ASD 18

Gawon’s eyes flew open at the rattling sound of the door.

It seemed his mother was leaving for work. The clacking of her high heels, the sound of the van door closing, and the car driving away were as vivid as if he were hearing them right beside him. The wall, with its poor soundproofing, let in everything happening in the alley without filtering it.

He must have dozed off for a bit while lying down earlier. It was rare for him to take a nap, so Gawon was quite perplexed.

‘…What time is it.’

Gawon rubbed his sleepy eyes and fumbled around for his phone. The room was already dark, so it wasn’t easy. In the end, he had to get up and turn on the light to see his phone, which he had tossed some distance away.

The moment he turned on the light, the memories that had been fragmented in his subconscious were quickly pieced back together. Gijun’s words as he smiled slyly at the school gate. His own hand, trembling terribly even as he slapped Gijun’s cheek. The anxious and sorrowful steps he had taken as he ran the whole way, constantly muttering that he was sick of it all, that he wished everyone would just disappear.

As soon as he got home, Gijun had called, so he had immediately rejected the call. Then he had put his phone on silent and tossed it aside somewhere.

Gawon gazed for a moment at his mother’s face as she slept as if dead, then quietly went into the bathroom to shower. He stood for a long time under the stream of water that was fickle, turning from hot to cold.

He had nowhere to put his hurt feelings. The anger and sorrow trapped in his chest ran wild, and he didn’t know what to do. He would have rather just screamed his head off at something.

But that was always just a fantasy. After finishing his shower, Gawon quietly curled up in a corner of the room and lay down.

He thought drying his hair might wake his mother, so he chose to pull a thick blanket over his head with his hair still w**. His weary body and mind flickered weakly like a candle in the wind before soundlessly extinguishing at some point.

And, when he opened his eyes, it was already late evening.

Being upset was one thing, but he had to get his studying for the day done. He had never harbored the absurd dream of ranking at the top of the school without even attending a single private academy, but he had to at least be in the middle. That was the only way he could break the chain of this d**n poverty and escape the damp, sticky back alley.

He sluggishly picked up his clothes, got dressed, and put on his backpack. He was thinking of going to school now to study for a bit before coming back. Lastly, Gawon picked up his phone, and upon casually lighting up the screen, his eyes widened.

“……?”

He saw that he had received several messages from Gijun. One missed call, and several messages. He had even sent him a chat message. The call was one he had made again right after being rejected earlier, and that was the last of it.

With surprised eyes, Gawon checked the chat room first. And in that moment, he couldn’t help but freeze. His heart dropped to the very pit of his stomach.

Gijun

[I absolutely absolutely did not mean it like that.]

Gijun

[It was my cat’s name. Really]

The attached picture was a conversation with someone. A girl’s message, cutely pleading to see his cat, and Gijun’s indifferent, short replies, unlike how he treated Gawon, proved it.

That he had misunderstood.

‘…It was… his cat’s name.’

His ears grew hot, as if someone had set them on fire. The heat, which instantly spread to his temples and forehead, traveled down his face to his neck.

Gawon bit his lip, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t bear to keep looking at the screen, so he turned it off and sank to the floor. Squatting down, he rubbed his dry face with his palms over and over. He felt like he was going to die of embarrassment.

He remembered Gijun’s bright face, smiling from ear to ear as he suggested they go to his house. And his face when, even after being slapped out of the blue, he hadn’t cursed or gotten angry, but had calmly held onto him and asked questions. And his firm voice, saying he would apologize if he had made a mistake.

His chest was in turmoil. He was ashamed of making a scene all by himself, and he felt so sorry to Gijun that he had no idea what to do. With a trembling hand, Gawon picked up the phone he had set on the floor.

How should he apologize? He must be really angry. Would he even accept his apology? He probably wouldn’t try to be friendly with him anymore. No, he would be lucky if he didn’t start bullying him.

But that was for later. Right now, he had to call him. He had to apologize first, even if he got yelled at. Steeling his resolve, he turned on the phone screen again. Before making the call, he saw the accumulated messages this time and checked those first.

Gawon’s eyes were now filled with horror.

Gijun

[Can you come out and talk? I’ll wait. I’m in front of your house right now.]

His mouth fell open on its own. Gawon hurriedly checked the time the message was sent. He had gotten home around 5:30, and it was now 8:30, so….

He felt dizzy. It was as if he had been hit in the head for a second time. Gawon threw down everything he was holding, backpack and all, turned the doorknob, and opened the door. Even as he rushed outside like a madman, he thought, no way.

It couldn’t be. There was no reason for Gijun to stand there idly for hours waiting for him. He shouldn’t. Who was he to deserve that? Who was he, who had misunderstood him, sworn at him, and even slapped him?

No, no. There was no way Gijun was here. He must have just sent that message on a whim. There was no way a boy who had been so unfairly misunderstood, hit, and sworn at would follow him all the way here and wait until this hour, no matter what.

No way. No way.

The words he had muttered over and over scattered in his throat in a single breath.

“…Gi, Gijun.”

Gawon’s parched voice echoed softly.

About ten meters ahead, Gijun, leaning against a low stone wall, was dressed exactly as he had been when they left school. The hoodie he wore over his uniform and the backpack on his back were unchanged. Just as he had said in his message, he had really waited for him. Like a fool.

“…You, why… are you here?”

Gawon barely managed to squeeze out his choked voice. For some reason, he felt like crying. As he gazed at Gijun’s face, standing blankly under the streetlight, an emotion he couldn’t explain boiled up inside him.

“I said I’d wait.”

In the darkness that filled the alley, Gijun’s voice resonated. The boy’s voice, which held the same weight and texture as always, like warm wood grain.

“But why…!”

He knew all too well that he was in no position to be angry right now. He had to apologize first. He was sorry for misunderstanding earlier. Sorry for hitting and swearing at him so carelessly. But still, his nerves were on edge and his voice grew sharp.

“Are you an idiot? Who told you to follow me? Who told you to wait!”

“……”

“Why… when you can’t even get in touch with me, are you standing here waiting? Why!”

His voice trembled with emotion. He couldn’t control the surging feelings any longer and lashed out at Gijun. He felt like if he didn’t throw this pathetic tantrum, he would truly fall apart. He had already shown Gijun his absolute worst. There was no more disgraceful behavior left to show.

He couldn’t understand it. Who was he? He couldn’t figure out why this boy was going this far for someone like him. The unprecedented situation threw Gawon into deep confusion.

He was dumbfounded by the actions of this boy who had waited all evening for him, when he hadn’t even read his messages. He was angry at this boy for following him home without permission and waiting for him, when he had never wanted to show him a crappy house like this.

If he was unfairly misunderstood and hit, he should have returned the insult. It would only be right to condemn him for not appreciating the kindness he had been shown so far, but Gijun didn’t do that, and Gawon just couldn’t understand him at all…….

Gijun slowly raised his hand and scratched the back of his head. A deep dimple appeared on his face as he smiled sheepishly.

“…I’m sorry for following you without permission. But, after you left like that, I just couldn’t let you go…”

“……”

“I wanted to clear up the misunderstanding quickly, so I followed you without thinking. I’m sorry.”

One step, one step. Gijun, who had been leaning against the wall, moved his feet and came closer. Gawon unconsciously took a step back.

He was scared and running away. Without even knowing what he was running from. This strangely steadfast and gentle boy approaching him step by step, he was afraid of him. To Gawon, it was a completely unfamiliar world.

“…Are you okay?”

But Gijun closed the distance Gawon had created by backing away. No, he gladly closed it. The boy had no hesitation. As if he knew the secret, true feelings of Gawon, who was backing away in fear.

Before he knew it, Gijun was right in front of him. Gawon froze in place, unable to flee any further. From a distance where he could reach if he stretched out his arm, Gijun extended his hand. Then, he carefully, carefully stroked Gawon’s hair.

Like the snowflakes that had adorned the March sky on the day he first saw him, Gijun’s touch landed gently on his hair. Gijun’s warmth gradually seeped in. Little by little, warmly.