ASD 9

“I’m hungry. Want to go to the snack bar?”

It was a few days after he had been dragged away by Heo Yeonggyu’s group and heard about Gijun. Around the time the first period had just ended, Gijun, who had suddenly approached him, asked that question.

For a moment, Gawon couldn’t help but be bewildered. He looked back, then glanced around from side to side. The guy sitting behind him was sleeping, and there was no one else nearby. Gawon blinked and asked back.

“…Are you talking to me right now?”

“Yeah. To you, Yoon Gawon.”

Gijun smiled refreshingly. He said that while looking straight into Gawon’s eyes, without even glancing at the name tag on his chest again. For some reason, a lurching feeling arose at the fact that he remembered his name.

“…Why?”

“I’m hungry and want to eat some bread.”

“No, I mean, why do you want to go with me?”

“Because I want to go with you. Huh? Please come with me.”

Watching Gijun grin and rub his stomach for show, Gawon unconsciously thought of a large dog. The kind of dog that begs its owner with its whole body to go for a walk.

“I’m good, so go with the other kids.”

However, Gawon coldly shook his head. Putting aside the reason why Gijun was acting this way toward him, he didn’t want to get involved with him any further.

The mere word “gangster” made Gawon want to vomit. There was no reason for him to do all sorts of trivial things with Gijun, who was deeply entangled in that world.

It was hard to see that side of Gijun now, but someday, he would see it in Gijun’s eyes, his way of speaking, his actions. The image of those people he despised so much.

It was better to keep his distance now than to be disappointed and get hurt alone then. He didn’t want to experience again the feelings he had felt countless times watching the backs of the kids who had approached him rashly, only to turn away soon after. Things like bitter regret or self-loathing toward his foolish self who had easily given his heart to anyone.

“I’m really hungry… I want to go to the snack bar.”

“…”

“I want to eat bread… I want to drink chocolate milk…”

However, as he had felt before, Gijun was quite persistent. He repeated himself as if those were the only words he knew how to say, rubbing his stomach with a pitiful expression.

One by one, the gazes of their classmates began to land on them. The tips of Gawon’s ears turned red. What on earth is he doing? If he had his way, he would have wanted to snap at him like that, but he didn’t want to provide any more of a spectacle for the other kids. He was already enough of an object of their amusement, thanks to Heo Yeonggyu’s group.

Finally, Gawon shot up from his seat and spat out in a small voice, glaring at Gijun.

“Follow me.”

Gawon took the lead and walked out the back door of the classroom. Unfortunately, as soon as he stepped into the hallway, he ran into Heo Yeonggyu’s group, but when they saw Gijun trailing behind him, they passed by without reacting to Gawon at all. If Gijun hadn’t been there, they would have definitely picked a fight one way or another.

Gijun, who was following closely, placed a hand on Gawon’s shoulder. Gawon, who had reflexively tried to push Gijun’s hand away, looked puzzled.

“Why are you laughing?”

“No, it’s what you said just now.”

Gijun, with his arm gently around his shoulder, kept chuckling as if something was incredibly funny.

“You were super charismatic to me and said, ‘Follow me.’ That was cool.”

“…Are you making fun of me right now?”

“I’m not making fun of you, really.”

A surge of emotion welled up. Gawon forcefully removed the arm that had been wrapped around him, then stood up straight and glared at him.

“Why are you doing this to me? Why are you being so annoying?”

“Huh?”

“You saw… what was happening to me back then. Nothing good will come to you from hanging out with me like this. If you’re friendly with me, the other kids will bully you too, so act accordingly.”

Gawon snapped at him in a voice that sounded harsh even to his own ears. He thought this would be enough for him to get the message and back off. Separate from the fact that this kid was involved with gangsters, Gawon had not forgotten the kindnesses he had shown him.

That was all the more reason why he didn’t want to get involved with this kid. He didn’t want Gijun to get hurt, just like the other kids who had been subjected to vicious bullying alongside him, just for offering him a small helping hand.

“Wow, do I have to worry about all that just to go eat a piece of bread together?”

But the answer he got back was utterly futile. Seeing Gijun’s face as he raised his eyebrows, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Gawon felt a surge of anger.

“Do you really not listen to what people—!”

“I get it, Gawon.”

Gijun’s voice, as he called his name like that, was excessively gentle. Gawon’s venomous momentum was broken in an instant.

“I’ll act accordingly, all on my own. That’s good enough, right?”

“…”

“Now you can go eat bread with me, right?”

He said it nonchalantly and then, asking “Huh?”, playfully tilted his head and brought his face close. Gijun’s face was so close that Gawon inadvertently pushed it away with his palm. He could feel the handsome curve of his lips pressing against his palm. Ha ha, a refreshing laugh burst out.

“Let’s go, hurry.”

It was a voice so wonderful it could make even another man’s heart pound. Whether it was his face, his voice, or anything else, Gawon just couldn’t understand why this guy who excelled at everything was acting this way, even while getting harsh words from him.

The arm he had tried so hard to push away had somehow stealthily found its way back onto his shoulder. The arm touching his was hot. The faint scent of fabric softener wafted over and familiarly entered his nose. A sharp jawline and a thick Adam’s apple caught in his peripheral vision. At the unfamiliar feeling of his heart fluttering and lurching, Gawon whipped his head away.

“What do you want to eat?”

Gijun, who had finally detached himself as they reached the snack bar, asked. After a moment of hesitation, Gawon shook his head.

“…I’m good.”

“Why? Let’s eat together. It’s awkward to eat alone.”

“I didn’t bring any money.”

“I’ll pay. Hurry. Hurry, hurry.”

Gijun urged him on, gesturing toward the counter with his chin. Seeing the boys swarming like a school of piranhas, Gawon, feeling rushed as well, blurted out whatever came to mind.

“Chocolate milk.”

“Two? Three?”

“…Huh? One, of course.”

“Okay.”

Gawon was flustered. Don’t people usually just have one? What was with him asking if he wanted two or three? Gawon stood there with a puzzled look for a moment, and then his mouth fell open blankly when he saw what was in Gijun’s hands when he returned.

“…Are you going to share with the other kids?”

“Nope. Why would I?”

In Gijun’s hands were three chocolate milks and four bread rolls. He was curious why on earth he had bought so much if he wasn’t going to share, but that question was soon resolved on the way back to the classroom.

Gijun… devoured all of it like some kind of alligator. He had forcefully handed Gawon one bread roll and one milk, saying he was fine and that one milk was enough to fill him up, and the rest—that is, two chocolate milks and three bread rolls—were stored away into the kid’s stomach as smoothly as flowing water.

It’s not like he ate greedily like a pig, either. With a manner that adults would likely describe as hearty, Gijun ate and drank neatly.

Gawon couldn’t help but watch the process, mesmerized. It automatically brought to mind the eating shows he sometimes watched on YouTube when he was hungry.

“…You… eat really well.”

He couldn’t help but say such a thing without realizing it. Gijun, who had pushed the last bread roll into his mouth and swallowed it with a gulp, dusted off his hands and smiled slightly.

“Right? I hear that a lot.”

“Aren’t… aren’t you full?”

“Just took the edge off my hunger.”

Hearing the natural reply, Gawon couldn’t hide his surprised face. If he ate that much, he would probably be full until dinner. Although he couldn’t eat much to begin with… In any case, Gijun was definitely not on the level of an average boy.

They were right outside the classroom. Gawon’s slightly hesitant steps came to a complete stop. Just then, a large hand gently gripped Gawon’s forearm.

“Gawon.”

A scalding heat enveloped his arm. Gawon stopped and quietly looked up at Gijun. Those eyes, which he had felt were forged through layers of enduring countless things, were staring straight at Gawon.

“Let’s have lunch together later.”

His hand was unusually hot, but there was a sensation in Gijun’s touch that was even more intense than the temperature, apart from it. Like a carving knife etching a mark into the grain of wood. He didn’t know why he felt so strange every time his body touched this kid’s.

…No, actually, he thought he knew. It was because Gijun had called his name, a name that no one had ever called so affectionately before.

Because his voice, tinged with playfulness yet gentle, along with his intense and wild body heat, had shaken him to his core. Because it had completely messed up the equilibrium of his heart, which he had achieved by letting go of all expectations for the world.

‘I’ll act accordingly, all on my own. That’s good enough, right?’

If Gijun, who had smiled so refreshingly as he said that, had approached him with the intention of deceiving or teasing him, then he was a truly terrible person. He was a worse piece of trash, more despicable than anyone else in this class. If that were truly the case, Gijun should not have said such things with those eyes and that voice.

But, if by some one in a million chance, Gijun hadn’t approached him to mock and trample on him. If this was really… his true intention.

Then all the more reason, he shouldn’t be allowed to ‘act accordingly on his own.’

“No, thanks. …I always eat alone.”

Gawon, who had clearly refused while looking straight into Gijun’s eyes, left the kid behind and slowly entered the classroom. He returned to his seat, placed his book on the desk, and flopped down on top of it.

His heart was beating strangely fast. It was an unpleasantly unfamiliar feeling. It was all because of that kid’s body heat that had recklessly invaded him. Because of the mark left behind by the hot carving knife.