MBL 11

Hyung’s tone was so cold it was almost stern. Ms. Yoon, who had been approaching in surprise, hesitated and stopped.

“Get out of here.”

“…”

Unable to respond to hyung’s insulting words, which allowed no interference between us, she lingered for a moment before hurriedly leaving the room.

“Are you okay? Open your eyes. Can you open them?”

“I’m fine. It just stings a little.”

I blinked my reddened eyes in front of him to show it really wasn’t a big deal. My eyes stung, and the corners kept twitching.

“There should be some eye drops. Hold on.”

Hyung hurriedly rummaged through the desk drawers. Finding artificial tears, he tilted my head back. He dripped a few drops onto the reddened whites of my eyes. The cool liquid soaked into my eyes. After blinking a few times, the accumulated tears trickled down my temples.

“I’m really fine. Honestly.”

“Don’t we need to go to the hospital?”

It really wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like the pencil lead had stabbed my eye; it had just grazed it.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. I spoke to him as he looked at me with excessive worry.

“…How could you talk to Ms. Yoon like that?”

It seemed like he’d lost control for a moment.

These moments were what scared me.

What tormented me wasn’t just the guilt of doing things with hyung that we shouldn’t. It was the fear that someone might catch us while we were doing those things.

When our lips were pressed together, all my nerves were focused on the door. Even the slightest sound made me jump, as if I were being pushed off a cliff.

I couldn’t be as calm as hyung. I couldn’t look Father in the eyes, and even though there was no reason for it, I felt the need to justify the sight of us sitting close together, as if it looked strange.

Since hyung strictly prohibited Ms. Yoon from coming to the second floor, the instances of being startled had decreased, but that didn’t mean my anxiety had lessened.

I believed we were hiding it perfectly from everyone, but Ms. Yoon might have already noticed something. She had been assisting demanding bosses with her sharp intuition for over a decade as a secretary.

Because she knew about us, because she knew what we were doing, she had come in without knocking, despite hyung’s request not to come to the second floor because it disturbed his studies.

She knew. She was doing it because she knew.

There was no way Seokju, who was always polite, would have left without saying anything to Ms. Yoon.

Knowing Seokju had gone home, Ms. Yoon opened hyung’s door without knocking. My anxiety branched out chaotically like paranoia.

“Go apologize to her.”

“Me? Why?”

He argued, asking who had caused me to hurt my eye by doing something they were told not to, who had caused this.

“You should go apologize. Go and say you’re sorry, that you made a mistake because you were startled.”

If Father found out what we were doing, he might kill hyung. If he saw hyung’s bare body, he might put hyung, who claimed everything was his fault, in a mental hospital.

I grabbed and shook hyung’s arm, urging him to apologize to Ms. Yoon. He was still closely examining my red eyes with a worried expression.

“Kang Joonwon…!”

With loud, stomping footsteps, the door burst open. It was Father, furious beyond measure.

Before hyung could fully stand, Father stormed into the room and his hand flew toward hyung’s cheek.

A sharp slap resounded, like flesh tearing.

Hyung, whose head had turned from the blow, slowly faced forward again.

“Is it true?”

“…”

“I’m asking if it’s true!”

It must have been about hyung insulting Ms. Yoon with informal speech, but it felt like he was questioning what hyung and I were doing. My chest tightened painfully.

I stared at the two of them, standing in confrontation, unable to breathe.

“What? That I told her to get out? To screw off?”

“You bastard…”

“I said it because she doesn’t listen, because she keeps interrupting, because she keeps bothering us.”

“…”

“I was so angry.”

“…”

“I was angry, so I did it. I’m sorry.”

He said that if she kept interfering, he’d do the same to her, his eyes flashing intimidatingly, unable to control his intensity. Father stared at him with bewildered eyes, as if looking at a complete stranger, not his son.

Father’s chest heaved heavily with ragged breaths. He glared at hyung, observing a personality completely out of his control with confusion.

“Go apologize.”

“I’ll apologize if Auntie apologizes first.”

“Not Auntie… ha.”

Reprimands were useless on him. Father, whose authority as the head of the family was damaged by hyung’s entirely different kind of deviance, let out a frustrated breath.

Hyung wasn’t an ordinary person, but Father wasn’t exactly ordinary either. The tension they exuded rose like the edge of a blade. A volatile substance, ready to explode at the slightest spark, lingered ominously between the father and son staring at each other.

“What kind of interruption was so bad that you’re making this big a deal? She opened the door without knocking—is that such a huge mistake to warrant this?”

Father was right. Ms. Yoon hadn’t done anything so wrong to deserve hyung’s sharp reaction and direct glare.

Just as I felt, Father seemed to realize he shouldn’t provoke hyung. His anger had already subsided.

“I’ll make sure your stepmother is disciplined, so you apologize today. That’s what’s right.”

“…”

“Calm down and come downstairs.”

Father, who had been upset, calmed his breathing and spoke. His hand landed heavily on hyung’s shoulder, pressing down firmly to urge him to calm down.

Then Father looked at me. His eyes asked why hyung was acting like this. I avoided his gaze, looking down at my feet as if being interrogated for a crime.

Father quietly closed the door and left, and silence settled between us. Rubbing his slapped cheek with his palm, hyung turned to me, who was standing there, terrified.

“Go apologize.”

“You got hurt because of her.”

“…I didn’t get hurt.”

“You almost did.”

He refused to back down, insisting his anger was justified. He wasn’t normal. It was as if he’d completely lost the ability to judge the severity of matters, and nothing got through to him.

“I’m fine, so go apologize. Please, I’m begging you. Okay?”

“…”

“Hyung, please.”

I didn’t want to escalate things. I hated the idea of Father and Ms. Yoon watching and probing us. Nothing was more frightening.

I begged, clinging to his feet as if I’d hold on forever, and finally, the stubborn hyung turned around.

Hyung went down to Father’s bedroom. I followed him.

He knocked on the master bedroom door and leaned his weight on one leg, standing crookedly with no intention or sincerity to apologize, waiting for the door to open. There was no response from inside.

Hyung, who had retorted that he hadn’t done anything wrong, let out a low sigh and spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

After barely uttering a single phrase, a silence several times longer followed. As if he couldn’t think of any further excuses, hyung stood there quietly, deep in thought.

Then the door opened, and Father appeared, looking tired. He must have been changing, as his shirt sleeves and a few collar buttons were undone. Perhaps because of that, Father looked particularly weary today.

“I know you and Joonyoung are sensitive because the college entrance exam is coming up soon.”

“…”

“Don’t cause unnecessary trouble like this again.”

“Yes.”

Father, clearly displeased with the whole situation, clicked his tongue and went back into the room.

Having finished his apology, hyung approached me, who was standing anxiously on the landing, unsure of what to do.

“I apologized. Happy now?”

His tone was as if he expected praise.

Hyung hadn’t done anything right. When I glared at him with fierce eyes instead of answering, he, who once said I was the scariest person in the world, didn’t even flinch. He put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close, and led me to the second floor, saying we should go up.

“Now no one will interrupt us again.”

“…”

He met my eyes and smiled.

Even lying in bed, the terrifying image of hyung turning to Ms. Yoon wouldn’t leave my mind, keeping me awake.

His brow was rigidly set, and his eyes were twisted. The hyung who had been solving math problems with me, his arm around my shoulder and our cheeks pressed together, hadn’t lashed out in shock at being caught. He believed Ms. Yoon had ruined our precious time together.

As I tossed and turned in bed, the door clicked open. It opened without a sound, but this time I wasn’t particularly startled.

Hyung, who opened the door, didn’t let go of the handle and looked down at me, curled up on the bed.

“Joonyoung.”

“…”

“…Are you asleep?”

Buried in the heavy darkness, I didn’t answer or move. His voice, assuming I was asleep, was cautious not to wake me.

When I stayed quiet, hyung, who had been watching me, started to leave. Suddenly, the whole situation felt pitiful. My heart ached so much that I quietly grabbed him as he turned to go.

“…Not yet.”

Answering in a small voice, he came in and closed the door.

As Ms. Yoon’s visits to the second floor became rare, hyung’s caution waned too. He didn’t lock the door properly.

“The door…”

“Hm?”

“Lock the door.”

I hated myself for saying we needed to lock the door and be careful, as if we were having a secret affair.

I was complicit in what he was doing. I was both a victim and an accomplice to his actions.

He belatedly pressed the metal button under the door handle.

Hyung came to me and sat on the bed. The mattress dipped lightly under his weight and rose again.

“You said you were tired, so why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Want hyung to help you sleep?”

“…How?”

He gestured for me to scoot over and lie down. I shuffled to the inner side of the bed to make room for him. As I made space, hyung curled his tall frame and lay beside me.

He let me use his arm as a pillow. The familiar scent of body shampoo lingered on his freshly showered body. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could clearly see the color of his eyes.

He gently touched the barely noticeable scratch, too minor to call an injury. I blinked. Under his palm stroking my eyelids, my eyelashes fluttered like a small bird’s wings.

The hand that had been at my eyes moved to my cheeks, lips, and softly fiddled with my earlobe.

I didn’t dislike his touch. When hyung’s hand touched me, I couldn’t pretend to like or dislike it.

Disliking it would make him the perpetrator, but liking it brought a chilling guilt that enveloped me like a cold breeze.

Above all, what scared me most was that the more I indulged in these acts with him, the more my sense of guilt numbed.

At first, even a light kiss was painful, but now, deeply overlapping lips felt familiar. The sweet taste of his lips and mouth lingered on my tongue, staying long after we stopped kissing.

I knew too well that getting used to his touch meant sinking deeper into an irreversible quagmire, yet nothing about hyung felt like a quagmire.

Could there be such a beautiful hell?

I looked at the face lying beside me and thought about hell.

As the season turned to autumn, the nights grew chilly. I lifted the bedding and signaled for him to come closer. He moved nearer. The warmth I’d created enveloped his body.

We slipped under the covers.

His lips, gazing at me silently, touched mine. I closed my eyes. He gently sucked my slightly parted lips, then pulled away. The wet skin of my lips stuck to his, making a ticklish sound as they parted.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

His voice asked softly. I shook my head with my eyes closed.

Though I’d kissed hyung dozens of times, I answered that I hadn’t.

“…Have you ever had a girlfriend? It seemed like quite a few girls liked you.”

“Where would I find the time for that? I’m exhausted just going to the academy.”

“No pretty girls at the academy?”

“No pretty girls.”

“What about good-looking guys?”

“No good-looking guys.”

Answering him readily, I opened my eyes and looked up at him. I scolded him with my eyes, asking what he was getting at.

“No one you were ever attracted to?”

“…”

I thought back carefully. I considered if there was anyone I’d been sexually attracted to.

It was a while ago, but my heart had raced watching a diver in the summer Olympics finals.

The toned thighs, tight hips, long legs pressed together with tensed muscles, diving backward into the water with a flexible body, and the face emerging from the surface… it resembled hyung.

The face of the German athlete, shaking off his swim cap and brown hair, overlapped with hyung’s face looking down at me.

“No one?”

“…Yeah, no one.”

“How can there be no one?”

“I’m not as promiscuous as you, hyung. I don’t feel that way about just anyone.”

“I may be promiscuous, but I don’t feel that way about just anyone either.”

“What, your head and your lower half operate separately?”

“…Where did you learn to talk like that?”

He came closer and bit my lips painfully. I grimaced with an “ow” and lightly hit his chest.

Pulling back slightly, he softly overlapped his lips with mine, as if apologizing for hurting me. I closed my eyes and let his approaching tongue into my mouth.

Our deeply entwined lips let out tangled breaths. As my slightly parted mouth opened wider, his thick tongue delved deeper, licking the inner lining.

I reached out and touched his back. Slipping my hand under his shirt, I stroked his bare skin.

For over a decade, he’d been cutting himself to shake off this guilt.

If we hadn’t met as brothers, such scars wouldn’t have marred his beautiful, smooth body.

I wished our blood wasn’t mixed.

I wished he wasn’t my hyung.

The memory of hyung’s masturbation from when I was young, a vivid image occupying a corner of my mind, sparked curiosity.

Instead of just touching his back, I wanted to move my hand forward, to fill my palm with his hardening flesh and coarse pubic hair. I wanted to feel hyung.

“Mmm… ngh, mm.”

His sweet-tasting lips parted. In my longing, I licked my lips with the tip of my tongue, tasting him.

His eyes, brimming with dangerous intensity, captured me, soaked in ecstasy.

I touched his writhing back as he tried to come closer. I’d sometimes hugged his neck while kissing, but this was the first time I’d actively explored his body like this. His tense back flinched with every touch.

“Your friend’s tall and well-built. He’s decent-looking too.”

“…What, you mean Seokju?”

Hyung nodded slightly.

“Seokju said he did judo until middle school.”

“That’s pretty good-looking, right?”

“Seokju? He’s not ugly, but good-looking? I’m not sure about that.”

Good-looking meant someone like hyung, not Seokju. I doubted his aesthetic sense, wondering what about Seokju he found good-looking.

“He must be popular.”

“He’s kind and easygoing, so he’s popular. With both students and teachers.”

“Are you two close?”

“We were in the same class in sophomore year too, so yeah, we’re pretty close. That day I saw you at the club, I was following Seokju.”

“Close enough to want to study hard and go to the same university?”

Knowing Seokju’s grades, saying that was cruel.

“…That seems a bit unlikely, don’t you think?”

“Would you want to if it were possible?”

“I’ve never thought about it.”

“If not that.”

“…”

“Were you tired of being alone with me?”

“…”

Though I had brought Seokju between us with that intention, I still found hyung’s lips sweet.

I avoided his persistent gaze. As I subtly turned my head, he grabbed my cheeks and turned my face back to make me look at him.

“This time, when it’s just the two of us, is the only time we can be alone together. Do you know how precious this time is to me, how long I’ve wanted it?”

During this time when it’s just us, he holds my cheeks tightly, as if telling me to look only at him, to keep only him in my eyes, refusing to let go.

“I don’t want any interruptions during that time.”

His eyes carried a resolute determination, as if he’d mercilessly crush anyone who dared to disturb our sacred time together, no matter who they were.

I stared blankly at his blind obsession. Monopolizing hyung was something I had long wished and prayed for.

The privilege of being his only younger brother, his only blood relative.

The only existence he desired.

What truly drove me mad was that I didn’t dislike hyung clinging to me so abnormally. When he looked at me with those eyes, saying he wanted to be with me, openly expressing his desire for me, it stirred emotions so intense that my spine throbbed.

But we weren’t strangers who could meet and part ways without seeing each other again; we were brothers. It was a relationship where hyung couldn’t arbitrarily decide the time or end things at his whim.

“Close? If you’re close, how close are you?”

Perhaps uncomfortable with the vague notion of closeness, hyung furrowed his brow, like he did when frowning over a misprinted answer from a publisher.

“He’s just the closest friend in our class.”

“How close is the closest in your class?”

“…He’s just a friend.”

His eyes, looking down at me, came closer. His lips touched my cheek and licked along my jawline. His mouth pressed against my neck, speaking, tickling my shoulder.

“Did he ever cut his wrist to get close to you?”

“…No.”

I twisted my upper body. His hand unbuttoned my pajamas one by one, pulling the fabric apart.

“Ha, to get close to you… did he ever cut the flesh off his thigh?”

“No, no… no.”

No one would do something so irrational.

Except for my own brother, no one would.

He sucked on my neck with strong pressure. I turned my head fully, rubbing my heated cheek against the pillow. It felt like a mark would be left on my neck. The scars from cutting his wrist or slicing off thigh flesh might remain on my neckline.

“He didn’t even put in that much effort and got close to you? If you give the spot of closest friend to just anyone so carelessly… ha, hyung might feel a bit hurt.”

“…Hng, ugh.”

“Isn’t that unfair?”

His lips, claiming it was an unjust act, left a red scratch on the side of my neck and pulled away. A wet sound of flesh rubbing echoed.

“What… ha, what’s unfair about it?”

“That someone could become your closest friend without paying any price… without any sacrifice.”

His tongue, licking my neck, left an afterimage as he murmured. His breath and wet flesh moved down to my chest.

I covered my eyes with my arm. My vision blurred with heat. The tension that had kept my spine rigid melted into languor. My limbs floated limply under the man touching me, as if submerged in hot water.

“Someone cut their body for it.”

“Ha, ugh… I’m your brother, hyung.”

“…”

The movement that had been approaching to lick my chest suddenly froze. My heated eyes, red and ripe, blurred his face in the darkness. Half-dazed, I added.

“You can do whatever you want with me… I’m your brother, you can do whatever you want. More than being the closest friend, this is…”

I said it was okay for him to do whatever he wanted with me, my subconscious moaning.

He took a deep breath and exhaled long. The trajectory of his breath poured over my chest.

The warm breath, hesitating for a moment, touched an unfamiliar part and shattered.

Hyung opened his mouth and took the flesh around my chest. It wasn’t the pressure he used on my neck. A much stronger force sucked at the tender skin, leaving marks freely.

I urgently grabbed his shoulders.

“Ha, your one year belongs to me. You promised it to me, didn’t you? Joonyoung.”

“Ugh… hng, mm.”

“For that time, at least, right? It’s mine. I can do whatever I want with you.”

He took my nipple between his thick lips. Then he opened his mouth wider, enveloping the areola and nipple together. A sharp, tingling sensation shot up my spine.

Hyung’s shoulders turned fully toward me. He climbed on top, sucking my chest intensely and pressing down with his heavy weight.

“Hyung, ah, wait… just a second, ugh, ah… hng, ugh.”

I gripped and pushed at his shoulders, but he was relentless. The moment his lips, fused to my skin, parted even slightly, he latched back on like a suction cup, devouring my flesh.

“Stop… stop, please, stop… ugh, ha… hyung…”

My whole body heated up, and I couldn’t keep my lower half still. My feet rubbed restlessly against the bedding. Twisting my body, I pushed and shoved at hyung’s shoulders, which were increasingly taking control of me.

Just when I thought he pulled away after frantically sucking and wetting my skin with saliva, he latched back on. My hips bucked. His heated breath settled over my skin.

The force sucking at my sensitive parts made my chest surge.

“Ha, ugh, ha, hyung, it hurts, it hurts… no. I’m weird. I feel like I’m going weird.”

There was no response to my sobbing pleas.

My head felt like it would explode.

My cheeks burned as if on fire. I rubbed my face against the pillow, twisting my whole body. I covered my mouth with my hand, afraid some vulgar words I couldn’t imagine would slip out.

Hyung, unable to stay still, grabbed my writhing waist and held me tighter, sucking my flesh deeper, persistently licking as if savoring a sweet essence.

The sound of his throat swallowing me overlapped with my rising moans. My ears burned as if touched by fire. My hand, which had been muffling my moans, grabbed his disheveled hair.

“Ha, ah, hyung, ah, aaah… down, down… ugh.”

Drunk on the pleasure he gave, I bucked my hips. I twisted my hips, begging him to touch me there. While sucking my chest, hyung’s hand moved down, gripping my fully erect, leaking member.

“Haa…!”

I urgently hugged the back of his head, pressed against my chest. It was as if I were clinging to his lips.

“Ah, hng, hng, hyung, hyung…! Ha, ugh, this is weird, it’s weird… hah!”

I shouldn’t say such things, I shouldn’t feel good, but an unbearable climax surged over me. His large hand stroked my slick lower half, and he licked and bit my chest with heated, ragged breaths.

The man’s hand touching me quickened, matching my fervent moans. Ah, ah, I writhed helplessly, twisting my hips, and, caught by him, trembled all over as I came. The unbearable sensation burned through my body and erupted.

“Aaah!”

My body convulsed as if in spasms. Saliva dripped from my parted lips. My lower half floated, trembling uncontrollably. My dazed, unfocused eyes stared into the dim void, sinking far away.

“Ha, ha, haa…”

My breath burst out in gasps. My raised hips sank, and my limbs went limp. He gently licked my sensitive, swollen nipple with the tip of his tongue, then slowly raised his head, gazing at me through his disheveled hair.

With tear-soaked eyes, I faced him, holding his sticky cheeks. My blurred vision flickered.

My hand, which had been clutching his cheeks, moved down to stroke his neck and touched his firm chest. I hugged his side, pulling him closer to meet my gaze.

I moved my hand toward the heat radiating from his pants.

As my wrist slid toward his groin, he grabbed it tightly. At the tip of my hand inside his pants, I vividly felt the faint but surging heat of his swollen member.

“Don’t do that.”

“…”

“Don’t do that. That’s something only animals do.”

He pinned my wrist to the bed and pressed his lips against mine. His heated lips sucked, and his wet tongue slipped inside.

I twisted my head to lock lips with him more deeply. I eagerly sucked the tongue that entered me.

As if I could only draw sustenance from that place.

The slick sounds echoed in the room for a long time.

Hyung’s lips and tongue were the only parts of him I could violate. I persistently bit and licked his sweet-tasting lips, just as he had done to me.

∞ ∞ ∞

Facing Ms. Yoon would surely feel like sitting on a bed of thorns. Not knowing what expression to wear, I went downstairs with an uneasy heart. I thought it would be less uncomfortable than for hyung, but realizing I was the one who fueled their conflict, my steps slowed heavily.

Though I reluctantly went down first to apologize to Ms. Yoon before hyung, only Father’s back was visible, preparing breakfast, and she was nowhere to be seen.

“Good morning.”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s Ms. Yoon, I mean, Stepmother?”

I accidentally called Stepmother Ms. Yoon, and Father glanced at me, frowning deeply. I quickly lowered my gaze, realizing my mistake.

“She seemed to need some time to sort things out, so I told her to take a few days off.”

“Where did she go?”

“Jeju Island.”

That was the end of the explanation. Father wasn’t the type to send Ms. Yoon to such a place alone, but this time it seemed unavoidable.

I sat at the dining table. Seeing Father in an apron heating up simple food felt so unfamiliar and awkward after such a long time.

“…”

“…”

Only the sounds of cooking and simmering filled the already quiet kitchen, making the silence stand out.

I cautiously raised my gaze. I intently observed Father’s expression, which seemed sterner today. Like a thief feeling guilty, Father looked different than usual.

I clasped my tense hands, pressing my nails into my skin.

Maybe Ms. Yoon had noticed something. She had found out what hyung and I were doing. She must have told Father.

Ms. Yoon’s action of carelessly opening hyung’s door last night didn’t seem like an innocent mistake. It could only be deliberate.

“You’re up.”

“…”

Hyung’s freshly washed face was as refreshing as a green apple. His hair, damp with water, was disheveled.

He greeted Father, brushed back his wet hair, and gave me a look of greeting. Though he hadn’t said anything, I nodded repeatedly, signaling I was okay.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Hyung approached Father, whose mood hadn’t softened from last night’s incident, and naturally helped prepare breakfast. He didn’t mention a word about Ms. Yoon’s absence.

Father stepped aside, letting hyung take over, and turned to me.

Our eyes met. He gestured with his chin for me to follow him. I looked at hyung.

Hyung, tying Father’s apron around his waist and opening the fridge, was too busy to notice my desperate gaze.

I lowered my head like a criminal and followed Father to the living room. Sitting on the sofa, Father took out a cigarette, which he rarely smoked at home, and put it in his mouth.

“Sit down.”

“…”

I sat on the sofa like an obedient lamb. My mouth went dry, and my fingertips trembled.

Ms. Yoon must have said something was off about hyung and me. Maybe she saw us kissing.

She saw our horrific sight, hiding naked under the covers, our bodies colliding with wet sounds, chasing climax.

We’d been caught. Father knew. Cold sweat ran down my spine like a chill.

Father took a drag from the cigarette and glanced at the kitchen. Hyung’s figure, preparing breakfast, flickered in the distance.

“Why is Joonwon acting like this?”

“…”

“Your hyung never paid much attention to what I said, but he’s never glared at me or talked back like that. Did something happen with Ms. Yoon?”

Oh, thank goodness. Father was asking about something completely different.

The relief of not being caught sent a thrill through my body.

Neither Father nor Ms. Yoon knew. If they didn’t know, we could keep hiding it. We could hide it forever, make it something no one ever knew.

“Hm?”

Urging me to answer, Father kept glancing at the kitchen.

Father seemed to think Ms. Yoon had made some mistake beyond last night’s incident.

It was a reasonable assumption. No matter how you looked at it, hyung’s reaction yesterday was excessive. Father seemed to think hyung was sensitive because of some other issue, suspecting some conflict between Ms. Yoon and us.

“I’m asking to resolve this, not to stir up trouble and ruin things between them.”

Father thought I was deliberately not answering. He urged me to speak, saying it was okay in a soothing tone.

“Is it because of you, or your hyung? A guy who’s indifferent to his own matters wouldn’t get so angry just because someone said something to him. No matter how I think about it, it seems like it’s because of you, Joonyoung. Am I right?”

Hyung had always been extremely sensitive about anything concerning me since we were young.

Father, knowing this better than anyone, had even threatened hyung using me. He said if hyung continued playing the guitar or doing band activities without permission, he’d send me to our maternal grandparents in the U.S.

At first, I thought it was a ridiculous threat, but now I understood. There was nothing more terrifying to hyung than me disappearing from his sight.

Father took a deep drag from the cigarette, his face full of worry, and exhaled. He grimaced, as if the cigarette tasted bitter. The white smoke didn’t reach me, dissipating in the air. The acrid smell of the cigarette escaped through the open window.

“Did Ms. Yoon maybe make a mistake with you? I’m not taking her side, but she’s not a bad person. She tries hard to be good to you both.”

“Stepmother didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then?”

“It’s because of me. I can’t keep up with my studies, and yesterday I brought a friend and bothered hyung. He got really angry about it. I think he was in a bad mood.”

“…”

“It was just… bad timing.”

“Is that really all?”

“Yes. There was nothing else. Really.”

I shook my head, insisting there was nothing else, absolutely nothing.

Father stared at me with suspicious eyes. Facing my father’s gaze felt like an eternity. My tongue dried, and my lips felt parched. My heart raced, and sweat formed on my back.

He stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray. We both watched his hand press and break the cigarette butt.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but Joonwon trying to take care of you like he used to is a very good thing. Don’t rebel against your hyung, and do as he says. Try not to upset him if you can.”

“…I don’t rebel.”

“…”

“I do what hyung tells me. Whatever he wants.”

I mumbled blankly that I’d do anything hyung wanted, that I had no intention of rebelling and never would.

“Good, that’s all you need to do. Let’s eat breakfast.”

To Father, hyung was a reliable shield and support for me, and that belief would never change.

Father let out a relieved breath and stood up.

∞ ∞ ∞

For some reason, Seokju had come to school early and was hunched over his desk, scribbling something diligently.

“You’re here early?”

“Yeah, you’re here. Ugh, damn it. Joonyoung, sorry, but can I badmouth your hyung a bit?”

“What now?”

It had only been a few days since we started tutoring together, but Seokju already looked like his patience was running thin. His face hadn’t looked good last night either. He had the expression of someone nauseated, as if he’d eaten spoiled food.

It was because hyung was demanding things Seokju couldn’t handle.

For the first day or two, Seokju had been determined to try, saying it felt like being reborn, chasing after it with effort, but he already seemed exhausted.

Seokju said he stayed up past three in the morning working on the assignments hyung gave him but couldn’t even finish half, his eyes hollow with dark circles.

“If it’s too much, tell him you can’t do it. Don’t force yourself to do it all.”

To make Seokju quit tutoring, hyung deliberately gave him impossible assignments. They were called assignments, but they were no different from torment.

Though he didn’t openly scold him, hyung even silently despised Seokju for not understanding easy problems.

I didn’t care if Seokju just sat there. Having him around diluted hyung’s obsession and affection toward me with something else.

But that didn’t mean our relationship went back to how it was. When Seokju left, hyung and I opened our books and kissed. When we got aroused, we stripped and slipped under the covers.

Sometimes I solved problems while he touched me. We were doing every filthy thing imaginable.

Yesterday… I closed my eyes tightly, recalling yesterday’s events with horror.

I was sitting on hyung’s lap, though I hadn’t meant to. He suddenly grabbed me as I tried to stand, and I stumbled, plopping onto his thigh.

In that position, hyung’s center pressed against my hips. Having already shared a deep kiss, he was aroused and erect.

Feeling his center sharply prodding between my hips, I froze. We both felt the sensation at the same time. He hugged my waist, not letting go. Sitting on his member, I faintly squirmed against the ticklish sensation below.