LLU 1

“Oon-ah. The truth is, mom… is pregnant.”

On a weekend morning, a nuclear bomb was dropped on the dining table.

Unluckily, it was right at the moment I had lifted a spoonful of freshly boiled, warm kimchi stew. It was the first meal I had received from my mother in months.

Triangle kimbap, ramen, lunch boxes, then cup ramen again. It had been days spent engrossed in studying for my exams, repeating that kind of meal every day. My mother, who had never been very interested in housework to begin with, had completely washed her hands of it after she started working at ‘that house.’

In any case, most of the housework had been my responsibility since I was very young. Setting the table and doing the laundry in place of my mother, who said she didn’t want to work at home after working hard outside all day, was as natural to me as breathing.

I should have realized it when that same mother prepared a breakfast table with warm stew and even a meat side dish, and then began by saying she had something to tell me. The fact that something had started to go wrong. And that my mother, who was hopelessly clumsy at hiding ‘accidents,’ was trying to soften the impact of this nuclear bomb, even just a little, with such a warm meal.

Laughably, my hand went limp like a tragic hero in a drama. The spoon, holding a heaping mouthful of stew, slipped from my grasp with a thud. The crimson broth splattered messily on my pants and the floor.

“Oh dear, how could you spill it like that, no matter what.”

My mother bustled about in an exaggerated manner, bringing a dishcloth to wipe the table and my hand. But her scolding was just words. A stiff voice came out of me automatically towards my mother, who was furtively glancing at me to gauge my reaction.

“What on earth are you talking about. Does that, does that even make sense?”

“I’m sorry… I’m ashamed to face you, but that’s just how things turned out.”

My mother stammered in an intimidated voice.

My temples began to throb. This was truly news that was hard to accept with a sane mind, even for me, who had grown accustomed to my mother’s immature words and actions. Even if my mother was considerably younger than the mothers of my peers, did this make any sense….

Sitting there blankly like an idiot, I mustered up what little reason I had left to its maximum capacity.

“…I understand. It’s okay. It’s okay, so let’s go to the hospital first. Right away tomorrow, I’ll skip school and go with you.”

I spoke in a firm, yet placating tone, looking directly into my mother’s eyes. My mother had a rather emotional and dependent side, so at times like this, it was better to gently soothe her than to get angry or press her.

“…Oon-ah.”

“……?”

“…It’s just that.”

My mother, with a troubled expression, stopped talking for a moment there. What followed was silence.

My mother was hesitating, pleading with her eyes for something. I was soon forced to gape like a fool.

Is my mother, right now… informing me that she will not get rid of the child?

“Of course, I hesitated several times thinking of you, but….”

My mother’s eyes had already turned red. I just stared with a dazed expression at my mother’s face as she dabbed at her tears and pleaded.

“But… as you know, I’m still young. This isn’t something I should say to you, my child, but while raising you, I’ve lived a really lonely life all this time.”

“…….”

“I’m sorry, Oon-ah. At a time when you have so much on your mind….”

My vision went black. No other words would come out.

Is this something a person could say to their grown son who is a test-taker? Has my mother really lost her mind….

To put it nicely, she was immature; to put it badly, she was helpless. That was my mother.

She was a person who was both very strong and very foolish. She got pregnant with me before she was even twenty and had struggled tooth and nail, saying she would raise the baby on her own.

During that time, several men had passed through my mother’s life. Most were unremarkable men, and in her relationships with them, my mother always lost more than she gained.

But pregnancy. A pregnancy. She had never caused such a radical accident until now. It felt like my head was going to split open, but I tried my best to keep my voice calm.

“Who is the baby’s father. Does that person know you’re pregnant? Did he tell you to have the baby? Will he pay for child support?”

“Well….”

My mother, trailing off and bowing her head, was surprisingly blushing faintly at her earlobes.

“Well, you see, it’s the house where I work… the chairman. The baby, of course… the chairman suggested we have it first.”

“…What, did you say?”

“The chairman there… it’s been quite a while since he was widowed. He said we lonely people should try to make it work… actually, we’re already in a somewhat deep relationship.”

My mother continued hesitantly, stealing glances at me.

“He said he would take responsibility for the child. No, to be more honest… he begged me to please have the baby. I… want to have it, too. He’s a trustworthy person.”

It felt as if someone had picked up a giant boulder and thrown it with all their might at my chest. The unexpected impact made it difficult to even breathe deeply, and I could only stare silently at my mother.

Yes, I suppose it’s a relief, if you can call it that, that she didn’t get pregnant with the child of some random drifter she met on the street. But….

No matter how I tried to remain calm, it wasn’t working. The person my mother mentioned was someone with whom we couldn’t even discuss our difference in status.

When my mother first said she would be doing domestic work at ‘that house,’ I had opposed it. No matter how much money they offered, the negative portrayal of the wealthy in dramas couldn’t all be fiction. I was worried my mother would get hurt.

How would people like us, who are like ants, appear in their eyes? It was obvious even to a kid like me what that man was thinking when he made such a proposal to my mother.

However, my immature mother did not stop there.

“As a matter of fact, the chairman… said he wanted to see you. Couldn’t you come with me just once, Oon-ah?”

Tightening my necktie, I glared hard at the boy in the old mirror.

The suit, which had probably been worn by who knows how many people, hung awkwardly on my body. I had made the mistake of borrowing a generous size, thinking something that constricted my body would be uncomfortable.

The sleeves that seemed at least 2 inches too long, the baggy jacket, and as if that wasn’t enough, the necktie I had tied for the first time in my life with a crooked hand.

No matter how I looked at it, the me in the mirror looked like an idiot. I desperately wanted to throw it all off right now, change into a comfortable tracksuit, and dash off to the school’s self-study room.

“As expected of my handsome baby. You looked cool in your school uniform, and now that you’re in a suit, I’m completely smitten.”

Unaware of my feelings, my mother joked as she adjusted my necktie. For a moment, a strange feeling came over me. Had my mother adjusted the tie of that man, Chairman Choi, like this too? I almost flinched my body away but barely managed to hold back.

My mother, also in borrowed but modest formal wear, with pearl earrings and fine makeup, looked incredibly happy. Since my mood was a mess, I didn’t want to ruin her mood as well, so I obediently entrusted myself to the hands that were fixing my necktie.

“All done. Let’s go.”

My mother smiled like a young girl, saying that the car sent by Chairman Choi would be waiting at the entrance to the alley. Come to think of it, how long had it been since I saw my mother smile like that. She seemed like a person from a different world, unlike her usual self who was always worn out with fatigue.

In that moment, I felt a distance from my mother. We had never been a mother and son who could be described as close, but why did my mother, especially today, feel like a stranger rather than the family member who had lived with me?

“Good afternoon.”

As my mother had said, a man in a suit stood in front of our house with a luxury sedan. As the man bowed politely and opened the back door, my mother once again smiled shyly like a young girl. I silently slid myself into the car and tried to guess what that man was thinking as he looked at us.

At a glance, he was staring straight ahead with a blank face. But inwardly, he was probably laughing at us. People going to fix their fortunes by getting involved with a rich family. In his eyes, we would appear as nothing more or less than that.

‘Haa….’

I deliberately cut off the endlessly pessimistic thoughts. I silently closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. It was funny even to me to be discussing ride comfort, since we had never owned a private car in my life, but the car was truly as comfortable as a cloud. So much so that I, who was prone to motion sickness, felt almost no discomfort.

“We have arrived.”

The place where the car stopped was in front of a certain luxurious building. It looked like a high-end Korean restaurant. I hesitated for a moment at this place I was visiting for the first time in my life, then my mother got out of the car with an awkward smile. She seemed to be feigning composure, but her hand, which was gently gripping my wrist, was soaked in sweat.

It was funny that I had vaguely thought we would be going to ‘that house.’ My mother is strictly an employee there. For now. There must be other people working at the mansion, so that man, Chairman Choi, probably couldn’t openly reveal his relationship with my mother from the start.

What on earth does that man think of my mother?

I had no clumsy sense of duty to protect my mother from that person, nor did I have the power to do so. As long as my mother was happy, whether she remarried that chairman or had a baby and raised it was not my place to interfere. Especially in my current position, with one semester left before high school graduation.

I would move out as soon as I graduated. I would only apply to universities that offered dormitories and scholarships. And from then on, my mother would live her life, and I would live mine. That was an immutable law and goal I had set since I was young.

But even so, I thought I had at least the right to know whose child my mother was carrying. If he had really just been toying with my mother for fun, if he was a truly bad person. I would try to stop my mother as much as I could.

Even before seeing his face, my animosity towards the man called Chairman Choi had already ripened considerably. What on earth was that fellow thinking, making such a proposal to my mother. Surely, at his status and age, he wasn’t spouting nonsense about true love.

I had heard from my mother that there was one grown son in that house. He was working at Chairman Choi’s company and preparing to formally inherit the management rights. It was information that I had no reason to be interested in, but my mother explained it softly, in a strangely excited manner.

‘So what do you want me to do about it.’

I desperately wanted to retort to my mother like that. I was holding it in for now, but… if they ever asked me to call that person ‘hyung,’ or to call Chairman Choi ‘Father.’ If they tried to make me do something like that, I didn’t have the confidence to sit back and endure it any longer.

“I will show you inside.”

An employee standing at the restaurant’s entrance smiled brightly and bowed to us. My mother held my wrist firmly and gently pushed me forward.

The curious gazes of the employees fell on me one by one. It was probably because of my dopey-looking clothes. Hiding my face, which was flushing hot behind a nonchalant expression, I silently followed where the employee led.

“I hope you have a pleasant time.”

The employee bowed and withdrew. My mother, who had been following me, hidden behind my back, seemed to have finally gathered her courage and knocked on the door first.

“Come in.”

A soft voice came from inside. At the same time, my mother’s face, which had been filled with obvious tension, brightened a little. I was displeased with my mother being swayed by just a single utterance from a man’s voice. I entered the room without hiding my stiff expression.

“Welcome. Ms. Jeongin.”

The man who had been sitting straightened up with a look of delight. Not only that, but he also stood up from his seat to take my mother’s coat. My mother smiled shyly and bowed her head.

“Chairman, thank you for inviting me to such a nice place.”

“Hey, if you greet me so formally, I’ll be upset.”

The dignified man who greeted my mother with a smiling face looked extremely genteel and kind. With that, my expectation that he would greet us with a vaguely overbearing and condescending attitude was completely shattered.

After welcoming my mother with a tender expression, he then looked my way and gave a generous smile. His gaze was so profound that it was as if he were treating a son.

“I’m sorry. You must have been flustered to be called out so suddenly, right?”

“Not at all.”

I had at least enough sense to be polite, no matter how untrustworthy and disagreeable the fellow in front of me was. I mechanically raised the corners of my mouth and bowed my head to the man before me.

“Don’t feel pressured. Just, think of it casually. I called you because I wanted to have a meal together.”

“Thank you for inviting me along as well.”

Come to think of it, he said that son or whatever was coming today too. I was planning to get a look at the face of whatever moron, at thirty years old, would tag along to a meal with his father, the housekeeper he’s having an affair with, and her family.