ASD 13

A few things Gijun learned from following Yoon Gawon around.

First, Yoon Gawon is a light eater.

Whether it’s eating a snack in the morning, having lunch in the cafeteria, or when he pesters him into going to a snack bar for tteokbokki after school. Gawon eats very little.

When asked why he eats so little, he replies, “Because I’m full.” Then he asks Gijun in return, “How can you eat so much?” while staring intently with eyes that genuinely find it fascinating.

Gijun liked the way Gawon’s face looked as he stared at him in wonder. So much so that just looking at him would make a laugh burst out, causing him to smile like a fool without realizing it.

“What’s your favorite food?”

“Um…”

If someone asked him that, Gijun could list a hundred things without hesitation. But Gawon pondered that simple question for quite a long time.

“…I don’t really know. I just… I just eat whatever.”

That was the only answer he got. Gijun was at a loss. That won’t do. If I knew what he liked, I was going to try to coax him into going to eat it. Gijun, who had been racking his brain for a brief moment, didn’t give up and asked again with a beaming smile.

“Then how about you choose? Korean food, Western food.”

“…Uh… …Wes…tern food?”

The tone of his answer sounded somehow completely lacking in confidence. But that alone was enough to make Gijun’s eyes gleam.

“Pasta? Pizza?”

“…I like them both.”

“Okay. Then Japanese food, Western food?”

“I… don’t really know.”

Every time he asked a question, Gawon seemed to be at a loss. The sharp and aloof tone Gijun had associated with him gradually lost its power.

He wasn’t sure why Gawon was so dejected when he was just asking about his simple food preferences, but he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so he decided to stop at a reasonable point. He could get to know his tastes gradually by having him try this and that in the future. The thought made Gijun even more cheerful.

Second.

Yoon Gawon is not at all like other guys.

The guys Gijun knew all smelled of sweat, had thick and hard bodies, and spoke roughly. But Yoon Gawon didn’t fit any of the three.

Far from smelling of sweat, he smelled of soft laundry detergent, and his body was delicate and soft like a girl’s. He had once been so startled when he grabbed Gawon’s arm that he had let go. Because it was so thin and so… pliable.

He’s like a soap doll that smells nice. Like he would crumble right away if you touched him even a little too hard. Because of that, he naturally started to be more careful in his actions around Gawon. For example, rough things like slinging an arm around someone’s shoulders or putting them in a headlock, which he did to other guys out of habit.

His voice is also soft and slender. His way of speaking… it seems like there are times when he’s trying to speak sharply on purpose, but to Gijun, it still didn’t feel genuine.

Third.

Yoon Gawon laughs more than you’d think.

Usually, that kid walked around with his eyes tensed up. At a glance, his expressionless face felt cold and chilly.

It wasn’t a bluff to look tough like other guys. Rather, it looked like a defense. Sonny, the kitten from his stray days who had been abandoned by his mother and was wandering the streets alone, had the exact same look in his eyes.

But if you stuck by his side and persistently pestered him, there were moments, unexpected even to Gijun, when the tension would suddenly release from his sharply narrowed eyes. And then, he would hold just a very faint smile. Like a small, secret rainbow appearing over a pond.

Gijun loved the moments when he discovered that small, brilliantly colored spectrum. So he would bring up this and that, amusingly stringing together words that might make him laugh. The night before, before falling asleep, he would even worry about what stories he would tell the next day.

Racking his brain for funny things to say just to see the smiling face of a guy who had the same parts as him was something he had never done in his entire life.

Finally, Yoon Gawon is…

…pretty.

He thought he sounded like a crazy person himself. Calling a boy pretty. Thanks to Yoon Gawon, Gijun fell into deep contemplation for the first time in his life. His own sexual identity, which he had never once doubted in his 18 years of life, was about to be shaken to its very roots.

But anyone who saw Yoon Gawon would have no choice but to feel the same. Yoon Gawon was, truly, pretty in a way that boys weren’t. No, he was much prettier than the girls who had confessed to Gijun. Even though they were all girls rumored to be the prettiest in school, or in the area.

Long, almond-shaped, and demure eyes. Eyelids that looked endlessly thin and delicate, and eyelashes that were long like a child’s and curved beautifully like a crescent moon. A nose with a slightly rounded tip but a high, straight bridge. Slightly thin lips, moist as if they were soaked in red water.

His skin looked as white and soft as fluffy cotton. His hair was black as if it had never been dyed. His neatly cut hair, styled without any flair, was plain, but for that very reason, it gave off an even more bewitching feeling.

And, the nape of his neck. The white, slender… that rose above his uniform collar.

The line from behind his ear to his neck was so white it looked pale. If you let your gaze slide just a little from his beautifully sculpted ears, the line of his neck, looking as vulnerable as a young animal’s, would suddenly steal your attention.

It was breathtakingly precarious, and thus even more coquettish. Every time he saw the line of that kid’s neck, which moved with a strange sensuality like a dancer’s, Gijun felt a burning thirst for no reason. His own thick Adam’s apple, already fully mature like a young man’s, would quiver uncontrollably and he would swallow dryly whenever he stood in front of Gawon.

Thrown bare-bodied before such a strange sensation, Gijun chose to explore rather than be flustered. He wanted to know the reason for the confusion he was experiencing. He wanted to know the name of the emotion, like a gentle wave, that was slowly covering him. And, he wanted to know more about Yoon Gawon.

However, that kid did not easily let him get close.

“No.”

When he offered to walk him home, Yoon Gawon shook his head without hesitation. He asked why not, but the only thing that came back was the chilly reply, “I don’t bring anyone home.”

“Did I ask you to make me ramen or something? I’m just saying I’ll walk you to your front door.”

“I said no, didn’t I?”

He tried pestering him with a sly grin, but on this matter, it didn’t work at all. Gijun secretly pouted but kept it to himself.

Just when he thinks they’re smoothly getting closer, Gawon is suddenly a step away. If he coaxes the kid and takes two more steps closer, this time Gawon shoves his chest with the palm of his hand. Yoon Gawon was not that easy.

Compared to the beginning when he had his quills up like a hedgehog, eating meals and going to the school store together now was a huge step forward, but Gijun had no intention of being satisfied here. He only felt that he should approach slowly so as not to overwhelm him too much.

Because Yoon Gawon definitely didn’t hate him. Though his mouth said he didn’t need it, his eyes gave a different answer. Because even after pushing him away, he would look at his own hand with a look of dismay…

At the time of his rescue, Sonny had torn up Gijun’s arm as he extended a helping hand. The small cat had kept its claws out at Gijun for a while even after eating its fill and sleeping soundly in a warm place. Until it fully recognized that it was in a trustworthy and safe place.

Of course, Yoon Gawon was not Sonny. But he could vaguely tell that the two fluffy creatures were of the same nature. Just as Sonny had gone through all sorts of hardships on the street, he could read the wounds in Yoon Gawon’s gaze and demeanor. He could see a darkness whose depth he couldn’t fully fathom.

It wasn’t a rash judgment he had guessed at with just a few clues. It was closer to an instinctive sense than a judgment. He found it difficult to explain the exact reason himself, but he kept seeing himself and that kid overlapping.

Gawon and I were definitely the same. Something people commonly call nature or color. Just as he felt that he and Sonny, who had been trembling defenselessly alone in the pitch-black darkness, were similar, Gijun was convinced that Yoon Gawon was a human similar to himself.

There was no concrete evidence. It was just that his instincts were telling him so. Gijun, who was accustomed to judging others by his gut feeling, trusted his instincts.

And the fact that Gijun’s guess was correct was proven right away.

It was the day that Manager Hwang, his father’s closest aide who had looked after him since he was young, visited the family home for the first time in a while. He treated Gijun as friendly as ever and suggested they have breakfast together.

Manager Hwang would go back to his father and report that he was doing fine without any trouble. Though it was called protection, his visit was in fact closer to surveillance. Nevertheless, Gijun greeted him with a good-natured smile. To Gijun, Manager Hwang was more of a father than his own father.

After having breakfast together at a nearby gukbap restaurant, it was a little past 8 o’clock. Gijun hesitated a little at Manager Hwang’s offer to drive him to school. Because he often waited for Yoon Gawon on the way to school and went to the classroom together.

He quickly sent a text to Gawon and got a reply that said, [On my way to school.] Gijun looked at Manager Hwang’s face again. Seeing his face with the large knife scar, and his neck and hands covered in tattoos, he quietly typed in the message, [I’ll wait in the classroom.] He didn’t want to startle Gawon.

“Jun. Study hard in school. And don’t make the Chairman worry, alright.”

Manager Hwang, who was holding the steering wheel, said as he turned on the blinker. Gijun smiled bitterly.

“He was someone who worried about me? I didn’t know that.”

“There you go again. Saying that for no reason.”

A heavy, low voice was exchanged in the car.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine on your own… but just in case. Don’t get into fights and stuff.”

“……”

“The Chairman is gearing up. He’s even telling me to find out how you’re doing these days, how much you’re working out, and even if you’re entering any competitions.”

“Why go that far? Does that busy man have nothing better to do?”

“Hey. Watch your mouth. Ah, and it’s a secret from the Chairman that I told you this.”

Manager Hwang, who looked at Gijun affectionately, stopped the car in front of the school. Gijun, who grinned at him as he waved his thick hand, bowed his head and got out of the car.

He bought three chocolate milks and three pastries at the convenience store attached to the school. He planned to eat two and give one to Gawon. Because Yoon Gawon likes the big milk bread with strawberry cream the most… if he had his way, he’d buy out everything on the display shelf, but that kid says he’s full after just one.

Gijun, with a pleased look on his face, bought the food and came out, then leisurely walked through the school gate. A few students who had already arrived were filling the classroom.

Yoon Gawon isn’t here yet. Gijun returned the greetings of the kids who acknowledged him, then hurried to the front of the lockers. He could have put it on the desk, but today he just wanted to put it in here. Like a surprise.

The moment he cheerfully opened Gawon’s locker, Gijun took a sharp breath.

“…Uh…”