MBL 10

When I opened my eyes in the morning, hyung was not beside me.

After frantically rubbing my body and climaxing, a drowsiness like a demon would wash over me, and even in a state of extreme tension, I would fall into sleep as if losing consciousness. When I opened my eyes, I was lying quietly in my bed in my room, and hyung was never there. The traces of what we shared did not remain in my room.

Feeling dazed, I sat up, got out of bed, took a shower, and changed into my school uniform.

I grabbed my bag and left my room. Seeing hyung’s firmly closed door, I recalled the image of Father, who had come home late last night and sought us out.

Since today was the mock exam, he must have come upstairs to nag about the importance of this test.

What if he had heard something…?

If he had, what would Father have done?

Would he have flung open the door at the suspicious moans coming from his son’s room and shouted, asking what we were doing?

Or would he have assumed it was just masturbation and quietly turned away?

The walk downstairs to eat breakfast was agonizing. It shouldn’t have been, but a sliver of fear gripped my heart. The pounding sound of my racing heart seemed to echo in my ears.

“You’re up. I was just about to go wake you.”

“Good morning.”

I greeted Ms. Yoon. I looked at Father. He glanced at me briefly before lowering his eyes back to the newspaper.

Without looking at hyung, who was already seated, I took my place.

Father, like hyung, wasn’t much of a talker. Their reticence sometimes irritated me.

I ate breakfast halfheartedly, glancing at Father, hoping he’d scold or lecture me. If I couldn’t confirm that he hadn’t noticed anything, I felt like I’d ruin today’s exam.

“Today’s the mock exam.”

Father, who had been eating silently, turned his head at my words. Hyung looked at me too.

Father, perhaps finishing his meal, took a gulp of water and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, it’s today, right? This time, I’ll make sure to check your results.”

In his indifferent tone, Father pressured me to do well on the exam. He was no different from usual. His nagging felt so relieving that it made my chest collapse with gratitude.

I let out a pained breath he couldn’t hear and answered.

“…Yes.”

I was so exhausted from watching Father, who was quietly eating, that my head felt dizzy.

“You don’t have to be as good as hyung, but at least come close. You’re brothers, after all.”

“Don’t be too hard on him. If you look closely, you nag quite a bit.”

It was clear Father hadn’t noticed anything about what we did last night.

Even at Father’s insensitive comparison to hyung, and despite Ms. Yoon’s words, as always taking my side, I responded with a simple “Yes, yes,” without showing any displeasure.

I glanced at hyung, who was eating breakfast. His handsome eyes, which had been looking elsewhere, turned to meet my gaze.

“Is Joonyoung keeping up well?”

Father asked hyung. His eyes, which had been fixed on me, turned to Father.

“I’m trying not to push him too hard.”

It wasn’t clear whether he meant not pushing me too hard in studies or in our relationship.

Last night, hyung had rejected my attempt to press my thighs together to help him climax. It meant he wanted to be the sole perpetrator, not a co-conspirator. He was trying, in his own way, to spare me as much guilt as possible.

“Joonyoung, you just need to do what hyung tells you.”

“Yes.”

Father firmly believed that hyung tutoring me would directly lead to better grades.

Hyung didn’t reassure me or hint to Father not to burden me. As always, he didn’t say much and wore a serious expression.

We finished breakfast as usual and left the house.

I got into hyung’s car. Just being away from Father and Ms. Yoon made me feel at ease. He buckled his seatbelt in the driver’s seat and started the engine.

“Father didn’t hear anything yesterday, did he?”

“What…?”

Hyung turned to look at me, then faced forward again.

“Yesterday… last night, when we were together.”

I was just stating the truth, but it sounded incredibly ticklish. I was talking as if we were having a secret affair.

“He probably didn’t hear.”

“…Aren’t you scared, hyung?”

“…”

“I’m scared.”

I was so scared I felt like I was going crazy. It wasn’t just fear—it was a dread that felt like it would drive me insane.

Even this morning, waiting for Father’s ordinary nagging had made my nerves melt away. My tense fingertips were still tingling, and the worry about today’s mock exam had long vanished from my mind.

“That kind of thing won’t happen.”

“…”

“Even if it does, you don’t need to worry.”

“If he finds out… if Father finds out, what are you going to do?”

“It’s all my doing. It has nothing to do with you.”

“How can it have nothing to do with me? That doesn’t make sense!”

Frustrated by his insistence that it had nothing to do with me and that I shouldn’t worry, I shouted.

It wasn’t a problem that could be solved by his assurances. Even if he truly believed it had nothing to do with me, it wasn’t irrelevant to me.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m the one who’s crazy, not you. There’s evidence too.”

The evidence of his madness was all over his naked body.

If Father saw his naked body, like I had, he’d have no choice but to acknowledge that hyung was insane.

“…So that makes it okay? So you’re not scared?”

“Yeah, I’m not scared. What I’m scared of…”

“…”

“Is you.”

The car stopped smoothly at a traffic light. His eyes, which had been looking ahead, turned to me.

“I’m most scared of you, Joonyoung.”

“…”

The red light turned green. Hyung pressed the accelerator, and the car moved forward.

I gripped the seatbelt tightly and let out a long breath he couldn’t hear.

It wasn’t that I was frustrated by hyung, who spoke as if reality could go to hell—it was that my heart was trembling. In a bad way. It trembled in a direction it shouldn’t.

The car soon arrived near the school. Hyung pulled over to the side of the road. Inside the idling car, not even a small sound could be heard.

“It’s the mock exam today. Focus on that. You don’t have to worry about anything else.”

Hyung spoke in a calm tone. I just nodded. He didn’t scold me for lingering in the car instead of getting out right away.

“What if I mess up the mock exam?”

“Don’t think like that.”

“Father won’t let it slide this time.”

“Just do it the way you studied.”

“If my grades don’t improve even with you tutoring me… if Father says I should just go to an academy, that your tutoring is useless, that I’m wasting your time, then…”

If Father felt that the time hyung spent on me was a waste, he’d surely tell hyung to focus on his own work instead.

I stopped talking. I was worried about that happening.

“It won’t happen, but if it does, then… we’ll have a lot less time to be together.”

As he said, the time and excuse we had to lock the door and be alone together under the pretense of studying would drastically decrease. A year wasn’t that long.

“Are you going to mess up the mock exam on purpose?”

“…”

That wasn’t what I meant. It was the opposite. I was worried about that happening. I hurriedly avoided his piercing gaze.

“You want to stop.”

When I didn’t answer, hyung muttered bitterly.

I knew he wasn’t talking about studying together but about what we did at night.

We should stop. We should stop right now.

My head knew that perfectly, but my heart didn’t agree.

I was afraid he’d see that dishonesty in me. I said something I didn’t mean.

“I want to stop.”

“…”

“We should stop.”

“You promised me a year.”

“That’s the problem right now?”

“It’s the most important thing to me.”

“…If you promise not to hurt yourself, I’ll stop right now. Right now.”

That meant if he hurt himself, I’d keep doing this.

Wanting to touch him between his legs, wanting to feel him with my hands, was a wrong feeling.

Overlapping our bodies in bed at night, groping each other’s warmth, and reaching climax was deeply wrong. It was something we should stop immediately.

But I was worried about stopping it. I was afraid he’d show his body to someone else, embrace someone else, and satisfy his dirty desires with them. I didn’t want to share even the smallest part of him, let alone let someone else know everything about him.

If he did those things with someone other than Im Juho…

Just imagining it made my heart ache as if it would burst.

His expression hardened.

“You promised me a year. Just keep that. After that, I won’t drag you to hell with me.”

“If I give you my body for a year… you won’t hurt yourself, and you won’t go around fooling with others, right?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as if he were swallowing something he was holding back.

“Yeah. If you give me your body.”

“…When you did that with me last night, did it feel good?”

His eyes, which had been looking ahead, turned to me.

Those acts, that release, that pleasure—those words were meant to provoke him.

Last night, I wanted to touch his body but couldn’t bring myself to, so I secretly pressed my thighs together and rubbed against him, and yet I was blaming him. I was pushing my guilt and shame onto him. At nineteen, I couldn’t handle the feeling of self-loathing.

Just as hyung abused his body, I was abusing myself and him in a different way. I was far worse than the self-harming hyung.

I was a lowlife. Worried about ruining the current situation of studying together, I was anxious about my true feelings being exposed and took it out on him.

Avoiding his eyes, I grabbed my bag. As I reached for the door handle to get out, he, who had been staring at me intently, spoke.

“Don’t think about anything else and focus on the exam today.”

“Did it feel good to do whatever you wanted with your brother?”

The bones on the back of my hand, gripping the bag strap, stood out white.

“Get out.”

“I’m asking if it felt good.”

Without glancing at the bustling street filled with people and cars, he stared at me piercingly and opened his mouth.

“It felt good.”

“…”

“Even if you killed me as is, it wouldn’t matter.”

“…”

“It felt good.”

The sunlight hitting his hair made it shimmer gold. The light seemed to cascade along the lines of his profile, like a painting. It wasn’t the dark, gloomy beauty Seokju spoke of—it was like a wounded bird.

What about me?

I didn’t dislike it. No, I liked it.

I didn’t know how to tell him I liked it, how to explain it, and it felt like my head would explode. I couldn’t say that I liked how he got excited because of me, not Im Juho, that he didn’t hide it, that I got to have a part of him I’d never seen before.

“…Hyung, do you want to have sex with me too?”

“…”

Our eyes met as he looked at me blankly. The sunlight that made his hair shine filtered through his eyes, sparkling beautifully.

Feeling that hyung was beautiful was wrong.

I was wrong. I was going crazy.

“Do you want to do that with me too?”

I asked, trembling. He bit his lips, unable to answer. It seemed he couldn’t bring himself to say he wanted that too.

When he just stared, he nodded instead of answering.

“…If I, if I don’t do it with you, will you do it with someone else? If you want sex so badly and I don’t do it, you’ll do it with someone else, right?”

“Probably. I’m an animal, after all.”

He said.

The thought of someone else touching hyung, feeling his skin, rubbing against his aroused flesh, was truly unbearable. It was one of the things I hated the most.

“You bastard. You’re a bad bastard.”

“If you don’t accept me, I have no choice. I don’t know any other way.”

“Don’t dirty yourself. Don’t ruin yourself.”

“If you protect me, that won’t happen.”

“I don’t want anyone else touching you.”

As soon as I said it, it sounded strange. He looked at me quietly. I hurriedly turned away from his deathly stare.

“Take the exam calmly. Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened.”

“…”

As hyung said, what I needed to focus on was the exam at hand. Even studying wasn’t enough, but I was spending almost all my energy thinking about him.

“I’m going.”

“Come straight back when it’s over. I’ll be waiting here.”

“…Do whatever you want. You’re going to do whatever you want anyway.”

I got out of the car and closed the door. Staring at the still car, I started walking.

The mock exam had more questions from the past papers hyung prepared than from the academy’s materials. Hyung’s practical experience from consistently tutoring me was far superior to the academy instructors.

I hadn’t even checked my answers, but I could feel I did exceptionally well. I was certain I beat Im Juho.

I’d never tried to beat him or wanted to, but the fact that I did excited me.

It was wrong for Im Juho to excel at studies and roll around with my hyung. He didn’t deserve such luxury.

As well as I did, Im Juho seemed to have done worse than expected. His expression while checking his answers wasn’t good, and he eventually crumpled his test paper and shoved it into his desk drawer without finishing.

“Wow, look at Young’s face. Looks like you aced it? Did you do well?”

Seokju, who didn’t even bother checking his answers, leaned on his desk like the only slacker in the tense classroom and asked.

“It felt a bit easy this time. You?”

“It was easy? Oh, I see.”

Seokju nodded soullessly, as if he’d just had a grand revelation.

“The exam’s over. Wanna hit the PC bang after a while? Just until we have to go to the academy.”

“I don’t go to the academy anymore. I quit a while ago.”

“What? Why?”

Seokju, who didn’t care about mock exams, was startled by my mention of quitting the academy, as if it were a big deal.

I saw Im Juho’s shoulders stiffen. Our seats weren’t far apart. If he paid attention, he could hear everything we said.

“Instead of the academy, hyung’s tutoring me now. He’s coaching me.”

“Damn, that’s awesome. So that’s why this exam felt easy.”

I raised my voice so Im Juho could hear. To keep the conversation going, I scolded Seokju for no reason.

“And you’re going to a PC bang on a day like today? Are you really not going to college?”

“Who said I’m not going? I’ll go to some random place that accepts anyone. If I don’t, I’ll have to start working at my dad’s factory right away.”

Without fixing his slouched posture, Seokju stuck a pen in one nostril, snorted, and blew it out.

“So study.”

“Can I be honest?”

“What?”

Fumbling for the pen that fell on the desk, Seokju stuck it back in his nostril, frowned deeply, and got candid.

“I don’t know where to start or what to do.”

“…”

“There’s too much to study. It’s a ton. A freaking ton. It’s so much I feel like I can’t do it, and with less than a hundred days left, it’s overwhelming, and I can’t even start.”

So he wasn’t just not studying—he didn’t know where or how to begin, so he just gave up, Seokju said.

“Change academies or get a tutor.”

“They say it’s too late. They won’t take me. They say I’d ruin the vibe.”

With the academies around here, where people even move for the school district, they’d easily reject someone like Seokju.

There were hardly any third-years at our school like Seokju, who had completely given up on college and were slacking off in everything.

At that moment, the front door of the classroom opened, and Heo Kyungmin appeared. A few kids, who had been annoyed by the guys from other classes coming in and out, spotted Heo Kyungmin and quickly lowered their insolently raised eyes.

In our school, the only third-year students who had given up on the college entrance exam were probably Seokju and that Heo Kyungmin.

Heo Kyungmin walked toward Im Juho. Without warning, he kicked the desk where Im Juho’s seatmate was sitting. The guy sitting next to Im Juho didn’t make a sound, swiftly gathered his books and pencil case, and vacated the seat as if it was only natural.

Im Juho looked up at Heo Kyungmin with irritation.

“What’s up, again?”

“I won’t bother you. The exam’s over now, right? Aren’t you done with all your busy stuff?”

“Go back to your own class, will you!”

Im Juho, who had clearly messed up the mock exam, reacted with agitation. Heo Kyungmin, unfazed, patted Im Juho’s head and sat beside him, turning his body toward him. Im Juho pushed at his shoulder to shake him off, but Heo Kyungmin didn’t budge.

“Those damn bastards…”

As if their behavior was distasteful, Seokju snorted, blowing air through the pen stuck in his nostril.

Seokju, noticing my gaze fixed intensely on Heo Kyungmin and Im Juho, added, “Don’t they look pathetic? Clinging to each other right after the exam.”

“…Yeah. It’s so disgusting I can’t even watch.”

I muttered under my breath, almost to myself. Im Juho didn’t seem to hear me. He was busy swatting at Heo Kyungmin’s arm, which was draped around his shoulder.

Anyone could see that Heo Kyungmin liked Im Juho. I wondered if Heo Kyungmin even knew the kind of things Im Juho got up to. I didn’t know how Im Juho had managed to charm Heo Kyungmin, but he’d probably done the same to hyung.

The mere thought of hyung and Im Juho sitting together like that, just like those clingy two, made my blood boil. I wouldn’t let something like that happen again.

“Seokju, wanna do private tutoring with me?”

I asked Seokju loudly on purpose. Im Juho, who’d lost his genius tutor, reacted sharply to the word “tutoring” and turned to look at me.

I had told hyung not to meet Im Juho. I told him I’d offer myself instead if he didn’t see him.

Since the person who’d been teaching him both studies and other things had cut contact, Im Juho must be feeling pretty desperate. Right now, the person Im Juho needed most was my hyung, Kang Joonwon.

“With your hyung? That Kang Joonwon?”

Seokju, slightly surprised, adjusted his sitting posture and asked.

He was asking if I meant the Kang Joonwon, the one whose picture, having won the presidential award twice, hung on the central staircase hallway. Seokju was more serious than ever.

The gazes of the classmates who knew Kang Joonwon was my hyung were filled with envy and awe as they glanced at me.

Though his prestige wasn’t what it used to be, since only underclassmen who hadn’t directly experienced him remained due to the grade difference, hyung’s status at our school was still something of a legend, just below legendary.

Every time I moved up a grade, teachers would ask if I was Kang Joonwon’s younger brother, and it was an annual early-semester ritual to see them place similar expectations on me, only to be disappointed. Having gone through this so many times at the same foundation’s school, it no longer hurt. In fact, if a teacher didn’t acknowledge me, I’d assume they were new to this private foundation and gauge their experience.

When my eyes met Im Juho’s, his face twisted with resentment.

He must be upset because he could no longer get tutoring from hyung or roll around with him.

Fully aware of Im Juho’s gaze, I made a generous offer to Seokju.

“Let’s do it together. If I talk to him, hyung will tutor you.”

“For real? If your hyung agrees to teach me, that means I’ve got a shot, right?”

“That depends on how hard you work. Still, my hyung is amazing at this. He’s a genius in that area.”

I brought up Kang Joonwon, who was exceptional and a genius in that area.

“What if I get criticized for being bad at studying?”

“Don’t worry. My hyung listens to almost everything I say. If I say I don’t like someone, he won’t even meet them.”

“Whoa, damn. This is such a sudden offer, I don’t know what to do, but it’s definitely a win for me, right? Isn’t it?”

“If you just do what my hyung tells you, who knows? You might even get into a Seoul university.”

“If that happens, my dad promised to buy me a car as soon as I get into a four-year university. If that happens! I’d give all my savings to your hyung.”

Seokju was so excited he kept rambling on his own. Im Juho’s back stiffened, unmoving. Feeling smug, I nodded halfheartedly at Seokju’s words.

As soon as school ended, I walked with Seokju to the place where hyung was waiting for me.

A car came into view from a distance, and as the driver’s door opened, hyung appeared.

“That’s your hyung, right?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Looks like he came early to wait for me.”

I spoke as if I’d just noticed him, even though I knew he’d been waiting for me all along.

Seokju ran ahead to greet him. I didn’t quicken my pace and walked slowly toward them.

Hyung’s eyes, which had been looking at Seokju with unease, turned to me.

Hyung wasn’t someone who granted every request I made. He hated anything that disrupted our time alone together the most. He even disliked Ms. Yoon, the manager, coming up to the second floor to offer snacks, so he’d go down himself to pick them up when the time came. Knowing he disliked it, Ms. Yoon stopped coming to the second floor altogether.

“What’s this?”

“This is Seokju. Did you greet him? This is my hyung.”

“I already greeted him earlier. Hello, I’m in the same class as Joonyoung. I know of you, hyung, though you probably don’t know me.”

Seokju said he’d seen the photo displayed on the central staircase and that it was an honor to meet a famous person. He politely extended a hand he’d wiped thoroughly on his thigh. Hyung just stared at Seokju and his outstretched hand with displeasure, not shaking it.

“I want to study with Seokju. I thought it’d be good to get tutoring from you together. Seokju said he’d work hard, right?”

“…”

“Of course. I’ll work really, really hard. Hyung, I’ll do my absolute best.”

Seokju clenched both fists tightly.

It was just a request to tutor a friend, but hyung’s expression wasn’t good. Seokju, who had been excited with anticipation, slowly lowered his clenched fists, reading the room as hyung gave a cold response to someone who supposedly granted his brother’s every wish.

“I want to do it with Seokju. Studying together will be more motivating and helpful than doing it alone.”

“How are you supposed to study together when your progress levels are different?”

“There’s only two of us, so what does it matter?”

“The college entrance exam is, what, a year away? Is now the time to worry about others? How was today’s exam? Did you do well?”

He fired off questions all at once, as if pressing me.

He scolded me, saying to focus on my own problems, not caring that Seokju was standing right there, telling me to stop doing pointless things. He had helped me study, and I did well on today’s mock exam, but the college entrance exam, where a single question could determine pass or fail, was a completely different beast.

“I’m fine. Studying now won’t make a difference anyway. Joonyoung, I’m leaving. I’ll head out first.”

Seokju tactfully backed off.

“No, don’t go. Do it. Seokju, hyung will help you.”

I grabbed Seokju’s arm as he tried to leave. When I held his forearm with both hands, hyung’s eyes twitched as if they were stiffening.

“Hyung, do it.”

“…”

“I’ll work hard too. So please help Seokju study. It’s not that hard, is it?”

Seokju tried to shake off my grip, saying he’d just leave. I insisted he stay and even linked arms with him. I pulled him toward me. Seokju, caught by me, stood awkwardly, waiting for hyung’s decision.

“Fine, let go of his arm and talk.”

Hyung pointed out the way I was holding Seokju’s arm to keep him from escaping, warning me with a look as he kept his eyes on Seokju’s thick forearm.

“I’ll let go if you agree to do it.”

“I’ll do it.”

“…”

As if it were some kind of wordplay, he agreed without a hint of hesitation.

I let go of Seokju’s arm, which I’d been holding tightly.

As if Seokju were some filthy pest, hyung pulled me away from him, putting distance between us.

“You said you’d do it.”

“Thank you.”

Not understanding the situation, Seokju just bowed deeply in gratitude. Hyung’s hand, gripping my wrist, was trembling slightly, as if struggling to handle something. I could feel the faint tremor.

“Get in the car.”

Hyung pointed to the back seat for Seokju. As soon as Seokju got in, hyung roughly turned me toward him.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“You’ve got a good brain, so why not use it for someone who needs it? That guy needs help.”

“What was that just now?”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t, that’s why I’m asking.”

“You linked arms with him like this.”

As if deeply offended, hyung demonstrated by linking his arm with mine, showing what I’d done.

“That’s because you were being so obvious about not liking it, and I was worried Seokju would run off.”

“Don’t do that again. Don’t touch him. Don’t let your skin touch his.”

He said it as if he had to spell out how much he hated it.

“Someone who’s been rolling around with Im Juho has no right to lecture me.”

“Are you really gonna go there?”

“Well, if you say you don’t like it, I won’t do it.”

“I don’t like it. So don’t.”

“Okay.”

I didn’t argue further and agreed readily. The grip that had been holding me like a police escort finally loosened.

“How was the exam?”

“I don’t know. Same as usual.”

I answered with a sulky expression.

“Was it hard? The difficulty didn’t seem higher than last time.”

His expression turned puzzled. He looked at me with eyes that couldn’t comprehend, as if wondering how I’d handle the actual entrance exam if I found this difficult. His face showed clear concern and frustration.

“It was just as hard as last time.”

“…Ha.”

Hyung’s head dropped toward the ground. He let out a sigh as if the earth were caving in, staring at his feet. He brushed back his falling hair, rubbed his face, and even looked up at the sky, sighing again. I didn’t retract my sulky lips, finding his disappointed reaction amusing.

He let out a long breath, as if expelling all the frustrations clogging his chest, and looked at me pitifully.

“What.”

I asked curtly, wondering why he was staring.

“Sorry.”

He apologized to me.

“…What’s that for?”

“It’s my fault. You should be studying, but I kept holding you back. It’s my fault. It’s all because of me.”

His large hand, full of self-blame, rubbed across his face.

“I haven’t graded it yet, so I don’t know if I did well or not. I didn’t do it on purpose so we could do it together.”

“Let’s go. Hurry up and get in.”

I was about to say I did well, but he urged me to hurry, saying we didn’t even have time to waste like this.

I always sat next to him, but hyung deliberately opened the passenger door to designate my seat.

Seokju, sitting in the back, thanked hyung again, but hyung didn’t even give a bland response and just drove.

Though he seemed like an emotionless machine, hyung still meticulously tutored Seokju. He sorted out the subjects Seokju could score well in and set aside the rest entirely. He told Seokju that it might feel tough now, but if he focused solely on high-scoring elective subjects, there was a chance, however slim, giving him either hope or torture. Seokju trusted his words like a religious devotee.

By ten at night, Seokju, studying with us, couldn’t hold out any longer. Though no one was monitoring his curfew, he made a flimsy excuse about getting scolded by his mom if he stayed late and left.

Only after Seokju left did hyung and I grade the mock exam together. The results were much better than the last one. If I improved just a bit more, going to the same university as hyung wasn’t out of reach.

The thought of attending the same university as hyung made my heart race with excitement, but reflecting on our current situation dampened that joy.

He glanced at me silently after finishing the grading.

“It’s fun to tease me, isn’t it? This is what it’s like to drive your tutor up the wall.”

“It was really hard. I just recognized more this time than before.”

He chuckled and patted my head, saying I did well.

Hyung didn’t seem to find it difficult to treat me as a younger brother or in an entirely different way. Right now, his touch was clearly that of someone caring for and proud of their younger sibling. Being praised by hyung made me feel proud.

“But why did you get this wrong?”

He immediately pointed out a few mistakes I’d made carelessly. I made excuses to him like I would to an academy teacher. There were some I didn’t know, but a few were just mistakes.

“When the differentiation is this low, it comes down to a single question. Don’t make these mistakes.”

“…”

“You’re not in a position to worry about others right now.”

“…”

It was a petty act driven by my feelings toward Im Juho, but that wasn’t the only reason.

If I had clung to Ms. Yoon, who was knocking on my door that day, nothing might have happened. We might not have started things like kissing.

If I reduced the times we made eye contact, cut down on opportunities for contact, and kept reducing them, we might stop altogether, and the things we’d done could be buried as if they never happened.

That’s why we should live as brothers who care for and worry about each other, like now. We should live ordinarily and righteously, in our proper places, without desiring what we shouldn’t. I needed to stop my cowardly behavior of passing guilt onto hyung and going along with him.

“I should’ve asked first, but I’m sorry about Seokju.”

“…”

“Seokju messed up this mock exam and was freaking out earlier… I told him I quit the academy and you were tutoring me, and he begged me to ask if you could help him too.”

“…”

I had been the one to offer something Seokju didn’t ask for. Hyung stared at my lying face. His eyes seemed to see through my shallow intentions.

His gaze shifted from me to the problems I’d gotten wrong. He didn’t seem to care about my words, but his eyes were wandering, missing the context.

“So I couldn’t say no.”

“You’ve always been like that.”

“What?”

“You’ve always found it hard to say no.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“…”

“Fine. Since it’s come to this, there’s no helping it.”

He changed the mood, saying he wouldn’t argue further.

“No matter how much I try to fix him, three months isn’t nearly enough to get your friend into a Seoul university.”

“Since we’ve started seriously… if he works hard, maybe it’ll work out.”

“Stop worrying about him. I’ll handle it. Did you know this one, or did you guess?”

He copied a math problem onto a notebook. He pulled my chair, which was half a step away, closer to him. He put his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in close. We looked at the problem together.

“You guessed, didn’t you? This isn’t a problem you could solve.”

“It took too long, so I just guessed.”

“You guessed well, but next time, solve it even if it takes time. These killer questions are what filter people out. Check each undetermined coefficient condition one by one.”

Whether you can solve the toughest problems determines whether you pass. If you’re a student at his school, you’d probably solve these problems easily, unlike me struggling.

I gripped my mechanical pencil and listed the conditions under his supervision. The hyung I found most intimidating was relentless when it came to studying.

The–

Suddenly, the door burst open, and I froze in shock. The pencil lead snapped, and a piece flew up like a needle, hitting my eye.

“Ow!”

“Is Joonyoung’s friend gone?”

Ms. Yoon, who had carelessly opened the door, asked.

“You okay?”

Hyung grabbed my hand, which was rubbing my eyelid, and looked closely at my reddened eye area, asking with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

His hand covered my eye. He gently stroked me and turned to Ms. Yoon.

“What’s wrong? Is Joonyoung hurt?”

“It’s nothing, so please go downstairs.”

“What’s the matter? Are you hurt? Let me see.”

“Auntie.”

“…”

“It’s fine, so please go downstairs.”