LLU 5

Of course, Chairman Choi actively expressed his intention to spare no support, telling me to think of it as him making things comfortable for me. I don’t know if it was because he’d come after getting the wedding rings sized, or if he’d become more unreserved after we had all revealed our intentions to unite. At the dinner of our second meeting, he was particularly vocal about it.

However, it went without saying that I had not the slightest intention of receiving Chairman Choi’s support. One Cinderella was enough, and that was my mother. It wasn’t because I was some remarkably independent and conscientious person. It was simply because, to me, Chairman Choi was a stranger. There was no reason for me to take money from a complete stranger.

And when I thought of his crazy son, it became even clearer that I must not get deeply involved with him.

I remember that on that day, the sickeningly long dining table was filled with all sorts of magnificent dishes, but I can’t for the life of me recall what side dishes I ate with my rice. I just mechanically shoveled rice into my mouth and forced it down.

The three people, excluding me, conversed in a friendly atmosphere. My mother occasionally worried about my increasingly swollen face—and disgustingly, Choi Junghan also put on a look of pity—but the violence I had suffered was wrapped up and concluded as ‘something that can easily happen among boys that age.’

It was after the meal had finished, when we were heading to the living room for refreshments.

‘You’re good at lying.’

In the dining room after everyone had left, Choi Junghan whispered that to me. It was absurd. He acted as if he had pushed me into a problematic situation and was gleefully watching to see what kind of judgment I would make. As if observing a rat in a laboratory.

And of course, the reason I had lied that day was not to cover up Choi Junghan’s violence. Although it was quite impulsive, it was entirely for my mother.

That day, my mother was exactly as Choi Junghan had described her. She looked beautiful and happy, my mother. She was the very picture of a perfect Cinderella, wearing glass slippers that fit perfectly, about to be united with her prince. After seeing that, I couldn’t bring myself to ruthlessly turn my back on her.

‘F**k you.’

As I glared at him and whispered back, he gave a slight shrug and the corners of his mouth curled up.

‘You have a pretty face and a pretty name, but you have no manners.’

It wasn’t clear whether the low voice was tinged with anger or playfulness. But that was all. Unlike before, when he had beaten me like a madman, Choi Junghan stopped dealing with me there.

He gently declined the adults’ invitation to have refreshments with them and left the house again, saying he had only stopped by for a short while to have dinner with us. As my mother watched Choi Junghan leave with a smiling face and a polite farewell, she wore an expression of being overwhelmed with gratitude.

‘Just as I’d heard, Mr. Junghan is so busy. Still, I’m so thankful he came….’

‘Haha, I barely get to see that kid at the company myself. But he tried to make time when he heard you and Ooni were coming, Ms. Jeongin.’

My mother, her face filled with deep emotion, said she was just thankful that things were going more smoothly than she’d expected. Beside her, Chairman Choi smiled contentedly. Beside him, I existed in silence, like an object without a self. And the faint, lingering scent of the perpetrator’s cologne…

That psycho b**t**d.

Sometimes, when I thought of that name, that face, that voice and cologne, and the hand that had ruthlessly grabbed my hair and struck my cheek, a fire would boil up inside me.

Unable to overcome my anger, I even broke several things, like pencils. It was also true that I smoked more than double the number of cigarettes I’d rationed for myself.

But I, no matter what anyone said, endured it well that day.

My mother, upon returning home, showed me the ring, designer bag, and clothes she had received from Chairman Choi and smiled more brightly than anyone. She chattered on excitedly like a child about how much fun their date had been.

In the end, she even took my hand in hers. She said it was so good to have eaten together. That with the four of us gathered like that, it really felt like we had become a family.

Gazing blankly at my mother, who was overcome with happiness, I felt a threadlike emotion begin to bloom. The name of that faint and strange emotion could, perhaps, be called elation.

That by not reacting to the madness and enduring, I had won.

If I had exposed that b**t**d’s behavior right then and there, on the day of the incident, I might have felt a brief moment of liberation. But as I had mulled it over again and again, doing so would have ended our connection with that family right there.

I did not want to let Choi Junghan’s impulsive, crazy act hold my mother’s happiness in the palm of its hand. Unlike me, my mother had a great many things to give and receive with Chairman Choi from now on.

Whether their relationship would continue or be severed was for the two of them to decide. Not by the pathetic little games of some worthless thug.

In any case, we had eaten together twice, so I had done my part. My role was no longer needed for a mother who already seemed happy.

Since I have no reason to go to that house, I won’t run into Choi Junghan anymore. What he did to me was infuriating, but I guess I’ll just have to chalk it up to stepping in something. If I focus on studying for my exams, that kind of dirty memory will gradually fade.

I shook my head to clear the afterimage of that day. I didn’t have the energy to think about such things right now. At this point, the only person I needed to care about was myself.

Thump, thump, thump. The sound of footsteps echoed softly in the alley. It was past twelve o’clock, and the neighborhood was quiet. There were occasional places from which light and noise leaked out, but this alley, where mostly elderly people lived, was usually dead silent at this hour.

An alley of similar-looking houses packed tightly together. The house my mother and I had lived in for a long time was one of these.

It’s not easy to study in a single-room house. Although there was a desk, albeit a cramped one, in a corner, it couldn’t compare to the pleasant environment of school. That’s why I always studied late at school and came home on the last bus.

Taking out my key in front of the house, I glanced at the window. It was still dark inside. Since that dinner at their house, my mother rarely came home on time.

An unnecessary sigh escaped me. As I was about to open the door, a faint rustling sound echoed from somewhere.

I turned around reflexively. From the far end of the alley, where the sound had clearly come from, there was only silence.

But why did it feel as if that silence was artificially created?

‘Is someone there?’

Under the empty streetlight. The entrance to the quiet alley. My gaze gradually slid down to the ground. The shadow that should have been stretching out long if someone was there was nowhere to be seen. …In that case.

Well, I must have misheard. Thinking it was nothing, just as I was about to go inside, the phone in my pocket buzzed. Bzzzz, bzzzz. A name I hadn’t seen in a while was displayed on the screen.

“Yeah.”

—Where are you?

“In front of my house. About to go in.”

—Then let’s see each other for a bit.

The call was unilaterally disconnected after just those words. Ah, what a pain in the a**. I muttered that, but an undisguisable fondness colored the end of my voice. Come to think of it, it’s been over two weeks since we’d seen each other, since we’d both been busy.

I have lived in this neighborhood for a very long time, and so has Kim Junwoo. We grew up running through every nook and cranny of the alley together since we were little kids with snotty noses.

In this neighborhood, which was so poor it was sickening, we attended the same elementary school and graduated from middle school side-by-side. We could no longer attend school together after he went to a high school specializing in athletics, but we saw each other in the neighborhood almost every day until we became third-years and had to focus on studying for our exams.

I wasn’t the type to easily give my time or heart to someone, but Kim Junwoo was an exception. Not only did our personalities match well, but it was also largely because we had spent our childhoods together and knew each other’s circumstances inside and out.

Like me, Kim Junwoo was raised by a single parent. A father and an only son. Perhaps I felt an even greater sense of kinship because our situations were similar, even down to that.

His sport was track and field. He had trained diligently for three years straight, but due to frequent ankle injuries, he ultimately failed to get into college through early admissions. Now, he was aiming for regular admissions and was in the middle of a final spurt to rehabilitate and improve his record.

He must have trained until late tonight and barely caught the last bus. He must want to wash up and go straight to sleep after running around covered in dirt and dust all day. And yet, his suggestion that we see each other made me smile for some reason. Picturing that mischievous face, I felt like the stuffiness that had been blocking my chest lately had cleared up a little.

If I told Kim Junwoo about what happened recently… what would he say?

Thinking of what I had experienced a few days ago, a wave of displeasure surged. My premonition that such a dirty memory would naturally be forgotten if I focused on my studies was half right and half wrong.

My distracting thoughts only disappeared when I was sitting at my desk studying. I had no control over the moments when the memory would suddenly surface in my daily life, like this.

I ambled over to the neighborhood construction site. This place, which had been a construction zone for several years, was progressing so slowly that it was doubtful they ever intended to finish the job. It was a deserted and dark place, so I always smoked here when I craved a cigarette. As a result, my meetings with Kim Junwoo naturally ended up happening here as well.

“Ugh, you chimney. Quit it already. What’s with the cigarettes? They don’t suit your face.”

It was a voice I hadn’t heard in a while. The corners of my mouth, which had been blankly puffing smoke into the air, automatically formed a smile. Revealing himself from the alley behind me, he approached with a playful swagger. Just like a thug.

“What do you mean, a chimney? I only smoke a few a day.”

…Though I have been smoking a lot more recently. There was no need to say that, so I swallowed the words. Still, I didn’t want to give a kid who runs track secondhand smoke, so I stubbed out the cigarette that was more than half-left.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has. Have you been well? The coach didn’t give you any unnecessary s**t today?”

“Yeah. Luckily, it went fine today. Ugh, I ran all day, my whole body just aches.”

Junwoo showed me a grin. He tilted his head slightly to the side and moved his arms to stretch. The sportswear he must have been wearing all day was faintly visible under his thin padded jacket. A faint smell of sweat mixed with the chilly air every time he moved.

“I couldn’t even shower because I was afraid I’d miss the last bus. Do I smell bad?”

“What do you mean, smell bad.”

We sat side by side on a pile of huge pipes that were stacked haphazardly. Kim Junwoo, who had been making friendly eye contact as if to say let’s just see each other for a bit, suddenly hardened his expression.

“Oon. Did something happen to you?”

“What do you mean, something happen? Nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing.”

In one swift motion, he closed the distance between us. Kim Junwoo’s hand shot out unhesitatingly, grabbing my chin and lifting it.

Kim Junwoo’s gaze, which was looking at me with a sharp expression, trembled for an instant. Was the only thing contained in his clearly wavering eyes worry, or.

“Your dark circles are bad. And why have you lost more weight?”

…Was another emotion also stealthily mixed in there?

With a small laugh, I gently took his hand and pulled it away. Kim Junwoo obediently let go. If I defused the situation like this, he was the type to let it go however many times I did.

Was it the second year of middle school, or the third? The time when Kim Junwoo had rashly shown his half-baked feelings.

Of course, I was surprised. But the shock of being confessed to by a friend of the same s** was not severe enough to make me think I could never see Kim Junwoo again.

It was because Kim Junwoo wasn’t the first guy to confess to me. Around that time, I had been confessed to by kids from my school a few times, and it wasn’t limited to just one gender.

But I didn’t want to lose the only friend I had like this. My attachment to this nearly one and only connection, which I could trust and lean on to the very end, was desperate. Fortunately, it was the same for Kim Junwoo. So we agreed to act like it never happened and buried it.

But I sometimes discover a different kind of emotion burning in this kid’s eyes. Just like right now.

It’s already been over 10 years since I became friends with Kim Junwoo. And to maintain my relationship with him, I pretend not to see that look in his eyes every time. The reason I try to protect my friendship with him despite this hassle is that he is incredibly precious to me as a friend. Just because I can’t trust people doesn’t mean I can’t trust anyone.

Besides, Kim Junwoo has never overtly expressed his feelings or made me uncomfortable with physical contact since that confession. That was enough. Once we both go to college, we’ll be too busy burying that incident as if it never happened, introducing each other to our girlfriends, or giving each other dating advice.

“Huh? What is it?”

Kim Junwoo asked again, his brow furrowed deeply. If my cheek had also been swollen, how would he have reacted? He probably wouldn’t have let it go at just this. Of course, I had taken that into account and had not contacted Kim Junwoo during that time.

After a little hesitation, I finally gave him an answer. This was something Kim Junwoo would find out about soon enough anyway.

“My mom… she’s pregnant.”

A dry laugh came out even as I said it. The bombshell that had dropped at the breakfast table a few weekends ago now exploded in Kim Junwoo’s eyes. His jaw dropped, and for a short while, he couldn’t say anything.

“…Is that a joke right now?”

“No. It’s for real.”

“Aunt is pregnant? W-whose kid? How?”

“The chairman of the house she worked at. She says she loves him. She’s going to have the baby.”