LLU 8

Life with my mother in a tiny one-room apartment narrowed my world like a well. Inside it, I had to simply accept whatever was given to me. Even when I couldn’t understand my mother’s choices, her intentions, and the environment that surrounded us.

Why was I born into a single-parent family? Why, no matter how hard my mother worked herself to the bone, did our wretched poverty never improve? Why did my mother give away everything she had so easily to such pathetic men…? The answers to such questions were, in any case, unsolvable problems for me.

Resignation and adaptation were familiar to me, having realized from a very young age that I could neither choose nor change the circumstances I was in. It was faster to just accept all those things and choose to make whatever effort I could, rather than waste time complaining. I didn’t have the energy to question my situation.

That was why it was the first time I had ever questioned someone’s actions so deeply.

Even when I deliberately tried to erase my memories of him and focus only on my studies, it just didn’t work out as I wanted. The g**damn three-syllable name Choi Junghan, along with his face and the smell of his cologne, followed me like an evil spirit. And at the same time, it brought with it countless question marks.

Why?

Why on earth was he doing that to me?

His deceptively friendly-seeming tone and the ‘brotherly relationship’ to be formed in the future that he emphasized to an excessive degree—just thinking of the word ‘brother’ that he spat out so casually gives me goosebumps—and, contradicting all of it, his unfittingly violent behavior.

I had an obligation to find out what meaning and intention all of those things held as they were inflicted upon me. And countless conjectures and fierce deliberation all led to a single answer.

He hated me.

In fact, looking back, it was such an obvious and clear conclusion that it made me laugh in disbelief. There was no need to rack my brain for weeks and take such a difficult detour.

Choi Junghan was someone who already had everything in his hands, including his looks, family background, and abilities. There was no way he would welcome an uninvited guest who would suddenly barge into his smoothly paved path under the paltry name of family. It would have been the same if I were him.

However, it was probably not easy for him to disobey or rebel against his father. Unable to defy his father, he targets the woman’s son. He acts kind and smiles in front of the adults, and torments him behind their backs. To the point where the woman’s son can’t stand it and leaves.

Any other mother would not be able to simply ignore her suffering son’s pleas. No matter how beautiful the future with Chairman Choi may seem, and even if she is carrying his child in her womb, it would not be easy to ignore the pleas of the son she has spent her entire life with.

In the end, the woman who had fearlessly rushed in gives up her union with Chairman Choi for her son’s sake. Whether she gets rid of the child and they go their separate, clean ways, or whether she raises the child on her own and receives a generous amount for child support, Choi Junghan probably wouldn’t care.

That was likely the scenario Choi Junghan had planned. For that purpose, Choi Junghan was tormenting me like this. To make me, sick of and intimidated by him, persuade my mother to sever ties with that family.

Because I was young, because I seemed relatively immature. He must have thought he could break my spirit by using violence and threats.

‘How ridiculous.’

I flicked the ash from my cigarette. The brittle, dry ash scattered futilely and fell beneath my feet.

It was my misstep, as he said, to be swept up by my emotions and recklessly charge in only to be counterattacked, but rashly judging me will remain Choi Junghan’s misstep.

I am not a piece that can be moved at Choi Junghan’s whim. I had not the slightest intention of obediently moving my position on the game board according to his will.

Born as a rich young master, he must have easily obtained whatever he wanted in his life so far. His superior looks and abilities—he was said to be an executive director of that large corporation, whether through a parachute appointment or whatever—and even his family. How many things could there have been in his life that didn’t go his way?

So, everything must have been easy. He must have thought that getting rid of a single, unremarkable brat like me would be no big deal.

A smirk escaped my lips. I s**ked on the cigarette until my cheeks hollowed, then exhaled smoke with a dry laugh. I sneered at him as hard as I could.

I will become Choi Junghan’s flaw and his mistake. Just as much as he made me tremble in humiliation, he too will become enraged at his own mistake. On the game board with him, I will make a move he could never have predicted.

He had succeeded in changing my goal of disappearing from my mother’s life and minding my own business upon entering college.

He wants to make me leave? I will burrow into his family like a rat. I will establish myself as a rightful member of Choi Junghan’s family. And I will help my mother achieve her conquest.

In any case, now that she was carrying a child, it was a situation where only my mother would lose if she backed down here. There was no way my mother, who would be left with nothing after getting rid of the child, could quickly pick herself up and move on. My mother was a very strong person, strong enough to raise me on her own, but at the same time, she was an emotional and weak-willed person who would break down and cry every time she was abandoned by a man.

I’ll make my mother a Cinderella, and I’ll become independent as planned. In any case, if I disappear cleanly from Choi Junghan’s sight, he’ll soon lose interest. The child born between my mother and Chairman Choi would not look good to him either, but surely he wouldn’t be such a pathetic b**t**d as to be wary of a helpless blood clot.

I stepped on the shortened cigarette, grinding it out with my foot. I put my hands, red and frozen from the cold, into my pockets and ambled toward the house.

It was already past midnight. For the sake of managing my condition, I planned to study until exactly two o’clock and then go to bed.

Kim Junwoo

⁝

Month xx, Day xx

The self-study room was so quiet you could hear the rustle, rustle of pages turning. I was double-checking a problem I had just solved when I felt a short vibration.

I took out my phone and saw it was a text from Junwoo. It was the middle of dinner time. Usually, he and I are busy with training and studying at this hour, so we don’t call each other out at a time like this.

Still, the fact that he sent a text at this hour meant something had come up that required us to see each other right away. And that something meant he had been so emotionally worn down that he couldn’t bear it alone. Before I could make any calculations, my fingers moved on their own.

Where should we meet

A short reply came back. I quickly gathered the books and writing utensils I had laid out, stuffed them in my bag, and stood up from my seat. I quietly left the study room and headed for the school gate.

As I got on the bus, I chewed on my lip. He’s such an easygoing guy that he wouldn’t call me out like this over getting hit a few times by the coach. Rather, he was the type to laugh it off and say, “I got hit a little,” only after I asked him what was wrong with his walk.

He’s that kind of guy, so just how badly was he hit…?

As soon as I got off at the bus stop in front of his house, I saw Kim Junwoo’s face, already out waiting. The bench was empty, but he was standing. Knowing full well the reason for that made the fire inside me burn even hotter.

The smile he showed as he said, “You’re here,” was extremely dry. I wanted to retort that he didn’t have to force himself to smile, but I suppressed it and asked in a strained voice.

“Did you get hit?”

“Yeah.”

“That crazy b**t**d. Should I seriously report him? What era does he think he’s living in?”

Kim Junwoo gave a slight smile at my curse. Unlike the forced smile from a moment ago, it was a genuine one.

“What’s so funny? Are you happy?”

Unnecessary anger flared up and I snapped coldly, but his smile only deepened.

“Ah, this is why I call my Oon out.”

“What are you talking about, you punk.”

He casually put an arm around my shoulders. The smell of sweat hit me in a wave, but it wasn’t unpleasant. More than that, his limping walk every time we moved together was extremely grating. In the end, I couldn’t help but spit out another curse.

“What’s the big idea, hitting a kid so he can’t even walk at such an important time, that son of a b**ch. Isn’t that coach a total psycho?”

Kim Junwoo roughly ruffled the back of his hair.

“He said he was disciplining the kids below us, so he deliberately lined up the third-years and hit us, but I got hit really badly. I could feel that he also realized his mistake. But he hit me more to save face, you know? So that’s how it turned out.”

“That crazy b**t**d… I’m definitely going to report him.”

“Forget it. He said he’s best buds with a professor at the university I’m applying to.”

No matter how many times I cursed, my anger wouldn’t subside in the slightest. On the other hand, Kim Junwoo’s sunken mood seemed to have recovered quite a bit. I sighed as I looked at the guy who, to soothe my mood, deliberately let his eyebrows droop and said, ‘Oon-ah, I’m hungry.’

“Let’s buy something to eat and go inside.”

“Okay. I’ll pay since I’m sorry for calling you out when you were studying.”

“Forget it. I’ll pay.”

“What are you talking about, you punk.”

“I got a lot of allowance money.”

I deliberately grinned at him. Kim Junwoo’s eyes instantly widened. Since we knew each other’s situations inside and out, he couldn’t help but be surprised.

“What? What do you mean? From where?”

“I told you last time.”

At my indifferent and unfriendly reply, Kim Junwoo made a dazed “ah” sound. We entered the snack shop right in front of us, and when I asked, ‘What do you want to eat?’, the reply ‘Anything’ came back.

The allowance was from Chairman Choi a few days ago. He said I must be having a hard time studying for the exams and told me to eat lots of delicious food without worrying. It was a large sum of money, unfitting of the words ‘without worrying’.

If it had been before, I would have refused flatly. Because there was no reason to receive something like this from him.

However, I meekly accepted the allowance from Chairman Choi with a ‘Thank you’. It was based on the judgment that graciously accepting the charity he offered would be more helpful to my strategy against Junghan. In fact, Chairman Choi was very pleased to see my attitude of obediently taking the money and bowing my head.

I bought three rolls of gimbap, two servings of tteokbokki, assorted fried food, fish cakes, and even jjolmyeon. The bags I held in both hands were heavy.

Kim Junwoo, who usually rushed in saying he should carry the bags because he was stronger, was making a fuss again today, insisting he would carry them. At my shout for the patient to shut up and just follow quietly, he chuckled.

“Pioon is so assertive today, huh? Buying me food, too. You’re so cool, man.”

“Call me hyung, then.”

I replied indifferently and naturally headed toward Kim Junwoo’s house. Like my house, his was always empty.

“Oon-ie hyung-ah, I’m hungry.”

“…Just shut up. It’s disgusting.”

Goosebumps broke out all over my body. Hyung. Why on earth did I tell him to call me by such a grotesque word? It was a word I often used jokingly with Junwoo, so I must have used it unconsciously without thinking. I cursed at Kim Junwoo, who was giggling and clinging to me while saying ‘hyung-ah, hyung-ah,’ and warned him never to do it again.

“Should I treat you first, or do you want to eat first?”

“Food. I’m freaking hungry. I couldn’t even eat lunch.”

Leaving him groaning, I familiarly took out a small dining table and set it up. When I set out the food, the small two-person table was completely full. Kim Junwoo, who had been sitting awkwardly, grinned foolishly.

“This looks so freaking delicious. I’ll eat well, Oon-ah.”

“Eat a lot.”

“Okay. I’ll treat you next time.”

“Forget it, just eat quickly and get better.”

It goes without saying for Kim Junwoo, being an athlete, but I wasn’t a small eater either. The food, which had seemed like a lot, was quickly gone.

As soon as I had roughly cleared the table, he flopped onto the floor with a languid expression. When I told him to wash up quickly so I could apply the medicine, Kim Junwoo mumbled that it was a bother.

“Ah… I’m sleepy.”

“I can’t apply it if you don’t wash. Hurry up and wash.”

“Can’t you just apply it while I’m sleeping, Oon-ah?”

“Fine. I’m going home, so you sleep all you want.”

When I deliberately threatened him coldly, he finally scrambled to his feet. While he was washing, I took a workbook out of my bag and continued with the problem I was looking at earlier.

I was deeply engrossed and had moved on to the next problem when he came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. Seeing the bruise on his horse-like thick thigh, my expression automatically crumpled.

“Fucking son of a b**ch. Anyway, all those people who hit others for no reason should just die.”

“Wow, Oon’s swearing is extra brutal today. Scary, man.”

“It’s because of you. Lie face down, I’ll put medicine on it.”