ASD 4

Gawon stood in front of the kettle, rubbing his frigidly numb hands together. If he forgot to boil water, there would be no water to drink in the evening, and he would have to spend precious money on bottled water.

His head felt groggy, having studied late for the first time in a while and then gone to sleep. Yesterday, while browsing a used market app, he had managed to get a few workbooks that had only been filled out in the front pages for free. He was lucky.

Fortunately, he got new textbooks too. When he went to the faculty office and showed his homeroom teacher the textbooks that had been soaked in the milk bomb, the teacher pulled out spare textbooks without a word.

Since he had been his homeroom teacher in the first year as well, he must have known at once that it was Heo Yeonggyu’s doing. The process of dryly exchanging textbooks without any request for help or questioning was laughable. He felt contempt for the teacher, who was not acting like one, but that was all.

Gawon didn’t expect anything from anyone. He didn’t trust anyone, nor did he confide his troubles. That was something one did only when there was even a sliver of hope that the situation would improve.

Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Gawon went into the bathroom. He shivered as he washed his face in front of the sink, from which hot and cold water came out in a dizzying alternation. The bathroom, which received no heating at all, was truly cold, so he had to steel himself before going in to wash his body.

Two palm-sized rooms, a small attached kitchen, and one bathroom. There was no yard or living room. It was the scene inside Gawon’s house, visible immediately upon opening one of the doors clustered together on the alleyway. This house, with its leaky spots from rainwater and musty mold, was where Gawon had lived with his mother since he was born.

He came out of the bathroom and put on the uniform he had ironed yesterday. Since one set was soaking… he had to remember to do the laundry after he got back today. As he was packing his backpack with such calculations in his head, the door burst open. Beyond the crack in the door, he could see the black van that had dropped his mother off leaving the alley.

“Agh, f**k… My head hurts.”

An irritable voice muttered in a low tone. The strong smell of perfume instantly enveloped the surroundings. His mother, who had stumbled in, kicked off one of her high heels. The heel was so sharp and high that it made the onlooker’s heart feel precarious.

Each time his mother moved, the dress that clung tightly to her body rode up a little. The cheap fur coat she wore over it reeked of cigarette smoke.

Gawon quickly approached and supported his mother, who could barely hold herself up. As if she had been waiting, his mother leaned against him and relaxed her body. His mother, limp as a waterlogged cotton ball, was absurdly light, and that made her feel even more empty.

“Just a little… try to steady yourself. You still need to take off your other shoe…”

Before he could finish his sentence, his mother’s throat bobbed roughly, her face twisted in a harsh frown. For a moment, Gawon understood the situation, but he couldn’t just drop his mother on the floor, so he held on.

In the end, Gawon had to take the full force of the vomit on his body. He tried to take her to the bathroom, but his mother shook her head in distress. Gawon couldn’t fully know what was in his mother’s heart as she had forced all that down the previous night. That’s why he could only silently pat his mother’s back to help her.

After wiping his mother’s completely limp body with a w** towel, changing her clothes, and laying her down, and then cleaning up the entire mess, his whole body was soaked in sweat. He had already taken off the soiled uniform.

Fortunately, he had started getting ready early, so if he left now, he would avoid being late, but he had no uniform to wear right now. Gawon bit his lip and paced anxiously. Of all things, his gym clothes too… Heo Yeonggyu had soaked them in mop water yesterday, and both sets of his uniform were unwearable.

At times like this, he felt so choked with anger that he just wanted to sit down and cry. Should I just skip school? After contemplating, Gawon had no choice but to pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It seemed better to go to school and at least try to explain the situation than to be absent altogether.

His footsteps on the way to school were heavy. The day had barely begun, but it felt as if he had already exhausted all his energy. Plod, plod. The sound of his footsteps echoing in the quiet alley was pathetic and shabby.

As he entered the main street, he saw kids wearing the same school uniform. Among them, familiar faces glanced at Gawon with quizzical looks. Gawon kept his head down and silently quickened his pace. If he was going to get in trouble for his attire anyway, he wanted to at least avoid being late.

At that moment, a low voice from behind said, “Hey.”

‘…It’s not Heo Yeonggyu.’

The kids who bullied him didn’t care about the time or place, so it was common for him to be picked on on his way to school. However, it was a little surprising that the owner of the voice wasn’t Heo Yeonggyu or his cronies.

The voice was strangely familiar, but Gawon pretended not to hear and quickened his steps. Then, a hand was placed on his shoulder. With a reluctant heart, Gawon turned his head and his eyes widened.

…The transfer student?

“Hi.”

It was the first time. The first time he had seen the transfer student this close. He was so tall that it felt like standing next to a telephone pole. Gijun, who greeted him casually as if they had known each other all along, tilted his head slightly and asked.

“By the way, why are you wearing civilian clothes?”

“…I don’t have a uniform.”

He ended up answering in his bewilderment. “Is that so?” Gijun asked nonchalantly, and then suddenly pulled down the zipper of the gym tracksuit top he was wearing. Zzzip.

When he took off the tracksuit top, the white short-sleeved t-shirt he was wearing underneath became visible. The scent of the transfer student’s body that wafted over was, unlike the nauseating smells of the other kids, mixed with the scent of laundry detergent and was fragrant and sweet. In an instant, Gijun, now clad in gym tracksuit bottoms and a white t-shirt, surprisingly handed the top he had taken off to Gawon.

Gawon blinked silently. He couldn’t figure out what this kid was doing.

“…What is this?”

“Wear it.”

“…Why?”

“Can’t you see? The dean of students is standing over there.”

Gijun gestured with his chin toward the front of the school gate. He held out the tracksuit top once more as if to urge him, but Gawon couldn’t readily accept it and just looked up at Gijun.

“But why… are you giving me yours?”

The school rule was to wear the uniform to school, but they were generally lenient about gym clothes. If he went in wearing just the tracksuit top, he would of course get scolded, but it would be much better than wearing civilian clothes from top to bottom.

He wasn’t asking because he didn’t know that. He was curious about why on earth Gijun was helping him. If Gijun went in wearing only the tracksuit bottoms, he would also get an earful from the dean.

He was confused. Why would he readily take off his own clothes and give them to him? Was this also a new form of bullying…? If I accept this and wear it, what kind of pretext and excuse will he use to bully me next? Unpleasant memories he had suppressed resurfaced.

It was right after he entered high school and was targeted by Heo Yeonggyu and the bullying began. When he told the homeroom teacher the truth and asked to open a school violence committee, but it was all dismissed as nothing, there was a kid who had approached him like a savior and extended a hand.

That kid was also in the same class. He ate with Gawon, who always ate lunch alone, and stopped Heo Yeonggyu when he tried to bully him. So he thought he was a good person. It felt like he could finally breathe a little in his painful school life. However….

‘Were you fooled? You idiot.’

‘Heh heh, stupid b**t**d. Did you see his touched face as he followed me around?’

When he saw that kid one day, sitting with Heo Yeonggyu’s group and laughing as they made fun of him, Gawon cursed himself instead of the kid. Cursed himself for being so stupidly deceived and considering a guy like that a friend. Cursed himself for just happily and greedily accepting any affection poured on him like a thirsty plant.

The confusion slowly cleared. With a much colder heart, Gawon looked at Gijun standing before him. Just hit me instead. Tease me with vulgar words like the other kids. I won’t be fooled anymore. I don’t want anything from you. He repeated that to himself.

Perhaps not expecting Gawon to react this way, Gijun just looked at Gawon silently. But that, too, was brief; he suddenly thrust the tracksuit top into Gawon’s arms. With that same playful smile.

“Just so you don’t get chewed out by the dean.”

“……”

So why do you care about that? He was about to ask. But the moment he saw kids checking the time on their phones and running in groups, Gawon also snapped to his senses.

“We’re going to be late. Let’s go in for now.”

He gestured toward the school gate very naturally. After a moment of hesitation, Gawon accepted the tracksuit. He didn’t know what kind of trick this was, but for now, he had to avoid being late.

Quickening his pace, he put on the tracksuit top. He shoved his arms into the endlessly long sleeves, but his hands wouldn’t come out. His cheeks flushed hot at his appearance, like a little kid who had stolen an adult’s clothes. After finally pulling his hands out of the sleeves and zipping it up to his neck, the fragrant smell of laundry detergent sweetly enveloped his entire body.

“Well, well. Where’d you two sell your uniforms? One of you is wearing only the top of the tracksuit, and the other is wearing only the bottoms? Hey punk, did you come to school to, what, play?”

“Sowwy!”

The dean looked back and forth between Gawon and Gijun with a displeased expression, then made a motion of lightly hitting Gijun’s shoulder with the pointer he was holding. Gijun hunched his shoulders and gave a mischievous smile.

“Both of you, wear your clothes properly. You, punk, what’s with the jeans, you brat.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Hurry up and get inside. I’ll let it slide just for today.”

Passing safely through the school gate, Gawon quietly let out a sigh of relief. If he had come wearing civilian clothes from top to bottom, he would have been scolded more severely and had his name written down.

Even if this was a ploy to screw him over later… for now, he felt grateful. Gawon gathered his courage and lifted his gaze. The moment he stole a glance at Gijun, their eyes met.

“Let’s go.”

Gijun grinned and raised the corners of his mouth slyly. Looking at his refreshing smile, Gawon momentarily thought that this kid was more handsome than anyone he knew. It was a calm and objective observation, not mixed with any admiration.