward smile.

We checked the room number, swiped the card key, and entered. Before turning on the light, his lips crashed into mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, as if I’d been waiting for this moment my whole life. His hot lips breathed heat and life into me. Our tongues entwined, writhing to taste each other, our lips overlapping.

Pulling back, panting, he laughed hollowly, as if in disbelief.

“…Why are you laughing?”

“I never imagined you’d like me like this…”

“…”

He created the spark, but maybe I’d liked him from long before. Not in this sexual way, but it was true that my feelings went beyond brotherly affection. I’d just never thought of it this way.

“Shower first, okay? Hyung, hold on.”

I turned my head, dodging his lips that came rushing in.

His lips, missing their target, grazed my cheek and temple. His hoarse breathing told me how much he’d been holding back.

He fumbled while taking off my coat and shirt, his breathing frantic as if he’d been running. Before I could undress, he yanked his knit sweater over his head and tossed it away. I instinctively looked for new self-harm scars. He shook his head at my eyes scanning his torso, saying he hadn’t done that.

“I promised, didn’t I? I won’t do it again… never again.”

His arms pulled me close, rubbing his lips against my cheek. Heading to the bed, he turned off the room’s lights. Faint light seeped through the gap in the curtains.

He finally took off his shoes. I was half-naked, stripped haphazardly, and fell onto the bed.

I looked up at him in the dim light, disheveled. Artificial light from the curtain gap illuminated his upper body.

Except for my socks, he hurriedly stripped off all the clothes covering me. Then he roughly pulled down his pants and pressed his body against mine.

Holding my trembling cheeks, unable to control his panting, he kissed me. I greedily licked and sucked his tongue and lips, the only parts of him I could claim. Heat surged, my head burning. I kissed him deeply, my hands stroking his shoulders and waist.

His spine, curving toward me, contracted pitifully. My palms felt scars like razor cuts on his skin.

“Ahh, keep touching me, Joonyoung. Keep… ngh.”

I caressed the body of the man who’d been desperately waiting for me.

Holding him, my hand moved to the bulge over his drawers.

The twitching mass radiated heat even before I touched it. I slowly caressed his groin, gripping the flesh.

“Ngh…!”

His back arched sharply, his breath stopping as if stabbed.

I opened my dazed eyes, staring at his flushed face.

He looked down at me, flustered.

“…I wanted to touch it. Here… I kept wanting to touch it. I thought I’d go crazy wanting to.”

His erection was rock-hard, on the verge of bursting. Fluid soaked his drawers, making them sticky. My hand, growing tacky, slid under the waistband, grasping the hot, pulsing flesh.

“Ugh…!”

His entire body froze in that state.

Ahh, my mind went blank. It was hot, sticky, an indescribable sensation enveloping my palm. My heartbeat pounded. It was beyond what I’d imagined.

Rubbing the coarse hair and throbbing flesh with my damp hand, he let out a fierce breath.

“Joonyoung, Joon, ahh, ngh, wait, Joonyoung, ah, ahh…!”

I touched the pulsing bulge like I was possessed. I was the one touching, but it felt like I couldn’t breathe. After just a few strokes, he shuddered, ejaculating like he was urinating.

“Haa, ahh… ngh!”

His underwear and the skin beneath were soaked. My body was covered in his semen. I kept gripping and rubbing the trembling shaft, unwilling to let go.

“Stop, s-stop, Joonyoung, ah, no, I can’t hold it. Haa, ahh!”

He writhed, his hips bucking while I held him. Even without moving my hand, his swollen member pressed wildly into my palm, rubbing itself.

I gazed endlessly at hyung, panting and overwhelmed with excitement.

His eyes, twisting strangely, showed his reason crumbling.

“Ngh…!”

He spilled again onto my lower abdomen. My sticky palm clung to his skin with cloudy fluid. His member throbbed grotesquely with veins and tendons.

I let go and rubbed the sticky fluid over my hands and torso.

“…Haa, hyung, I think I’m gonna come.”

In front of him, between my shamelessly spread legs, my pitifully trembling erection looked small compared to his. The tip was wet, like droplets seeping out.

Having barely caught his breath, he leaned down, kissing me like he was devouring me. He crushed my moans, stirring wildly. The pain of his sucking lips stung.

“Ngh, mmph… mm!”

He slid between my open legs, pressing me down with his weight. The sticky fluid on our bodies clung like carelessly squeezed liquid soap.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him frantically, then twisted my head.

“Haa, haa, haa!”

His tongue licked my saliva-soaked lips.

“Open your mouth, Joonyoung, huh? Haa, open it, please. I want to kiss you. Fuck, let me kiss you.”

My lips, dodging instinctively as I gasped, were bitten and overlapped, his tongue entangling and sucking. It wasn’t just my tongue or lips being sucked—it felt like my soul or essence was being drawn out.

“Hmph, ngh, hyung, mmph, mm…”

It was obscenely depraved. It felt like my whole face was drenched with his saliva. His hot lips grazed my soaked skin.

As he rubbed below and pressed with his lips, cutting off my breath, my consciousness grew hazy.

His barbaric tongue left my lips, meticulously biting my earlobe and neck.

I clutched his hair as if to tear it out, my body rippling with his movements.

My lower body jolted with the force of him pressing and rubbing against me.

“Haa, hyung, it’s hot. Too hot, ahh…!”

“Joonyoung, haa, do you love me? Huh? Do you love me? Say you love me.”

Please, please, please…

He pleaded with his whole body, writhing toward me.

“I love you… I love you, hyung, I love you. I love you…”

I whispered like a man possessed. If this wasn’t loving him, then nothing true existed in this world.

Something dripped onto my cheek. I opened my blurry eyes. His flushed face came into view. In the darkness, his eyes were wet with tears.

I grabbed his trembling cheeks and kissed him, swallowing his salty tears and saliva.

His forceful thrusts lifted my lips, tilting my head back. My chest arched into the air.

“Ahh…! Ah, ahh, ngh!”

His strength, chewing and biting, slammed between my legs like penetration. Dizziness hit. My vision blurred, and my panting breaths came in gasps. A sharp climax, like an electric shock, struck my spine.

“Ngh…!”

“Haa, ahh, ngh, Joonyoung, what do I do, ah, fuck, what… ahh, ngh…!”

Grabbing my hips, pounding below, he shuddered with a savage breath. Cloudy fluid gushed out.

“Haa, haa, haa!”

“…Ah, ah…”

I pushed his chest with my palms. His sweat-soaked skin glistened obscenely.

After climaxing three times, he finally exhaled like a deep breath.

“…I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“We haven’t even done it properly yet.”

Between my legs, the sensitive spot that felt like it would explode at the slightest touch clearly felt his pulsing member. His erection throbbed steadily, rubbing slowly without softening.

He didn’t wait, lowering his upper body. He lifted me, holding my back. In an instant, our positions reversed, and I sat on his lap, crushing his member.

As if calming down, his hands gently but firmly caressed my hips, kneading the soft flesh.

I carefully wiped his tear-soaked eyes.

“Don’t cry next time. I’ll tell you often.”

“…”

“I love you, hyung.”

“In what way…?”

He asked. I looked closely into his red-rimmed eyes.

“When I think of you, hyung, it tingles down there. I can’t stay still. I want to kiss you. I want to touch you, hear your voice.”

“…”

“That’s what I mean.”

“…”

“I think I love you.”